Strange family relationships

[antsy]

The Queen is reported to have invited Harry to a private lunch. According to a courtier speaking to the Mail: "It’s a typically magnanimous gesture by Her Majesty.
It will be the first time they will meet alone since 2020.

www.thesun.co.uk/news/15196025/queen-harry-lunch-windsor-private-meeting-royal-family/

If my great grandmother (if she was alive) was going to invite me for lunch, even if there had been a big family feud, it would not be seen as this amazing gesture.

I do find it strange anyway that they have to book an appointment to see the Queen, even her adult children have to. In a more normal family the adult children would just ring and say are you free tonight, okay if I pop over for a quick coffee? It is all so stiff and formal even with close family relationships. No wonder they are so dysfunctional.

@halcyondays the press is acting as if this is a great honour being bestowed. Nothing to do with practicalities.
It is being reported that Harry is flying over for 7 hours. No idea if that is true or not.

@TruelyStruttingHotpants did you miss me saying about bringing a pa and saying when is she free? Lots of adult children whose parents run a business do this. No the Queens situation in terms of that is not unique.
I have had friends who ring pas because they know better where their mother will be tomorrow than their mother does. They still are not told they can see their mother for two hours in a month's time. It is strange and dysfunctional.

[quote antsy]@TruelyStruttingHotpants did you miss me saying about bringing a pa and saying when is she free? Lots of adult children whose parents run a business do this. No the Queens situation in terms of that is not unique.
I have had friends who ring pas because they know better where their mother will be tomorrow than their mother does. They still are not told they can see their mother for two hours in a month's time. It is strange and dysfunctional.[/quote]
Running a business is a little different to being the queen. For a start some of the situation will be driven by the fact she won't necessarily be geographically in a location convenient for weeks.

Add to that this is a very big extended family. If you allow one lot to have frequent unlimited access. Then you fairly have to allow others the same.

Like I said she is old and probably asks or her doctors even ask for down time. I don't know about you lot but some people find family stressful.

No plenty of people travel abroad and round the country far more frequently than the Queen for work. She is elderly, she does not and I would not expect her to do the jetting off to multiple countries in a week that some people I work with did pre pandemic. So no her situation is not unique.
Everyone when asked if family can pop around says no sometimes if they need sometime to themselves, again not unique. This can even be blocked out in the diary.
Frequent unlimited access - yes that is a strange idea that seeing adult children and grandchildren often is something to be avoided at all costs.
The Queen certainly had a distant relationship with Charles when he was a small child as has been captured in many films. I suspect nothing has changed. Her pr need to realise that talking about meeting with your grandson for lunch as if it was a great honour, is not a good idea.

She is a working woman. She travels around the country a lot and has several different homes. Her work engagements are not only during the day but occasionally in the evening too

All that means she will have a staff to slot in family meetings and events too. I hardly think you can expect the poor woman to handle her own diary as well as everything else. Especially now she is a working 80 something year old. Not super woman after all

She's 95!!

Not an 80 something. And I really would not call a 95 year old 'a working woman' ! She's not made of kryptonite!
A lot will be handled by courtiers, Charles, William and other officials. At her age, she probably does some signing of papers, reading, and resting.

If she has any sense she will be spending the last few years of her life with family. So yes it is very odd to have to book months in advance to do this.

Also Harry is flying over from the states. I am sure they would take a train to visit for a bit. My parents or in-laws don't live close by, we travel. No big deal. We don't all live next door to each other.

Oh come off it, stop comparing her to some jet-setting CEO.

The Court Circular lists every single engagement the Queen does. Almost all of her engagements are phone calls or telephone calls, and practically all are listed as being from Windsor Castle. And they are not even that frequent, a quick look at the Court Circular for May shows a gap of 5 days when she did not have a single engagement.

In the past three months she's had exactly three engagements that were not inside Windsor Castle (not counting Philip's funeral): a military centenary memorial practically outside her home; opening Parliament; and a visit to the naval ship Queen Elizabeth at Portsmouth.

Yes it's a lot for a woman of her age, but doing a few Zooms per week from your home is not some crazy jet-setting busy lifestyle.

@ohforarainyday yes good point. Within 5 days of no engagements it is not a big deal to see your own adult child or grandchildren. And unlike my elderly parents she had no shopping, cleaning or cooking to do.

Absolutely rainy.

I would like to think the Queen does very very little at her age. I imagine some posters on here have never known a 95+ year old.

Even a few phone calls could be quite exhausting and a trip out likewise. Let's just not call her 'a working woman', she will be doing stuff at a pace to suit her very elderly years. And no this isn't ageism, it's being realistic.

Thanks for the thread, I'm slightly fascinated by how odd and dysfunctional the RF are so I like reading these.

