Returning new kittens - why didn't this work?

[FindingTheBalance]

This morning my husband and I had a long discussion and the conclusion is that our 8 month old kittens, who joined us five weeks ago, have to go back to the rescue. 😫

I feel really flat. And also confused how other families have kittens and kids at the same time.

Our kids aren't really young. They're 7 and 9 but they still have toys. The last five weeks has involved cats chewing houseplants, toys, one eating Lego, cats chewing the kids shoes, cats chewing the kids blankets and clothes. No matter how often I ask the kids to tidy stuff away they forget and leave stuff out.

Our kittens do have periodontal disease, which may explain the chewing, but reading online it sounds like the majority of rescue cats have this.

One is slightly incontinent too and often doesn't know he's goings (mostly poo but if we let him on the sofa wee stains appear too.).

My husband has rightly pointed out we can't have poo and wee everywhere and that the surfaces are covered in cat litter dust. The cats drop their food everywhere when eating probably because of the dental disease. They're restricted to one room because they chew everything.

Over five weeks I've done numerous vet visits, bought everything going to help tackle the dental disease, read and read and read cat forums for advice. My husband says it's taken over my life and I'm neglecting the kids, him, my health and the house. He's not wrong, it's like making the cat situation work has become an obsession for me.

So that's that. It's not working. But I don't get how others get it to work.

@FindingTheBalance im sure many of us think handing the kittens back is in their best interest….they need to have full vet investigations and adequate treatment ( if treatment available) . They are now young adolescents and nearly full grown so it’s really less about what is “kitten “ behaviour and more that these are poorly cats. Illnesses such as FeLV/ FIV are not always picked up straight away, as we found out when I was a child and our new rescue kitten gave the former to our established cat and both of them ended up dying.

Personally I would think about contacting a different rescue. I don’t think this one has done a good job and I would be reluctant to give them back.

I think that the children might feel better if they could understand that these are very sick kittens and your house is not the right place for them. Nothing they have done or can do will make the kittens better, they need to go back to the rescue and be made well and be found a home that can look after sick animals....and yes I'd go to a different rescue when you decide to try again.

A couple of hard things.....if the kittens' problems weren't properly diagnosed....actually also as the rescue sounds like such shit.....I'd give the house a good clean, air out and disinfect before you get another pet. Not at all saying your house is dirty but its a good precaution.
Secondly, I am a dog person not a cat person but I have learned that you can't have the same pet twice. They will all have their own personalities and quirks. Yes there will be general breed character things but if you expect to have the same pet because they are the same breed, you are setting yourselves up for sadness.

As I said, not a cat person although I do know a bit about rescues and dealing with a bad one, and this is diagnosis from afar but whether or not some of the problems you are having are normal for kittens, what is definitely NOT normal is a rescue rehoming kittens (or any animal) that are not completely well, what is DOUBLY not normal is doing this and not telling the adopter and what it TRIPLY not normal is doing this when the illness is not properly diagnosed.

sadly I am not sure you'd find another rescue to take them.

Poor babies.

@FindingTheBalance 'they now have outdoor access but don't want to venture out, despite me being in the garden.'

This is easily solved; they need to be encouraged to go out. They are 8 months old, they are fine to start going out (unless there is some reason the vet has advised against this that you haven't mentioned).

Choose a day where you can be around to keep an eye on them and keep them outside (without any access to indoors). They need to be out. I always let my cats out from 6 months old. With my youngest cat acquired in 2020, I let her out for the first time on a day I had couldn't be around so she was on her own.

Let them out.

Edited to add: provided they have been spayed/neutered.

@FindingTheBalance I've had 5 cats. From kittens into adulthood. Never encountered the type of problems you describe. Did they grow up without a mum-cat? That might explain the fact they don't know how to look after themselves (litter box, cleaning etc..?)

yes, the OP said they had been hand reared by a fosterer.

Mine is a chewer but he only chew plastic. Annoyingly he does eat it but he’s perfect in every other way so I put up with it!
It’s mostly making sure there are no plastic bags lying about but also dental floss, bread bags, crisp packets, any form of food packaging, plastic litter in the garden
Including in my handbag as he will unzip it and get in there

I’m not a very experienced cat owner but inherited a 2 year old cat 2 years ago and got her a kitten (9 weeks old from an unplanned litter in a family home) 15 months ago. I’ve removed plants, candles and wax melts and put cable protector around the television and fire stick cables. I’ve also placed “precious” ornaments on higher shelves. The kitten had broken one ornament and scratched a small corner of wallpaper since we got her. She peed in the corner a couple of times when we moved her litter box. We moved it back and she stopped. Our curtains are intact and we haven’t moved any soft furnishings.

Your kittens clearly came to you with many problems. It doesn’t sound like normal kitten behaviour to me. It does sound as if they may be too much for you as a family and they must be costing you a fortune in vet bills. The first thing I did when I got my girls was to get really good insurance for them but presumably that won’t be an option for you as they have pre existing conditions.

In your shoes (which obviously I’m not) I think I would clear the children’s playroom and make it into an indoor catio, easy to clean and with everything they need. They could have access to the garden or an outside catio through the window. Then they could be in other parts of the house when supervised only and hopefully things will improve as they get older. However I completely understand if you feel you need to return them to the rescue. I really feel for you.

Sorry, kittens just like any baby creature can be absolute little shits!! Only one of the four cats I’ve owned was “ good” as a baby. One took great delight at shimmying up curtains and sliding down them with claws ( ripping them to shreds) and hoofing as many ornaments as possible onto the floor; another used to lie in wait to jump out or, worse, up and scratch ; and another was ( and still is ) the messiest eater - taking food out of bowl and putting it next to him, and had kidney and bladder problems. Whilst when they were young there were times I doubted I could love them as much as previous ( older and finally trained) cats and sometimes felt frustrated with them - by the time they were grown I utterly adored them and would have never parted with them. You have two choices as a family - demonstrate unconditional love, patience and training to these live and defenceless creatures thus modelling to your children compassion and patience - or decide your home surrounds and a few plastic toys are the priority, that these cute creatures were not as compliant, cute or co- operative as a stuffed toy and return them saving you time , money, effort and stress. Only you can decide which example you wish to set your kids and what your conscience can live with.

