I’ve been horrible to my old, blind, ill dog😭

[StarDolphins]

I’m absolutely devastated and can’t stop crying today. I’m on day 9 of less than 3 hours sleep with him . He sleeps on my bed and has done for 13 years. He’s barking ALL the time through the night and my DD is getting hardly any sleep and I’m so conscious of the neighbours who have their grandchilld(baby) staying twice per week.

My DD (9) has only seen me cry twice, once at a film and once when our cat died. She’s now crying saying if I’m sad, she’s sad. What a mess.

Last night in the night, he barked pretty much all night and I tried everything, cuddling him, gave him water, brought him downstairs, brought the air con in from my DD’s room. I eventually got him to sleep on top of me then 10 mins later, started to bark again. It’s like he is only ok if I’m awake. So I shouted at him to stop and grumpily got him off the bed again (which he’ll have noticed as I am usually very gentle with him) , brought him down, plonked him out the back door and said ‘WEES’. Usually, it’s all very gentle so he will have known I was not being nice.

i can’t believe I’ve done it. The one person in the world that he loves most and that loves him the most. He must already feel scared at being all but blind and now he’s probably even more scared that his one person has been awful to him😭 I can’t even explain to him that I was stressed.

I’m sorry, I don’t even know what I’m asking, I’m just so sad, he probably doesn’t have long left and I’ve done this.

Is it time to let him go? It doesn’t sound like he has much quality of life.

Seriously you’ve not been that mean and he will forget it with a cuddle and a bit of chicken or whatever he likes .

Your dog is old ill disorientated and you have reached the end of your teather, you need to consider if he has any quality of life it isnt about how much you love him.

Oh, love. He won’t remember by now. Don’t worry.

Sleep deprivation is awful. Gently, is it time to think about what quality of life he has left? I know it’s so hard.

Love you are SHATTERED. And when you are exhausted then it's excruciatingly hard to be patient. So give yourself a break on that one. You've spent the whole of his life loving this dog, he's not going to think you have changed in the space of a night or two. You are tired. You cannot function on 3 hours sleep a night. No one can. Please give yourself a break. And your neighbours will understand.

Now to the next issue - why isn't he sleeping? Why is he continually barking? Trip to the vet to find out what is a the root of it? I think that's essential.

Thing is, I’m monitoring it so closely because of this very reason but in the day, he enjoys cuddles, his meals and his walk. Still wags his tail when I kiss him etc. he’s not living his best life but still getting some (maybe minimal) enjoyment. I just don’t know.

Cut yourself some slack. I mean yes technically you shouldn't have got frustrated at the dog, but then no-one should get frustrated at babies either, and I think most parents, myself included, have been there! Gently I agree, it's time to let him go.

It's clear from your OP that your dog has no quality of life at all. Do the right thing, OP.

I speak to my very loved, cherished, spoiled dog every day. She knows we love her, she loves us but if she’s displaying unacceptable behaviour she has firm but minor adverse consequences.

He may have dementia. I had a similar experience with my elderly labrador. She barked in the night and was also incontinent near the end. I took that as a sign to go to the vets. That's the great thing about being a dog. They don't need to suffer unnecessarily.

As to him being upset you have shouted at him, I think dogs just love you no matter what. So don't worry.

I really think it's time to consider letting him go. I'm sorry x

Forgive yourself. You’ve been wonderful all through his life, but caring for an old dog is really challenging. It sounds like he may have dementia. My old dog has prostate cancer and is going to be euthanised this week, as we can’t control the pain. He is incontinent, and we know why, but when I cleaned up the 10th puddle of the day, right in front of the open door, I told him off, even though we are hand feeding him his favourite human foods and surrounding him with loveliness. My kitchens full of flies and it’s really upsetting.

Please take him to the vet, his nights sound very distressing, the mornings make no difference if the nights are bad. Please get him some medical assistance and assessment - you love him and that's what we do for those we love. No matter what we might have to face. You would never want him to suffer would you?

I agree with the doggy dementia suggestion.

I agree it sounds like it's time. Better to do it a week too soon than a day too late.

Oh OP I can really empathise with this - my dear doggy was 14 (many many years ago now) & I shouted at him because he was so slow getting up the road to our house. Felt absolutely terrible afterwards but later I realised I wasn’t really cross with him, I was angry at the situation & the sadness of it all.
Also, it’s not a bad thing for your DD to see you crying.

Lying barking all night isnt the best is it he isn't content when he is so distressed he might have dog dementia so he isn't going to be soothed to sleep he might be too confused, I know i am being harsh but nobody is happy in this situation.

Don't be too hard on yourself, you're frazzled, if he snapped at you the way he currently is would you be hurt or understanding that other things are affecting him?
How old is he and what's the vets prognosis with him? Truly a week to early is better than a day too late - I learned that the hard way unfortunately.
I think maybe, it's time to let him go? As hard as that is, it sounds like his age and ailments are affecting his quality of life - and yours.
It's the one thing we can do for our pets when they have little quality of life left and are distressed and nothing we try helps.

If he’s not sleeping at night and is non stop barking it is a clear sign of distress.

Forget the incident where you momentarily struggled to cope, you have given him a lifetime of love and care but now it’s time to set him free of any pain or suffering.

Barking through the night incessantly is not normal old dog behaviour. I'd take him to the vets and find out what the cause of this is. It could be Canine Cognitive Dysfunction - Canine Dementia. The vet will be able to advise how best to manage things. In the meantime, forgive yourself for this sleep deprived loss of patience.

This. Our vet said " When a dog can no longer be a dog it's time to let go". He's blind. He can't cope at night. Letting go is kinder

He won't understand being blind in the way we can and you're right he will be scared, with or without dementia. I do know how very hard it is but ultimately the way we show the daft furry monsters our love is being able to let go when they are starting to suffer, even if it causes us pain.

Thank you all, I appreciate all your comments and I agree the time is near😭 I want him to go at home and not at tge vets after a crisis.

To answer a few points. He has diabetes. He’s fine in the day, doesn’t bark and didn’t before this hot weather too. I think he must be scared at night or too hot.

Vet said she he might have a bit of dementia but I don’t get why it’s just at night. If I sat up all night cuddling and stroking him, he wouldn’t bark.

My last dog was like this the vet called it sundowning so just at night.

Might be worth trying spraying some diluted lavender oil on your bedding. Also look at herbal sleeping tablets or dog calm eze tablets. They can help dogs relax and sleep. Check ingredients of course.
Sorry you're going through this, it's so incredibly painful and stressful.