Just finished 'Spare'...

[HerReputationMadeItDifficultToProceed]

… and I encourage anyone who’s even vaguely interested in this story to give it a read. Especially if what’s been leaked has made you at all angry, because I think in context everything makes a lot of sense.

I wasn’t a Harry and Meghan hater before reading this, but I wasn’t a fan girl either. Like many Brits, I find a lot of Americans- especially West Coast Americans- quite irritating and Meghan firmly falls into that camp for me. I’m sure she’s nice enough, but she’s very American and very perky and much like Wednesday Addams, I don’t do perky. However, I suspect that her intentions and generally good and that like most of us she’s got good and bad qualities. She’s clearly ambitious and I think that she probably initially dated Harry based on that ambition and on getting a platform, although I think that she genuinely loves him now.

The ghost writer has done a great job at capturing Harry’s personality I think; he comes across as introspective and thoughtful but funny and bright.

I think that Harry has a good soul; I think that he’s kind and has had a hard time of it growing up. I also think he’s a bit clueless and naive and has been in a bubble, but I think he acknowledges that and wants to understand and change. Undoubtedly losing his mother at the age he was had more of an outward impact on him than it had on William. He’s also been a victim of his dad’s wishywashy parenting. It sounds like- and looks like to me from my vantage point as a normal citizen who knows bugger all except what I’ve seen in the media- that Charles has been there for his kids to an extent, but not in a hands on or especially useful way. It also seems clear that Charles has always put Camilla first. From almost the moment Diana died it seems that he wanted, above everything else, to rehabilitate Camilla’s image so that they could marry. I think that he put that above being a father and the way Harry writes about their relationship makes that clear too.

I also think that it’s suited the palace to portray Harry as dimwitted and feckless to show William in a better light and that Harry has every right to be angry about that and not want to play that game anymore (and to call it out now). Especially as it’s obvious that the palace haven’t kept up their side of the bargain and protected Harry from the media in return.

I also think that the media have treated H and M poorly and it’s clearly the case that the palace has used them and news stories about them to divert from other newsworthy problems… certainly Prince Andrew, perhaps William’s affair/s. Is Harry overly jumpy about the media and the paparazzi in particular? Yes, of course. Who wouldn’t be with his background. But they’ve also obviously been hounded and harassed.

I do think that Harry is on a journey that he isn’t at the end of yet, but I think that he realises that too. I think that he was always going to leave the royal family and that Meghan didn’t cause what’s happened, she was just the catalyst for it. I think that he’s been scapegoated and an afterthought within his nuclear family and I don’t blame him for being angry. I think that he means well and is essentially good. And I don’t think that anyone who’s read the whole book would be able to disagree.

More than anything I think it’s clear that the British Royal Family is no longer fit for purpose; the way they live, bring up their children, pay their members for work and demand unrealistic levels of protocol and formality is no longer working in the 21st century. These people need purpose and lives beyond the crown and those on the edges of the heir shouldn’t have to live their lives in service of the their. Realistically H and M could have worked as royals and had private interests, the RF chose not to bend to help them live fulfilling lives because of its own, outdated reasons.

@Nowdontmakeamess You know what else? If she’d been at home caring for her children instead of galavanting around with her billionaire boyfriend she wouldn’t have been such a target.

That's a good point.

What I don't understand is why they didn't just stay the night at the hotel? They knew the paps were outside, Al Fayed owned the hotel and could have got them a suite. 🤔

I don't think Meghan will hear you.

They were chased by paparazzi. There is no getting away from that fact.

I agree.

I think as harry himself said, it was a lot of different events, he likened it to a bicycle chain. Although he blames the paps the truth is, If the paps hadn’t been chasing, if the driver hadn’t been drunk, if Diana had been wearing a seatbelt, then it’s possible she’d have survived. Any one of those three not occurring could habe seen her survive.

I am unsure if anyone else noticed it but it was always reported Diana died of chest injuries. Harry said it was a head injury in his interview , which would tally up with the no seat belt.

Harry's relationship with Diana is all very sad.

