My pug is ruining my life

[CosmicCuppa]

I just don’t know what to do anymore.

I have an eight year old pug with a very anxious attachment style. He’s a full on lap dog and cries miserably if he’s away from me for any minute. If I leave the house and he’s home with DH or the DC’s he won’t sit with them and sits crying and barking on the stairs until I come home.

I work from home but I will need to go into the office one day a week starting in a few weeks. He sits in a bed next to my feet all day every day, we go for walks and then he’s back right next to me.

He’s now taken to peeing on my bed every time I leave the room for even a few seconds (to tend to toddler DS for instance). We use enzyme cleaners everywhere but he just keeps going. He pees everywhere when I’m out of sight even if we’ve just gone to the garden together and he’s peed. Sometimes I need a bath or to use the toilet and he’ll pee in the hallway.

It’s ruining my life and I’m starting to dread every day with him. I’ve tried everything but nothing stops him unless he’s right next to me. I can’t rehome him because he only wants me but DH is getting to the point where he’s really unhappy in his own home because of the dog and I’m scared to do anything because the dog is just untrainable.

What the hell do I do? Is it cruel to rehome him? He’s been checked over by a vet and they say he’s just anxious and I’ll have to live with it. I have no idea what causes him to be this way though - he’s been like it forever but now with added peeing.

Does anyone have any ideas because I’m honestly on the verge of a breakdown and crying constantly over it. We have nobody to take him for a short period or anything like that. I just don’t know what to do.

@OnyourbarksGSG

yeah turf out your husband Op! I’m sure your child won’t mind. And of course because of this dog you can never date again as you can’t go out without the dog so enjoy your life confined to the house with piss everywhere!

honestly some people on here just seem to lose their mind then it comes to dogs. No sense at all and they can’t seem to recognise that humans are more important than dogs

@Wolfiefan

i agree putting this dog to sleep seems to be the best and kindest option all round.

Get advice from another trainer. You have to change something, just because it didn't help years ago doesn't mean it won't help now. Revisit crate training, start slow, look up YouTube for demos. Try some stuffed Kongs etc. At least if he's crate trained the peeing will be contained.

The mutt has to be left at some point unless you want to take it on and never leave it’s sight.

Put it down.

the mentally ill dog fanatics can take it on it on means so much to them.

@Musclewoman

why don’t you take this dog on then?
problem solved! Enjoy cleaning up piss

Your husband should be the one feeding him, giving him treats, taking him for walks and playing with him to create a bond and help change your pugs mindset so he will have two favourite people rather than just one.

If you do decide to rehome him please contact PDWRA. They have a website, Facebook and Instagram page and are an amazing Pug rescue charity. They will be able to give you peace of mind that your Pug will end up In tje right home.

Oh god yes this. I’ve a relative with a terribly behaved dog who is probably four now. She screams at it and is amazed when it doesn’t then behave - probably because that’s how she trained her child!

Absolutely not - he is an unqualified idiot, to put it mildly, whose 'quick fixes' merely suppress behaviour using outdated and often downright dangerous approaches without getting to the core issues. He is utterly reviled amongst the actual qualified trainers and behaviourists I know.

Why would you recommend someone who has no qualifications and is just a TV persona?

I know it’s not ideal but would he wear a belly band to stop the pee going on your things.

I don't care if my dog thinks of me as another dog or not, who knows what goes on in his dim little brain? What I do care about is that he knows what I want is more important than what he wants.

He certainly is beneath me - he's a dog. But we have a relationship based on trust and affection and he doesn't need to be dominated as he grew up learning that we are in charge not him.

Apologies, didn’t mean to offend you.

I think you need to try a different trainer and stick with what they say.

Take her to the vet and get some medication.

Also you mentioned putting her into doggy day care- could you increase her days in daycare so that you have a bit of a break?

Sounds ridiculous but my dad’s dog was a nightmare. They changed his diet and just that alone had a massive impact on his behaviour. He has fresh food or one of those food boxes. Again I know expensive.

it’s not fair to rehome your dog. The new owner will have the same issue and the dog will end up in a shelter, which is so so sad. You adopted the dog you need to deal with it IMO.

