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Join our community of cat lovers on the Mumsnet Cat forum for kitten advice and help with cat behaviour.

Original poster

Friends and my kittens

155 replies

MarjorieStuartBaxter · 17/08/2023 15:57

am honestly at my wits end over this...,my cat had kittens (she is booked to be done so no lectures) the kittens are being brought up with love snd everything they need.

Anyway I hadn't told anyone really that she was having kittens but the day she had them I posted a pic on a WhatsApp group. Anyway one friend pipes up oh I want a kitten (first I'd heard) but it needs to be (certain colour) as her cat that colour had died (again first if heard) then says oh is that "colour" I see I said no they are cream. She kind of dismissed that and went on...in the end it was like she was having one.
Then she said oh her dc (in 20's) lives at home wants a pure (colour) one......"so that's 2 off your hands" no mention of how much or what I was planning on doing with them etc.

Now they are t just standard moggies they are part pedigree and rare colours and markings so if they were to be sold they would sell for around £200. Though I'm keeping 2 and it's not really about the money just the fact no money was mentioned. She's someone I've not known long or even been to her house! For context.so not my best mate or anything.
Anyway one of the kittens is really standoutish biggest one....she somehow put a claim in for that one for her dc 🙈 we were actually keeping that one so just said I'd let her know.
Anyway another friend on the group asked the other day if I had any left and how much...before I'd even answered she'd put "you can't have them 2 we "bagsied" them first. Wtf.
I've honestly just had enough without going into great detail I have shown another friend the messages and she's said she's manipulated it from the start....I know I should have been clear from the start but I'm stupid like that and felt bad. There are a lot of friends etc that would love one of the kittens but I now feel backed into a corner and I'm upset that someone could actually assume that they could have them for free like I just want rid of happiky keep them all honestly.
I never once asked anyone if they wanted a kitten just posted a pic! I don't want to fall out with anyone over it but also don't know what to do....another thing that worries me is she smokes in her house and smokes weed and I don't want the kitten around that.. she is a friend and we get really really well but the kittens are my babies and I don't just want to give them away like they are unwanted they are really loved.

OP posts:
Runnerinthenight · 19/08/2023 16:18

Speak to them and tell them directly why they aren't suitable homes for your kittens.

They'd never get one from a rescue from the sounds of it.

Shinyandnew1 · 19/08/2023 16:24

I'm worried she will end up buying elsewhere and don't want any kitten to have to live like that

You can control what happens to your kittens. If she wants to get one from somewhere else, That isn’t your responsibility.

Original poster
MarjorieStuartBaxter · 19/08/2023 16:29

@Runnerinthenight I know! Obviously it's not fair to keep the cat locked in a room and plus it wouldn't stay in there anyway!
I want the kittens to have the same life my cats do free to roam the house, roam the fields etc at the back if I could keep all I would but obviously I can't I have the mum , my daughters cat who is hardly ever here litrally! And a 16 year old rescue cat so only 2 that are ever in the house but I couldn't keep more than 2 wouldn't be fair

OP posts:
Merapi · 19/08/2023 16:29

BlastedPimples · 19/08/2023 15:58

@Merapi she killed her own puppies? Why ?

No idea. She wasn't my dog, she belonged to the farmer and was used as a rat catcher in the barns.

Original poster
MarjorieStuartBaxter · 21/08/2023 13:35

UPDATE- messaged dog friend with my concerns and sent a link

OP posts:
Original poster
MarjorieStuartBaxter · 21/08/2023 13:38

Ffs posted bfore finished- anyway she messaged back saying "I'm not gonna bother reading that people are stupid" the link was purely regarding cats and her dog breeds she just said "if it goes wrong I'll rehome"
I told her my worries and it wouldn't be fair on cat etc but just got those sort of replies 🙄

Not spoke to other friend yet as not heard off her and she suffers with mh so leaving that till I know she's better.

OP posts:
Lunde · 21/08/2023 15:33

MarjorieStuartBaxter · 21/08/2023 13:38

Ffs posted bfore finished- anyway she messaged back saying "I'm not gonna bother reading that people are stupid" the link was purely regarding cats and her dog breeds she just said "if it goes wrong I'll rehome"
I told her my worries and it wouldn't be fair on cat etc but just got those sort of replies 🙄

Not spoke to other friend yet as not heard off her and she suffers with mh so leaving that till I know she's better.

Do you really want to be "friends" with someone who replies to you like that? - she obviously gives no shits about your concerns for the cat. Are you really prepared for the kitten to die within a few weeks because you couldn't say no to an unsuitable home or owner?

You keep trying to "hint" and hope that these people will suddenly have a self-realization that their home is unsuitable and that you will not have to say no to them, But people like this never do -they clearly think that you are a bit of a mug and can just bulldoze you until you give in.

Just reply in the same vein "OK we've decided not to let any of the kittens to go to homes with dags"

Utereusbegone · 21/08/2023 16:21

MarjorieStuartBaxter · 21/08/2023 13:38

Ffs posted bfore finished- anyway she messaged back saying "I'm not gonna bother reading that people are stupid" the link was purely regarding cats and her dog breeds she just said "if it goes wrong I'll rehome"
I told her my worries and it wouldn't be fair on cat etc but just got those sort of replies 🙄

Not spoke to other friend yet as not heard off her and she suffers with mh so leaving that till I know she's better.

