Dear Harry .. a note on farhers

[NameChangeForThisOne0]

Dear Harry

Let me tell.you about my father. My earliest memories of him are not about walks in the royal gardens or being called 'my darling' child. They are of witnessing my mum being beaten up, my siblings being beaten and police being called to the door. My earliest memories are of fear of my dad, a rumbling stomach as we couldn't afford the luxury of 3 hot meals a day (or even one).

Far from having the smaller bedroom to my siblings, I shared my room in our 2 bed flat with my mum and dad, and later when he left, never to return, just with my mum. I don't begrudge my siblings had their own space that was bigger than mine. That's life.

I didn't have the privilege of eating less sausages for dinner than my siblings. I do remember however, being beaten for spilling a can of soup on the floor, since that was meant to be dinner for the family for that evening.

As far as I can see, and I know it's only based on what you say, and the media, but it seems your father loves you. You haven't lived in fear of him. He's more than provided for you. You've never gone hungry. Both you and Meghan have father's who have never abandoned you, despite all you have both done, and no doubt they would likely always welcome you back.

If either of your parents had adopted me as a kid I'd have thought all my dreams would have come true

I know you didn't get as many hugs as you'd have liked. I am so sad for you that you lost your mum.

But there is something important about recognising and appreciating what you have, when so many others could only dream of it.

I hope one day you stop selling out the family you have and that love you. Love is all you need, and a parent who's tried his best. None of us are perfect.

Apart from this being a really weird thread, what are you looking to achieve or prove?

Yes he was born into unimaginable privilege etc but he has suffered loss, change and trauma and that impact is still being felt.

That stuff isn't easier if you live in a palace and I'd imagine boarding school and nannies probably fucked him up too.

Not saying it's easier. I feel sorry for his trauma. But putting down a father that loves you - why? Selling out his brother and father who havent done much wrong except not give him enough hugs? That seems so wrong to me. Why can't he be grateful he had a father who tried his best and who loves him? Why is he not saying the world 'thank you to the man who loves me". Why is he instead banging on about not having a big bedroom and the same number of sausages as William?

@NameChangeForThisOne0

I’m very sorry you had such a difficult childhood, but speaking as an adoptive parent, love isnt enough.
My son’s birth parents loved him, they didnt deliberately harm him or his siblings but they were completely incapable of looking after them and keeping them safe.
I am no great fan of the royal family, I would happily see the institution abolished, but when I look at Harry I see a deeply traumatised person.
He is the child of two parents from very dysfuntioncal families, he witnessed the breakdown of his parents marriage plastered over the tabloid press, in the most excrutiating and personal detail. His mother died a violent and sudden death, photographs of which are available to anyone who wants to see them, and then made to walk behind her coffin and deal with the ‘grief’ of thousands of people who never even met his mother.
Its no wonder he’s a mess.
would I have wanted to be born to adopted into that family - no thanks

It's not a competition.

Not saying it is. But there are glass half full.people, and glass half empty. I find it frustrating that Harry focuses on what he didn't have, instead of what he did

Sorry that happened to you 💐

Your childhood was deeply unpleasant but we can't all go around comparing otherwise nobody in England would be allowed to complain about anything- because people elsewhere has it worse. There's just no correlation.

Whatever he went through is still valid, in my opinion.

@NameChangeForThisOne0 you can love a child but still be a parent that causes untold pain and hurt for a child. You can still neglect their needs and cause harm.

I'm sorry for what you have been Theo

... sorry for what you have been through but I don't think you're going to get what you need from this thread and your argument is fundamentally wrong.

Not saying it is. But there are glass half full.people, and glass half empty. I find it frustrating that Harry focuses on what he didn't have, instead of what he did

OP I agree with this and tbh with Harry specifically it's hard to gauge what is even true. However, on the one thing we know for definite, losing his mum was obviously horrific for him. No one would argue against that.

I often see threads here about the ‘golden child’ , adults who percieve they were treated differently to a sibling as children, someone who was always the scapegoat, or there was a favoured child, or treated differently in a will.

William is the ultimate golden child isnt he? Its doesnt matter what Harry does, he will always be eclipsed by William, just because he was born first. Its not really about sausages or the size of the room, its about being an after thought in the wider scheme of things.
So you have a man, who is restricted in his choices in life, suffering from complex trauma. Its not going to end well is it.

on the importance of hugging

lemn sissay the importance of hugging

www.ted.com/talks/lemn_sissay_when_all_you_need_is_a_hug_personal_experiences_of_the_care_system_in_the_uk

are you minimising someone else's suffering because you feel it's somehow less bad than yours? It's not a game, and just because you had a different type of suffering, doesn't make another person's suffering less valid. It's not a game of one upmanship of "whose suffering is worse". surely your own situation as a suffering child should give you more empathy and help you realise not to minimise or invalidate other people's. Not to mention not to project your own thoughts onto their situation.

I think it’s reasonable to suggest that Harry could try to look at his life with a little more perspective.

This

Typical that even when the OP tells us of her childhood she gets a resounding raspberry because you have to be on this preposterous Team Harry. If he were anyone else the same posters would be baying about his entitlement. Can you imagine if Andrew brought out a Spare book and blamed his behaviour on trauma? Everyone would quite rightly scoff.

@ThighMistress I think you're wrong. It's not about Harry, it's about projecting your own trauma and experiences onto someone else who you don't know and have no idea about their experiences. It's not a trauma contest. You shouldn't minimise someone else's experiences because you perceive yours to be worse. You shouldn't claim that you understand their relationships and traumas and situations better than they do themselves. That is called gaslighting.

The has to be the strangest thread I've ever read and that's going some.

I would write down how much shit I took as a kid but it's not relevant, I've dealt with it and it'd be bizarre.

You've fallen for the poison the press have spread about the man.

Grow up.

Charles does seem to be a devoted and kindly dad and Thomas markle does too. You’re right that Harry should count his blessings more and no parent is perfect but they were both quite good dads!

@sashagabadon but how can you possibly know the intricacies of their relationships? how can you know their behaviours or understand the damage they caused save for what they tell you in books or what you read in the tabloid press? you can't so is it really fair to speculate that they are good or quite good or not?

Are you suggesting Andrew has anything at all in common with a Harry, dear god

Completely agree with this. Am sorry you had a shit time though x

No. You don't need to be team Harry to see the issues here. You just need to have an understanding that you can't undo loss and trauma by splashing cash.

I think they actually have plenty in common.