Do you hug your kids, were you hugged?

[babsanderson]

Just wondering whether you were hugged as a child and whether you hug your own children.
My reason for asking is I keep seeing comments that it is fairly normal not to do so and I am wondering if that is true.

I hug my children a lot. I was hugged less than I hug my own children I think, but always hugged when I was really upset about something.

@GoingtotheWinchester I agree. I think every other church in the country mentioned Diana's death except the church the boys attended. The family wanted to behave as if her death had not happened.

I hug/hugged my grown up DC, but wasn't hugged that much as a child, and I doubt I was hugged in public.

He says. You weren’t there. And maybe Charles didn’t quite know what to do in the situation. He was probably shocked at what had happened. Just because he was no longer with Diana does not mean he would not be shocked. He may well have recognised the impact it would have on the boys and was not behaving normally. I don’t know. I wasn’t there. Nor were you. Given that Harry’s recollection have been proven to be extremely variable, how can we be sure this episode is a true reflection of what actually happened?

Not hugged a lot but very happy childhood and I have very fond memories fond memories of having my hair brushed and stroked which I loved.As mum got older she actually became more tactile.Sometimes too much.I hate having hugs forced on me.But I always hug my dc goodbye as they leave.Or if they are sad or upset and I feel they want it.

My grandmother cuddled me all the time and my mother was affectionate until my stepfather put a stop to it, saying she was babying me. I love to hug my children and DH is real cuddler. He was never touched as a child and he loved it when we first got together and he realised I loved to cuddle.

We’re a very huggy family, and I was brought up being hugged very often. DH’s family are big huggers too, it’s a bit foreign to me not to hug your kids. If it’s true that Charles didn’t hug them much, it must have been very hard for both boys after Diana died, I can see why that might have caused damage.

Yes to both, but I've never liked being hugged. My children, alas, are all huggers so I make sure they get plenty.

I don't think either of my parents were brought up with lots of hugs. But my grandparents were very huggy with us, so it seems they changed over time.

I'm from a family of non-huggers. I remember hugging when I was little then we just didn't really bother much until I grew up. We hug now when I leave their house, but it's only recently become standard. I've been with a hugger for several years and am now an enthusiastic hugger with him and our DS, reluctant hugger with most others 😁

No kids of my own.
Not hugged much as a child, but that was normal for the 1970s.
My one grandmother did often grab us in a hug on meeting, and as kids we hated it and joked about being suffocated 😂
I find families who say "I love you" all the time more odd - surely that makes it meaningless? But my parents were at the opposite extreme & I don't remember them ever saying it.
Times change...

Yes at least every week (he's a teen so less tactile at the moment)

No I was never hugged. I don't even remember my parents hugging each other, touching, holding hands. It wasn't 'done'.

My parents weren't huggers. They were fun and as a child I knew they loved me (and still do) but were just not physically demonstrative.

I am huggy with my daughter and will be for as long as she is comfortable with it.

I find families who say "I love you" all the time more odd - surely that makes it meaningless?

It doesn't make it meaningless imo. I tell my kids several times a day I love them! When I drop them at school, when they go to bed and just randomly...."here's your breakfast" "thanks mum" "you're welcome, love you"! I can't help it 😂

Affectionate family growing up, same for our kids. Lack of affection seems very sad and unnatural. Doesn't mean we inflict this on strangers or people who tense up or get offended if our children don't feel like hugs.

I hope hugging won't be anti-normalized by endless mumsnet threads as some weird creepy boundary-violating thing that should be banished (even if I understand individual frustrations with boundaries)

Hugs are very important to me. I hug everyone, especially my mother. Any picture of us together, I am holding her hand or have my arm around her.

In the last six months of her life, she was in a home and her mind wondered. Occasionally she would have bursts of lucidity.

In one such, she said that she didn't really like hugging. No one in her family had been touchy-feely but that when I arrived (second DD, six years apart) I had just needed hugs to keep me going and so she has succumbed to the inevitable and come to quite like hugs.

I did remember that when, in my forties I announced that I was getting married, her first reaction was to be 'glad I would have someone to keep me supplied with hugs when she was gone'. Didn't think much of it at the time TBH

Now I miss her and my eyes leak if I think of anyone not being hugged. As you were.

I remember being hugged and told I love you a lot by my Mum and I hug and tell my kids I love them A LOT several times a day

I hope hugging won't be anti-normalized by endless mumsnet threads as some weird creepy boundary-violating thing that should be banished (even if I understand individual frustrations with boundaries)

I don’t think it’s correct to assert that hugging in itself it the only valid form of affection. I enjoy hugs and being hugged, but my ND son doesn’t. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love us or feel affection nits just that he doesn’t do hugs. I think we need to equally be careful that we don’t assume that non huggers are not affectionate, which is what I think the OP wants us to think about the RF.

Yes, I hug my children.

No, I wasn't hugged. As far as I can remember, my parents weren't physically affectionate with each other either though clearly adored each other.

My children hug their grandmother but she and I still don't (I have no urge to start now).

No my parents aren't huggers. My children are grown and still love a cuddle

And along with many children who had nannies, I would expect that the nannies, rather than necessarily the parents, who would supply the hugs.

I have no idea whether that is less satisfactory than from parents, I'd imagine not but who am I to know.

I was never hugged or comforted when upset. When my grandparents died totally unexpectedly (I loved them very much) and I started crying I was told not to make such a ridiculous fuss.
The dog gave me more comfort than them, she knew something was wrong and came over to sit with me.
Nothing was discussed with me either, I only found out we were moving a couple of days before. I was devastated as I was leaving my school and all my friends behind.
I've always tried to be loving to my own DS and hug and kiss him and get his opinion on everything we're doing. But it doesn't come easily.

I was never once hugged or kissed as a child. Later on in my late teens my best friend's mother hugged me when I was leaving their house and I went as stiff as a board as I didn't know how to react.

I wasn’t hugged as a child nor was I ever told that they loved me by my parents. I was so determined to be the opposite when I had my DC - and I am.

but I think that’s the way they were brought up too - emotionally repressed! I do resent them for their lack of emotional support. Its hard to shake off that unloved feeling, even now as old as I am.

My mum hugged me a lot. My dad didn't even touch me to hand a pair of scissors, if I wanted something he never gave it to me but put it in front of me. He literally wouldn't touch me (and that's pretty fucked up). Although he gave me one kiss on the cheek on my 16th birthday. My dad had an abusive childhood and there is a backstory so I'm ok with it now. I think it's wrong to not hug your child much.

I make a point of hugging my dd a lot and I tell DH to hug her often ("little hug from daddy before bed, night night").

I hug my son all the time, hug him, kiss him, tell him I love him so many times a day. He is only 15 months so I dare say at some point he’ll simply get too cool for that and start shrugging me off. I grew up with a father who ran us down verbally any chance he got and beat us if we didn’t toe the line exactly, whether we knew where that line was or not. My mother was abused too, and while she adored us, she had her own issues, she wasn’t a huge cuddler. I also remember both of them telling me to stop saying I loved them, apparently I said it too much and wanted them to say it back too often. I never want my son, and any potential future children, to feel that way.

My parents are late 60’s, my sibling and I are the same ages as PW & PH - no random hugging when we were children, just when we graduated, got new jobs, engaged etc. They were not cold people and definitely loved us and each other very much.

Now we hug when we greet/say goodbye.