My pug is ruining my life

[CosmicCuppa]

I just don’t know what to do anymore.

I have an eight year old pug with a very anxious attachment style. He’s a full on lap dog and cries miserably if he’s away from me for any minute. If I leave the house and he’s home with DH or the DC’s he won’t sit with them and sits crying and barking on the stairs until I come home.

I work from home but I will need to go into the office one day a week starting in a few weeks. He sits in a bed next to my feet all day every day, we go for walks and then he’s back right next to me.

He’s now taken to peeing on my bed every time I leave the room for even a few seconds (to tend to toddler DS for instance). We use enzyme cleaners everywhere but he just keeps going. He pees everywhere when I’m out of sight even if we’ve just gone to the garden together and he’s peed. Sometimes I need a bath or to use the toilet and he’ll pee in the hallway.

It’s ruining my life and I’m starting to dread every day with him. I’ve tried everything but nothing stops him unless he’s right next to me. I can’t rehome him because he only wants me but DH is getting to the point where he’s really unhappy in his own home because of the dog and I’m scared to do anything because the dog is just untrainable.

What the hell do I do? Is it cruel to rehome him? He’s been checked over by a vet and they say he’s just anxious and I’ll have to live with it. I have no idea what causes him to be this way though - he’s been like it forever but now with added peeing.

Does anyone have any ideas because I’m honestly on the verge of a breakdown and crying constantly over it. We have nobody to take him for a short period or anything like that. I just don’t know what to do.

I dont have any advice except I think you need to get a professional trainer / behaviourist on board and work with them on a plan to sort this.
This sounds very extreme and has been going on a long time so it's unlikely that normal training type advice would work as these are issues usually resolved as puppy or when they first come to you as a rescue. Thats not a dig but I just mean that to undo many years of this behaviour will need a professional.

If you don't have the time and finances to get professional help then it's a tricky one. Realistically I can't see a 8 year old dog that's prone to health issues anyway that has severe behavioural needs getting rehomed.

I feel absolutely fraught. We’ve had a behaviourist on board years ago to no avail. Not a single thing changed. He’s currently peeing out of protest at not being allowed back in the bed in the hallway and crying. When I crated him he screamed so loud he woke the baby up. DH has slept on the sofa tonight because he physically can’t deal with being in his presence now due to all of these escalating issues.

I also have a pug. She’s 5 in December, an absolute nut case. Like yours, she’s absolutely mad about me. Good as gold when I WFH. When it’s just the 2 of us she’s a dream. But add anyone else into the mix and she gets extremely anxious, to the point we had to bring her to doggy day care if we were to have guests.
we brought her to the vet and were given medication. It has helped somewhat but she’s still mental 🙄

You crated an anxious dog? That will only make it worse. Sounds like separation anxiety. Look up
dog training advice and support on FB and stop leaving the dog.

I'm sorry you are struggling but do you really he will be able to get rehomed with his behaviours? Who would take him on?

another one for looking at dog training for this member of your family

And who do you think is going to give a home to an incontinent dog who is in love with just one person?

Form an orderly queue please ladies.

In the kindest way, have you thought about putting him to sleep? If he's an anxious, unhappy dog who makes your life a misery, then I'd think long and hard about that as a real option, difficult all as it is.

Since you’ve already tried a behaviourist to no avail, I’d ask the vet about medication in the first instance - if that doesn’t work, I would PTS. As the poster before me said, he’s an anxious unhappy dog who is severely affecting your life and that of your family - and you won’t get that time back.

“DH has slept on the sofa tonight because he physically can’t deal with being in his presence now due to all of these escalating issues.”

OP, you have a young child and an unhappy husband. You have tried to find solutions to your intensely needy dog, but nothing has worked. The dog pees everywhere and wakes up the baby. I know he’s your beloved dog, but he’s just not working with your young family, and you can’t put a dog’s needs above those of your husband and DC. I’m sorry to say this, but for the good of your family, you need to have him PTS, before your husband leaves and the DC ends up with issues as well. The dog’s behaviour is just not fair on the rest of the household, nor indeed on you.

Ask your vet about anti anxiety medication . I had to put my anxious cat on prosac

Bloody hell. PTS?
I understand OP has said they've had a behaviourist before but there's no details here on exactly what they tried and for how long for.
OP - this sounds awful but your dog is clearly v unhappy and has extreme separation anxiety. It's not weeing in protest - that's anxiety. Anxiety medication would probably be a good start and also are you on Facebook? Join Dog Training Advice and Support (there are two groups - make sure you're joining the one run by behaviourists - you'll know it's the right one as it's not an open group and has rules before you post for advice). They have a special group on there for advice on separation anxiety. Try this before you do anything else.

Maybe try crate training? Clutching at straws here as he sounds pathologically anxious and unhappy, but if you get him used to it being his safe place when you’re not around, he may settle.

You can get larger ones with sleeping and eating areas, and we used to put a towel over ours when the dog was a puppy so he felt really snug and secure. At the very least you can put a training pad in there and contain the pee in one place 🤷‍♀️

There are vast differences between behaviourists. Good ones will be able to help you but there are so many crap ones the decent ones can be hard to find. I would try to find someone who is excellent (and will probably be more expensive).

Dogs have been bred to crave human company. Some breeds more than others.
These anxious attached dogs have been bred by humans to be like this, to satisfy human desire for unconditional affection. It’s bloody cruel.

It’s come out particularly strongly in your dog.

