I think you need to go back to the research stage and think carefully about what you want/need from a dog and exactly what you can offer a dog.
You seem to have narrowed it down to two cross breeds, based purely on the fact you know people who own them and your DH is alright around them. Yet you have nothing good to say about either of the actual dogs.
You say you are "absolutely committed to training and agility and other breed appropriate enrichment that keeps the dog happy and healthy". Yet you don't want a dog that needs "specific enrichment like a gun dog". Is it only gundog training you are against?
Wanting a dog that isn't too big, isn't too small and loves long walks is what led me to getting working cocker spaniels. I have done obedience and gundog training, hoopers and agility with them. They are happy with all the activities, as they are people pleasers and enjoy food rewards. As puppies, some have had an occasional nibble of a skirting board if I wasn't looking, but they have never destroyed my house. They do, however, shed quite a lot so probably aren't the dog for you.
Even if you manage to find an ethical breeder, there is no guarantee of what you'll get with a cross breed. I knew someone with littermate cockerpoos many years ago. One looked just like a cocker spaniel; the other looked like a poodle.
If I was you, I'd seriously consider a miniature poodle. They have the look your DC want, the coat your DH needs and you have more chance of finding a good breeder, who does all the relevant health checks.