I think the Queen is trying to show support for Harry and that's why she's invited him and made it public. It's her way of making a statement. Good for her!

Isn't the point that H&M's 'friends' made clear that far from blindsiding HM with their original announcement of their plans for the future, H&M had not been able to secure an 'audience' with HM to discuss their plans advance.

This is the palace making sure that there can be no such accusations in future, by confirming the private lunch.

Of course, if you think the accusations were untrue then that would be a way to spin it.

@Roussette My own grandmother lived till 97 and was less healthy at 95 than the Queen appears to be, I know what old age is like. She was thrilled for us to visit as often as possible, although we had to keep the visits short. I have visited family members every day who are dying. They were thrilled to see someone every day even though visits had to be very short, or of the holding hands while they slept and then woke up for a short chat.
Most people know what someone very elderly is like so would not be expecting the Queen to go to California. But a short visit from an adult child is usually welcomed.

@FinallyHere Harry and Meghan had arranged a meeting with the Queen to discuss them stepping down as senior members. It had been arranged for a few months. All sides have acknowledged both that and the fact that Harry and Meghan flew over and then the Queen said she had to cancel the meeting because of other engagements. Those against Meghan were defending the meeting being cancelled as the Queen is a busy woman.
Harry and Meghan reacted by announcing it on social media, rather than waiting for an alternative meeting.

@Roussette

And it will get more strange I think when the Queen isn't around.

Very much so.

It's been reported that Charles will write a formal note to his staff for matters as minor as (literally) retrieving a piece of paper inadvertently screwed up and thrown in a waste paper basket, which is right next to the desk at which Charles is sitting, as he writes that very note.

It's going to get really weird, really quick.

@antsy

Yours is a more detailed description, though I don't see that it actually differs from my more broad brush strokes.

What point were you making ?

@antsy

Totally agree. The Queen is remarkable for her age, that much is not in dispute. Most elderly people her age would be cared for in a rest home or with carers at home. The lady I knew who died at 97, did live on her own. But with a massive amount of support from family who were close and in every day.

The last few years were spent resting, sleeping, watching TV and chatting to family! And the last couple of years did see a very obvious deterioration, understandable of course.

But the Queen, PPhilip and Queen Mother have/had astounding longevity, no idea if this is down to medical care or genes!

@FinallyHere I was agreeing with you and saying that everyone at the time acknowledged that was what had happened, not just supporters of Harry and Meghan.

Blimey - I can be as critical as the next over H&M - but really - he lives overseas. He wasn't allowed to go for lunch last time due to the quarantine regulations etc Surely any normal granma would say - "next time you are in the country, come for lunch...." Hardly disfunctional. Hardly a big deal. Hardly news worthy. I doubt the palace did put out the story.

@ohforarainyday

Oh come off it, stop comparing her to some jet-setting CEO.

The Court Circular lists every single engagement the Queen does. Almost all of her engagements are phone calls or telephone calls, and practically all are listed as being from Windsor Castle. And they are not even that frequent, a quick look at the Court Circular for May shows a gap of 5 days when she did not have a single engagement.

In the past three months she's had exactly three engagements that were not inside Windsor Castle (not counting Philip's funeral): a military centenary memorial practically outside her home; opening Parliament; and a visit to the naval ship Queen Elizabeth at Portsmouth.

Yes it's a lot for a woman of her age, but doing a few Zooms per week from your home is not some crazy jet-setting busy lifestyle.

That’s purely because of Covid and the fact that her husband has been very ill and recently died.

Ah, yes, thank you @antsy 😀

I read about this in the Telegraph where they said that Harry had reportedly been invited for lunch by the Queen when he comes over for the statue unveiling and that PC had been in touch regularly with Harry. I understood it to mean that the Palace were trying to signal that they have left open the channels of communication with H and were just letting it be known that they are still willing to be there for him. In other words they are rising above all the mud slinging from the other side of the pond and wanting to mend fences. It didn’t come across that H had been given an appointment with the Queen, more that an invitation had been extended.

The Palace is letting it known that inviting Harry to a PRIVATE lunch is a magnamaminous gesture.
Whereas if my grandmother lived in another country and I flew in for something, she would have been be upset if I wasn't able to visit her.
It is a sign of how dysfunctional they are as a family.

Apparently H is threatening to take legal action against the BBC over their report that H and M didn’t seek permission to use the name Lillibet .
Of course it could be another case where recollections vary .

Almost all of her engagements are phone calls or telephone calls, and practically all are listed as being from Windsor Castle. And they are not even that frequent, a quick look at the Court Circular for May shows a gap of 5 days when she did not have a single engagement.

95 year old woman takes 5 days off work! What an outrage. I for one am appalled.