AIBU - Neighbour wars over our cats

[ParsleyCake]

Our neighbour is a single mother who works full time and came home to find our cat had come into her kitchen. Her daughter (aged probably 7-10 ) was already home from school and in the house.

A few hours ago she came into our garden through the open gate while we had a friend round to celebrate our baby's first birthday and were having a drink in the garden while he played on the grass. She apologised for disturbing us and explained how she had found the cat in her kitchen, and that her daughter had serious asthma problems which meant it was dangerous for a cat to be in the house like that. She was very polite at first, though she didn't stay that way. We asked her which of our three cats it was, as we thought it was most likely it was our youngest cat as she goes into our friends house down the street sometimes. She just repeated her story - I suppose this meant she wasn't sure. At this point I explained to her that if it was our youngest cat I would catch her and do my best to keep her indoors, however our older 2 cats need to get out as they fight if kept confined. My partner asked whether she could close her kitchen window, pointing out (politely) that it was the only window (just because of how wide it opens) in her house (which has many windows, it's not like it's a one bed flat) where a cat could get in. At this she got angry, saying she shouldn't need to keep her window closed. I basically said that no, that's true but she moved into a neighbourhood full of cats (I mean it's all families in 2/3 bed houses with gardens) so it's sensible to take precautions and after all, I think it's a simpler and more reasonable situation than to ask us to get rid of our cat or keep them indoors where they would fight. I said it more nicely than that obviously. We've lived here two years and she moved in a couple of months ago.She said she wasn't asking us to do anything she was telling us the situation and we could do what we wanted but she would call cat protection (not that they deal with things like that!) if it happened again. She kept repeating everything and was getting rude and sweary and we tried to be reasonable but she wasn't listening to us. She stormed off to take her washing off the line and began loudly b**ing about us to the woman who lives in the next house over. That woman also hates us as I have a hearing problem and apparently 'ignored' her when she was speaking to me.

I just don't know what to do. Keeping cats who fight shut in a house with a one year old is just not an option. We moved to this big house with a garden precisely because we needed more space for the cats and were very happy until this woman kicked off. It's such a simple solution to just not leave her kitchen window wide open - she could still open it as much as 6 inches and our cats couldn't get in, but instead she's kicking up a fuss. Our cats are friendly but before we started letting them out there was a huge feral ginger which would pee everywhere and go into the houses and wreck furniture. Our cats chased him off. So obviously this is a neighbourhood full of cats and it's just our luck that it's our cat who went into this woman's house.

This lady is not a great neighbour either, she has very loud late night parties, at the last one there was one man shouting he was going to 'blow the whole street up' and they were in their garden and in the street as well as partying in the house.she has screaming matches with her ex husband all the time. My partner and I moved here to get away from that kind of thing as we lived in a rougher area before. We're not well off ourselves, before you think we are snobs or anything like that. When we decided to have a baby we moved to this nice area full of families and a good school.
I feel like I'm not being unreasonable, what do you think? We both get anxiety and to be perfectly honest this conflict has me seriously considering moving house as this woman was talking about getting my partner beaten up.

just one example of cat proofing

I'm surprised at the bad attitude and silliness towards cat proofing.

I (and many people I know) have successfully cat proofed my garden. My cat stays in and I have had no visitors since putting it up.

It's really not difficult (and can be done very cheaply DIY), or you can get a kit like I did.

My cats don't bother anyone else and they are kept safe from the nasty people in the world who seem to think it's ok to hurt cats.

Have you got cats muddha

not at the mo Fluffy

I have dogs and rabbits and can't manage to even dog and rabbit proof the garden, so the idea of a cat proof garden has me boggling

Yet it's actually very simple to do.

It keeps them safe from cars as well as other people's dogs...

That's monstrously ugly, Elegant. I think more of my neighbours would be annoyed with me for erecting that fence, than would be annoyed about my cat getting into their house.

Laughing out loud at a high fence stopping a cat from getting in or out. My cat can climb vertical fence posts by using her claws. She walks on roofs two stories high.

