Just finished 'Spare'...

[HerReputationMadeItDifficultToProceed]

… and I encourage anyone who’s even vaguely interested in this story to give it a read. Especially if what’s been leaked has made you at all angry, because I think in context everything makes a lot of sense.

I wasn’t a Harry and Meghan hater before reading this, but I wasn’t a fan girl either. Like many Brits, I find a lot of Americans- especially West Coast Americans- quite irritating and Meghan firmly falls into that camp for me. I’m sure she’s nice enough, but she’s very American and very perky and much like Wednesday Addams, I don’t do perky. However, I suspect that her intentions and generally good and that like most of us she’s got good and bad qualities. She’s clearly ambitious and I think that she probably initially dated Harry based on that ambition and on getting a platform, although I think that she genuinely loves him now.

The ghost writer has done a great job at capturing Harry’s personality I think; he comes across as introspective and thoughtful but funny and bright.

I think that Harry has a good soul; I think that he’s kind and has had a hard time of it growing up. I also think he’s a bit clueless and naive and has been in a bubble, but I think he acknowledges that and wants to understand and change. Undoubtedly losing his mother at the age he was had more of an outward impact on him than it had on William. He’s also been a victim of his dad’s wishywashy parenting. It sounds like- and looks like to me from my vantage point as a normal citizen who knows bugger all except what I’ve seen in the media- that Charles has been there for his kids to an extent, but not in a hands on or especially useful way. It also seems clear that Charles has always put Camilla first. From almost the moment Diana died it seems that he wanted, above everything else, to rehabilitate Camilla’s image so that they could marry. I think that he put that above being a father and the way Harry writes about their relationship makes that clear too.

I also think that it’s suited the palace to portray Harry as dimwitted and feckless to show William in a better light and that Harry has every right to be angry about that and not want to play that game anymore (and to call it out now). Especially as it’s obvious that the palace haven’t kept up their side of the bargain and protected Harry from the media in return.

I also think that the media have treated H and M poorly and it’s clearly the case that the palace has used them and news stories about them to divert from other newsworthy problems… certainly Prince Andrew, perhaps William’s affair/s. Is Harry overly jumpy about the media and the paparazzi in particular? Yes, of course. Who wouldn’t be with his background. But they’ve also obviously been hounded and harassed.

I do think that Harry is on a journey that he isn’t at the end of yet, but I think that he realises that too. I think that he was always going to leave the royal family and that Meghan didn’t cause what’s happened, she was just the catalyst for it. I think that he’s been scapegoated and an afterthought within his nuclear family and I don’t blame him for being angry. I think that he means well and is essentially good. And I don’t think that anyone who’s read the whole book would be able to disagree.

More than anything I think it’s clear that the British Royal Family is no longer fit for purpose; the way they live, bring up their children, pay their members for work and demand unrealistic levels of protocol and formality is no longer working in the 21st century. These people need purpose and lives beyond the crown and those on the edges of the heir shouldn’t have to live their lives in service of the their. Realistically H and M could have worked as royals and had private interests, the RF chose not to bend to help them live fulfilling lives because of its own, outdated reasons.

This

I’ve read it and came to a very different conclusion from the OP!

• the endless drug taking and drinking - I don’t know why he felt the need to mention all of this, and not in an ‘oh my god how bad was I that I used so many drugs and used my wealth to fund organised crime?’ Way, but in a ‘im such a LAD!!’ Way. This did not endear him to me at all.
• he spends a small amount talking about how awful it is that Paul Burrell made money off revealing secrets, without any kind of insight as to the fact that he’s doing exactly the same thing.
• the petty meanness - from revealing that the king still carries a teddy bear with him, to making fun of a matron at school simply because she had disabilities and / or long term medical conditions and didn’t ‘turn on’ him and the other boys
• the toxic way he deals with his father’s remarriage - this is a grown adult man trying to emotionally blackmail and dictate who their father is allowed to marry. Yes I know Camillia was the OW but Diana had plenty of affairs as well. When you’re in your 20s you don’t get to try to prevent another adults happiness. Can you imagine the reaction PH would have had if Charles had said ‘you can be with Megan but you can’t marry her?’
• his army service was clearly the highlight of his life - I actually think the media did him dirty taking the ‘25 Taliban’ quote out of context. However, it’s clear he used his high profile and connections to pull strings to get plum jobs and postings. At the end we hear he was given a desk job at Wattisham, thought it boring and effectively seems to have walked out on it - no other Army officer would be able to do that!
• most of the time with ‘his wife’ also makes no sense - first they love her, then they hate her, then they love her again, with no reason given for this seeming shift. One incident he speaks about is press attention after a joint trip with the queen - but I remembered that the press were positive and when I googled it, I was correct! SM may have been negative / nasty / racist but the British press were, on the whole, positive about that day.
• he gets basic facts wrong - like when and where he was when told of his grandmothers death - which seriously makes me doubt his recollections of other events.

PH seems to have lived a life where he expects to be able to do whatever he pleases and have those around him bend to his will. Nothing is ever his fault - it’s always the press, William, the institution but at not point does he seem to acknowledge any culpability for himself. Even the Nazi uniform incident he seems to indicate is William and Kate’s fault for not stopping him, rather than hi failing to use his own judgement. The naked vega photos are the fault of the people selling it to the press, without any consideration of the fact that, had he not been doing an obscene amount of illegal drugs at the time, he wouldn’t have got into that position in the first place.