Anxiety medication and a new behaviourist that specialises in severe anxiety. Get on dog forums to get recommendations and then ring them and ask what their initial approach would be and get a feel for them and if they can help before employing them.

How can she "stop leaving the dog" if she needs to go to work?

Your dog isn't weeing in protest dogs are not spoiled and vindictive the dog is scared and anxious, it sounds horrendous for everyone, I probably would consider a behaviorist again and medication we had to put a previous dog on anxiety medication to help with behavioural issues.sadly we had him pts because the behaviour was too much for us and the dog.

I’d give it one last ditch attempt with the vet for medication and a reputable behaviourist for some intensive training and then PTS if these don’t work.

But you can’t go in like this and obviously it can’t be rehomed. Pugs can live up to 15 years, can you realistically put up with this for another 7 years? I think your marriage and career would be destroyed well before then, not to mention the impact on your kids.

Put it this way. The only creature in this world I would sacrifice my own wellbeing and those around me for is my kid, not a dog. Your dog is sick, with a severe psychological condition, and if there is no cure for this it will continue to suffer if you cannot meet its (very high) needs - which you realistically can’t.

Pugs are needy like this. It’s their breed, they are supposed to be lap dogs. Mine is a Velcro dog whenever I’m home.

Im guessing he’s peeing because of anxiety, and the more cross you are with him the more scared he is getting. If he can’t see you he’s frightened, probably a baby in his life has heightened that fear.

Would you get cross if your toddler was frightened when it couldn’t see you?

Take him back to a different vet, explain it all, get him checked. He may have early dementia which is heightening this. Push for anxiety drugs.

Find a day care that will take him, for an hour or so at first. It will be expensive but it will help him to be out of the house and distracted.

Pugs shouldn’t be crated. They can get panic attacks and struggle with their breathing even more.

If all else fails get in touch with a specialist rescue, don’t try and rehome him on pets4homes. Putting him to sleep may be fairer for him if you aren’t prepared to help him anymore.

Sorry, missed that you’ve tried crating. I agree with @IPreacts, it does sound like a bred-in problem which unfortunately are rarely solvable.

How did it get this bad? I can understand with rescue dogs people can inherit dogs with ingrained behavioural issues. But if you had this dog from a puppy, how were they allowed to get so dependent on one person and roam all over the house if they couldn’t be trusted to not wee inside?

I would go back to basics. Keep the pug confined to one room with a hard floor for easy cleaning apart from when you or your husband can supervise them. Put their bed in the kitchen or other room with a tiled floor.

Your husband needs to build more of a bond with the pug so they are not so reliant on one person. When you go out of the room your husband could give the dog positive attention re cuddles/games in the garden/going out for a walk.

I couldn’t live this way… I do feel sorry for you and your family, but also bemused how it got so bad without the dog being made to understand that he is at the bottom of the pack and can’t just do what he wants in your house.

Have you tried doing micro absences? You have to be really patient and go really slowly. So for him, you'd start by just stepping outside the door and then stepping back in -treat. Then you'd step outside the door, wait 1 second, step back in, treat. Then when he's ok with that, you'd wait 2 seconds, then 3, etc.

You have to go very slowly but it can work.

The other thing I'd consider, if that's too much for you, is to send him on residential training, where a trainer can dedicate the time to helping him. It's expensive - the one in thinking of is about £1000 per week and he'd need at least 4 weeks, but it could really help.

Exactly. PTS? FFS some people. This is most likely manageable, but you need to put the time and effort in. You know, like you should do when you have responsibilities for a living, breathing, sensitive living thing (and I am not saying you aren’t, op). One of my dogs was like this, so I do understand the nightmare. We worked with a behavioural specialist and also - last resort - took the vets advice and put her on medication. It’s taking time but we are getting there.

I could have written this post but it was my OH the dog was obsessed with. I eventually did have a breakdown. She peed everywhere, she would try and chew through wood if my OH wasn't home, she constantly barked and screamed and whined and then she started pooping in the house shortly after the weeing started. We tried positive reinforcement, we tried behaviourist, doggy day care, training courses, separation anxiety medication, the plug ins, the all natural calming meds, countless vet bills. It was an absolute nightmare. She constantly woke the kids up or disturbed them, no one was happy. I had done the school run one day, came home and I stood crying in the house. She had peed and pood in the kitchen but then kept running back and forth through jt and jumping up at the doors and windows so there was literal shit everywhere. I had to carry my DC and find somewhere to put him so I could try and clean up without him touching it 😢 I was soooo done. No one in the house was happy.

We did rehome her, she's with a retired older couple now and she just transferred her obsession from my OH to the new man. She can sit on their laps all day and they never go anywhere without her. Honestly, everyone involved is a million times happier. You should seriously look into it. And I know people sating PTS is too extreme, no its not at all. You have a severely anxious dog and if you can't rehome you seriously can't expect your family or your dog to keep going like this? Its not feasible or sustainable, no one in your situation is happy, especially not the dog.

No she does not "need to have him put to sleep" FFS! Why are you so desperate for a stranger to have a pug killed?! Ask yourself because it's not normal!
OP you can't have him put to sleep because he had anxiety for goodness sake! Even if you had to appeal to some dog lovers on Facebook! There will always be someone to take him, don't have the poor little soul put down....imagine killing a human who had anxiety, if you put him down YOU'D you've to live with that, you do not want that on your conscience....clearly these weirdos telling you to put him down are dog haters who are just looking for an excuse.