Stupid things you say to/or about the cat.

[Theonewiththecat]

Does anyone else say stupid things to the cat or about the cat.

Every morning without fail I have to say the words 'dont listen to the cats bullshit hes already had Dreamies'

When I'm making packed lunches I shout the cat to tell him its 'Ham time' and he comes and sits and waits for a left over slither of ham.

I've just told him to stop rubbing his bumhole along my sofa, its rude, you dont see me rubbing my bumhole over him.

I think I'm losing the plot. Now I see why cat ladies are 'crazy' 😂

I make meowing sounds to ours, hoping she’ll reply to me. She doesn’t but last time she did go looking where the invisible kitty was hiding so I did a realistic job 😂

When mine meows I talk to her like she’s telling me the most salacious bit of gossip.
It usually goes ‘meow’ and I go ‘you’re fucking kidding me’ in mock horror, then when the meow starts again I reply ‘well I wouldn’t put up with it susan’ or ‘you need to put your foot down’ she does different tones of meow too which sounds like she’s responding.
I am aware I sound nuts btw.

If I’m round at my Mam’s I’ll always greet her moggy with “Alright fatty what’s the crack?”
He’ll just stare at me as if I’m stupid as I await an answer 🙄
Also went thru a phase of singing “Return of the cat” a la Mark Morrison each time he came in the room until my mother told me off for pestering him 😑

@overnightangel

I am actually laughing here by myself about ‘return of the cat’. Brilliant 😂

I sing

“Foxy girl, beautiful girl, beautiful beautiful girl.” Over and over again. Lots of conversations about what they did today, was Charlie good, does she want to watch SVU (she likes the theme music), no Foxy, it’s much too cold outside for your paws. No mummy said no. No.... ok but only five minutes”

Charlie and I have a ritual. Actually we have two; foxy gets handed her Dreamies in a small pile, Charlie is a gobbler so he gets them one by one hidden around so it’s a game. If he can’t find them, he thinks I’ve short changed him.. no he’s just crap at seeking. So it’s “No Charlie, would I lie to you? Mummy never cheats you”. The other one is straight after eating dinner. He walks back and forth, I tell him how handsome, how good, how clever he is while patting him and he struts about like a camp gay man on an Armani catwalk.

My DH phones me each morning to find out how the cats are. I leave the house 20 minutes after him, so not a lot of change but he still waits to know how the cats coped with his departure and which bed they’ve selected for their early morning nap.

Would it surprise you to know we have three cameras so we can watch the cats from work?

Does Alexa also count?

Girlcat is called Koala, she has a pink nose (prone to sunburn where we live). She also has a habit of staying outside long past her curfew given the opportunity, so we usually have to catch her and bring her inside at sunset.

Every morning Alexa reminds us to "Sunscreen the Koala" and at dusk she tells us "This is your reminder to Catch the Koala"

My DH used to say things to our cat in a really deadpan voice like "he's a noble man" "he's the chancellor of the excheqour" and we always used to say "he's a boy" in a silly voice when his food was ready and he'd come galloping in

Having read this thread I've realised that I spend most of my time apologising to Basil in a completely formulaic way for turfing him off my lap, viz.
'Sorry Baz, going to have to move you, I need to get on'.
I also always ask the cats what they've up to, when they come in. I quite often get a response.
DW sings songs to them...

@Ripleyscat - if you're nuts then so am I. DCat1 and I have long interesting conversations. He must enjoy it or he wouldn't be so talkative (my excuse and I'm sticking to it).

@overnightangel, “ Alright fatty, what’s the crack?” Actually made me howl!

I plan to incorporate this into my conversation with my chonk of a tuxedo kitty.

@violetbunny, that is so sweet! Koala sounds like she is livin’ the life!

@SecretWitch 😁👍🏻

My dd15 is convinced our Maine coon speaks with a Russian accent. When ever he walks into a room she always says "hello human, you may stroke " in a thick Russian accent. She also thinks our dog talks in a Australian accent so has conversations between the two of them 🤦🏼‍♀️

@SecretWitch She certainly tries. She's usually pretty disgruntled when we catch her and bring her in at night. She makes little noises of displeasure

@norksofplenty omg I do this too!!!! Two black cats and sing the exact same song 😂

Hi there

Wandering if this may be a parasite called giardia. Recently had a new kitten here and had this. Cat behaving perfectly kitten like jumping all over the place etc but light brown poop which was very smelly, worse than normal cat poop. Quick 5 days of antibiotics type tablets and all clear.

My phone is filled with selfies of me in bed with the cat sitting on me. In some of them I’m using his tail as a moustache. There are at least 10 every morning.

I sing You Are My Sunshine to him and tell him I love him constantly. In return for my devotion, he follows me to the supermarket and waits for me outside (he doesn’t like the doors). When I come out again, he greets me with an excited squeak and falls into step with me. I’ve probably outed myself here because he’s quite famous for that in these parts.

A ginger boy used to visit me. He was all bravado, but a big scardey cat really. Our rubbish bins used to be collected during the early morning around breakfast time and he was terrified of the truck. I used to tell him it was the 'bad cat truck' that came to collect naughty pussy cats who scratched and bit and jumped where they should not. I then used to look at him and say sternly 'have YOU been good?'

'What's this bit for then?' - as I prod and tickle different bits of him. He looks at me like I'm an idiot.

I spend a lot of time telling my cat how pretty she is....how did you get so pretty? Look at your neat paws! Such a nice fluffy chest etc.

We also sometimes voice her. She's quite a needy (and very greedy) girl cat so she generally has a whiney high pitched voice...whhhhhhyyyyy won't you feeeeeed me? Where have you beeeen? I needed stroooookes etc

@IHaveBrilloHair my cat also has her own song!!!! Me and DD sing it to her every day while DH looks at us as if we are insane.

Hey there Ivycat
Running through the fields like she's a cat
Catching all the mice like she's a cat
Hey there Ivycat
Chasing all your feet like she's a cat
Eating all the treats like she's a cat....

Yes I am full on crazy cat lady.

Vicky wrong thread? Reminded by another post, when Spongecat lets me stroke or motorboat her ample tummy, I go, "Who's (is) that furry tum tum?" I can speak grammatically normally, promise. :)

I have recently discovered that singing to the tune of The Addams family 'she's furry and she's purry, she's stinky and she's winky, she's naughty and she's haughty, she's Amber Florence Floof' to my dcat, makes her look at me with a look of disgust! It makes me laugh alot

My 2 know that when I'm singing, it's time for them to be fed. Moggy, moggy, moggy, mog-mogs to be precise.

Shame I cant carry a tune to save my life.

I ask them if they need a nap every day at about 1pm when they are starting to get grouchy. I feed them and put them to bed!

They will be lost without me when i have to go back to work next week after having 8 weeks off 😄

I'm usually shouting, 'stop scratching my carpet to get my attention!! You know if you meow I'll come'. Or ' do you want me to hunt that bold ole cat out, how dare she be hissing at you in your garden'.