Dear Harry .. a note on farhers

[NameChangeForThisOne0]

Dear Harry

Let me tell.you about my father. My earliest memories of him are not about walks in the royal gardens or being called 'my darling' child. They are of witnessing my mum being beaten up, my siblings being beaten and police being called to the door. My earliest memories are of fear of my dad, a rumbling stomach as we couldn't afford the luxury of 3 hot meals a day (or even one).

Far from having the smaller bedroom to my siblings, I shared my room in our 2 bed flat with my mum and dad, and later when he left, never to return, just with my mum. I don't begrudge my siblings had their own space that was bigger than mine. That's life.

I didn't have the privilege of eating less sausages for dinner than my siblings. I do remember however, being beaten for spilling a can of soup on the floor, since that was meant to be dinner for the family for that evening.

As far as I can see, and I know it's only based on what you say, and the media, but it seems your father loves you. You haven't lived in fear of him. He's more than provided for you. You've never gone hungry. Both you and Meghan have father's who have never abandoned you, despite all you have both done, and no doubt they would likely always welcome you back.

If either of your parents had adopted me as a kid I'd have thought all my dreams would have come true

I know you didn't get as many hugs as you'd have liked. I am so sad for you that you lost your mum.

But there is something important about recognising and appreciating what you have, when so many others could only dream of it.

I hope one day you stop selling out the family you have and that love you. Love is all you need, and a parent who's tried his best. None of us are perfect.

Thank you for that reply.

My point was the OP was trying to start a dialogue and has caused her to redirect on the trauma of her own childhood.

I believe Harry is absolutely the product of how he has been raised. I also found it incredibly strange the disparity between William & Harry in respect to treatment - particularly in respect to disbursement of funds.

I also believe that the firm had the responsibility and the financial means to house Harry in the manner in which he grew accustomed as a child.... yet, his unit in Kensington Palace was actually quite embarrassing - it’s certainly not what the public expected an English prince to be living in. I bring this up because there were many suitable properties lying vacant. Even Diana’s old apartment has been utilised by Charles as his private office and he has Clarence House as his residence and access to other properties. Yet Harry lived in a dingy unit. It was as if the firm was telling him to know his place.

I did feel a lot of empathy for the OP and do understand why so many people have little sympathy for Harry. His childhood appeared to many people to be idyllic. I do have empathy for the man now and have found the behaviour of the palace in respect to many issues to be utterly disgusting. I can’t blame him for wanting to set the record straight. I can’t blame him for wanting to better provide for his family. I think he is doing that now - although many are admonishing him for it. I think he is doing the right thing. If I was Meghan I wouldn’t want my children exposed to that disgusting pervert, Andrew.

[Sorry I went off track - I’m not sleeping and was hoping this would bore me to sleep ....it hasn’t.]

I think that was very nicely written @NameChangeForThisOne0 . Those of us that were raised with parents who loved us, even if imperfectly, should be very grateful. I know I am. There is nothing that could make me humiliate and betray my parents as Harry has done.

My goal as a parent is not simply to avoid being overtly abusive. I need to do quite a lot more than that to be a half way decent mum.

Suffering is also not a competition.

@NameChangeForThisOne0 I am so, so sorry for what happened to you.
But that doesn't mean that Prince Harry didn't suffer terribly. Everything he and his family do is in the public eye. He grew up in an alcoholic home where he was ignored. His mother was addicted to prescription drugs and had an awful eating disorder.
He was sent to boarding school where many people suffer from boarding school syndrome. He could never feel he could have easy friendships and he was bullied for being a prince.
I can feel huge compassion for both of you, this really isn't a competition.

Are you a perfect parent?

He grew up in an alcoholic home where he was ignored. His mother was addicted to prescription drugs

Was this in the book? Who was the alcoholic? Diana was an addict? To what drugs? How did this never get leaked before?
So many questions!

Most people love their children even abusive parents can love their children
whilst Charles I'm sure was loving rather ,he was a distant father ,as the heir to the throne ( at the time)he was expected to send his sons away to schoo!.and have nannies etc,
Most children realise their parents make mistake ,s mine certainly did and I do but if their parents can keep.them safe and feel loved I'm sure most kids won't grow up.to hate their parents
safe

I admire the honesty of the OP and certainly see her point

I'm sorry to hear about the OPs awful start in life and agree Harry should flip the coin and concentrate on the things he had and to be grateful for them
He would be a lot happier

William has talked about how seeing the daily trauma on his air ambulance shifts changed something inside of him and he started to get help to deal with his mental health. The way he talked about it seemed as though he had compartmentalized and locked away the trauma he hadn't processed as a child.

