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The royal family
Original poster

Do you hug your kids, were you hugged?

110 replies

babsanderson · 16/01/2023 13:32

Just wondering whether you were hugged as a child and whether you hug your own children.
My reason for asking is I keep seeing comments that it is fairly normal not to do so and I am wondering if that is true.

I hug my children a lot. I was hugged less than I hug my own children I think, but always hugged when I was really upset about something.

OP posts:
NCOfCourse12345 · 16/01/2023 20:08

smilesy · 16/01/2023 14:42

I hope hugging won't be anti-normalized by endless mumsnet threads as some weird creepy boundary-violating thing that should be banished (even if I understand individual frustrations with boundaries)

I don’t think it’s correct to assert that hugging in itself it the only valid form of affection. I enjoy hugs and being hugged, but my ND son doesn’t. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love us or feel affection nits just that he doesn’t do hugs. I think we need to equally be careful that we don’t assume that non huggers are not affectionate, which is what I think the OP wants us to think about the RF.

I agree that hugging is not a minimum requirement for expressing affection! Individuals may vary on hugs (my DC3 relishes long tight squeeziest lingering hugs, whereas DC1 is the opposite but will do odd physical touch now and then)

But whole family culture of non-hugging does seem more sad (especially when little ones have a need for proximity) than some individuals not doing hugs.
But I don't know all ins and outs of RF.

Cheeseandabsolutelycrackers · 16/01/2023 20:31

Lots of hugging in my house nowadays. Growing up very rare. My family home was a smacking household, my grandma had a special slipper for hitting us with when we stayed with her. Different times, although my DH is same generation as me and had a very different upbringing (although not v tactile, more that there was no smacking at all and he was spoiled and revered as the eldest boy in a catholic family).

mum11970 · 16/01/2023 20:40

No, never hugged by my parents that I can recall. I’ve always hugged my own children but am very uncomfortable hugging more than a handful of other people.

DuffLite · 16/01/2023 20:41

Nope and nope

Its a mawkish American thing

Makes my skin crawl

Lemonademoney · 16/01/2023 20:43

I was talking to someone about this the other day. I was never massively hugged as a child but I love a cuddle with my children. I also tell mine I love them daily. Maybe it’s generational.

Original poster
babsanderson · 16/01/2023 20:44

@DuffLite Hugs with your children make your skin crawl?

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 16/01/2023 20:44

I wasn’t hugged as a child.
I would love to hug DD17 more but she’s not a fan, I do whenever I can but ask permission. DS14 is a hugger - even if it is like being enveloped in a mist of teen sweat and Lynx I do love it!

Coxspurplepippin · 16/01/2023 21:13

babsanderson · 16/01/2023 13:42

@ofwarren This is about the Royal Family and Harry saying his father did not hug him, not even when he told him his mother had died. Lots of people saying that was normal for many families.

Plenty photographs of Harry being hugged by his father.

Bluekerfuffle · 16/01/2023 21:25

Not that I can remember, but it’s never bothered me, I felt loved.
I hug my son occasionally when he lets me.

DarkNecessities · 16/01/2023 21:31

Yes, and all DC’s hugged even though they’re now adults.

RewildingAmbridge · 16/01/2023 21:32

My parents are not huge huggers, but definitely in times of upset or grief, or celebration.
I'm not a hugger generally, I hate being hugged by strangers or acquaintances, but with my son (4) I am, he is very tactile and I really encourage it, we hug and kiss every day. I have become more tactile with my parents since having him always hug when leaving/they're going home etc which we wouldn't have before and they respond well. DF in particular is in his seventies and was one of 8 children in a fairly strict Catholic family, so I think he just wasn't used to it. I have never doubted that he loves me and would do anything for me.
I used to hug my gran when I was a child and she was always slightly bewildered, she was also very petite almost birdlike and as I got bigger it felt like she'd break if I hugged her too hard.

BethDuttonsTwin · 16/01/2023 21:35

I hug my kids every day, multiple times if they let me and they’re teenagers!

I was hugged and told I was loved and special. My parents were crap in many ways but I still love them and our relationship has mellowed over the years. I wonder sometimes if that’s because there was a solid foundation built on knowing I was loved from very small.

LadyJ2023 · 16/01/2023 21:37

I love hugging my kids and they come over several times a day for hugs and kisses

ThePoshUns · 16/01/2023 21:37

This reply has been withdrawn

Withdrawn at poster's request

ThePoshUns · 16/01/2023 21:38

Wrong thread sorry

StClare101 · 16/01/2023 22:26

I would hug each child minimum once a day (bed time) but normally at least once more. If they are sad they get a hug, if I haven’t seen them in a few hours they get a hug. At school drop off and pick up only one of them will let me hug them. For the other I say “have a lovely day” which we have agreed is code for “I love you” as he doesn’t want me to use the love word in front of his friends.

1982mommaof4 · 16/01/2023 23:17

We are big huggers and kisses in our house. I get that from my grandad, not from my parent. My DH is also very affectionate with the DC.

strawberriesarenot · 16/01/2023 23:23

Yes, hug dcs.
I was never hugged as a child or teen. Nor kissed, after 4 or 5. I don't remember any physical contact except hair brushing.
I don't think people did hug so much in the 60s & 70s. Dcs hug their friends too, and always have since preschool. that was another thing we never did.

ffsagain123 · 16/01/2023 23:26

Always a hug and peck on cheek from when we were wee, still do now as an adult and do the same with own dc, she's only just over a year old though.

mathanxiety · 16/01/2023 23:40

I do a certaim amount of hugging now, did more when the DCs were school age, and lots more when they were little.

I don't remember being hugged as a child or teenager. My parents both went to boarding school. Dad was primarily brought up by nursery maids and a governess.

MaryBerrysCamelToe · 16/01/2023 23:42

I'm a higher and I do hug my children. The littles get hugs before bed, in the morning when we wake up they come down and jump in our bed for a cuddle/ chat and my teenage do the same as/ when they want to. Every morning I hug the kids before they go to school, but I want hugged much as a child, especially as an older child really except for by my nanna

Thesonglastslonger · 16/01/2023 23:52

I am very very cuddly with my DC.

My dad was super cuddly too. Mum less so.

KilmordenCastle · 17/01/2023 00:00

I remember getting lots of hugs and affection from my parents and being told that I was loved pretty much every day. Now as an adult I don't like hugs from other adults. I hug my parents out of duty when I see them, but that is because they live in different cities now. When they lived close by and I saw them regularly I never hugged them.

I hug my dc's and tell them I love them multiple times a day, as does dh. Most of my parenting is based on thinking "what would my parents do" and then doing the opposite 🤣 Apart from all the love and affection that they showed us, that is one thing that I look back on and think they really got right. So I do that with my dcs, plus I just can't bloody help myself.

louise5754 · 17/01/2023 06:55

Never hugged by parents.

Hug mine all the time. They are 10 and 12 but lay next to me with their legs over me arms around me etc. They often sleep in my bed. Both girls.

louise5754 · 17/01/2023 06:59

Also I'm autistic I don't hug anyone else not even my husband.

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