Did you read the whole thread?

I can't bin all of my kids toys so the cats can have an indoor playroom. That's not fair on my kids. If I didn't have kids then I'd definitely have an indoor cat room, but we just don't have the space.

I only ask because I've spent five weeks trying to find solutions to all the health and behavioural problems. I haven't just said "why aren't these cats behaving like a soft toy?"

My kids have seen me go back and forth trying to find solutions, breaking down and crying, and then talking through with them how I need them to put their toys/shoes/food away or close doors because the cats keep chewing on their stuff and it's not safe for the cats. My kids have apologised and tried their hardest to remember but ultimately they're 7 and 9 years old and have other things in their lives apart from the cats.

Unlike me who had been unhealthily obsessing over the cats for five weeks.

From all of this I think I've taught my kids that you can go too far trying to make stuff work and sometimes you need to prioritise your own mental health and those of your children.

I really wish people would read the thread properly. The op has been allowed to adopt three hand reared kittens. They are significantly older than would be usual implying some further issues which she is not aware of and they are not behaving like 8 month old kittens. They are dominating her life and that if her family in a way that’s totally inappropriate and clearly have ongoing health issues.

So you absolutely need to take them back op. Do it. Have a weep and then feel relief.

Are they neutered? At 8 months old they are certainly old enough. Could the cat that poops/ wees occasionally actually be marking its territory? Neutering can calm down behavioural issues.

I've had cats my whole life and never encountered such issues with kittens. They sound very unwell. All my kittens headed outside as soon as neutered , did their business there and showed up at feeding time. I'd get their medical issues sorted as cats are clean animals so the pooping issue is clearly a serious medical problem. Then just let them out to crack on. The only difficult kitten I've had was part feral and kept attacking us and making us bleed ( ears back, launching) . He settled eventually once we bunged him outside in the rain every time he attacked us. What you are experiencing isn't normal.

I did read the whole thread , but frankly if 5 weeks of kittens having dental / hygiene issues and then chewing some of the kids stuff is enough to threaten your mental health ( your words not mine) I’d honestly question what on earth motivated you to get pets in the first place. Also 7 and 9 are not babies - they can keep stuff in their rooms and shut bedroom doors. I appreciate that you’ve tried to medically help and care for these pets and that they were not in peak health when you got them - but any living creature can become ill / problematic at any time during their ( long) lifespan. Almost everyone I know who has beloved pets has had to deal with ongoing issues/ sickness/ rehab at some time or another during their pets lifetime. Presumably the lesson to your kids is just over a month is enough to try anything before giving up; so yes, I’m sorry but to me it sounds like you had totally unrealistic expectations of taking on two living, breathing, fallible creatures.

Or another take might be to realise that these kittens are exhibiting extreme problems and that the OP's only shortcoming, if you can even call it that, was not to have been sufficiently experienced at raising kittens to recognise that fact before she had run herself ragged trying to fix unfixable problems.

Was it Battersea, @FindingTheBalance? I've had lots of cats over many years, including rescue cats and rescue kittens, and have also been a foster carer for cats. The only time I've ever had to return an animal was to Battersea, who, having subjected me to a ridiculous barrage of requirements, sent an animal home with me that had quite clearly been buffed up temporarily by a vet and turned out to be acutely unwell.

I bought kittens. They were no trouble at all other than having to feed them more frequently for a bit. They were litter trained and healthy. Sounds like these kittens came with more than a few issues which is causing the OP some unusual problems. Cats are generally very easy pets ime, and I've had quiete a few of them.

My cat came from Battersea. They wouldn't release it until all it's issues were resolved. They reluctantly let her go as they thought her not eating was due to bring in a rescue. But we were told to come straight back if it didn't get better.

I can't believe the Foster carer let you take an unwell cat nor the fact they all have advanced dental issues. I agree that this isn't how eight month year old cats behave. It sounds like a lot of work and financial input.

Eh?
And where the kids would be playing- not really fair on them is it?

Just to add OP, there are lots of people on SM, who seem to think that an animal is like a person and when you take one on, there are no circumstances when it would be OK to rehome/give it back. I do not agree with this at all. If it's not a good fit, or it's causing issues that seem unsurmountable, or the animal is violent, or you realise you can't afford to look after them properly, or they don't fit with your family etc, then you need to rehome. I wouldn't have an animal weeing and pooing everywhere, that alone would be a deal beaker for me if I wasn't able to resolve it reasonably quickly. Even some child adoptions fail ffs. It's sad but the animals will have a better life with someone who can deal with these more complex behavioural issues. If they can't then it's maybe these animals are not suitable as pets and have to be euthanised. Hopefully that won't be the case but it's reality rather than over emotional anthropomorphising nonsense.

In their bedrooms, in the living room or dining room and they can play with the cats in the playroom. They are 7 and 9, not babies. OP says the children are sad at the suggestion of the kittens going back to the rescue. They have said they will make more effort to accommodate them by not leaving things lying around. Perhaps they would be happy to give up the playroom to keep the cats.

We’re you aware that (with their age now) & you adopted them 5 weeks ago - they would have been teething ? Inflammed gums, increased chewing, smelly breath, drooling pretty much things to expect as they go through this change from kitten to adult teeth?

FYI
www.cats.org.uk/cats-blog/kitten-teething-advice