Looked after friend's dog as a favour: now in the doghouse

[LetsTalkTwaddle]

Friends of ours had the chance to take a big six-week holiday earlier this year. They booked a house-sitter to look after their place and their dog months in advance, only to be let down just before Christmas. They couldn't find a suitable replacement at short notice and couldn't bear to put their lovely young dog in kennels. They were on the verge of cancelling everything when we volunteered to have him stay with us. We'd been hoping to grab a week or two in Spain or north Africa in February, but their need seemed more pressing than our need for a break. We're experienced dog owners and we live in doggy heaven: our house backs onto miles of open common land and countryside, with hours of walking direct from our back gate.

The dog came and soon settled down. He absolutely loved his two or three walks each day. The weather was pretty good and he adored playing in the local river and streams. He was easy and obedient and a pleasure to be with. We both work from home and so he had company for much of the day. We followed all their rules — no balls, no human food, not allowed on furniture or upstairs — to the letter. Every few days we sent them pictures or short videos to show them what he was up to.

Last week, on their return, we took him back to the meet-up point halfway between out homes and handed him back. They seemed a little upset that he wasn't all over them. He was happy and waggy to see them, but not leaping around. We had lunch together and they kept mentioning that we'd spoiled him with such nice walks and more company than he was used to, and although they thanked us there was a bit of an edge in the air. We said what a good job they'd done training him, and that he was probably a little confused by what was going on and wasn't sure who he was going home with. We deliberately didn't make a lot of fuss of him as we left.

We didn't hear anything more from them, which surprised me. They are the kind of people who if they stay with us, send a thank you message on their return home. On Tuesday I messaged, hoping that all is going well and saying something silly about missing my daily morning walk. They haven't responded, which isn't like them. We have a mutual friend and apparently they've said to her that we've spoiled him and now he's going to struggle to deal with their work routine (apparently he spends about six hours a day on his own) and their shorter walks.

I've known these people since university/ training days. I can't quite believe that something like this has blown up our friendship. What would you do?

The reason I won't get a dog under my current circumstances if s because I wouldn't be at home enough to keep him company.

DDog has had a great time with you OP, he's probably forgotten his owners a bit, and now he's got to go back to staring at walls for six hours a day. I can't say I blame him for wanting to stay with you! You were such fun! His owners are jealous and miffed. Let them be. I hope you have an opportunity to be his auntie again very soon!

@Shitmonger Ha! They’ve discovered the hard way what experienced dog owners already know: that dogs generally are not loyal, they simply want the best deal they can get! Shameless sods, every last one. 😂

Absolutely! Our dog boards at a heavenly place when we go away - they have two other dogs of their own who are very playful, horses to visit and a massive garden and he can sit on the sofa whenever he likes. He loves it! When we go and pick him up you can see him thinking, 'This is awkward, how do I tell them I want to stay here...' and he mopes around when he gets home. But I would never blame our pet boarding for 'spoiling' him, that would be completely ridiculous.

Is this their first dog or their first holiday? Plenty of dogs get the hump with their owners when they collect them from a stay at kennels or dogsitters. It's not usually the owners who go into a temporary sulk.
At least you got a bottle of gin, OP. When we looked after a high needs dog for a similar period, the owners brought us back a packet of biscuits that only DH was able to eat. They weren't even friends of ours, just acquaintances of DH''s from a hobby. They still speak to him, even though the dog had a nice time.

As I understand it the dog is left for 3-4 hours most mornings. One of them comes home around lunchtime and lets him out for a pee and a runaround, then goes back to work and there may be another 3 hours before the other one comes home. I think neighbours sometimes go in and let the dog out too. So I think most workdays the dog spends around six hours alone in total, but with a short break in the middle. Sorry, should have made that clearer.

They are jealous of your life style. They are jealous of you being able to afford walks etc and they don't. They can F off in my opinion.
They wanted a 6 weeks holidays, this is what they have. 6 weeks is a lot for a dog.

They should realise that 6 weeks is a long time in a dog's life, they will have to regain his trust, he doesn't know they just went on a jolly holiday, he will have felt abandoned even though he was getting the best loving care from you.. It will take time for him so settle back into his old routine.They sound very ungrateful and uptight - no dogs upstairs , no ball, left on his own for hours, sounds like a joyless existence .

This is so crazy of them! I have a person who looks after our dog and takes her on the best walks ever, much nicer than I can manage with a baby, and I am just so grateful that my dog gets such a lovely experience in her life. They are very strange and very ungrateful - you can have my dog for a staycation if you like, it sounds like doggy bliss! 🤣

There's probably more to it than appears. Give them time, and let them settle back home.
Don't contact them.

How dare you be so good to their dog. The nerve of you! That was a long holiday, you skipped your own too. These people are ridiculous and should have thanked yiu with a lovely gift or a nice meal out. You sound like exactly who I'd want to watch my furry guy if I was out of town!

You sound lovely OP and haven’t done anything wrong. They’re being ungrateful because they are feeling a bit bruised it seems. But don’t do anything, it’s for them to process.

