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AIBU - Neighbour wars over our cats

146 replies

ParsleyCake · 05/06/2016 21:22

Our neighbour is a single mother who works full time and came home to find our cat had come into her kitchen. Her daughter (aged probably 7-10 ) was already home from school and in the house.

A few hours ago she came into our garden through the open gate while we had a friend round to celebrate our baby's first birthday and were having a drink in the garden while he played on the grass. She apologised for disturbing us and explained how she had found the cat in her kitchen, and that her daughter had serious asthma problems which meant it was dangerous for a cat to be in the house like that. She was very polite at first, though she didn't stay that way. We asked her which of our three cats it was, as we thought it was most likely it was our youngest cat as she goes into our friends house down the street sometimes. She just repeated her story - I suppose this meant she wasn't sure. At this point I explained to her that if it was our youngest cat I would catch her and do my best to keep her indoors, however our older 2 cats need to get out as they fight if kept confined. My partner asked whether she could close her kitchen window, pointing out (politely) that it was the only window (just because of how wide it opens) in her house (which has many windows, it's not like it's a one bed flat) where a cat could get in. At this she got angry, saying she shouldn't need to keep her window closed. I basically said that no, that's true but she moved into a neighbourhood full of cats (I mean it's all families in 2/3 bed houses with gardens) so it's sensible to take precautions and after all, I think it's a simpler and more reasonable situation than to ask us to get rid of our cat or keep them indoors where they would fight. I said it more nicely than that obviously. We've lived here two years and she moved in a couple of months ago.She said she wasn't asking us to do anything she was telling us the situation and we could do what we wanted but she would call cat protection (not that they deal with things like that!) if it happened again. She kept repeating everything and was getting rude and sweary and we tried to be reasonable but she wasn't listening to us. She stormed off to take her washing off the line and began loudly b**ing about us to the woman who lives in the next house over. That woman also hates us as I have a hearing problem and apparently 'ignored' her when she was speaking to me.

I just don't know what to do. Keeping cats who fight shut in a house with a one year old is just not an option. We moved to this big house with a garden precisely because we needed more space for the cats and were very happy until this woman kicked off. It's such a simple solution to just not leave her kitchen window wide open - she could still open it as much as 6 inches and our cats couldn't get in, but instead she's kicking up a fuss. Our cats are friendly but before we started letting them out there was a huge feral ginger which would pee everywhere and go into the houses and wreck furniture. Our cats chased him off. So obviously this is a neighbourhood full of cats and it's just our luck that it's our cat who went into this woman's house.

This lady is not a great neighbour either, she has very loud late night parties, at the last one there was one man shouting he was going to 'blow the whole street up' and they were in their garden and in the street as well as partying in the house.she has screaming matches with her ex husband all the time. My partner and I moved here to get away from that kind of thing as we lived in a rougher area before. We're not well off ourselves, before you think we are snobs or anything like that. When we decided to have a baby we moved to this nice area full of families and a good school.
I feel like I'm not being unreasonable, what do you think? We both get anxiety and to be perfectly honest this conflict has me seriously considering moving house as this woman was talking about getting my partner beaten up.

OP posts:
Vinorosso74 · 10/06/2016 22:15

I still can't understand why she wouldn't put some mesh or screen up at the window so the cats can't get in but the window could be open..... That would have been cheap.

grannytomine · 10/06/2016 22:23

We cat proofed our garden, stupid cat who kept getting lost/injured, our neighbours reported us to the council as they didn't like the fence. The council sent a minibus full of councillors out to look at it. They were laughing their heads off when they saw it and said it was fine. Neighbour wasn't happy but then some people never are.

grannytomine · 10/06/2016 22:28

We had a cat that used to come in through the cat flap so we invested in a microchip cat flap to keep it out.

We did this too but couldn't understand how other cats were still getting in and then I caught our cat standing close enough to the cat flap to open it and his friends coming in to play. This was before we cat proofed the garden. He was accident prone with no sense of direction but with a great social life.

ParsleyCake · 12/06/2016 11:38

It costs £500 to get the garden cat proofed professionally. Not t sure if everyone charges that much, it's just a quick quote I got. It's great if you or your OH are good at DIY but that is not the case here so it's paying for the materials and the labour. Our garden isn't massive, but not small either. I don't know if planning permission is really required to be honest.

Anyway, cat proofing would be an expense I'm not willing to pay for, because as I predicted, now our cats are indoors there are other cats coming into our gardens from everywhere. So it wouldn't even be solving our neighbour's problem.

OP posts:
BluePitchFork · 12/06/2016 11:50

then maybe you can't really afford to keep a cat as a pet.

Fluffycloudland77 · 12/06/2016 12:04

Well I'll have to rehome mine in that case Hmm

PrimalLass · 13/06/2016 11:11

Let your poor cats back out. Your neighbour can close her window.

