Stupid things you say to/or about the cat.

[Theonewiththecat]

Does anyone else say stupid things to the cat or about the cat.

Every morning without fail I have to say the words 'dont listen to the cats bullshit hes already had Dreamies'

When I'm making packed lunches I shout the cat to tell him its 'Ham time' and he comes and sits and waits for a left over slither of ham.

I've just told him to stop rubbing his bumhole along my sofa, its rude, you dont see me rubbing my bumhole over him.

I think I'm losing the plot. Now I see why cat ladies are 'crazy' 😂

"Don't let him try and trick you he's already been fed" is a classic in our house.

"get your furry bumhole out my face" is another!

Oh gawd, this is going to out me as a Crazy Cat Lady.

One of ours is a newborn kitten, and we treat her as such, except she's 7 and her hobby is pissing on the bathmat.
One got knocked over and lost a leg a few years back, but still wonders to us about why her leg has randomly fallen off and can we stick it back on.
The one who died of cancer last year actually went to the seaside and is building sandcastles.
The other one likes horror films, and likes to watch them.

I also have songs I sing to them, they each have their own song.

She's quite often referred to as a devil child

She also fully understands and ignores what 'Downton' means when she's required to vacate anything above floor level.

I pretend my two are a couple on Dancing on Ice, and talk to girl cat about what costume she’s going to wear this week, and how sweet her teeny ice skates look! And to boy cat about how strong he is to be able to hold her above his head and swing her by the ankle

My two have their own theme tunes. Woe betide if I sing the wrong one to them.

We also have a song for teatime.

Spongecat has to be held up to the mirror, whilst I trill "Who's that pussy in the mirror?" Many times. :)

I asked my senile old cat why she found iit necessary to crap on my bed this morning.

Mine is just inane banter really - I often ask him why he is so handsome?! He is actually DDs cat but she has moved out. If she is coming to stay I will tell him for about 24 hours beforehand how long until 'Mummy' will be home.

I also like to hold him standing by the back door and we look for birdies!

He never gets called by his name either - its always furry baby. fluff boy or kitten. If I'm feeling particularly bonkers I call him puppy.

Every morning I ask girlcat what she dreamt about. When she's told me, I translate it for DH 😊
Boycat only dreams about big bowls of fish, so it's no fun asking him

My black cat Is very elegant. I think he Is French. When he meows I always answer in a very bad accent “ Oh Oui Oui Monsieur” or “Non, cest Impossible!”

My ginger girl has a theme song (sung to the tune of Lola by Barry Manilow) that I must belt out whenever she strolls by.

One of my cats is Spanish and the lovely Spanish vet I used to take her to would grab hold of her and say "besitos gatita, besitos mi amor." I now do and say the same to her everyday

I holler "No birdies today, please!", when my big black fluffy cat races into the garden every morning.

Regulat email from me in my home office to DH at work:

'DCat swears blind you forgot to give him breakfast this morning, is he having me on again?'

Regular reply from DH:

'Course he's telling porkies. You can get the tin out of the bin and show him as evidence. Then he'll know he's been caught red-pawed'

Me to DCat: 'I've just been talking to Daddy and guess what he told me???'

Ohh, SecretWitch, I also sing a version of Lola to girlcat! How weird is that!

OMG, this thread makes me look fairly sane! Or maybe I just have no imagination, probably that!

'Do you want to watch a film - you'll like it, Bruce Willis is in it'.

Why don't you like this (thing that I've just bought her)? It's a thing that cats like and you are a cat, you know.'

Its really nice to know I'm normal?!

Dcat likes to sleep in our bed under the covers. 🙄 I'm trying to get him out of the habit of doing it, but hes too damn cute when hes pawing at the duvet.

I also like to say things like 'a dickhead meows now' and he meows and it's quite amusing 😂

Dd changed the words of 'owner of a lonely heart' to 'owners of a parkour poose, much better than an owner of a normal poose'

Usually on the way home from somewhere, we make up elaborate stories about what the cats have been up to in our absence.

When we get home, we carry the stories on and see what they respond like. Normally they want fussing and we ask them questions about whether 'they had fun bringing in the other neighbourhood cats for poker and sardines' etc etc. The kids think it's hilarious. So do we.

They each have their own theme tunes and entrance songs, too...

Have you seen the Worcester boiler advert, Jim? Where the cat waits till its owners go out, invites all its friends in to party, with the heating turned up, and then shoos them out as the owners arrive home

Ours are regularly referred to as little furry bastards

No Papergirl....sounds like we should find it!

I asked my cat why she puked on my bed at 4am....right down my side when it is the husbands cat. Puke on his side please.

Also only recently found out she is a he but still gets called baby girl and beautiful girl. The boy laps it up!