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The litter tray

Join our community of cat lovers on the Mumsnet Cat forum for kitten advice and help with cat behaviour.

Original poster

I honestly could re home him tomorrow! I hate him!

154 replies

Windchangeface · 28/03/2021 12:22

I’m at breaking point with our cat.
Had him since 8 weeks old and he’s now been with us 4 years. We have done everything for him and totally adored him but he’s suddenly turned into a giant GIANT asshole!
He’s always been a bit unfriendly and only wanted us when he wanted us, fine but now he’s wrecking my house, refuses to have a single door closed on him (dining room we never use, downstairs loo, utility room) rooms he has no interest or business in he’ll scratch all the paintwork off the door if it’s not left open. Moment he gets in he isn’t interested and leaves but not before ripping up ALL the furniture. Just bought a new dresser yesterday and he’s already taken chunks out I’m devastated! (He has all sort of scratching posts/boards he never uses) The cost of all the damage he’s causing is hundreds now! He’s completely ruined our wrap around bannister.

We can’t close our bedroom door else he kicks up SUCH a fuss it wakes everyone up. We are about to have our second baby and don’t trust him at all in a room with a newborn whilst we sleep so no idea what to do.

He runs in and out of my legs on the stairs and has very nearly tripped me on several occasions to the point I’ve physically had to kick him out of the way (12 month old DS in my arms, heavily pregnant) he ignores me 70% of the day then choses the most inconvenient or dangerous 30% to be my shadow. Wakes me up in the night, despite always having plenty of food and water. Refuses to go outside but kicks off to be let out the kitchen door constantly. Never actually leaves though. We had to take away his cat door a year ago as he started dragging in baby mice and torturing them (not killing them just hurting/playing with them).

Try and give him affection or play with him whilst DS naps...not interested. He only wants it when he wants it and that only ever at 3am or when I’m on the stairs/loo.

We’ve tried everything, sprays, toys, diffuser, vet is at a loss too. I never thought I’d say it but at this point I could happily re home him tomorrow as he’s driving me insane!

OP posts:
TwoBreakingIntoOne · 29/03/2021 07:19

You can get clear plastic to protect doors from cats. I would keep the doors closed and use those
I had a difficult cat but he left with ex. He is much happier with just 1 person. Some cats are more suited to single households

LoveDrunk · 29/03/2021 07:23

This reply has been deleted

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Didicat · 29/03/2021 07:36

Is he a particular breed or moggy? Most ragdolls can’t abide a closed door. Most cat when they don’t like kids, go out and find a friendly neighbour to befriend and choose to move in with if they are unhappy at home.

Do you actively play with him with toys, I have to play with my youngster before bed to get him to sleep at night better.

Another one who suggests you clip his claws to protect the house.

Beamur · 29/03/2021 07:45

I think the idea of putting him a cosy bed in the garage is a good idea. I don't mind my cat sleeping upstairs but she's quiet and undemanding. If your cat is disturbing your sleep and being destructive I would definitely shut in somewhere overnight.
Cats can be assholes and never more so than when you're tired and can't be doing with it.

Chunkymenrock · 29/03/2021 07:49

Remove him. It sounds awful. Your husband needs to understand how impossible this is for you.

SoupDragon · 29/03/2021 07:51

My comment was completely fair.

It really wasn't.

Chunkymenrock · 29/03/2021 07:51

Remove not remove!

Chunkymenrock · 29/03/2021 07:51

Fgs autocorrect. Rehome!

GwendolineWindowlene · 29/03/2021 07:54

I can only really comment on the scratching aspect, but we recently trained our cat out of scratching the newel post. She had never been interested in scratching posts before but this time we bought a really tall one and sprayed it with liquid catnip. I held her feet to it and padded them up and down to show her what to do as she’s a bit thick. We also covered the newel post in tinfoil until she got the hang of the scratching post.

ShesMadeATwatOfMePam · 29/03/2021 07:55

Uh oh the mad cat people have arrived.

It doesn't sound like the cat is happy in your home so if he needs a quieter home then yeah you should look at finding him one without guilt. What the bloody hell should a heavily pregnant woman do if she's carrying a 12mo on the stairs and the cat is going to trip her up for fucks sake? Wait till he decides to move on his own? This place is mad sometimes.

SoupDragon · 29/03/2021 07:56

When did his behaviour change?

It does sound like he doesn't like being in a house with children TBH. My first cats moved out of their own accord when we had our first baby - they went to the neighbour.

I would reinstate the cat flap and see if that makes him happier.

RosesAndHellebores · 29/03/2021 08:13

We had an elderly girl, 11, when ds was born. Having moved to new house shortly before he was born the baby was the final straw with the added delight of a monstrous ginger Tom that started to set about her. Throw in the fact that ds had chronic asthma until he was about 3 or 4 and it was a horrendous time with a crawling baby and a cat who started to poo indiscriminately indoors.

I shed a few tears with the vet and had quotes to build a cat run in the garden with a heated section, etc (like you see in catteries but bigger) and then at the last minute the vet called to say an elderly lady had lost a beloved house cat and wanted an elderly cat. I know cat was still going strong at 16 - but then the vet died and there was no more news.

