Stupid things you say to/or about the cat.

[Theonewiththecat]

Does anyone else say stupid things to the cat or about the cat.

Every morning without fail I have to say the words 'dont listen to the cats bullshit hes already had Dreamies'

When I'm making packed lunches I shout the cat to tell him its 'Ham time' and he comes and sits and waits for a left over slither of ham.

I've just told him to stop rubbing his bumhole along my sofa, its rude, you dont see me rubbing my bumhole over him.

I think I'm losing the plot. Now I see why cat ladies are 'crazy' 😂

I talk to mine all the time. "Stop being a knob" is a common one

@Papergirl1968, that is hilarious! My version starts out “Her name was Bella, she was a show cat, with yellow feathers in her fur..” 😂😂

Have you caught the mouse? (They run between ceiling and floor so not accessible to him but he can hear them)
Are you my friend? (He is when DH is not around, otherwise he stalks DH)
Aren't you a pretty cat? (Well he's not ugly but pretty really is going too far)
Did you sleep well? (He is always meowing and waking us up at night so No)

Ohh, I like your version, SecretWitch.
I only get as far as “Her name was Socksie, she was a showgirl...” before I miss out a few lines and go on to the bit about Mattsie (her brother) sailed across the bar and cat fur flew...
I might steal your lyrics!

Spongecat has to be held up to the mirror, whilst I trill "Who's that pussy in the mirror?" Many times.

Tragically spongebob I also do this

DH and I have regular discussions about how much of a twat our boy cat has been/is being. In fact we mostly just insult him, both behind his back and to his face - "Where's twuntfeatures?" "I think he's out, the gormless pranny."

I tell her how much I love her and that I’m her best friend. I reply in “her voice” telling me to fuck off. This happens several times a day at least.

I also sing her name to the tune of Auld Lang Syne every time she walks into the room (and no one else is there). Which is presumably why she tells me to fuck off a lot.

I’ve got another song that I sing to her which is a made up tune and very complicated to explain. The cat understands though.

If it wasn’t for the cat, I’d be a bit worried about me

I’m often asking them how much they love their Mum, who loves Mum the most etc? I also make up little conversations they gave with each other about how stupid the dog is.

Today it mostly centred on the fact that dog had to go out in the snow to pee, whilst they get to pee in a box inside that the human slaves have to kept very clean.

I blow raspberries on DCat1 tummy when she flops over for tickles..DP says it's the creepiest thing he's seen. I also ask her if she wants 'princess food' which is Sheba or petit gourmet instead of boring felix. The other day it was Sheba soup served in one of my ramekins

I also parade about in front of the mirror with the cat...well idiot cat , cos his sister would flay anyone alive who dared to pick her up

probably the stupidest thing I say to him is "go away, there is no one in here, go back downstairs" as he yows to be let in our bedroom...he has been banned now for almost a year due to non stop nonsense and malarkey and keeping me awake.

I also tell him what time to come back in when he goes out, and even if he is the stupidest cat in the world he is usually back in for his curfew. But then I did explain how to tell time to him when he was a kitten.

If it is winter and the kitchen door is closed he has to meow from the porch and we have a whole conversation
Idiot Cat: Meoooow
Me: who isssss ittttt???
Idiot Cat: Meoooow
Me: Who??
Idiot Cat: Meoooow
Me: What do you want?
Idiot Cat: Meoooow
Me: What do you want?
Idiot Cat: Meoooow

....this can go on for some length of time until ds2 or dh comes in to the kitchen to tell me off for tormenting the cat, throwing open the door and making kissyfaces and cuddling the cat and discussing how awful I am ...right in front of me!

I sing 'hold me closer tiiiny Pantherrr' to my little black kitten when I'm cuddling him, I like to think he appreciates it

My cat regularly holds conversations with me, generally about the weather or food. He has a Leeds accent. Which is odd as I don't live there, in fact I don't even in England or for that matter Britain.

@SecretWitch my girl cat's them tune is Lola too! And I sing it to her when she wants food or attention I just change it to her name, my boy cats them tune everytime he struts in is flash sung by queen. I'm always having conversations with them in the kitchen and sometimes I hear DP having arguments with them in the living room usually about them taking his space on the sofa everytime he gets up, or when boy cat is suckling on his chest when he falls asleep on the sofa, it's quiet sweet actually 😂

Oh god this thread is so me!!!!

I have a cat called Lucifer and another called Gus.

Me and my DP have gotten into calling them baby pooch and grandad pooch 🤪😂

My DP hated cats until he bought me Lucifer 2 years ago. Now they are inseparable! We both rush up to see him in his bed when we come home from work!

I'm currently pregnant and the baby talk to them is getting worse it seems! 😂

When I lived in a flat I used to tell my energetic young boy cat to take care and to come back after a certain time period, say an hour or two, as I let him out of the communal stair onto the huge green space behind. If I said it and went down at allotted time he would appear as I opened the door. If I didn’t I had to call him and wait for ages. He died last year at the age of fifteen and I still miss him every day.

Unfortunately there’s far too much baby talking going on towards the cats and I am not humiliating myself by typing it out here but when my twins are naughty you can guarantee that I will have to say to my husband ‘Fuck sakes Daddy, they’ve eaten my mushrooms raw again!’ I cannot stay annoyed with them as they’re too bloody cute and very obliging with nose boops.

Singing I’m sorry you lost your special companion

I heard my previously 'not a cat man' DP saying 'look, what did I just say, you need to listen more!' to our cat the other day 😂

Oh God, I can't believe I'm about to admit this but here goes...

When I'm going in the bathroom I say 'wee wees' and Harry follows me in. If he doesn't look as though he's going to 'don't make me go on my own' usually gets him moving.

When I'm scooping his tray I sing our song:
I'm a super scooper with my pooper scooper,
Scooping having fun,
Scooping in the sun
'Cos Harry's done a number one

I'm a super scooper with my pooper scooper,
Scooping like I do,
Scooping up the poo
'Cos Harry's done a number two

I'm now going off to de-register from MN and all other social media!

PinkSparklyPussyCat! Harry! !!!!!

Waves to Spartacus!

We’re in an attic flat so lots of velux windows. I have been known to stand holding him so he can see the pigeons on the roof and say “Look at the birdies.”
When he’s being a twat I say “I’ll send you back and get a dishwasher instead!” Or “I knew I should have got a dishwasher!”

While dandling skinny little Cat Flu Kitten I very gently sing "I-I'm hooked on a feline/ I'm high on believe-ine/ That you're in love with me..."

I also have conversations where I tell him about himself, starting every sentence with his name. That usually gets a purr.

Omg @PinkSparklyPussyCat 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

That is so going to help me when I'm scooping out new kitten's litter tray he pisses and shits more than an elderly Alsation

@Theonewiththecat My dad used to do 'Ham Time' with ours years ago. Littlest one the kitchen table, middle on the chair, big on the floor and would feed each one in turn. And this was a man who claimed he didn't like animals...

I sing to mine, either 'Easy Lover' by Phil Collins (Stinky cat face) or Ridin' by Chamillionaire ("Used to be so small and purry, now he's getting big and furry, used to be so small and purry, how'd he get so big and furry?")

Sounds less crazy if you know the song