Blu · 13/06/2016 18:44

I was listening to R4 this afternoon - someone is working on a way to genetically enhance cats to stop their hunting instincts and thus make them less of a threat to garden birds and other small wildlife (frogs etc). They mentioned that in Australia there are far greater controls (I am not sure of what type) on people owning cats or letting them out of their gardens.

To fit a good screen window would be expensive, and they are not nice.

I realise the neighbour in the OP has not approached this sensibly or behaved well but cat owners, you do seem to be relying on your neighbours for your cats to enjoy their need for roaming.

RubbishMantra · 13/06/2016 21:41

I paid £30 for my window screen (you know, the one I linked to upthread.) You can't even see it unless you're standing inches away from it.

Small price to pay to be able to let your cats roam.

cloudlessskies · 13/06/2016 22:24

Hi OP,
I've not read all of the previous answers but I agree with you. Homeowners can't expect other people's cats to not roam. She has completely over-reacted. However, you do want to keep the peace with your neighbour as you like the area you live and moving house is very expensive.

I would buy her chocolate/wine and go over to diffuse the situation. Could you get hold of some chicken wire/window screen that you could over her to cover the window opening. That way you're sating sorry whilst also offering a solution. Just explain again that they are outdoor cats and you have no way of stopping them roaming.

Cat proofing your garden is a silly idea, expensive and cats can usually still get out.

ElegantDream · 13/06/2016 23:24

Cat proofing your garden is a silly idea, expensive and cats can usually still get out.

Wrong.

HamletsSister · 13/06/2016 23:39

Anyone else worried that a 7 year old seemed to be home alone in order to even get asthma from a cat? That struck me.

RubbishMantra · 14/06/2016 00:17

I love the way OP hasn't taken any of the solutions on board.

If you look up T.A. (Transactional Analysis) it's a syndrome known as the "Yes, buts..."

Surely offering to spend 30 quid on an unobtrusive screen for neighbours is better than all the drama? which perhaps you're secretly enjoying . I linked to the screen earlier in the thread, which you ignored.

Why ask for help when you're just going to ignore suggested solutions?

MeMySonAndl · 14/06/2016 00:24

My son has asthma, if your cat was coming repeatedly into my house risking the health of my child, and you told me you couldn't be arsed to do anything about it...

I would make sure he gets a lift to a very far place. Asthma is a dangerous thing, kid trumps cat and unreasonable neighbours.

Sorry.

MeMySonAndl · 14/06/2016 00:28

Hamlets, it doesn't matter if the child was or not on her own, if the cat is in the allergens are in even after cat leaves.

I have a friend who had an asthma attack at my previous house, we didn't have a cat but the previous owner did. That was enough for him to end in AE.

RubbishMantra · 14/06/2016 00:35

See, MeMySonandI, I have an inquisitive pair of cats, and have offered each neighbour a supersoaker and a screen/screens to stop them carousing in neighbours' properties. None of my neighbours have asthma, but it's just considerate.

MeMySonAndl · 14/06/2016 01:03

Exactly, I believe that you as a pet owner you are required to minimise annoying behaviours of your pets, not expect the neighbours to just put up with them.

I think that your suggestion is very fair, but unfortunately it seems like the OP has no sympathy for the neighbour's DD but is demanding sympathy for her cats.

I know that asthma is often seen as a mild condition but having been to the hospital so many times with asthma related problems and seeing children there who didn't make it, I really wouldn't take it kindly to be told to put up with it because the cats get nervous if confined.

RubbishMantra · 14/06/2016 01:28

I'm not sure OP is demanding sympathy for her cats. For herself maybe. Interesting how she hasn't taken any of the advice on board.

Ffs, OP only needs to shell out 30 quid for a window screen for her (probably unreasonable) neighbours. Then they can go outside and not feel cooped up so they fight. Win win.

I know somebody who "just didn't like cats", and would load the neighbours cats into his work van, and would leave them abandoned in random towns/cities. Sad

I bloody adore my 2 kitties, and would kill for them do whatever I could to remove danger from them annoying people. I wouldn't make it into a war, because people can be vile to cats, whether they feel justification or not.

RubbishMantra · 14/06/2016 01:31

...so they don't* fight.

HamletsSister · 14/06/2016 20:39

I agree and I am very asthmatic. But, a child alone at 7 us likely to pet, stroke and cuddle a cat. A properly supervised child could be removed from the room while the cat is removed and the room is thoroughly cleaned.

I just wonder if the neighbour's massive reaction was partly anger at the fact that she was not with her child (so feels some guilt).

And, sorry, if an animal tried to enter my house I would ensure it couldn't as my first action, then contact owners.

MeMySonAndl · 15/06/2016 12:59

I think you are over rationalising the situation, it doesn't say anywhere that the child have been alone for a long time. For what is worth, the poor woman may have been out in the front garden before finding her child with the cat.

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