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Join our community of cat lovers on the Mumsnet Cat forum for kitten advice and help with cat behaviour.

Original poster

Friends and my kittens

155 replies

MarjorieStuartBaxter · 17/08/2023 15:57

am honestly at my wits end over this...,my cat had kittens (she is booked to be done so no lectures) the kittens are being brought up with love snd everything they need.

Anyway I hadn't told anyone really that she was having kittens but the day she had them I posted a pic on a WhatsApp group. Anyway one friend pipes up oh I want a kitten (first I'd heard) but it needs to be (certain colour) as her cat that colour had died (again first if heard) then says oh is that "colour" I see I said no they are cream. She kind of dismissed that and went on...in the end it was like she was having one.
Then she said oh her dc (in 20's) lives at home wants a pure (colour) one......"so that's 2 off your hands" no mention of how much or what I was planning on doing with them etc.

Now they are t just standard moggies they are part pedigree and rare colours and markings so if they were to be sold they would sell for around £200. Though I'm keeping 2 and it's not really about the money just the fact no money was mentioned. She's someone I've not known long or even been to her house! For context.so not my best mate or anything.
Anyway one of the kittens is really standoutish biggest one....she somehow put a claim in for that one for her dc 🙈 we were actually keeping that one so just said I'd let her know.
Anyway another friend on the group asked the other day if I had any left and how much...before I'd even answered she'd put "you can't have them 2 we "bagsied" them first. Wtf.
I've honestly just had enough without going into great detail I have shown another friend the messages and she's said she's manipulated it from the start....I know I should have been clear from the start but I'm stupid like that and felt bad. There are a lot of friends etc that would love one of the kittens but I now feel backed into a corner and I'm upset that someone could actually assume that they could have them for free like I just want rid of happiky keep them all honestly.
I never once asked anyone if they wanted a kitten just posted a pic! I don't want to fall out with anyone over it but also don't know what to do....another thing that worries me is she smokes in her house and smokes weed and I don't want the kitten around that.. she is a friend and we get really really well but the kittens are my babies and I don't just want to give them away like they are unwanted they are really loved.

OP posts:
Almondmum · 18/08/2023 06:46

I don't understand how you are at your 'wits end' Tbh.

She has undoubtedly been a cheeky fucker assuming she's having a kitten but I find it absolutely bizarre that you've let her go on and on about which one she's having and her son wants one etc etc and got more and more wound up about it, messaging friends about it, posting on here, when you could have just simply replied, 'we are probably not selling them'.

I'm hardly some ball buster myself and can be overly polite but I don't see why or how you wouldn't have just easily stopped this in its tracks?

It doesn't even sound as if you're proper friends at all anyway as neither of you even knew about each others cats. So it's not like you can be worried about ruining some close friendship or anything. You're kind of creating this stress and drama yourself by not addressing it.

iloveeverykindofcat · 18/08/2023 07:13

@Clymene it happens. Here's my half Abyssinian. Look up a pic of a purebred Aby then look at her.

Friends and my kittens
nevynevster · 18/08/2023 07:37

Agree with @Almondmum. I am not sure why you've not addressed this and even now you're saying "will wait and see if it gets dropped". It won't. You need to say something or you need to accept you will end up giving this quite unsuitable lady the kittens. What about spaying ? Who's paying for that.
Just shut it down in one-off the many ways suggested. Personally I'd just reply to the chat saying you haven't decided whether you're selling them yet so if anyone is interested you'll.let them know nearer the time

Slowlygettingittogether · 18/08/2023 08:46

TedMullins · 18/08/2023 05:54

Good grief just tell her you’re not selling them. I don’t understand why you didn’t say that straight away!

Excatly it's really not that deep tbh

Angie147836 · 18/08/2023 10:04

Beamur · 17/08/2023 16:50

Nip it in the bud now and stop being passive.
Put a message in the group - say you're pleased everyone loves the kittens but they're not available for reservation. You're thinking of keeping 2 and will be selling the other kittens in due course. Then stop posting pictures or talking about it. If they're interested in buying one they will ask for more information.

Excellent advice here.

Original poster
MarjorieStuartBaxter · 18/08/2023 11:13

Almondmum · 18/08/2023 06:46

I don't understand how you are at your 'wits end' Tbh.

She has undoubtedly been a cheeky fucker assuming she's having a kitten but I find it absolutely bizarre that you've let her go on and on about which one she's having and her son wants one etc etc and got more and more wound up about it, messaging friends about it, posting on here, when you could have just simply replied, 'we are probably not selling them'.

I'm hardly some ball buster myself and can be overly polite but I don't see why or how you wouldn't have just easily stopped this in its tracks?

