Returning new kittens - why didn't this work?

[FindingTheBalance]

This morning my husband and I had a long discussion and the conclusion is that our 8 month old kittens, who joined us five weeks ago, have to go back to the rescue. 😫

I feel really flat. And also confused how other families have kittens and kids at the same time.

Our kids aren't really young. They're 7 and 9 but they still have toys. The last five weeks has involved cats chewing houseplants, toys, one eating Lego, cats chewing the kids shoes, cats chewing the kids blankets and clothes. No matter how often I ask the kids to tidy stuff away they forget and leave stuff out.

Our kittens do have periodontal disease, which may explain the chewing, but reading online it sounds like the majority of rescue cats have this.

One is slightly incontinent too and often doesn't know he's goings (mostly poo but if we let him on the sofa wee stains appear too.).

My husband has rightly pointed out we can't have poo and wee everywhere and that the surfaces are covered in cat litter dust. The cats drop their food everywhere when eating probably because of the dental disease. They're restricted to one room because they chew everything.

Over five weeks I've done numerous vet visits, bought everything going to help tackle the dental disease, read and read and read cat forums for advice. My husband says it's taken over my life and I'm neglecting the kids, him, my health and the house. He's not wrong, it's like making the cat situation work has become an obsession for me.

So that's that. It's not working. But I don't get how others get it to work.

It sounds like it's just not working out, OP. As hard as you've tried. I also find it difficult to believe the centre didn't realise the kittens had such extensive health issues when they placed them with you.

I would return them and try again with an older cat. From a different shelter. I understand you don't want to give up on them, but this just isn't a good fit. And at the end of the day, five weeks isn't that long. If it's not working out, better to face it sooner than to get more attached.

Yeah I couldn't cope with this either. I'd also return them.

So your husband has decided the fact you’re trying to sort it is the problem. What a twat

This doesn’t seem normal to me 🤷‍♀️

I had 2 kittens years ago (from a neighbours cat’s litter) They were a piece of cake to look after as far as pets go. They were pretty crazy but in a fun, playful way that meant they were cute and entertaining. They scratched a lot but that was solved with a scratching post. It was nothing like having a puppy.

This is why u would never get a kitten such hard work very much playful chewing scratching etc. Id advise an older cat from 3 years up. You will need a litter tray initially as you can't let them outside for up to 4 weeks but then I get rid of the litter tray and the cat is completly house trained goes outside to do its business no treading litter everywhere. Certainly no chewing either. Scratching posts are good if they need to sharpen claws.

The chewing isn't normal.

Regarding the 'incontinence', how many litter trays do you have? A friend had problem with her kittens, she was only using one litter tray but it turns out you need 2 or 3 for 2 cats.

I have had a cat that was regularly incontinent.

he basically had cat ibs and anytime he ate something that wasn’t his normal dried food he would either poo usually very watery or vomit. Or sometimes both just for fun.

we put a lot of effort into stopping him eating human food - there was a no cats in the kitchen during food prep rule and all dirty plates etc had to put in the dishwasher pretty much straight away or he’d lick leftovers and first one up in the morning would find the diarrhoea.

he was never allowed in the lounge and we had washable covers on the dining room chairs.

you can get cat nappies as others have said.

it does sound like these kittens have health issues generally. Incontinence is not usual.

chewing things does happen but not normally to this extent. I’ve had three sets of kittens over my life and only one set (the current lot) did a lot of chewing - one of my current three was obsessed with chewing electrical cables.

it does sound like these are edging out of the realm of normal and into difficulties.

They're 8 months old with health issues - what are you on about?!

OP, send the kittens back to the rescue and get your house, relationships and life back. And while you can certainly learn from the experience, do not feel guilty about it. You did a good thing in rescuing them, tried your very best and it just didn't work, end of story. Contrary to what many think here, they are pets and are not in fact your family.

