In my opinion what happened is that Harry loved his family and was happy with his place in it before he met Meghan. I’m sure he felt pissed off with them at times, and felt his father had been emotionally absent. He obviously has baggage about his mothers death, but generally he got on well with them and enjoyed family relationships .
He never liked being open to public scrutiny and didn’t enjoy that’s aspect of it because ir limited his freedom. He wasn’t able to be a normal Army officer either. In addition he hated the Press.
When he met M he was getting really desperate to settle down and have kids like his brother, and his two previous relationships hadn’t worked out, partly because they couldn’t handle the scrutiny and expectations. When he met M he was bowled over. She seems worldly wise, confident and wanted all the same things he did. Or so it seemed. So he thought finally he had found the one. He wasn’t going to let anything stand in his way so he charged on. She on the other hand was at a turning point in her life. Her relationships hadn’t worked out either, her series was coming to an end. She wanted to hit the big time, either career wise or money and status wise . She was bowled over by his status and the novelty of him being British and rich. They rushed into marriage without much real thought or consideration. She thought she could do what she wanted to in her role as Harrys wife. All doors would be opened to her and she could be a big player on a worldwide stage. Fame and adulation, in another acting role so to speak. She hadn’t considered the restrictions, the scrutiny, the hide bound nature of the institution. The hierarchy. Or the history of a country she seems to know little about.
She became angry and felt trapped quite quickly as the reality of her situation began to dawn on her. I imagine as she became more disillusioned, she became desperate to get out and go back home. Most probably she wasn’t well liked or tolerated in the RF , because she is very vocal and dominating . We could see this quite early on She’s from a very different culture and seems to have no interest in learning about the country she was now living in. Perhaps she interpreted wariness and distance as racism. Perhaps she lacked the insight into her own behaviour to see that she might be the cause of some of her own problems . Treating staff with disdain , throwing her weight around, being demanding and expecting everything to be on her terms.
Harry, desperate to keep his wife happy, would do anything to appease her and took her side in every situation. Instead of trying to explain protocol or calm the waters, I suspect he began to get angry and throw his weight around too. The whole drama built and built as they both became more and more unhappy, seeing themselves as outsiders fighting the system. Feeling aggrieved when anyone tried to help or advise, urge caution or tell them they couldn’t have their way .
I think W and K kept their distance as they didn’t feel at ease with M and that was perceived as snobbery. Causing more anger and outrage. I do think Charles and the Queen tried very hard with them in every way, but this wasn’t enough to soothe the situation for long. Add in an increasingly hostile Press and all the subterfuge about Archie’s birth and the godparent business, and the toxic mess got worse.
Harrys friends apparently didn’t like Meghan and so they became a twosome set against the Establishment and all Harry had previously known and loved. Meghan talking about suicide would have triggered Harry in a big way, bringing back memories of his own mothers distress. So he felt backed into a corner and had to make a choice. His future with Meghan or his family. So he chose to burn all his bridges in a big hurry, thumb his nose at the RF and turn traitor.
Neither of them really had a clue how they would make a living or how any of the practicalities would work. They just bolted. I suspect Harry trusted M to know more about the Real World than he did.
The situation with Ms father didn’t help at all, as she was most likely emotional about that and felt humiliated by the Press reporting on the story. She probably expected the RF to be full of sympathy and support for her. Instead they probably felt embarrassed and bewildered by it all. So she took offence at that too.
I think in her mind she believed racism was at the heart of all her troubles in the U.K., so she seized on a remark Harry made about a relatives comments on skin colour. She imagined it was meant as a slur, not a light hearted comment made in jest as might have been the case. Harry didn’t seem to see it in the same way she did, even when he was speaking about it on OW. She twists the truth to suit her own ends or the way she genuinely sees things. She has her own lens, and she perceives things through the filter of her own prejudices and insecurities. Unfortunately she has convinced Harry that her own perspectives are the only ones worth bothering with.
They are two damaged , insecure people with a persecution complex. It’s a sad thing to see. I hope maybe the funeral has helped them gain a new perspective on things, but I doubt it.