My pug is ruining my life

[CosmicCuppa]

I just don’t know what to do anymore.

I have an eight year old pug with a very anxious attachment style. He’s a full on lap dog and cries miserably if he’s away from me for any minute. If I leave the house and he’s home with DH or the DC’s he won’t sit with them and sits crying and barking on the stairs until I come home.

I work from home but I will need to go into the office one day a week starting in a few weeks. He sits in a bed next to my feet all day every day, we go for walks and then he’s back right next to me.

He’s now taken to peeing on my bed every time I leave the room for even a few seconds (to tend to toddler DS for instance). We use enzyme cleaners everywhere but he just keeps going. He pees everywhere when I’m out of sight even if we’ve just gone to the garden together and he’s peed. Sometimes I need a bath or to use the toilet and he’ll pee in the hallway.

It’s ruining my life and I’m starting to dread every day with him. I’ve tried everything but nothing stops him unless he’s right next to me. I can’t rehome him because he only wants me but DH is getting to the point where he’s really unhappy in his own home because of the dog and I’m scared to do anything because the dog is just untrainable.

What the hell do I do? Is it cruel to rehome him? He’s been checked over by a vet and they say he’s just anxious and I’ll have to live with it. I have no idea what causes him to be this way though - he’s been like it forever but now with added peeing.

Does anyone have any ideas because I’m honestly on the verge of a breakdown and crying constantly over it. We have nobody to take him for a short period or anything like that. I just don’t know what to do.

Training needs to be done by the owner with the support of a trainer at home, there's no use in sending the dog elsewhere as they're not really learning how to do it in their own environment.

My pug was like this. She HAD to be in physical contact with either me or one of the kids. The fuss she would make if she didn’t get her own way was unreal, and although she was crate trained when we got her, she preferred hooman beds…
My partner moved in with his dog, a larger and older mixed breed and she decided to cling to him instead and now they sleep together and she follows his lead on everything. So a companion might help. Can you borrow a friend’s dog?

My friend had a similar dog, they tried absolutely everything, the final straw was he began to snap at anyone who came near my friend. When he bit the postman it was the final straw and they had to PTS.

I would discuss any suggested solutions with your DH, and especially what timescale is feasible given your impending return to work.

Honestly, whatever the cause for the poor dog, I could not cope with a dog pissing on the bed and all over the house when I have a toddler to care for. From an extra work and hygiene pov.

I also have a pug who is very attached to me but in a slightly more healthy way (she can be left, it’s just I’m her favourite person). I also show my dogs and I’ve been in the dog world for 33 years. Unfortunately it’s becoming more common that dogs are treated as “furbabies” rather than dogs….they need boundaries and training. I would start small, positive reinforcement, leave the room then re-enter, lots of treats and praise. Extend the time you leave the room for then start going out. DH can help with this too, he can reinforce good behaviour when you’re not there. Don’t crate but a bed where the dog can retreat and have some peace and quiet is always a good idea, especially with small children around. It’ll take time but it’s not impossible.

I would try a behaviourist first but if that doesn’t work and you think rehoming is the only next step then there is a specific pug rescue - it’s called PDWRA (Pug Dog Welfare and Rescue Association) who are the official breed rescue. They rehome pugs to checked homes and they cover the vet’s bills for the rest of the dogs life so please speak to them. They may also offer advice on your current situation. Please use them, DO NOT SELL on a website where you have no idea where it’s going.

A lot of breeds do tend to be more like this chihuahuas tend to be a very one person dog
PTS is an extreme solution but before you consider that visit your vet again and tell them how extreme and disruptive it is. they should be able to prescribe anti anxiety style medication and maybe for times you have to leave a sedative
try using Feliway plug ins
try another behaviourist specialising in this problem

Please do NOT follow the cruel and outdated advice to 'be an alpha' - that will make the situation so, so much worse. It might suppress the behaviour but it will not address the anxiety. You need face-to-face advice from a qualified behaviourist who uses force-free, positive methods - find one who is accredited by the Association of Pet Behaviour Counsellors (APBC). In the interim, look at Julie Naismith's book and online resources on separation anxiety.

Realistically speaking, an 8yo pug with severe separation anxiety and toileting issues is not going to be easy to re-home. If OP has genuinely tried everything - including medication, vet care and behavioural training, then I personally think there are worse outcomes for this dog than it being quietly and calmly put to sleep surrounded by its’ family.

IMO we need to stop shying away from
behavioural euthanasia.

This person is AMAZING with all sorts of dog issues including anxiety, they have a really kind approach and it works every time:

https://www.thedogguardian.com

Not an advert! Just so impressed with how much they supported us.

Try a different behaviourist. Just because it didn't work with the first one, doesn't mean it won't with another. The dog will have changed in that time and so have you. A different behaviourist will use different strategies.

I would second a previous posters suggestion to look at the Dog Training Advice and Support Facebook group or the book version of the articles are available from Amazon (Dog Training and Behaviour Solutions book).

The other resource I would suggest if you want ethical and lasting changes is Dog Separation Anxiety Training Support with Julie Naismith which is also on Facebook or the Original book Be Right Back!: How To Overcome Your Dog's Separation Anxiety And Regain Your Freedom

However, neither will give a quick fix and will require time, effort and consistency. If you are happy to put the work in I would definitely approach your vet to consider anxiety medication to use in conjunction whilst the training begins. It is okay to decide that this isn't something that you are able to deal with as long as you do so responsibly and considering your pugs best interests also. Good luck with whatever you choose.