OP I think that YABVU in agreeing to keep your cat indoors. That is cruel.

And the idea that moving house will be a more thrifty alternative to cat proofing... Really? Are you going to canvas the area you move to to find out their opinions on cats? You do realise OP you are doing nothing wrong letting your cat out. It's well within the law. You don't need to erect one of the grotesque things around your garden, just ask the neighbour politely to close her window if she has a problem. Even if you lock your cat away until it dies of boredom in captivity there will always be another cat coming along climbing in through her wide open ground floor window.

You get better looking cat proofing, it's all on a similar idea though, something that sticks inwards so they can't get to the top of fence to get over.

The thing is though whether the OP cat proofs her garden or keeps her cats in...until the neighbour shuts her window a bit more, other cats can still get in.

Actually it's not - due to the angle you can hardly see it from the outside of the garden. The netting is hard to see once flowers or bushes grow around it.

And it's certainly less ugly than poo in my neighbour's flower beds, or pellets being shot at the cat, or a cat being killed on the road, or having dogs set on it, or people putting chilli out for it to walk on, or having children play where a cat has pood, or than a cat being poisoned.

Of course cats can climb high and vertically. What they can't do is climb upside down at that angle. They don't also like jumping straight off something high - watch them, they try to 'walk' down a fence, then jump. They also don't like walking on infirm surfaces.

We keep animals constrained all the time - dogs, birds, horses etc. cats don't have to be different. In fact I'd argue (if pushed) that it's crueller to keep a bird caged, no matter the size of the cage than keep a cat contained in a garden.

It is crueller to keep a bird caged than to keep a cat contained to a garden.

It's crueller to kill someone than to punch someone in the face too. I wouldn't do either.

My neighbours cat love coming into my garden, I take great pleasure in letting my dogs out who bark and chase them out of the garden and hopefully shit them up a bit, hate cats

I don't believe fit a minute that any cat would "love" going into a garden in which the idiot owner takes pleasure in setting her dogs on them.

elegant - that would be a disaster

1. other cats would come in over it and then be unable to leave (it only works in one direction)
2. local foxes would come in over it and be unable to leave
3. it is horrendously ugly, and so unsightly for neighbours
4. I have a large garden with several trees and the logistics of it are ridiculous. And a good storm will bring down branches which will rip through it.
5. birds will get caught in the netting
6. squirrels would wreck it, or get trapped inside. The squirrels in out garden can run sideways across our vertical house wall, at upstairs window level
7. I know many cats who would find a way round! My mums cat used to appear in their bedroom having jumped in through the window. the acrobatics required were mind boggling. 2 stories up, sheer wall, narrow porch roof about 7 metres away, very narrow windowsill etc.

Or, the neighbour could close her window a bit and open another one!

1 highly iunlikely that they would get in, but if they didn't they are unlikely to return as they would have found themselves trapped.

2 no foxes have managed to get in. And again on finding themselves trapped are unlikely to return.

And in both the above scenarios, it's no different to them coming into an unsecured garden anyway.

3 look around - many things could be considered unsightly - trampolines, sheds, unkempt grass, weeds or trees- many, many items in other people's gardens. Due to the angle, it's actually very hard to see from the outside. But maybe your neighbours prefer cat poo in their gardens.

4 trees are awkward, but not a problem. A storm could bring it down, like it could bring a fence down - that doesn't stop me having fences around my garden. A good storm could blow the roof off my shed, it doesn't stop me having a shed roof.
5 I've never known a bird get caught in the netting. It's taught enough and a good size not to. On the other hand, the birds are protected from my cat - when they are on the netting or on the other side, she can't get to them to kill them. She can't follow after them. I'd argue, it saves more bird lives than are ever likely to be lost due to the cat fence.

6 I'm not trying to keep squirrels in or out, yes, they could chew it, but it's very easily repairable - just like any garden maintainence really.

7 I don't agree - cats are amazing climbers and acrobats, but they can't climb upside down at this angle long enough to get round the overhang.

I don't think my neighbours should alter their lives for my choices or my animals.