Poor kittens. Please do not get any other animal, ever.
For an animal, they are a chapter in our lives. (Or a leaflet in your case)
For the animal, we're their whole life.
I hope the kittens find the owners they deserve who will allow them to roam their house, not kept in one room, and will deal with the inconveniences.

You adopted THREE rescue kittens?

The CPL told me they wouldn’t let anyone take on 3 kittens at once, the max was 2.

I adopted 2 kittens and they were crazy. They climbed up my curtains, scratched my wallpaper and sofa to bits and my hands and arms were covered in scratch marks for months. I used to set my alarm early to get up and play with them for an hour before work, did the same after work & left them in the kitchen / utility room with the door open to access the garden when I wasn’t in. They did zoomies every night where they basically ran up the curtains and lept across the room chasing each other like hamsters in a wheel - only it was my living room.

This is when we were first married, before kids came along! I can’t imagine doing it with children.

Meh. We’ve evolved beyond having to deal with shit like this

She just wants to clean herself! We've had skidmarks on the carpet! She goes into the litter tray, does a pee and comes out to dry her bum on the carpet! When we give off to her she goes faster - her legs are like little pistons! She's disgusting lol, she's lucky we love her! We also have to clean her bum sometimes too as she's long-haired. She's a moggy but she has some Maine Coon in her. Milady is 4 this year too. The vet says she is more like a dog! Our last old boy used to do it too if he got poo stuck but he dragged his bum along the slate tiles in the kitchen to get it off which was easier to clean!!

My half Maine Coon/half Ragdoll boy needs his bum cleaned sometimes but since we put him on Scrumbles and increased the amount of litter in his tray, he's not as bad. He still runs and hides if we pick up a pack of baby wipes!

Can’t they go out? I always start letting my cats out at 6 months. I am sorry if this has already been suggested, it’s late and I haven’t read the whole thread.

It really shouldn’t be hard at all, kittens and cats are easy (I understand the chewing must be difficult). I’d start letting them out.

@FindingTheBalance has calcivirus been ruled out by a blood test ?

Given the age they were at adoption, despite having been born in the shelter, and given you were allowed to take three, I would say that for some reason the shelter was desperate to move them on and hasn't been honest with you about what's wrong. The behavioural problems seem to stem from the health problems and the health problems haven't even been diagnosed, let alone treated. They were not ready for adoption and may not ever be, except by someone who particularly wants sick animals to lavish care upon. I think the shelter have been totally irresponsible towards the kittens and really unfair and unkind to you and your family. None of this is remotely normal. Kittens should be delightful timewasters, not a traumatic full-time job. They need to go back. You shouldn't feel guilty. You were set up to fail.

I am really sorry about your previous cat btw. Internal bleeding could have been caused by eating poison, especially rodenticide, but cats can also sustain terrible internal bleeding without necessarily showing any external injuries when they've been in a glancing impact with a car. The pp trying to imply this was somehow your fault should be ashamed of themself.

And finally, the pp with a cat that likes to pull itself along the carpet leaving skid marks needs to get some wormers onboard. Not normal either.

That’s not normal for kittens.

Hahaha omg you gotta love them! Entertainment! I have to give her overload of dreamies to occupy her when bum time!

main coons are beautiful!!

Thank you everyone for the replies. I've just read them all. Quite mixed with some saying this isn't normal kitten behaviour, some saying it is. I guess it's all down to individual experience. But it's given me a lot to think about, thank you.

We have an appointment at the weekend at the rescue to take them back if we want to.

We've spoken to our kids who are understandably really upset. I feel dreadful and there's been a lot of hugs and letting them talk. They keep saying they'll try harder not to leave stuff out and they'll close doors but it just feels like a lot of pressure to be putting on a 7 and 9 year old. I don't want them ending up neurotic like me.

I also want to believe they'll remember but I don't think they will. When I came downstairs to the kitchen this morning I found a cat walking round with a pencil in it's mouth and a nibbled kid's drawing on the side. The pencil hasn't been chewed to be fair, just carried, but I did then have to Google are pencils say for cats to chew to our my mind at rest.

