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AIBU - Neighbour wars over our cats

146 replies

ParsleyCake · 05/06/2016 21:22

Our neighbour is a single mother who works full time and came home to find our cat had come into her kitchen. Her daughter (aged probably 7-10 ) was already home from school and in the house.

A few hours ago she came into our garden through the open gate while we had a friend round to celebrate our baby's first birthday and were having a drink in the garden while he played on the grass. She apologised for disturbing us and explained how she had found the cat in her kitchen, and that her daughter had serious asthma problems which meant it was dangerous for a cat to be in the house like that. She was very polite at first, though she didn't stay that way. We asked her which of our three cats it was, as we thought it was most likely it was our youngest cat as she goes into our friends house down the street sometimes. She just repeated her story - I suppose this meant she wasn't sure. At this point I explained to her that if it was our youngest cat I would catch her and do my best to keep her indoors, however our older 2 cats need to get out as they fight if kept confined. My partner asked whether she could close her kitchen window, pointing out (politely) that it was the only window (just because of how wide it opens) in her house (which has many windows, it's not like it's a one bed flat) where a cat could get in. At this she got angry, saying she shouldn't need to keep her window closed. I basically said that no, that's true but she moved into a neighbourhood full of cats (I mean it's all families in 2/3 bed houses with gardens) so it's sensible to take precautions and after all, I think it's a simpler and more reasonable situation than to ask us to get rid of our cat or keep them indoors where they would fight. I said it more nicely than that obviously. We've lived here two years and she moved in a couple of months ago.She said she wasn't asking us to do anything she was telling us the situation and we could do what we wanted but she would call cat protection (not that they deal with things like that!) if it happened again. She kept repeating everything and was getting rude and sweary and we tried to be reasonable but she wasn't listening to us. She stormed off to take her washing off the line and began loudly b**ing about us to the woman who lives in the next house over. That woman also hates us as I have a hearing problem and apparently 'ignored' her when she was speaking to me.

I just don't know what to do. Keeping cats who fight shut in a house with a one year old is just not an option. We moved to this big house with a garden precisely because we needed more space for the cats and were very happy until this woman kicked off. It's such a simple solution to just not leave her kitchen window wide open - she could still open it as much as 6 inches and our cats couldn't get in, but instead she's kicking up a fuss. Our cats are friendly but before we started letting them out there was a huge feral ginger which would pee everywhere and go into the houses and wreck furniture. Our cats chased him off. So obviously this is a neighbourhood full of cats and it's just our luck that it's our cat who went into this woman's house.

This lady is not a great neighbour either, she has very loud late night parties, at the last one there was one man shouting he was going to 'blow the whole street up' and they were in their garden and in the street as well as partying in the house.she has screaming matches with her ex husband all the time. My partner and I moved here to get away from that kind of thing as we lived in a rougher area before. We're not well off ourselves, before you think we are snobs or anything like that. When we decided to have a baby we moved to this nice area full of families and a good school.
I feel like I'm not being unreasonable, what do you think? We both get anxiety and to be perfectly honest this conflict has me seriously considering moving house as this woman was talking about getting my partner beaten up.

OP posts:
hugoagogo · 05/06/2016 21:53

People must be joking if they think that cat proofing the garden is a reasonable solution.

Yanbu

Octonought · 05/06/2016 21:57

Cats. A bit like marmite. I'm going to be flamed but I don't care.

Cats are pet-ownership for the lazy. It's somehow ok for another people's pets to s**t in gardens where the kids play, and to wander around others homes. It would be unacceptable if a dog did this, but it's ok for cats Hmm. Hate the bloody things.

And breathe...Wink

NeedACleverNN · 05/06/2016 21:58

People must be joking if they think that cat proofing the garden is a reasonable solution.

Why is that unreasonable? If my neighbour came to me and said my cat had been going in her house, I would have immediately apologised and sorted by garden out whether there was asthma involved or not

Pidlan · 05/06/2016 21:58

You don't sound at all concerned for her DD. Confused

Mycatsabastard · 05/06/2016 21:59

I agree with you Op. If I had a cat coming into my house then I'd stop leaving the windows open wide enough for them to get in. It's not exactly fucking rocket science is it?

I guess, if you were feeling generous, you could pop round and try to talk to her when she's calmer and offer to buy screens so she can leave windows down stairs open which means they have air coming in but your cats can't get access.

But really I think you should try and make the peace with her to stop this escalating to something we might see on Channel 5 at some point.

bloodyteenagers · 05/06/2016 22:02

Cat proof your garden. You said you moved there for the bigger garden for your cats. So do that.
There's many ways to do this. Google to find out what meets your budget.

Just because you move into an area with 2/3 bed houses doesn't mean you have to assume that cats will walk into your home.

Mycatsabastard · 05/06/2016 22:04

Cats are pets for the lazy? Hahahaha!

Daily I need to clear out both litter trays twice. Clean out food bowls and refill them with wet food twice daily. I let them out into the garden and make sure they come back in when I do. I make sure they have flea treatment and tick treatment monthly and I play with them, brush them, cuddle them and stroke them.