Diana had a pretty dysfunctional upbringing herself and I think that coloured her own parenting. From what Harry says in the book she comes across as rather a Disney Mum.

When she's present then she's massively engaged with the children and it's all fun and games and trips and laughter. And then she's either away a lot or they're at boarding school or with nannies.

After the divorce - so 1992 - when Harry would have been 7/8 and William 9/10 there were also separate houses, holidays and so on, so even less time with either parent.

There is a huge difference between how the two boys were brought up, and how William and Kate are bringing up their children - who haven't been sent off to boarding school at 7, and where both parents seem to be much more hands on and present on a daily basis.

There does seem to be some resentment over this from Harry - he turns up unannounced with Meghan to introduce her to W&K and seems annoyed that Kate is out with the kids. There's a lot of Harry wanting William to come and do things with him and being frustrated that William says he can't because he's got the children to look after (as if he feels this is an excuse and William should be giving Harry more attention).

I have a feeling that Harry may get a bit of a shock when his own children reach late teens and 20s and he perhaps finds that parenting isn't as easy as one thinks. He's married a woman from an equally dysfunctional family so neither of them have healthy role models to emulate. Montecito is not normality - their kids are in just as much of a gilded cage and bubble, and with no cousins or extended family it could be an awfully lonely way to grow up.

It's odd to me that posters say he's attacking the tabloids. He's not. He's attacking certain UK titles (mainly owned by non-UK companies) whilst pretending this is an uniquely UK problem. At the same time he's happily working with the US equivalent of tabloids even though the US and other foriegn media broke numerous stories that harmed his mother and him.
There are issues with constitutional monarchies. There are issues with the media. But Harry doesn't even begin to see what they are and neither does the US.

This.

@Crabo
I'm afraid your understanding lacks nuance

Of the remaining European monarchies the UK's takes the most in funding from the state and is the only one to continue with the waste of money pure PR £100 million coronation. You say they have no power yet the queen personally vetted 1000s of laws purely for her own benefit - the public can go hang she cared not a jot. Oh and by the way she also stood by uselessly as parliament was suspended .

So:
If they are purely figureheads then they are not needed
As the power they do have is used secretly and only for their own benefit .

As it is the 'royals ' are nothing but a propaganda machine whose purpose is to maintain their own existence.

@Coffeetableposhbooks yes, and the only survivor of the crash was the one wearing a seatbelt, so it's quite possible that if Diana had worn hers, she would have survived too

This is what- 25 years ago now ?

Diana courted the media when it suited her.
She briefed them and it was a mutual relationship.

I could argue that she ought not to have had a relationship with a man who didn't provide the right protection (body guards etc) or drivers.

Or that she was making a show of herself by posing on Dodi's yacht, in her swimsuit, courting publicity over her new relationship.

So it's pretty understandable that the press wanted more pics.

The blame lay with the driver and no seat belt.

You, like H, seem to want to put another spin on it.

Bottom line is if the driver had not been speeding away from paps, he would have been much less likely to crash and if he did it would have unlikely to be fatal. People drive drunk every day particularly in France, and however stupid, they get away with it.

You can add in - if she’d kept her HRH status in divorce she would have had palace driver and bodyguards. Why didn’t she keep it? Because if she had the palace would have used her bodyguard team to monitor her every movement.

Bloody hell I haven’t read Harry’s book but I’m disgusted at blaming a young woman who was hounded every hour of every day by the press for her own death.
How bloody awful. She was 37 years old and left 2 children without a mother.
Yes she could have made better choices but you can say that about almost any bad situation.
Hell plenty of people would be alive if they didn’t;
Choose to live with an arsehole
Drink alcohol
eat crap
choose to be lazy
partake in dangerous activities
take drugs
smoke
Choose not to clean their home throughly
live in a shithole
go to dubious places
mingle with drunks/druggies/undesireables
join gangs
have children knowing they will have disabilities/life limiting illness

thats just off the top of my head.

I completely agree OP

😄well said!

Yes, they CAN respond, @TaRaDeBumDeAy . Lets stop this blatant lie that the RF 'can't' respond. They CAN. They can say what they like, when they like. If they choose not to, that's entirely on them.