My husband and I sat down to discuss it again this morning. Maybe it's our temperament. I don't think we'd ever feel comfortable just leaving the doors open and letting the cats get to whatever they want to get to. I'd be so worried they'd eat something they shouldn't and end up needing vetenery care and/or we'd lose something sentimental we can't replace. Also the thought of poo on bedsheets or clothes or toys without us realising kind of freaks me out.

We then spent twenty minutes catching the kittens to put their dental paste on. It was crazy. We did lots of calm, reassuring voices, stroking and waiting for the cat to relax before applying the paste, then well dones and chin/ear scratches afterwards. But ultimately we still ended up with three stressed out kittens who ran to hide as soon as we let them go. I feel completely out of my depth with all of this.

I don’t think this sounds normal. I’ve had 4 kittens and none were like this, although one of mine was terrible for weeding next to the litter tray rather than in it!

Definitely speak to the rescue and see what they say. They’re probably in pain with their mouths by the sound of it. But mine do drop food next to the bowls but it never goes further than the kitchen so I can just mop it up.

If your not comfortable the cats having free range in your house then you should not have a pet and I mean that kindly. When you bring an animal home it becomes their home too.

also you went for three kittens which is always going to be more work than one.

if you are wanting a cat that does nothing I would look for a very elderly cat but obviously they come with their own health complications

Ours aren't taking the food out of the kitchen area. It's just within a metre or so of the bowls. I just sweep it up twice a day. But the sight of it stresses my husband out. Which, I don't blame him for, that's how he feels.

I don't think they're moving it away from each other, I think it is their mouths being sore. As though they can't hold it in their mouth very well.

Some thing isn’t right with the rescue you got them through. Sounds like those kitten hadn’t been seen by a vet, or they had and they lied to you about what the vet said.

My adult cat has 6 monthly check ups and checking teeth is a very standard basic check.

The stupid thing is, we had a seven year old cat beforehand and it worked perfectly. Yes, she'd stretch and pull at the blankets in the beds, yes, she did once chew my daughter's teddy with a crinkly fabric, yes, she did occasionally scratch and armchair downstairs. She wandered everywhere in our house and it was absolutely fine.

This time I/we just can't cope. I'm a mental mess. I feel like the kittens aren't safe and the house isn't safe.

I've spoken to people irl and others on this site and they'll laugh and say things like, "yep my cat eats plastic bags all the time", "yep, my cat ended up with £2K operation because it ate a plastic tag off of some clothing" "yep, my cat regularly poos on our pillow. I've had to throw so many away" and I just can't seem to think like that. Surely, not wanting your cats to end up in emergency care or to end up paying hundred if pounds replacing your belongings, surely that's normal? I'm so confused.

Yes, three kittens is more than one, although I've also read it's bad cat ownership to only get one; two is the ideal so they have a playmate and don't get bored. In hindsight, I should never have said we'd take all three. But when the rescue suggested returning one or two, and I thought, but I still can't kitten proof and stop those remaining one or two eating stuff they shouldn't. Hence asking on here how others make it work.

I'd love to have our seven year old cat back for so many reasons, but even then I read replies saying that people's senior cats still chew stuff they shouldn't. Maybe we just need to focus on being grateful for having had that cat in our life and move on from the thought we could do it again. She really was one cat in a million.

It sounds to me that you've put a lot of work into these little ones despite other posters saying the opposite.
Sadly sometimes rescue animals aren't a good fit for a situation and this sounds like one of them. We've had kittens and puppies all our lives and they are hard work that's for sure but add medical and in this case incontinence issues to the mix and it's a nightmare.

You can't have cat pee and shit all over your furniture and house, your husband is right.
Sometimes you have to accept that certain things are beyond copable for your lifestyle.
The kittens may be a good fit in another home if their issues are discussed and taken into account.