Do you hug your kids, were you hugged?

[babsanderson]

Just wondering whether you were hugged as a child and whether you hug your own children.
My reason for asking is I keep seeing comments that it is fairly normal not to do so and I am wondering if that is true.

I hug my children a lot. I was hugged less than I hug my own children I think, but always hugged when I was really upset about something.

Never hugged as a child.
Constantly hug my kids.

For the other I say “have a lovely day” which we have agreed is code for “I love you” as he doesn’t want me to use the love word in front of his friends

Adorable!

@Comedycook having code for I love you is a great idea, my DC are just getting twitchy about me kissing them goodbye at the school gate!

I had a close relationship with my mother, but she never hugged my siblings or me.

Not really. They didn’t say ‘I love you’ either. Well dad did, a bit, later in life. Kind of “love ya!” Mum, no. I hug when permitted (they’re teens) and say I love you most days.

I'm pretty sure hugging predates the USA as a country and culture.

Saying hugging your kids makes your skin crawl is pretty extreme.

I wasn't hugged, I was hit a lot though by df.
My dm always told people that I didn't like being touched / hugged.
The reality was I wasn't hugged plus I had 3 dsis who were needy / competitive for dm's attention.
I always felt like an outsider, not a good feeling for a child.
As a child if anyone went to touch me even in kindness I'd flinch and stiffen.
Other family members noticed and were always exceptionally kind to me which made me a target for my dsis.
Hugging still feels alien to me now and I'm in my 50s.
However, I always hugged dd and told her I loved her, still do now, she's the only person I can stomach being hugged by.
HUG YOUR DC and tell them that you love them daily.

One parent never hugged me. Other family members did but I was around them far less frequently and it didn't make up for the absence of hugs at home. It felt abnormal compared to my friends' experiences. I hug my DC a lot.

My kids all love hugs. They come to me for a cuddle every morning. Plus other times. Dh isn’t a hugger. The kids try to hug him but he only like short quick hugs and then says that’s enough.

I was hugged as a child. Immediate and extended family. All very touchy feely. My husband never remembers being hugged by his parents.

Both of us are huggers. Boys are 11 and 8 and still big on snuggles and hugs.

Funnily enough my in laws do hug and kiss our kids though. Although they are very stiff and mechanical if I watch it. It doesn't look like it come naturally.

I hug all the time, but I haven't hugged my dad since 1987 when I was going in a school trip and was frightened. I was 8.

My granny (dad's mum) said once that they weren't one of those huggy families and meant it proudly so I can see that some are not.

I love hugging my children. Teen DD is currently snuggling in my legs....

What an insightful and intelligent response 🙄. Like I said, we weren’t there, and Harry has admitted that his memory is only his truth and may not be the facts. Or did you miss that bit? Also, I would love to hug my youngest but he is ND as I said and he doesn’t like it. He is, however, very affectionate in his own way. It is odd that hugging has somehow become the gold standard of demonstrating affection. People show it in different ways. None of them are right or wrong, just different.

Yes I was hugged. Yes I hug DD (though she’s a super snuggle toddler at the moment so it’s fairly standard, I can’t see it changing though unless she wants it to).

DH not so much. His parents are loving in some ways, weird in others. He hugs DD plenty too.

I was kind of adopted (within the family) and my real dad, who I knew and loved, died when I was 12. I remember my (adoptive) parents telling me what happened but I don’t remember any hugs at the time. It seems strange, as they really were affectionate, but I don’t think I wanted one at the time - I couldn’t really process what I was hearing and I think they kind of took my lead and would have hugged if I’d seemed to reach out for one, but were also trying to give me some space.

No I wasn’t hugged as a child, I was never told I was loved or praised for anything. It was very damaging and resulted in me seeking out affection from all the wrong people. I hug and tell my sons they are loved every day just so they never feel that way.

How can you not cuddle your children when they are so cute! Mine love a hug, thinking about it we hug eachother when we first greet in the morning, cuddle on the sofa whenever we're watching tv, cuddles during story time, before bed etc etc.

They are 5 & 7 and I know they may not love hugs as much as they get older so I do savour them.

I also tell them I love them about 10 times a day 🤣

I was hugged and I give hugs. DD is a very tactile child and we love having a nice cuddle. I can't imagine not hugging my parents or my child.

I'm part way through Spare and I found reading about Charles not hugging him when his mum died so sad.

No, I don't.
Yes, but I absolutely hated it

I'm from the Far East and wasn't hugged as a child. I have kids and I am a hugger and a kisser.

I had a cold callous mother and a father who showed no affection.
My children are all adults now apart from one teen and all love to be hugged and I love giving hugs.
My 21 year old son has been very huggy this evening but he is missing his girlfriend who has gone away on holiday. So I am getting a few more than usual.
Also tell them I love them, something i have never heard from my parents.

I remember only one childhood hug from DM, and that felt forced. She really didn't want to touch me. Or interact at all, as far as I remember. She keeps trying to hug me as an adult though and it utterly creeps me out - I'm not touchy deeply outside my kids, and I can't tell but feel like a prop in the Story Of Her Current Life.

DF hugged a lot. I really miss dad hugs. They were the best but if my childhood.

If my parents had ever told me they loved me I'd have assumed they had been diagnosed with something terminal!

As a result I can't bear being touched by most people. And I hug my kids tons, and tell them I love them often enough that they roll their eyes and point out I'm repeating myself

I do back off when my DD doesn't want hugs though. It's very mood-dependent for her, and bodily autonomy is a huge thing in our home.

I wasn't hugged as child but never doubted for one moment then or now that I was profoundly loved and they were proud of me. For context I'm 68 and had a working-class upbringing. Now I think of it, all my siblings are people of great depths of feeling but outwardly undemonstrative.

I hug my DD and often tell her I love her, to her face and in texts.

When my DH was alive we often hugged, or patted each other in passing, though never held hands in public. DD has often remarked how clear it was we loved each other.

Sorry, getting off-topic

I was given plenty of cuddles under the age of 10 but then it stopped and physical contact with my parents felt awkward . Strangely I have repeated this I am very cuddly with young children but feel uncomfortable when they get older, even if I want to offer comfort. I don’t really understand it.

Well it must be a ‘mawkish’ Australian thing too, as although I wasn’t hugged as a child, I certainly hugged/hug - my children and grandchildren. (My mother is still alive and we still don’t hug).

There are both physiological and psychological reasons why hugging is a good thing.