I’ve been horrible to my old, blind, ill dog😭

[StarDolphins]

I’m absolutely devastated and can’t stop crying today. I’m on day 9 of less than 3 hours sleep with him . He sleeps on my bed and has done for 13 years. He’s barking ALL the time through the night and my DD is getting hardly any sleep and I’m so conscious of the neighbours who have their grandchilld(baby) staying twice per week.

My DD (9) has only seen me cry twice, once at a film and once when our cat died. She’s now crying saying if I’m sad, she’s sad. What a mess.

Last night in the night, he barked pretty much all night and I tried everything, cuddling him, gave him water, brought him downstairs, brought the air con in from my DD’s room. I eventually got him to sleep on top of me then 10 mins later, started to bark again. It’s like he is only ok if I’m awake. So I shouted at him to stop and grumpily got him off the bed again (which he’ll have noticed as I am usually very gentle with him) , brought him down, plonked him out the back door and said ‘WEES’. Usually, it’s all very gentle so he will have known I was not being nice.

i can’t believe I’ve done it. The one person in the world that he loves most and that loves him the most. He must already feel scared at being all but blind and now he’s probably even more scared that his one person has been awful to him😭 I can’t even explain to him that I was stressed.

I’m sorry, I don’t even know what I’m asking, I’m just so sad, he probably doesn’t have long left and I’ve done this.

I do give him yumove just incase but honestly, 6 months ago before diabetes, it was like he was 8, jumping around, playing and chasing us! I will speak to the vet about painkiller/sedatives but I do need to make a decision soon because although he’s settled now, I will never forgive myself if there a crisis and he suffers. It’s a horrible, horrible decision.

I know, I can’t even disagree. I see it all over the diabetes page I follow, crisis after crisis and 13/14 year old dogs having vets stays being seriously ill. I agree with you, I really do.

Oh, bless you. It is so hard
My very elderly dog will go for her big sleep at home too. She hates the vets, and our vet wont sedate when PTS. And using a specialist service (I will be using Cloud 9), is sometimes cheaper than getting your own vet out.

Thank you, you just reminded me that I need to check about sedation first too. I’ve used the most wonderful guy at pets at rest when my mums elderly dog needed to be PTS on a Sunday and he was so lovely & gentle. I could use him but my dog won’t know his voice and he knows our lady vet’s voice. But I would use him rather than having to have him go to the vet’s. He hates it so much and it will be even more upsetting for him now he’s blind.

It is difficult when they get older. Your story reminds me of my childhood dog that was told devoted to my Mum. He would happily stay in the bedroom every night and sleep no problem whatsoever. However, when it was near on the end he would go to bed and bark relentlessly until my Mum got up to sit and comfort him. It was the only he could feel safe and relax. Eventually, my Mum realised it was time to call the vet to our home and put him to sleep. So please try to be patient with your dog because to him you are his world.

The dog won't know the vets voice if you use that chap , but your dog knows your voice and that's the most important thing.

When i had my last pet pts by an at home vet euthanasia service, the vet hardly spoke - just to explain what was going to happen. I doubt my cat really even noticed that they were there. It was all very calm and quite beautiful actually - just my beloved animal slipping quietly away into their sleep on their favorite chair after a long and happy life.

I honestly think it's time to let him go though appreciate you have to find the time that's right for you.

I had my last dog pts at 13 years old - he was still getting some minimal enjoyment from life too but was nothing like the extremely happy dog he had been for the previous 13 years, literally loving life.

I don't regret it, though did feel a bit guilty at the time. What is good is that when I think about him now I have so many happy memories and no memories of him being in extreme pain or anything. I would hate his last experiences on earth to have been distressing for him as he was a gentle soul.

He was my boy and we gave him a great life, which you have done too it seems with your dog.

I'm so sorry...they are family and it is an incredibly painful thing to go through, letting them go. But the kindest thing you can do for them, your last act of love. We had the Vet come out to our dog, hopefully yours will, and he slipped away very peacefully surrounded by all of us, at home. It did take a long time for us to get another dog I have to say! Bloomin dogs, breaking our hearts like this 🤗 they are just not with us for long enough

I absolutely know you’re all right. It’s what I want for him, he’s had the best life and I want to do it before he’s distressed and at crisis. I don’t want him go to the vets.

But I can’t bear life without him, I would do absolutely anything to wind him back to 2years old😭

It will just be me with him as my DD will need to be with me ex which is a shame as he really loves my ex so it would’ve been nice to have us both there. I don’t know how I’m not going to break down and sob when they do it, I want to be jolly and calm for him so he’s not scared.

Thanks to everyone for your help and I’m sorry everyone else has been through it too, it’s so painful.

ETA; I won’t sob, I will 100% make sure I’m just talking to him, god knows how but I will.

I was stroking my dog as the injection went in and he was gently wagging his tail. He was completely relaxed and then just took his last breath.

Honestly, it was a nice way to die and I was pleased for him that he was at peace.

I can stroke him and talk to him. I will eventually look back and be pleased that it was at home & peaceful without vet stays beforehand etc, I just feel
so guilty & sad right now.

Thank you, it helps to hear you’re dog was wagging his tail & peaceful.

I do understand the guilt when we effectively decide the day of dying for our dogs. But they don't have any anxiety about the process, they accept it calmly and they fall to sleep very peacefully. It's just another way of looking after them to the end to make sure that they don't suffer at the end of their life.

ahh OP. Ive had this twice in the last couple of years and it doesnt get any easier.

The making the decision is the worst bit imo. All the second guessing yourself.
There are vets that will come to your home so that its even kinder.

Its a peaceful dignified way to go. We also had a dog that died naturally of old age a few years back, because my husband couldnt handle the idea of euthanasia, and im sorry to say, that I think she suffered a lot more than she needed to by the end.
Ive also worked in palliative care, and I think that a dignfied peaceful death with your loved one by your side while you fall asleep, is a precious gift that we can give our beloved companian animals.

It’s really bloody hard. I’ve said goodbye to two dogs in the last couple of years.
Being able to be loved till the very end, gentle strokes and lots of kisses: it has to be the best way to go.
Loved from the very beginning to the very end of their lives, every moment truly cherished.
Dogs are the best.

You have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about. You have given him a life full of love, and now are getting ready to send him to sleep before he starts to suffer.