Poor pug and poor you, what a nightmare.

I'm the last person to suggest putting a healthy animal to sleep, bit if you can't find a suitable new home through a pug rescue, it might be the kindest option.

Which is 100% what dominance theory is.

If you feel the need to lord it over your dog with the dim little brain in this way, then go right ahead, but pack order has largely been discredited in dog training now. Either way, it is not likely to be helpful for an adult dog with separation anxiety.

What makes you think I’m offended?

I just think if you’re going to recommend someone, they should at least be qualified 🤷‍♀️

Never heard of dominance theory and neither has my dog but we get along just fine with the humans being in charge.

No separation anxiety from my boy - just happy to get a break from being lorded over I expect.

I contacted a pug rescue last night out of sheer desperation right before I cried myself to sleep at the thought of him being so sad without me if they took him. Woke up to an email and text from them saying they could collect him this weekend. Couldn’t bring myself to message them back.

I really am the only person he loves. When people say don’t leave him, I genuinely don’t. I work from home four days a week now in a new job and I’ve been home for years full time WFH and then on maternity leave. Apart from nipping to Tesco I very rarely leave him and never for more than two hours. Someone is always in the house with him. It doesn’t matter. It’s me or nobody in his eyes, the poor baby.

If this was ‘normal’ separation anxiety I’d be able to cope better but going to the room next door to tend to a crying baby for four minutes and for him to have peed on the bed knowing he could climb down and follow me is exhausting. Even if I take him off the bed, out of the room, close the door etc he’ll pee in the hall because my attention is elsewhere. Even when I’m in the bath and he’s in the bathroom with me, he’ll whine, cry and pee because he can’t get to me.

Now I have one mandated day in the office so as of next week I have to be in one day a week. DH will have to look after him and the baby both screaming while I’m gone because the dog makes the baby cry with how loud and consistent his wails are.

I’m going to make an appointment with a new vet and have a discussion but not with the view to PTS. He really is my baby but he’s a baby who’s making me a prisoner in my own home.

Honestly really consider rehoming him! You all sound so miserable. I am not sure he is as anxious as you think. To me it sounds like he has realised he gets all your attention if he misbehaviours - it sounds like protest peeing as if he was anxious he would follow you. But I’m not sure that you can change this now without an awful lot of work and stress as pugs are so hard to train especially if they have already trained their owner to cater to their every whim…
Best of luck. Don’t be so hard on yourself. He isn’t your baby - he’s your dog (and therein lies half the problem…) Pug rescue centres are amazing and will have seen it all - but babying a pug honestly is a road to ruin!

Get your husband serving him his dinner, giving him treats, playing with him even if you have to be in the room for this to happen.

Your pug will slowly start to see your husband as a huge positive as he’s the one giving him food.

As time goes on you can ease yourself out the room whilst he’s doing all of these things until your pug realises that it’s actually ok for you to not be there.

Ask your vet about Meds that could help chill him out and get some of the plug ins to go around the house. They take a while to kick in but they’ll definitely help if even a little bit.

It will all be ok in the end. Whether that’s because you find an answer to keep him or because he ends up being happier somewhere else.

I’m going to second @DaisyChain505

We’ve found pet remedy plug ins to be the most effective.

The best advice I can give is to stop treating him like a baby and start treating him like a dog. Consistent training across the board so he knows what to expect and what’s expected of him. I’ve had two rescue pugs and it’s honestly the best thing you can do for them. They’ll always be a bit clingy, it’s what they are bred to do after all but it doesn’t have to be this extreme. Also there is no shame in rehoming if it’s just not working. A dedicated pug rescue should be able to help you.

There’s no shame in rehoming him if you feel that’s the best option @CosmicCuppa You sound at the end of your tether. Maybe talk it over a bit more with the pug rescue people.

A different set up may suit him better, it’s worth a try.