I think dogs do need to know that they are not the alpha, they are pack animals after all. But the alpha can be kind they don't have to be mean to the dog.

My dog knows where he is in the pack which is beneath me, my husband and my son. But we all love him and treat him with great kindness. What we don't let him do is cause mess inside (or he would be confined to one room as he was when he was a little puppy) or dictate to us who is allowed to leave the room to take a shower, go out etc.

You should have dealt with this years ago !
you caused it
then you decided to bring children into the equation

so everyone jumps on the bandwagon and yes lets kill the dog - it's an inconvenience which pees everywhere.

Of course someone will adopt the dog !

it's finding the right rescue and the right person !

there are plenty of older non working couples who are at home a lot who would love him to bits.

you have been advised up thread of a reputable Pug rescue, speak to them.

I have a pug, yes he loves me ( he thinks he now wants to sleep on my face at bedtime after 2 years ) I also have his two daughters which are pug x shih tzus, I adopted them first then I took him on.
He also loves our other family members, and the other dogs.

Dogs are pack animals.

Separation anxiety should have been dealt with when he was a puppy.

But there are good decent people out there that will take him on and love him.

I know of two shih tzus that eventually got rehomed to a lovely couple, older, live in the country and are home 99% of the time. The dogs have settled and are happy. Tho it did take a bit of finding the right home for them, they were fostered by a little rescue.

I have to say i agree with this, particularly if everything has been tried in regards to working with a behavioural specialist. I'm sorry OP but it may be the kindest thing if the dog is so distraught

I agree that the kindest course is likely to be PTS. The chances of finding someone who wants to take him on are, with the best will in the world, tiny, and his life isn't happy.

And if you do put the poor little mite to sleep, don’t get another dog again! Clearly you have other priorities now.

My brother has a pug. She’s crate trained, has been from a puppy. She’s still a nut job though. She guards her family and will attack other dogs if anyone gets close. Of course they keep her on a lead all the time but she got out the other day. She attacked a Rotty and a German Shepherd. Luckily they just sat and looked the other way, while she was going mental. 😂

They’ve paid a highly recommended behaviourist, who explained she was guarding her resource and to stop her unwanted behaviour they need to give her treats. This failed miserably as she soon caught on that her behaviour was being rewarded.

I think some of these highly bred dogs are just impossible to own. My sympathies @CosmicCuppa . I second trying the vets for medication. Good luck.

Honestly, they do not need an alpha. Pack theory has long since been discredited. Your dog does not view you as another dog. The relationship should be based on mutual respect and trust, not dominance. Viewing your dog as "beneath" you is a dangerous and outmoded way of thinking, particularly where large and powerful breeds are concerned.

Anyway, back on topic with problem Pug. How is establishing herself as an alpha going to help this stressed, anxious dog with severe separation anxiety? You say you don't "let" your dog cause mess inside, but I fail to see how that is in any way connected with him being at the bottom of the pack...If anything, a dog forced into submission is more likely to foul, not less likely.

Pugs are high maintenance dogs, and shouldn't be undertaken lightly. What's done is done - however a consistent, firm no nonsense approach can work wonders with pugs who display unwanted behaviour. I would definitely give 6 months over to training as a first port of call.

as an aside and also a pug owner all my life - putting a pug to sleep is not the worst thing that can happen.

eta I don't mean harsh or uncaring when I say firm 😂

As pp have said, there are better dog behaviourists out there. I know an excellent one & happy to PM the details to you so you can discuss the issues with her.

I would ask the vet for some meds to take the edge off. Separation anxiety is not easy to crack, but this seems extreme. Have you tried a doggy day care type situation where there will be other dogs for them to mix with and may distract from the fact you aren't there.
One of my dogs is a velcro dog, breed is known for it, we made sure we spent time apart, we are lucky in that we have 2 dogs which I think helps - but certainly wouldn't recommend getting another dog as there is nothing to say the new dog wouldn't pick up on the anxiety and you then have 2 dogs with problems.
The things I would normally recommend to try wouldn't work with a dog to anxious. You definitely need a behaviourist and trainer.
I would reach out to a specific pug breed rescue and ask their advice, chances are they have had one or two with the same issue. Might also be worth asking if they will work with you.

Good luck OP, I am a dog lover but this behaviour would drive me insane too.

@Wolfiefan

yeah Op , stop going out without your dog. Give up your job and live on benefits.
🙄

Maybe try Graham, Dogs behaving badly, C5. He has had some amazing results with really challenging situations.

@NatFatPrat

not all dogs piss everywhere like this one though. Chances are if she got another dog she’s be just fine

Sounds like a nightmare!
you’ll really have to dig deep. Re the crate, might be short term pain for long term gain I’m afraid, pugs are reknowned for being stubborn, you have to win the stubbornness battle.
also, no letting him on the bed / sofa etc, he’s too high in the pack in his eyes, this becomes an issue with discipline.
your husband really needs to help you out and support the training even if it’s just sitting with the kids for reassurance while you see to the dog, it needs teamwork.
maybe also go back to the vet with literally what you’ve said on your OP and ask for some anti anxiety meds.
regarding rehoming him, I think you know that’s not the right solution here, you just need to make a plan and put in some really hard work. I know it sucks, especially when you have young children to see to, knowing how much he is attached to you could you really live with yourself at the thought of how upset and confused he would be if you disappeared?
good luck

@Cherrytree86 you can’t leave a dog with true separation anxiety. You just can’t. It’s like they have a continuous panic attack. Honestly PTS would be a better way forward. I had a dog with SA. Trust me I know just how hard it is.