I agree with you completely. Just finished the audiobook and although I felt uncomfortable listening to some deeply personal things I completely understand why he did it and I really hope he finds peace.

@Penguinsaregreat at what point should any of those people you have listed take responsibility for their choices?

H&M do indeed have great PR.

I don’t agree actually. I think they’ve had poor advice.

It would have been possible to tell the interesting aspects of their story - the RF dysfunction, the toxic palace, the pact with the tabloids without coming across as a spoilt whiner. But the fact is the entire RF is spoilt and over-privileged so it is what it is.

My advice to them would have been: go to the US, keep your head down, buy a $5 million house not a $12 million one - get ordinary jobs, then find a good quality British writer who understands the British public, RF and the media, to tell your story.

Everyone saying he's spoilt and self indulgent etc are only looking at his current behaviour from their own bias that they don't agree a multi millionaire who's lived a "privileged" life should be unhappy.
But are defining privilege in their own way that it equates to money, secure housing, trips abroad and an independent education.

If we look at privilege as security, love and freedom to follow your own path you see a different viewpoint and can have some sympathy with Harry.

Agreed. I think there are some very shallow people on here, one even talked of diamond shoes, ffs, as if that makes up for anything, that think he 'deserves' to suffer because he's rich. FFS money doesn't buy happiness, but to these narrow-minded, shallow judgemental posters they seem to think it does and therefore Harry should be happy and stop 'moaning'. I would choose to be poor a million times over than life the life Harry lived. He didn't choose to be born into this family and lose his freedom. Through no fault of his own, he was born into it. He didn't choose it. You can be money rich but family poor and live a deeply sad and lonely existence. Money doesn't 'make up for' what he has had to go through, and I wish people would stop saying it does.

Again, BULLSHIT!!!! They can easily defend themselves. Stop talking absolute bullshit.

They do respond, but their MO is smoke and mirrors. On the surface they “never complain never explain” instead their comms teams pump tabloid contacts with their pov. The so-called “leaks” come from the palace itself.

I agree with the OP completely. These were my observations when I read Spare. A great deal of sadness surrounding the whole family.

William lost his mother too.
It's the blaming of anyone but himself that gets me about Harry, take some responsibility man.

hotpotlover · Today 09:59

And how could you not hate the media if your mother was literally chased in a tunnel by them to her death?

Harry himself said that the cause of the accident was explained to him as being like a chain. Every link played a part and it would only have taken one link to have been missing for the tragedy not to have happened. He takes this analogy to mean that the paparazzi were the causal link. And that is not what was meant. Each factor played its part including the actions of of his mother. I understand why this is a horrendous thing to contemplate, let alone accept, but it is the truth.

Do I understand why he hates the paparazzi? Of course!! And the subsequent 'deal' that was made with the press changed some things because of it. But it was a deal with the devil so there were costs as well as gains. What makes me sad is that Harry can't see that his father and Grandmother were motivated by the same fear as he continues to express. Meghan has not had the same paparazzi experience that Diana had because of their actions. But Harry talks as if she has.

Harry has demonstrated that his memory is flawed and he acknowledges that in the foreword of his book. He is driven by his emotional memory which is genuinely sad to see. But it is so biased that it makes it impossible for his family to engage with. He has set out "his truth" and wants "accountability" from family members. But 'their truth' is different. And already some accounts have been shown to be factually incorrect, and so are demonstrably false memories.

I feel sorry for Harry at a human level. But I also feel great frustration. I was hoping that his book would give more objective details about the relationship between the press and the RF which could be a basis for positive action. But the details are vague and confusing. And again at times they are factually incorrect so he has managed to destroy his own reliability.

As a simple memoir, he is free to tell his story. But he wants it to be viewed as important historical work and be a catalyst for change - for his relationship with his family and in their relationship with the press. To me that is extraordinary arrogance and totally unrealistic given the level subjectivity in the book. And by choosing to be so personal and include wholly unnecessary details about other people, he has lost my respect. His actions are totally at odds with his published belief in the "power of compassion".