A positive and non-bashing thread about Meghan and Harry

[MrsMaxDeWinter]

I have rejoined Mumsnet after leaving a few times. The first time I left was because I was concerned about the coverage and uncomfortable undertone of the commentary on Meghan Markle after the engagement was announced, before she had said a word, and before she had married into the Royal Family.

I came back around the time she and Harry left the UK, to be stunned by the pages and pages upon pages of virulent threads. At that time Mumsnet actually banned all threads about Meghan, it had become so toxic.

They have now made their lives in Montecito, but still the virulence continues. Yes, she speaks in a mix of therapy plus corporate gobbledegook, yes, she is occasionally vapid and irritating.

But who is she actually harming that she deserves all this virulence?

Yesterday, when the new UK Prime Minister was elected, the coverage in the Super Tory Daily Mail was all about a seven minute speech to a bunch of young people. Article after article after article. Body language experts. Counting the number of times she said "I" in a speech in which she sought to inspire young people by attempting to relate to them. Before that, 18 articles were devoted to the first podcast by the Daily Mail alone. 18!

Same with her podcasts. The series is about HER and HER take on labels, and she discusses HER take with HER guests.

It's all very anodyne, even vanilla. It does not deserve any of the vitriol sent her way.

SO:

As the next twelve weeks are going to be wall to wall Meghan, and the Meghan haters and detractors have several threads here that fill up rapidly with bile, scorn and mockery, I have started this thread, reminiscent of previous " positive" threads, to talk about what some of us like, enjoy, find amusing and even (gasp) admire, in the next few Meghan rich weeks.

If you don't have anything positive to say, that's okay, you can keep to the existing threads.

Looking forward to a bile-free discussion of everything Meghan!

Yes I agree with this

Yes I have to agree. I think that the time of H&M talking negatively about their time within the royal family really is over now.

I doubt a 'Fab Four' reunification is on its way. Didn't the Sussexes put out a William-slamming article the night before the Queen died, and wasn't M just about to go on a talk show, presumably not to discuss what a good time she'd had in the RF? The walkabout was farcical with everyone pretending, including the public. The joint walkabout was unedifying. They should have paid their respects as two separate couples, in private if necessary, and left it at that. This was a performance for the benefit of a demanding public.

Sadly that's all they've got.

she was this ordinary girl who was not meant to be Queen

But her uncle had no dc so she would have ended up as Queen at some point.

They should have paid their respects as two separate couples, in private if necessary, and left it at that. This was a performance for the benefit of a demanding public.

So you are saying they shouldn't have done what the demanding public wanted but what you thought was appropriate?

@TrashyPanda That's what the poster was saying, they got criticism for saying it. Because UK people are congenitally unable to wrap their heads around the fact that people elsewhere and in other cultures do refer to a non-legal wedding as 'married'. Every single time some UKer comes on here and says it wasn't legal and then states a bunch of legal jargon that is totally irrelevant because we are not talking about a 'legal' wedding. People for 2 years have gone over this over and over yet people still claim she 'lied'. She did not lie. In many cultures, including in some African American cultures, it is common to have a non-legal wedding before the legal one, and still consider the non-legal one where they first exchanged vows, as their 'real' wedding. That is actually quite common in many countries and cultures.

Harry and Meghan should just go back to California and shuss... no bombshell interviews, no more slagging off the Royal family. Just live their fabulous lives and bring up their children and stop with the drama please.

She knew when her legal marriage was.

They need to shuss... and quietly walk away from creating drama....

It was clearly forced, and nobody looked particularly happy with the situation. Haven't we been here once before, when performative action was conducted for the benefit of public expectations? Why go through with a charade that fools no-one? Personally, I would have preferred a non--staged activity but they obviously decided on a different route.

Yes, she knew when her legal marriage was! Duh. That's irrelevant. In cultures like hers it's common to say married even if it's not legal, so she did nothing wrong but saying 'married'.

They are not the ones causing drama, and they don't need to shush either.

You've completely contradicted yourself.

No, I have not. How have I?

'In cultures like hers'

Do you mean the Californian culture? They have the same understanding of marriage as we do in the UK. Are you suggesting she comes from a different culture?