It doesn't even sound as if you're proper friends at all anyway as neither of you even knew about each others cats. So it's not like you can be worried about ruining some close friendship or anything. You're kind of creating this stress and drama yourself by not addressing it.

I have autism if that makes more sense of tho gs so find things like this hard. It's hard as we go out as a group of four every month or so and talk over txt so yes a friend but not a best friend but falling out woukd rock the boat.

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Original poster
MarjorieStuartBaxter · 18/08/2023 11:14

evrey · 18/08/2023 05:56

I had this a few months ago my friend bagged one of my kittens without being offered. I couldn't say no but I wish I had from the start. She wasn't a suitable cat parent, for reasons that if I put here would be quite outing.
I ended up putting my foot down and saying I was keeping him because he wouldn't of had a good life with her
It kinda ruined the friendship,but the happiness of the cat had to come first.
At the time I was so stressed so I fully sympathize.
If I were you I would say they didn't pass their health check and you wouldn't burden her with cats that needed healthcare , be firm .

Glad you can understand well done for putting your foot down!! That is an idea re the health checks.

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Original poster
MarjorieStuartBaxter · 18/08/2023 11:16

Jomummy1013 · 17/08/2023 23:04

I had a situation similar to this last year.
My cat escaped and had four really beautiful kittens last July. Each was a different colour, all were unusual and they were all extremely beautiful. (My cat is now spayed btw!)
Mine weren't half pedigree but they really were gorgeous.
I showed pics of the kittens to a work colleague and she made the assumption she was having one and I felt too awkward to say much about it. She is really well off and didn't offer me any contribution towards the kitten. I didn't want money, that is not the point, but the fact she made an assumption and didn't offer. I made a hint that could she contribute a small amount towards mum's spay but she laughed it off. She ended up with the kitten she liked and I'm still mad at myself for it and the fact I was a pushover. Even more so as the poor thing died in her tumble dryer at six months old. He climbed in and she wasn't aware. 😓I was so upset and felt so bad. She was completely traumatised also.
So I can completely understand your awkwardness. I am not even good friends with this girl, it was so awkward because I work with her. Your kittens look gorgeous. One of the ones I had looked like yours ❤️

Omg that's awful so sorry but she was careless and endings like this are exactly my point it's just hard isn't it when you are someone who can't say no 😢

OP posts:
Original poster
MarjorieStuartBaxter · 18/08/2023 13:54

iloveeverykindofcat · 18/08/2023 07:13

@Clymene it happens. Here's my half Abyssinian. Look up a pic of a purebred Aby then look at her.

Beautiful

OP posts:
Original poster
MarjorieStuartBaxter · 18/08/2023 14:01

@RedHelenB there are 4 boys and one girl we are keeping 2 boys who will be neautered like my other boy so no it's not about the money I think it's just polite to ask how much they are....but on this case I wasn't asked I wasn't even asked if I was selling or rehoming she just assumed

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Original poster
MarjorieStuartBaxter · 18/08/2023 15:45

krustykittens · 17/08/2023 17:45

We took in a pregnant cat on Saturday who had her litter on Sunday! I have told nobody as I don't want people who I wouldn't ask to mind a rocking horse asking for one. Nothing but arguing ensues. Mum will be spayed as soon as I am able and I have a short list of people who I know will take good care of a kitten who will be approached when they are six weeks old. Tbh, I don't care if they all stay, we are on a farm, there is plenty of room. And these are only mogs! Your friend is taking the utter piss.

Aww and yes my thoughts I'd rather keep them all....

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Original poster
MarjorieStuartBaxter · 18/08/2023 16:20

Another question ....3 terrier dogs...never lived with a cat......bad idea? Not the same friend

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krustykittens · 18/08/2023 16:26

We took in a stray about six years ago who lived half in and half out. We also have working terriers! I work from home so she lived in my office when she was in and the dogs were not allowed in, and she was clever about avoiding them when out. The dogs are not allowed to roam around unsupervised anyway, one sniff of a rabbit and they are gone! Everyone in the family had to be very conscious about shutting doors and checking if she was on the door step waiting to be let before letting the dogs out of the kitchen into the hallway so they could go out. Our dogs have a front garden for their use so they always have to be let out the front door, which is a bit of a pain but the back garden is not secure enough for them. She lived here happily until she died of old age earlier this year. It can be done, your friend just needs to be sensible. We also have ferrets and a tortoise and are incident free! Although this little family will live out - I have a tack room with a fibre glass igloo set up with bedding, which is very warm in the winter. My old girl was an outdoor but really wanted company, I didn't think it was fair to make her live on her own. These guys will give each other plenty!