You need to be direct with people like this 'friend, if it goes wrong you probably won't need to rehome! I'm sorry but I am not prepared to put any of the kittens at risk, so if you want a cat I'm afraid you'll need to look elsewhere'

Allergictoironing · 21/08/2023 16:25

As a pp said, you need to make it clear the kittens, IF rehomed, will only be going to a home with:

a) No smoking
b) no other pets
c) free range of house
d) if not backing on to farmland, cat-proofed garden (or to be kept as indoor only)
e) A contract stating that they will be neutered by a certain age, and that if for ANY reason at all they can't keep the cats, then they must come back to you
f) Agreement to feed food of a certain quality
g) Deposit of 50% of the agreed price of £x, remainder to be paid on collection
h) New owner to be prepared for a home check, to ensure the cats have all the required items e.g. cat tree, scratchers, well placed litter trays, food/water bowls etc.

I think you may find these "friends" won't be prepared and/or will be unable to stick to these conditions. there's nothing unreasonable about them, and they are pretty similar to the conditions from most cat rescues.

CatChant · 21/08/2023 16:46

Just say “No.” It really isn’t that hard.

Why would you want to be friends with someone who thinks it acceptable to keep a cat shut in one room for its lifetime? And how likely is it that a child would always keep a bedroom door closed anyway?

So it will end up confronting the Jack Russells at some point. Terriers have been bred to chase down and kill small animals. I wouldn’t give a farthing for a kitten’s chances in a home with three of them.

If you allow her to railroad you into handing over a kitten you will be just as responsible as her when the poor little thing is torn to shreds.

Shinyandnew1 · 21/08/2023 17:04

She can get a cat if she wants one-you can’t stop her and sending her links she won’t read is rather pointless.

What you can control is whether or not she has one of YOUR kittens-tell her that won’t be happening.

Silvers11 · 21/08/2023 19:30

I'm sorry, but the longer you put off being firm about saying no, the worse it is getting. People have provided lots of good advice on how to say no, nicely, and if you won't take their advice, there's not much point in this thread @MarjorieStuartBaxter ?

Sending links with 'concerned ' copies is useless. Be firm with a no and refuse to feel guilty

Soubriquet · 21/08/2023 20:01

You’re being really wet now.

You have two options.

A) keep dancing around the subject, get conned of a kitten or two, watch it suffer and potentially die or be rehomed, lose friendship

B) outright say she can’t have the cats, keep them safe, lose friendship

Done

TedMullins · 21/08/2023 20:43

Omg this thread is so annoying. JUST SAY NO! The longer you leave it the worse it’ll be. This woman doesn’t give a shit about you as a friend, she’s a grabby user and if she kicks off and doesn’t speak to you again then it’s no great loss is it!

Original poster
MarjorieStuartBaxter · 22/08/2023 10:00

Ok 100 percent neither are going to have kittens I'm seeing dog friend at weekend so will tell her not heard off the other since price was mentioned so fuck her....

OP posts:
Original poster
MarjorieStuartBaxter · 22/08/2023 10:06

And yes clearly r yeh do think I'm a mug I'll own that I am!! Just sad really.

OP posts:
CatChant · 22/08/2023 10:42

It’s ok to be sad when so-called friends turn out to be nothing of the kind. But people like them were always going to let you down at some point.

As it is, you’ve seen in them in their true colours in time to protect the kittens and to stand up for yourself. And in the long run that’s a lot better for you than letting them trample over you.

Enjoy your kittens. The little grey one is very beautiful. I’m sure the others are too.

Original poster
MarjorieStuartBaxter · 22/08/2023 12:39

CatChant · 22/08/2023 10:42

It’s ok to be sad when so-called friends turn out to be nothing of the kind. But people like them were always going to let you down at some point.

As it is, you’ve seen in them in their true colours in time to protect the kittens and to stand up for yourself. And in the long run that’s a lot better for you than letting them trample over you.

Enjoy your kittens. The little grey one is very beautiful. I’m sure the others are too.

Thank you and yes you are right true colours and all that....

OP posts:
Lunde · 22/08/2023 12:51

You need to text or call her really soon to tell her she's not getting the kitten. I think you will feel a lot better when it's not hanging over you anymore

IlonaRN · 22/08/2023 12:53

WarmButteryCrumpets · 17/08/2023 16:01

"When did I say I was giving them away?" Might be appropriate

This!

NCIrishEnglish · 22/08/2023 12:57

You all sound terrible with your accidental backstreet breeding and your £200 bought animals

BrownieNut · 22/08/2023 16:07

@NCIrishEnglish is that aimed at everyone on the thread because I got my £150 kitten from a rescue?

Original poster
MarjorieStuartBaxter · 23/08/2023 11:38

NCIrishEnglish · 22/08/2023 12:57

You all sound terrible with your accidental backstreet breeding and your £200 bought animals

In all fairness our pets have to come from somewhere or nobody would own a things happen and as for £200 pets what do you expect living creatures to be free? And more disposable? I paid £50 10 years ago for my rescue cat and over 1k in vet bills since so if someone doesn't have £100-200 to even buy a pet then how are they going to afford the upkeep.
I don't agree with giving pets away for free if someone is paying for a pet then I k keep they are serious and not just getting a "freebie" on a whim. Also I've already spent around £200 caring for my kittens..plus vet check when they are ready plus they are played with cuddled and handled daily and be litter trained wormed fleas etc so I think £100-200 is more than fair. Though I'm keeping 3 of mine so was never about money.

OP posts:
Floralnomad · 23/08/2023 12:25

@NCIrishEnglish you shouldn’t give any animal away for free as it’s likely to end up as food for a large reptile or bait for a fighting dog .

WhoWants2Know · 23/08/2023 13:05

To be honest, I would have had a local Cats Protection take care of the rehoming process in return for a donation. That way you know any kittens are spayed and vaccinated and going to a home that has been checked. You can still foster them until a suitable home is found, but it removes the personal element and the charity gets a donation.