Should I tell my friend her dog stops me staying over?

[Sidebeforeself]

Im not a dog owner so Im looking for experienced views please! My good friend got a dog about 3 years ago - a mixed breed. It’s not a breed I particularly like . The issue is she has hardly trained him so he jumps up, barks etc. Also has accidents.

I just do not find him pleasant to be around.The problem is though this pretty much prevents me from going to her home. As she lives quite far away I would normally stay over but havent since she got him.

She has commented on this and I always make an excuse, but Im wondering whether I should be honest. I think she would be hurt. It’s her house, her dog etc and I of course I cant tell her what to do in her own house. But frankly the only way I can face visiting is if she shuts him away somewhere but even then thats not fair on the dog!

Would you be hurt as a dog lover if I told you this? Is there any compromise? I dont think shed end the friendship over it but you never know!

It’s just establishing boundaries though. Most dogs are bright enough to understand when someone doesn’t want to interact with them. It takes a bit of consistency and repetition (how much depends on how bright the dog is in my experience).

it’s always better to use body language as dogs understand that.

if it starts to jump up turn your back on it. Ignore it completely. If you are in a chair and it jumps up, push it away. None of this needs to be aggressive or nasty. Just firm guidance about what your boundaries are.

you don’t need to say much to the friend although personally I struggle with stinky dogs.
it’s not difficult to bath a dog. Yeah they might hate it but that’s not a reason not to do it.

this is the big downside with poodle mix’s. They are very tricky to groom as their hair is like fluffy dolls hair and matts up really easily.

I don’t have a dog but I would avoid anything that needed professional grooming if I got one (or I’d do it at home if I had the dog from a puppy).

I'm curious; have you attempted to train and socialise your dog? Or do you find him being such a 'crazy bundle of fluff' endearing/acceptable?

Ffs, stop worrying about upsetting her. It’s absolutely her right to get a dog, and her decision not to train him, but you have the absolute right not to be made uncomfortable when you visit. Honesty, without heat, is definitely best, and no apologies from you required.

My dogs are rescues and had quite awful starts in life before I adopted them. They are much more settled outwith our home, like holidays than they are with people in their house, which makes them nervous and they get quite barky.
I'm absolutely fine if people aren't keen on that, they are just advised not to come to my house if that's the case. Most of our friends are quite doggy people and aren't fussed but we do try and keep visitors to a minimum anyway.
You are not unreasonable because you aren't insisting the dog be shut away in its own home.

Pet mum. I think its reasonable.

I love my pets, and theyre well behaved (most of the time) but not everyone likes them, some people have fears or allergies.

Those dogs are nuts! Good fun and very loving, but very energetic and not good at listening. You have my sympathies

My dog is very annoying, also quote often smelly. I don't mind at all when people don't like her because I do. Dog people are weird but it makes us happy.

My best friend doesn’t like cats. Since I’ve got one she’s not visited. We see less of each other. Until I read this post I didn’t imagine she was angst ridden to tell me. I’d just be honest

Imagine you had a child who grabs/jumps on people and someone said that's why they didn't stay. If it doesn't bother you, then fine, honesty is ok. If you think most people would kick off if you say their baby (and some pet owners do refer to the beloved who'll never move out as a baby!), be cautious, but you know your friend and how she's likely to react.
Round here, people make more comments about dogs walking/in cars during the summer than about kids baking under blankets on hot days-yes I like dogs, but I find it weird more posts are about them than kids.

🤦‍♀️ There are so many of these that are badly bred, hyper and anxious. I'm surprised people are still acquiring them - you'd think they'd have seen enough over the years to know what a problem they can be. Those cute faces have a lot to answer for, I guess.

No! Dog owners are quite precious about their “fur babies”

I'm a dog lover and have a dog. I wouldn't be staying at someone's house if I was continously harassed by their dog but greeting excitement is expected. Would you be sleeping in a room away from the dog or are you usually sleeping on the sofa?
I love my dog like my own children, if someone told me they wouldn't stay over because of my dog I wouldn't want to hear it to be honest. I personally think either make peace with the fact that the dog is there and chaotic or you carry on not staying the night. I wouldn't say anything, it might create upset. Its like criticising someone's parenting skills and I have avoided friends because their kids are a handful too!

I have a cockapoo - the breed is generally very excitable and they love people. Hence the jumping!
i have tried to train mine (and to not bark at birds and squirrels in the garden) but it has been very, very hard.
I’d probably be upset if you implied I’d not made an effort to train my dog, but I would be find if you said you didn’t like her jumping up and so you don’t want to stay anymore.

Absolutely your choice :)

Cockerpoos are a nightmare but mostly owned by first time dog owners who don’t seem to understand what normal dog behaviour looks like, therefore normalise it. I am v forgiving of first time dog owners, except for this breed as their popularity encourage awful and unethical breeding practices, which also helps escalate some of these issues.

I have a cockapoo and she’s exactly the same, getting over excited and jumping up when visitors come to the house. My solution was to get a stair gate, and use that to ‘kettle’ her in a separate room until she’s sufficiently calmed down. Best thing I ever bought!

I’m not sure there’s any point in telling her. It won’t change anything.

I too have a friend whose large dog goes bonkers with barking and aggressive stance whenever I come round. She’s so ineffectual with him. I just don’t go round anymore. She treats him like an equal and he simply never had to modify his behaviour.

When I got with my partner he came with a dog, the dog spent half of his time at his sisters and half of his time at ours, his sister decided she didn't want him anymore so he ended up at ours full time, im not keen on him as hes not trained and his behaviour has got that bad I struggle to handle him, my partners out all day at work, nobody visits because of him and those that used to made comments that hurt, hes constantly at the window so my windows look mucky, theres dog hair all over and hes damaged my sofa bouncing about, I don't mind if people don't want to come round because I have a dog, that's fine I can meet up with them and sometimes take the dog depending what it is, hes better outside on a lead than in the house, the comments that hurt are about dog hair, my windows and the sofa.
Have you thought about suggesting to go out for the day where the dog can go? if you stayed over would you have your own room where you could shut the door? I'd speak to her but be careful what you say and how you word it, you can adapt what you do that will help with the dog without saying anything but staying over you'd need to know the dog wouldn't be jumping on the bed but dogs do sleep once they have got over the excitement of someone new being there

Thanks everyone. Ive chickened out again Im afraid and made up an excuse why I cant go see her at her house. I feel mean.

By the way some of you seem to think Im going to say something to her about not training her dog. I would never dare! I keep my comments fairly bland ( ‘Hasn’t he grown!”).