Pepperminttea

That's just a silly comparison.

Cat proof your garden.

The child next door has a potential life threatening condition. I know of three people who have died of asthma. One died in the doctor surgery car park.

I have had cats for almost sixty years.

Cat proof your garden or be prepared for your cats to disappear or die from being poisoned.

Neighbur's cats-my child's health?

Hmmm, I know the solution I would choose.

Cat proof your garden for your cats.

Yanbu. If a cat can get in surely a burgular could also force the window. She needs to either have it open not as far or shut completely and open a higher window.

Ive just had to pay £75 for a microchip cat flap to stop a neighbour's cat coming in and eating all the cat food and waking my dog up at 6am every day. Didn't cross my mind to tell the neighbour to keep her cat out!

And not everyone can cat proof their garden. How can I cat proof a conifer hedge? It has a little mesh fence along the bottom as its rabbit proof but the cats can still get through.

In front of the confers, you could put a 6ft high chain link fence (or mesh or similar) - something that goes from ground to 6ft.

The cat proofing goes on top.

You place the fence so that the conifers grow through the mesh so you can't see it.

Not a problem at all.

Like this (taken from Google images)

Op are you seriously suggesting that your cats are more important than the health of the human child next door?

You too could find yourself a single parent of cats and humans.

Perhaps having three cats who do not get on is a wake up call

Seems you feel your neighbour ought to do more to protect her human child from your free to roam felines.

I love cats. I would have no qualms re' poisoning or trapping yours if the health of my grandchildren was in danger.

Step up and cat proof your garden.

Ffs

If OP's cats don't get in, someone else's cats will

The more I think about this the more I think its a wind up

If not, the neighbour is being an arsehole

Our neighbourhood cats used to come in our garden , and even wander in our house if we had the patio doors open on a rare hot day.

We bought a dog. Problem solved.

I'm surprised a cat would venture in a random house with no temptation. I would be surprised to randomly find one in my house. It is freaky!

We have velux Windows on a first floor roof and I found a cat sleeping on my bed one day. He'd been on the roof and jumped in the open window.

elegant - the point about foxes and squirrels/ other cats etc is that they would get trapped in and then I would be trying to remove a stressed animal from my fort knox garden, no idea how I would do that!

And the storm point. I had just said I have a garden with lots of trees, so branches do come down in high winds, and while they don't damage my shed, they would take out the wire.

Every picture you have posted is hideously ugly, and presumably very expensive. I cannot imagine anyone would choose to put that up for the sake of a cat.

I cannot see how cat proofing my garden would protect the neighbour's child, anyway, it is a completely false logic.

The only way catproofing would work is if every cat owner's garden had it, guaranteed to be in good repair, and if there were no stray cats.
But, as I said before, we live in a country full of cats. Possibly too many, that is an argument for another thread, but there is absolutely no way that the neighbour can guarantee no cats in her house if she leaves a large ground floor window open. In the UK today, cats exist like it or not and the only way she can be sure to protect her child is to close the window a bit. If the OPs cat is indoors, another cat will take over the territory, and therefore come in the window.

I am sorry but all the people saying "sick child versus my cat, the sick child wins" are massively missing the point - the OP could get rid of all her cats and SOMEONE ELSE'S cat or a stray will just come in through the window. The PARENT needs to make more secure arrangements, which means no cats in her house, by closing the window.

You could offer to pay for a Flat Cat, it's a mesh screen, made to measure for about 30 quid. No drilling/nails needed. I'm not saying you should, but it might enable you to have a more peaceful life from this neighbour.

It'll also have the added benefit of preventing insects etc. (perhaps pollen even?) from making it's way through the window.

I've offered to buy all my neighbours supersoakers, because my cats are inquisitive little pixies, and like to venture into the houses that surround our courtyard. None have taken me up on the offer, most actually genuinely enjoy a visit from my boys.

steppemum

You don't try to remove it - that wouldn't be safe.

You either open a gate at let it go out by itself, or (if you don't have a gate, you have a section of the fence that can be removed or opened up for this reason.