Um, she's African American, and I said above that in some African American cultures/community customs, they do that. Also many other cultures and countries do that. Simply because you don't understand a different cultural practice, doesn't make them wrong.

OK. I respect that. I wasn't aware she had Ghanaian or Kenyan etc background that she was observing but I must be wrong.

What I will say is that, I've been to Africa over 30 times and I have family from Kenya.

I did not appreciate her 'woe is me' comments when she went to South Africa.

I love Africa and the people there and I get offended by the white colonial thing. My family are half Kenyan. My nieces are Kenyan.

I don't imagine that Meghan Markle identifies with Africa one little bit.

Um, she's African American, and I said above that in some African American cultures/community customs, they do that.

Wasn't she brought up in a white household with her dad and went to an American Catholic school in California?
Personally, I don't understand the fuss over her making a silly, throwaway comment. She's not used to having her every word held to scrutiny because she's new at this. But I remember Harry's face when he didn't make eye contact with her - probably because he knew that was a rookie error of hers. Lol. But, again, in the context of everything that was said, I can't see why it matters really.
However, with her white, Catholic upbringing, I'm pretty sure she knew she hadn't got married in her back garden without witnesses.

Don't talk to us about Africa from America when you have never been there or experienced the culture and lifestyle.

From those of us who know and love the continent.. we have a lot to teach you. Its the most amazing place in the world with the best people and culture.

Don't assume things from your place of ignorance and make judgements on us. Just book a flight and educate yourselves.

African American is a culture. In America. Where she is from.

She grew up biracial in America that has completely different challenges than growing up black or white. Biracial Americans are not fully accepted in the black community nor the white community. It can be very isolating for them.

So yes, she was raised in a white neighborhood. And was likely never made to feel like she belonged. How isolating for her. And Mariah Carey. And every other biracial person who experienced it.

Can someone google "Jumping the Broom" before people continue bashing Meghan. Traditional weddings are seen as the actual wedding. A white wedding is for movement records. Secondly, Americans have continued jumping the broom as a tradition in the African community.

Many times, when a wedding is a large extravaganza, couples will find the smaller more intimate rehearsal more memorable and consider that their wedding vows. They may even celebrate the rehearsal as their wedding date in the future.

What is really sad to me is that so many posters from the UK, in my experience, project thier own culture onto the rest of the world. What you do where you are must be the only right way right?

Yes, Meghan married a Prince in England. But she did not cease to be an American.

I’m sure African American culture would absolutely refute the legality of British royal family titles in America based upon their history of slavery and the empire but she has very happily embraced the UK tradition of being a Duchess and continued to use it at every opportunity in the USA. Why is that if African American culture is so important to her? Would she likewise want to saddle her children with such culturally laden titles as a prince or princess of such a hated empire?

Notice that even though many of people have given very plausible explanations for Meghan saying she was married before there was a quick swivel to something else to criticise her about (telling the truth about not being ok when she wasn’t ok when asked directly).

Because she is human. She’s a flawed human like we all are and sometimes the choices she makes are not always consistent (which is fair to criticise her for).

Many African Americans are very much against the institution of the monarchy (you only need to look at POC spaces (and Irish) over the past couple of days to see this) and what it represents but again it is complex because many African Americans will the first to call Meghan Princess/Duchess because of their feeling that one of their own has “made it” so to speak.

There is plenty to discuss with regards to Meghan and the royal family - she would have been absolutely prepared to go along with the problems of the crown if they had protected her. She also would have been part of the white washing on an institution that is based on class privilege, who’s wealth was gathered through colonialism and still exerts soft power though colonialist light institutions through the world (like the commonwealth).

Having this family in the Royal family would have perpetuated the idea that that the retrograde institution was modernising when it actually isn’t - and because we don’t have them going around the Commonwealth looking glamorous and personable and instead being in this breakaway situation it ultimately gives leaders in the Commonwealth the insight to be able to detach themselves from the Royal Family.

Only time will tell what the detente that happened with W&C and H&M walking out together will bring but I fear while I can defend Meghan against points that are unwarranted - I am aware that her complicity with the institution for the short time she was there is absolutely true. I however use this insight to view her as a complicated multifaceted occasionally flawed person as opposed to a cartoon villain.