It was dealing with a car accident where a child was injured which 'broke' the barrier down for him.

"I wasn't in tears," he said, "but inside, I felt something had changed. I felt a sort of, a real tension inside of me."

"It was like someone had put a key in a lock and opened it without me giving permission to do that. I felt like the whole world was dying," he said. "It's an extraordinary feeling. You just feel everyone's in pain, everyone's suffering. And that's not me. I've never felt that before. My personal life and everything was absolutely fine. I was happy at home and happy at work, but I kept looking at myself, going, 'Why am I feeling like this? Why do I feel so sad?' And I started to realize that, actually, you're taking home people's trauma, people's sadness, and it's affecting you."

Eventually, William began to open up to his coworkers about his mental health struggles.

"I was lucky enough that I had someone to talk to at work in the Air Ambulance because mental health where I was working was very important," he said. "Talking about those jobs definitely helped, sharing them with the team, and ultimately, in one case, meeting the family and the, the patient involved who made a recovery, albeit not a full recovery, but made a recovery."

Who's an alcoholic?

Thinking about the air ambulance job again - I wonder if he was drawn to it subconsciously - or whether anyone warned him that he'd be called to an awful lot of fatal/near fatal car crashes. People he could help to save when he couldn't save his own mum.

Harry talks about saving Meghan in a way which feels as though he's protecting her in the way he couldn't protect his mother.

I also believe that the firm had the responsibility and the financial means to house Harry in the manner in which he grew accustomed as a child.... yet, his unit in Kensington Palace was actually quite embarrassing - it’s certainly not what the public expected an English prince to be living in. I bring this up because there were many suitable properties lying vacant. Even Diana’s old apartment has been utilised by Charles as his private office and he has Clarence House as his residence and access to other properties. Yet Harry lived in a dingy unit. It was as if the firm was telling him to know his place.

Was it not the same place William had lived in first? So not as if Harry was singled out for the dumpiest place just so he would know his place.

It was exactly the same place that William, Kate and baby George had been living in before the moved into their current apartment. Harry moved in when they moved out. I assume this was his choice.

He didn't seem to have a problem with it before he got married. In the book a lot of complaints seem to be about the interior and furnishings - perhaps W&K took all their nice furniture with them, and Harry hadn't bothered replacing it with nice new stuff.

His dad was shagging another woman behind his mothers back and he was paraded through the streets as a young child behind her coffin.

You don't have the monopoly on having a shit childhood. As a victim of one then you should empathise not treat it like a weird competition.

@Intrepidescape also... his unit in Kensington Palace was actually quite embarrassing

Unit??? It's am 18th Century 2-bedroom house designed by Christopher Wren!

Previous occupants include Prince Henry, Duke of Gloucester (son of a monarch) and Robert Fellowes and Lady Jane Fellowes (Diana's sister). As well as William and Kate living there for 2 years.

Hi. You sound nice! I didn't intend it to be treated like a competition and sorry if it came across that way. Actually I was just struggling to understand why someone would treat a parent who loved them, with such hate. I feel sorry for Harry. I understand his trauma, but as far as I can see, Charles tried his best and loved (and still loves) Harry. Selling him out to the world just doesn't sit right. But this thread has made me think a bit. Sorry if my post wound u up.

Sorry I forgot to quote, answer was meant for megacat ..

Hi. You sound nice! I didn't intend it to be treated like a competition and sorry if it came across that way. Actually I was just struggling to understand why someone would treat a parent who loved them, with such hate. I feel sorry for Harry. I understand his trauma, but as far as I can see, Charles tried his best and loved (and still loves) Harry. Selling him out to the world just doesn't sit right. But this thread has made me think a bit. Sorry if my post wound u up.

You have no idea about whether Charles is nice or treated him with love. Outsiders probably thought your own father was a decent bloke.

William and Kate did not live at Nottingham Cottage. They were living in Anglsey and Nottingham Cottage was an additional place.

I said he loves him. You are right that I don't know how he treated him. Harry has made no claims of being treated very badly by him though.

Why are you so angry?

Sorry I changed my name!!

Changed it back now! Finished the tea and toast! 😉

@babsanderson M & H had Nottingham only as one base too. They’d leased the large, luxurious place in Cotswolds & drafted in chef plus as needed too, apparently, from members club down the road.

I think you're quite right OP. And you didn't "make it a competition" as some are trying to make out. My dad could be a right shit to us and it has affected me, but I can still recognise that many kids have it far, far worse and be thankful I wasn't beaten or starved.