Missingmyusername · 18/08/2023 16:32

MarjorieStuartBaxter · 18/08/2023 16:20

Another question ....3 terrier dogs...never lived with a cat......bad idea? Not the same friend

Terrible idea. How exactly would you “test” this scenario…. It sounds like it could end badly. We introduced a cat to our JRT but she was fully grown and a stray so we didn’t have much choice actually. She scratched his bottom and then he was scared of her. Had she been smaller, I don’t know.
Have a lab now, soft as butter but not fussy on cats. Doesn’t bite, but extremely rough play-( a cat came in our garden) he would kill a kitten.

Make good choices for your little furries.

AppleDumplingWithCustard · 18/08/2023 16:52

MarjorieStuartBaxter · 18/08/2023 16:20

Another question ....3 terrier dogs...never lived with a cat......bad idea? Not the same friend

No way. I wouldn’t risk it with terriers, especially those that haven’t lived with cats.

Utereusbegone · 18/08/2023 16:56

MarjorieStuartBaxter · 18/08/2023 16:20

Another question ....3 terrier dogs...never lived with a cat......bad idea? Not the same friend

I would absolutely not put a poor defenceless kitten in a house with 3 dogs that are untested with cats. It could be a horrendous death for the poor little thing

Autumnsoon · 18/08/2023 17:08

So while you have the support of everyone on here
why not send the message to the group ,so your other friend can back up ,saying
there’s been confusion,but I never said I was offering kittens ,I have a waiting list .or I am keeping them all…which ever u decide.
we can help u with the replies xx

Autumnsoon · 18/08/2023 17:09

I get it about not being able to say something at the time I’m the same

Jomummy1013 · 18/08/2023 22:45

@MarjorieStuartBaxter thank you; it was horrific. For me it was never about the money. It was the fact an assumption was made, that she would take the kitten off my hands, and when I made a hint about a contribution towards mum's spay I was laughed at and made to feel like I was being cheeky. And then the poor kitten died a horrific death in a tumble dryer.
Hope you manage to be stronger than me cos I really was rubbish!! Xx

Original poster
MarjorieStuartBaxter · 19/08/2023 10:11

Jomummy1013 · 18/08/2023 22:45

@MarjorieStuartBaxter thank you; it was horrific. For me it was never about the money. It was the fact an assumption was made, that she would take the kitten off my hands, and when I made a hint about a contribution towards mum's spay I was laughed at and made to feel like I was being cheeky. And then the poor kitten died a horrific death in a tumble dryer.
Hope you manage to be stronger than me cos I really was rubbish!! Xx

That's what she said as well "that's 2 off your hands" as though they are dining us a favour! I don't know I sometimes think are free pets more disposable none of them were thinking of buying g a cat it's just because I have them so "oh might as well have one" when thought and preparation needs to go in beforehand

OP posts:
Original poster
MarjorieStuartBaxter · 19/08/2023 10:13

Autumnsoon · 18/08/2023 17:09

I get it about not being able to say something at the time I’m the same

Glad you get it!

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Shinyandnew1 · 19/08/2023 10:14

She sounds annoying.

So have you replied at all to say you are keeping two and selling the rest at £200? What have you put in response.

Original poster
MarjorieStuartBaxter · 19/08/2023 10:19

No I'm still working on that....but I am going to say something......in
@Utereusbegone my thoughts exactly this is the other friend who said at the time "I could never have a cat with 3 Jack Russells".... now out of no where she wants one I said about the dogs she said she'd keep cat locked in sons room 🙈 I've read up about it and everything says bad idea and about pack mentality etc.
I just wish ppl had more sense I'll never put my kittens in a situation like that but again I'm starting to feel pressured by this friend now

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Shinyandnew1 · 19/08/2023 10:52

MarjorieStuartBaxter · 19/08/2023 10:19

No I'm still working on that....but I am going to say something......in
@Utereusbegone my thoughts exactly this is the other friend who said at the time "I could never have a cat with 3 Jack Russells".... now out of no where she wants one I said about the dogs she said she'd keep cat locked in sons room 🙈 I've read up about it and everything says bad idea and about pack mentality etc.
I just wish ppl had more sense I'll never put my kittens in a situation like that but again I'm starting to feel pressured by this friend now

How old are the kittens-how long has this stress gone on? It could seriously be resolved by a quick text sent now-‘sorry if you were under the impression I was looking to give any of the kittens away-I’m keeping two and selling the others; can you believe they go for £200 each!’

There really is no need to be at your wits end about this-get it sorted by lunchtime :)

Floralnomad · 19/08/2023 10:55

@MarjorieStuartBaxter I wouldn’t say you are selling them as the dog woman may just pay and that isn’t what you want . Just send a new picture with the message ‘last pic of all of them together , we are keeping 2 and the rest have found lovely new homes with family members ‘ job done .