She was a lovely cat but the upheaval of moving and a baby just pushed her over the edge. I felt awful at the thought of removing her but our lives became incompatible.

alanpartridgefromtheoasthouse · 29/03/2021 08:13

So you had a baby a year ago and took away his cat flap and you wonder why he's suddenly behaving differently?

Reinstating the cat flap would make the biggest difference. He needs to be able to come and go freely. If you're not willing to do that, then yes, rehome him.

In the meantime try to understand that he's not trying to piss you off or be an "asshole", he is just a cat behaving in the way that all cats do when they feel trapped in a situation they don't like.

grapewine · 29/03/2021 08:19

@Chunkymenrock

Remove him. It sounds awful. Your husband needs to understand how impossible this is for you.
Rehome. Sounds like a no brainer. Cat will probably be happier elsewhere as well. Your husband will have to understand that it isn't working.
OnwardsAndSideways1 · 29/03/2021 08:22

I think having a cat flap would be easier for you and the cat, stop the meowing at the door. Also, the cat was bringing in mice- this is normal cat behaviour, not very nice, but still normal. Could you put a cat flap into the garage and a bed/scratching post in there at the very least, so the cat could go in and out at night/with mice without disturbing you. Keep the cat downstairs at night. Clip it's claws or get the vet to do it. There's some quite easy wins there, I think.

The cat is young though and was used to being outside a lot, if you put back a cat flap and access to at least part of your house, this is solving one problem surely?

Cowbells · 29/03/2021 08:23

OP you have too much on your plate. Having a cat trip you up when you are pregnant with a very young toddler sounds horrible. Your cat sounds identical to our cat, the difference being we treat him like the king he thinks he is - doors get opened for him on demand etc. I can completely see why you don't have the patience for this. It's OK to rehome him and stay pet-free, at least until DC are older.

HopingForRainbow2021 · 29/03/2021 08:28

This is going to sound a bit odd, but I had to post as I can really relate! We had similar issues with our female cat. We tried everything and I was at my wits end. In the end a farmer friend recommended taking her to a homeopathic vet. I was really sceptical, but desperate - so booked her in. It was a bit of a drive away, but so worth it. The vet asked me her life story before getting her out to examine her. It felt like he was really thorough in getting an understanding of what was happening with her. He prescribed a remedy, and she was a changed cat. Seriously. I couldn’t believe the change in her. She took it for a couple of months and has been fine since.

RizzleRazzle · 29/03/2021 08:29

@mrsohmaybeno

I hate cats... horrible creatures. Don't have any attachment to their owners.
Why are you on this board then?!
Tyresmanc · 29/03/2021 08:33

Taking away the cat flap was really unfair. Mouse season doesn't last. Maybe he was bored at the time as you were occupied with your then newborn. You need to have realistic expectations on your cat.

ichundich · 29/03/2021 08:46

Sounds like a typical cat to me.

SushiYum · 29/03/2021 08:55

Cats aren’t known for being affectionate, hence why he chooses when he wants affection from humans. Did you go through a period of pushing the cat away when your DC was born and have only recently tried being affectionate again?

HarleyQuinn21 · 29/03/2021 08:59

@mrsohmaybeno

I hate cats... horrible creatures. Don't have any attachment to their owners.
Apart from the fact you're on this thread .. Confused this is absolutely not true, I have five very affectionate loving cats, yes they're assholes but they definitely form attachments (as much as animals can)
NoSquirrels · 29/03/2021 09:00

IMO, you need to reinstate the cat-flap. Your husband will have to agree to deal with whatever your cat brings in overnight. I think this would help cat massively - having the freedom to go out when his body clock dictates. Most cats hate a door being shut on them, so no surprise that he’s crying/scratching to be let in. I think if the flap was reintroduced, you may notice a difference in behaviour

Twelve months ago you brought a newborn baby into your house (upheaval, noise, less attention) and the cat started bringing in mice (attention, distraction etc) - so far so normal, I’m afraid. Then you took away the cat flap and now closed doors drive him crazy and he waits till the night time to bother you - perhaps because the house also went a bit nocturnal with a baby in it up at all hours to feed etc.

I too think the cat flap is the issue. Have you also tried Feliway?

Our cat flap has a lock on it, so you can set it to out only etc. If we spot the cat has a mouse we chase him back outside and lock it until he’s done. I’m sorry for the mice but not much to be done about it - he’s a cat.

I do sympathise, truly - our old boy cat went a bit nutso after a couple of house moves and babies in quick succession (yowling at night, pooing places he shouldn’t etc) but he came around again with Feliway, restricted areas of the house and the installation of a cat flap...

worried3012 · 29/03/2021 09:03

I too think you could try reinstating the cat flap as I think he's got used to coming and going and being independent and that was taken away from him so feels trapped.
I've had rats, birds and mice brought to me and I hate it but it's normal cat behaviour unfortunately. You could try giving him a safe cat collar with a bell to alert any prey - I know collars are a worry but the ones that detach themselves if tugged are good. (Safety catch ones)

Arbadacarba · 29/03/2021 09:07

The cat flap needs to come back. Your poor puss has had his world turned upside down by a new arrival and the curtailment of his freedom. Try to see it from his point of view.

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