How can I handle my husband's refusal to get another dog?

[VeterinaryCareAssistant]

Does anyone have any ideas on how I can deal with my husband not wanting to get another dog?

Back story: We had four dogs and now we are down to just two - both elderly. I am desperate to get another dog but my husband says no. I'm not asking for a puppy necessarily, I'd just like another dog. I'm "broody" in the way that women are when they're desperate for a baby.
His reasons are mainly that I work and he says he doesn't want to look after them when I'm at work, and I do understand that but I need to go to work to cover my half of the bills. I work 24 hours a week and I do all the dog feeds and baths and walks bar 2 walks per week which my husband does.

I've offered to try and change my hours to accommodate the dogs even more and possibly pick up those two walks. I decline events with friends quite often, and even see my grandchildren less because of the dogs so it's not like I'm swanning around and leaving him with the grunt work.

I'm just feeling so sad that my current dogs will not be with us for too long and I just can't envisage a future without dogs. Dogs are in my blood.

Honestly, I'd worry about it when you are down to one. Two dogs is actually still quite a lot for some people and I can understand how your DH might feel it's enough.

maybe fill his social media feeds with rescues..

You see the grandchildren less because you have dogs?

Whilst I get your point, no is no when it comes to pet ownership.

Perhaps worth broaching again when your currents dogs are no longer with you. But honestly, if this is true, "even see my grandchildren less because of the dogs" I can completely see why he doesn't want another dog.

I love my dogs. DH and I lived in different countries for most of the last 20 years because I chose dogs over maintaining my career overseas. But I would never ever put my dogs above children or (one day, possible) grandchildren.

Dogs or children: you can only have (another) one of both people agree.
You still have two dogs.

So you have two dogs but want more. DH says no as he doesn't want to look after them which is fair enough. If having more dogs will negatively affect his life then I can understand him not wanting to get more.

If you work, and can't take care of them yourself then why should he if he doesn't want to?

But I think the fact that you decline invitations with friends, and see your grandchildren less because of them, makes me think you have got your priorities all wrong.

Why not be happy with the ones you have and then broach the subject again when they are no longer with you?

Is it really fair on two elderly dogs to have to get used to 'new companions' that they may not want? Let them live their twilight years happy and free from the stress of strange dogs and put them and their needs first instead of what YOU want?

I bloody love my dogs, but you are being ridiculous. Not to mention massively irresponsible, the stress incurred on the existing 2 elderly dogs will do them significant harm.

We have a very elderly cat and we are not getting anymore until she dies as it wouldn't be fair to upset her like that. You can live without a new dog for the time being. Frankly, you sound rather strange if you would rather be with your dogs than your grandchildren. Plus your husband's point of view is totally reasonable and you should respect it, not try to change his mind.

He wins this argument OP.

YABU this kind of decision in a marriage should be a joint one, unless you both want to go ahead then you don’t. For me my Husband, children and (future) grandchildren will always come first.

I don't know why people are saying you don't have to turn down social engagements if you have dogs - you absolutely do.
Unless you have help or are prepared to leave them alone for hours on end.
I mean I imagine with regards the GC the OP gets invited to days out but she can't go because of the dogs. That's how it is!

Having said that, I don't think you should get another sorry OP. Not if DH is not onboard and with the two elderly ones you already have.

You accept it. End of. You talk about the caring responsibilities as though they were children. I was half expecting you to list drop offs and pick ups as part of your list.
Along with most pp I think what stood out in your Op was spending less time with your family because of two bloody dogs. You sound quite daft actually. I‘d suggest getting out more (without the dogs).

Are they a special breed? Do you have a social life with them - agility or showing or anything? Have you always been like this about dogs? Are you sure you're broody for another dog in the way a woman yearns for a baby?

OP you still have two dogs! Maybe postpone this conversation for a while. Two dogs are enough for your DH given he's not that keen on dogs.

The one who doesn't vetos the one who does. It would be cruel to inflict a new dog on 2 elderly ones.

You seriously neglect your grandbabies over dogs? Seriously dude.

Maybe volunteer at a rescue or something.

I negotiated this before we moved in together. I will always have multiple dogs (at least 4, although I’ve never had that few) and that was a non negotiable for me. He could agree or not. He agreed. Did you never make an agreement before? Is he going back on his word? If not, I don’t think you can insist.

For someone who works two dogs is more than enough. Book a holiday with your husband (ideally without the dogs) instead.

We all have to accept things we don’t want sometimes. I guess just focus on the things you do enjoy about your life and try not to pine for something that you can’t currently have.

I decline events with friends quite often, and even see my grandchildren less because of the dogs

I think people are objecting that the op thinks more about her dogs than her grandchildren - not that the dogs need looking after.

It's horrible, why even have children and grandchildren if care more for your pets

Nowhere does she say that she thinks more about her dogs than her grandchildren. And so what if she does? It wasn't her choice to have GC. She chose to have kids but the choice to have GC was nothing to do with her.
We know nothing about her dogs' needs other than they are elderly and so probably have higher needs than younger dogs. Similarly we know nothing about the GC who may - or may not - be horrors.

I am surprised at some of the posts on here. Holidays for example. Many people choose to not go on holiday when they have a dog. On go on doggy holidays. But they don't jet off with their DH leaving two elderly dogs in kennels or some other such arrangement.

I love my dog but I have seen two friends get puppies before their old dogs passed, and it was bloody awful for the older dogs. Made their final months miserable.

Why can’t you wait?

It would be cruel to introduce a new dog to elderly ones, OP. I've got a 13 year old that is very poorly at present and taking up an awful amount of my time with nursing him. Let them enjoy their golden years and have a discussion about it when they've had their time with you.

I've got a lovely friend with an old soul of a 9 year old dog, and she got a puppy last year. She can't leave them in a room together as the puppy bangs into the older one and knocks them flying so she's had to separate her living room into two spaces. It's like visiting a dog borstal rather than a home, and I do think she's regretting it having seen how tired the older one gets by the youngster.

Yes, because one of my dogs is a foreign rescue and is nervous around children. She gets scared of them and can get barky so then they get scared of her. It's just easier if I go to their house rather than them come to me.

As a dog owner/lover, you shouldn’t try to persuade your H.

You have two dogs. That’s plenty. If you lose these two then maybe that’s when you think about more dogs. But if your H is not keen you could do temporary fosters, respite care or guide dog holidays.

Where do you live OP? Do you have neighbours? If so do you really think multiple dogs is responsible?

Just don't. He doesn't want another one, you can't force it. If it means that much split up.