After reading the book I’ve been left with very little sympathy for him, he’s been the architect of his own downfall. He comes across as petty, mean, childish and irresponsible.

Love this ‘I haven’t read the book, but i’ve seen enough of the media coverage to form my opinion’ attitude of a lot of the posters here, sums up the tabloid/DM-reading public perfectly! Let the right wing British press make up your mind rather than reading the material and forming your own opinion. Nice!

I don't think history will look back at Harry well over this episode, and I'm not convinced the future will treat him well either....My honest opinion of him is that he has some fairly deep mental illness problems from the loss of his mother at such a young age + possible post war syndrome mental illness problems.

Exactly this - on MN, Twitter, FB and out in the real world. So many determined NOT to see him as a person - a complex person with many faults, much like the rest of us. Strip away the titles and the crap and he is a human being with emotions as we all have.

i am not convinced he was close to his mother before her death, not in the way most of mumsnetters are as children

If you go on DM online, you have to scroll down for ages before you pass all of the H&M stories.

I just did this and it's not true at all - you have to scroll down for ages to find a Harry story. He appears just past the one about "former neighbours star Melanie West", and even then it's not just about him.

Story 1: Carol Vorderman
2: Holly Willoughby
3: Maya Jama
4: Katie Price
5: Leigh-Anne Pinnock
Holiday ad feature
6: Melanie Griffith
7: Britney Spears
8: Benedict Cumberbatch
Ad feature
9: Demi Sims
10: Margot Robbie
11: Colin Farrell / Brendan Gleeson
12: Cate Blanchett
13: Kate Hudson
14: Michelle Williams
15: Jennifer Aniston / Jason Bateman
16: Madeleine West
17: first mention of Harry in a story about Charles wanting royals talks before the coronation

And you still have an interest.

Just own it. Everyone on here has an interest, we're not going to judge you for it. But stop engaging in something while pretending it's totally beneath you. Getting shitty when people notice it doesn't make you look less interested.

This this this!!

The book and the Netflix documentary are aimed at an American audience, as that is where their income will come from going forward. He clearly doesn’t give a shit about his home country or his family. Given the vast vast majority of Americans don’t have all the living knowledge of our royal family that people in the UK do, their press are unlikely to fact check, and they aren’t going to hear another side to the story because the palace will remain quiet, what’s said in this book will be taken as gospel. I watched the documentary considering this and I was absolutely appalled at what Americans must think of the UK. You look at Twitter and it’s absolutely shocking the vitriol as a result of what he’s saying.

Could anyone tell me, is the
Memorial statue of Diana mentioned at all? The unveiling was quite a thing at the time, with the two brothers there together. I wonder what he really thought of the statue. Lots of negative comments about it at the time.

The Royal fans are weird - their belief they "know" the members of the family - they've read about them, followed them for years, feel totally invested in the drama, and get caught up in the feeding frenzy. But never stop to consider that what they know about the Royals is what they have chosen to tell us - the public view and of course, the leaked stories - the agenda behind those is questionable too. We have no clue what kind of person they are - we know their public side, not their human side and they have been trained since birth to present well in public. And I agree people who truly loved a family (rather than seeing them as entertainment fodder) - would not hope or pray on an estrangement - it's a pain that never really leaves you and to wish for it to happen is awful.

It's almost as good as the "I'm above this discussion but I'm still participating in it and I'm going to prove how dispassionate I am by getting shitty when people notice" bunch.

Great PR job @HerReputationMadeItDifficultToProceed but you need to find a new way of starting your sentences.'I think, I also think' blah blah

I don't care what the content is.

This book is a disgrace.

No one should criticise their family in public in this way, when they know full well that they won't pitch in with their side.

How you can defend it is beyond me.

Is this fantasy parenting again? Not like many people are actually honest about how close they are to their kids or aware of how close other people are...it's a very private, intimate knowledge - I don't think I "know" how close many people are to their kids.

ok, how much did he see his mother, was he away at boarding school from a young age? was she hands on,? i presume there were nannies. there was a Tiggy Legge someone,
diana also had commitments as charles wife, they split up in 1992, so who did harry live with then?

Yep and that's exactly the level of insight that the country is dealing with on every issue.

Disagree. She was obsessed with her children. She adored them.

I'll likely read it but I doubt it will change my view of him or her.

Plenty of kids live full-time with their parents and don't have a quality relationship with them, they spend hours in their bedroom on social media, playing video games and eating meals and for years they make passing grunts and I think that is pretty normal in a lot of households - you can't judge, you simply do not know. Other kids are fully present when they spend time with their parents, they value the time they spend together - you can't assume quantity and not quality improves a relationship.

@Coffeecreme - you have SO many questions!! 😂 Why not read the book? You can even listen to the audiobook free if you join audible for a free 30 day trial.

Not as obsessed as she was with swanning off with her fancy men.

i dou t the book covers his young childhood tbh

You could read it and find out...

He has very few memories from before Diana died.