I'm disabled. I can't have a dog because I can't take it for a walk. But I adore my three cats and thankfully live in a street where pretty much everyone either has cats or dogs and are all very tolerant of each others pets. Even the woman who lets her dog out at night and it craps on our front lawn every night. She's elderly and so is the dog. It's just life. For the sake of neighbourly harmony we scoop it and bin it.

PuraVida · 05/06/2016 22:04

MIL has got an ultrasonic cat deterrer thing. It, so far, works very well. Could you buy her a couple to put near her window?

Leopard12 · 05/06/2016 22:05

I can't believe people are saying this is your fault, I think with the majority of cats (some wouldn't care) keeping them indoors or even to one garden would be cruel! Cats are roaming animals! All she needs to do is not leave the window massively open if a cat could reach it

PunkrockerGirl · 05/06/2016 22:08

Grin Confused at cat proofing your garden.
If I was that bothered about a cat getting in and aggravating my child's asthma, I'd close the window a bit, as would any reasonable person.

ParsleyCake · 05/06/2016 22:10

EDIT PLEASE READ EDIT PLEASE READ EDIT PLEASE READ

We have had a word with this neighbour now that everyone has calmed down and all is fine. She was all angry because she was tired. We will be keeping our cats indoors. We're not happy with it as due to their temperaments it's kind of cruel,but to keep the peace it's worth it I guess. We're looking into moving house again as its not a long term solution. Cat proofing is too expensive for us.

Of course we were concerned about her daughter, we're not monsters! We have a child of our own, so we do understand. We both actually suffer from asthma too, but it's not severe.I did shorten the conversation considerably. Just because something is not stated doesn't mean we don't feel that way.

I do agree with the poster who said its not fucking rocket science. In this woman's position I would simply have pulled the window a little more closed so that the neighbourhood wildlife didn't come in. It's one window in a house with many windows and as I said if it's wide enough for two people to climb in stands to reason that if you don't get robbed a cat or something might go in. I wouldn't have even considered saying anything to the neighbour as I would have immediately realised that I cpuld close the window a few inches

OP posts:
Resideria · 05/06/2016 22:11

Your neighbour can't be that concerned about her daughter's health if she's not prepared to keep the window less wide open. She could also use a net or similar to prevent cats from coming in while opening the window fully. Even if you cat proofed your garden, other cats may come into the neighbour's house.
Legally, you're not doing anything wrong. To the charming poster whose go-to solution would be to poison animals who are only displaying natural behaviour - you'd get yourself a criminal record.

apple1992 · 05/06/2016 22:14

YANBU (except for where you referred to her as rough, that was unnecessary).

I don't think you should cat/proof your garden, cats should be able to roam freely.

She should take precautions if the child's asthma is that bad, and I say that as an asthma suffer whose asthma is aggravated by cats!

TheOddity · 05/06/2016 22:17

I'm surprised a cat would venture in a random house with no temptation. I would be surprised to randomly find one in my house. It is freaky! We have a cat in our apartment building who follows everyone around, but he wouldn't come in without a bit of encouragement. Did they leave some ham out or something? I think if the cats are used to roaming it is mean to keep them in. Could you buy them some of those high pitched cat deterring things for their garden?

RupertPupkin · 05/06/2016 22:18

Wouldn't cat proofing work out cheaper than moving? Confused

GreenMarkerPen · 05/06/2016 22:19

I'm surprised a cat would venture in a random house without temptation

haha. neighbours cats are very curious and have been found in various areas of the house.

HunterHearstHelmsley · 05/06/2016 22:23

Ywnbu but I can see its been resolved anyway. People are crackers.

Candycoco · 05/06/2016 22:25

My neighbours cat love coming into my garden, I take great pleasure in letting my dogs out who bark and chase them out of the garden and hopefully shit them up a bit, hate cats

MuddhaOfSuburbia · 05/06/2016 22:27

has anyone successfully cat proofed their garden?

I would love to know

Fluffycloudland77 · 05/06/2016 22:31

Have you got cats muddha?

Vinorosso74 · 05/06/2016 22:32

Could your neighbour put some sort of mesh at the window, the sort of stuff people use on balconies to stop cats or kids falling off? Cat can't get in but she can still open window.

steppemum · 05/06/2016 22:33

Cat proof your garden.

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha .

Just how would you go about doing that? My garden has a 6 foot high wall round 2 sides and a 5 foot fence on the 3rd. My cat can jump floor to top of wall in one bound, I have no idea how high it would have to be to keep him in.

cats are a fact of life in the UK. Many people have them and there are strays around too.
Like it or not, that is the world we live in. the law does not hold cat owners responsible, because they are recognised as being wild, unlike dogs.

Peppermintea · 05/06/2016 22:34

You can not really be considering keeping a roaming animal indoors for the remainder of its life as a neighbour won't close her downstairs window? That is cruelty. You should reconsider! I can't believe this is real

steppemum · 05/06/2016 22:41

agree with peppermintea actually.
She just needs to pull that window a little more closed, and open another window. Why is that so hard?

Choceeclair123 · 05/06/2016 22:47

I can't see you keeping your cat in lasting too long. I've tried to keep mine in when moving house to give them time to adjust to new home and they go bonkers. Have to just let them out.

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