I would guess it’s not that they’re actively blaming you, but that thinking about you makes them feel guilty and uncomfortable and perhaps a bit jealous because they know their dog probably preferred the life he led with you. Perhaps your daily photos and videos, while totally kind and well-meant on your part, fed into that feeling.

If you give them time they’ll probably get over it. But if not, I would be very tempted to ask your friend straight out what’s wrong and whether you’ve upset her in some way. The impossibility of saying what’s wrong is you were too kind to their dog might make her realise how ridiculous she is being.

Chasing balls is bad for the dogs joints, especially front elbows and shoulders.
Especially bad if you use a flinger as the force of the ball is greater.
Learned that the hard way.

Op, you have been a wonderful friend. My dog sulked with me after I spent a week in hospital!

They're jealous. I look after cats (paid), and some owners will tell me that their cat doesn't really play, is too old to play, isn't interested in hanging out with people, will probably just hide.
Surprise surprise - give the cat 45 mins of full attention, a laser, a string, and scratches in their favourite spots - and a very different cat appears. It makes me sad for the cat.

But most owners do book me again, thank me for putting in the effort, and sometimes they'll buy a laser or new brush. Hopefully your friends will also learn that they need to do more for their dog.

No, we're not looking for another dog. We've had 17 consecutive years of dog-servitude, and one of those dogs was pretty demanding. We're really not looking for a new one at the moment. We hope later this year to wind down our workload and travel much more. When you have a 'difficult' dog, as we did for 14 years, it can be almost impossible to find appropriate care and so we went without foreign holidays together for years. We'd obviously love to have our friends' dog back from time to time, and we'd welcome other easygoing and reasonably well-behaved dogs too. We've both improved our fitness with all the walking over the last six weeks and, as I've already said, he brightened the gloom of January and February. But if they offered him to us we'd have to say no. We really want to spend the next few years away from home regularly and even a lovely dog complicates that.

What horrible people. My god, if you had looked after my dog, I can't even describe the level of grateful I would be! He was exercised, fed, loved, safe. They had peace of mind while they were away. You can't ask for more.

I'm a gransnet person and have reached the age where it would no longer be kind to have a pet of my own, so I do quite a lot of holiday pet-sitting. One of the most common reactions from pets is the "sulks" that the animals show when their owners return.
The sight of them (dogs and cats alike) deliberately turning their back on their doting owner who expects them to be overjoyed at the reunion would be hilarious if it weren't so sad!
Its a very normal reaction (from the pet)
The dog will have forgiven them by now.

Offer to home the dog? You care about animals, they don't if they leave him for 6 hours per day!

I think if you are going to be regularly out of the house for as long as the Op's friends are, you need to fork out for a dog walker or doggy daycare. It's a non negotiable for me.

Ungrateful prats!

If someone looked after my dog and they'd had such a wonderful time I'd be delighted not annoyed!

Because some dogs can get obsessive about balls and when they have a ball in their mouth they don't stop and sniff and go searching for rabbits and doing doggy things they'd do naturally. Lots of dog-owners who've trained their dogs to need balls regret it down the line. Ball-throwing might mean owners don't have to walk so far to burn off their dog's steam, but it can sentence both dog and owner to a lifetime of ball-throwing.

I never took a ball out on walks with our lovely guest dog, but if he found an abandoned ball while we were out he changed. Instead of burning off energy running round using his nose and searching through undergrowth he'd walk beside me, worrying a little bit in case another dog came along and wanted it back.

This would seriously affect a friendship for me, I'd probably have nothing to do with them personally going forward and only see them if they are at events with other friends. I certainly wouldn't be offering to host them again.

I do think you need to contact them and make it clear that you did them an enormous favour by having the dog, that you gave up a holiday you were hoping to take as they were so in need, that you stuck to their rules to the letter and you treated their dog no differently to how you treat you own in terms of walks. What did they expect you to do? Go out all day every day to 'ape' their routine and leave their dog behind when going on walks?

I really think they need telling, OP. The fact that they had the audacity to moan about you to other friends is just awful.

I don't think sweeping this under the rug will help them at all. They need to understand just how entitled their behaviour is.

How ungrateful! Hopefully they’ve just got post-holiday blues and will realise how rude they’ve been when the jet lag wears off!

I opened this thread thinking it'd be about the dog eating something whilst in your care and needing emergency surgery or something. You know, an actual reason for an owner to be upset.

I can't get over how ridiculously ungrateful they are being. You sound lovely OP and everyone needs a friend like you. I could never leave my dog in a kennels or anything, she's a small companion breed that is used to being with me most of the time and although she doesn't have separation anxiety I know that she wouldn't do well in a setting like that. She needs to be with people. I couldn't ever enjoy myself on a holiday without her knowing that she wasn't happy.

What you've done is a dream for me and any dog owner. To know that your dog is happy and well looked after while you are away is all you want.

You've allowed your friends to have a lovely, longer than average holiday, looked after their dog for FREE and they've not had to spend a second worrying about their dog so have been able to fully enjoy themselves. They should be extremely grateful.

I pay a dog sitter £35 per night when I’m away. If someone offered to have my dog while I was on holiday, I’d buy them a large thank you gift. They sound awfully ungrateful and quite immature.

Next time let them put their dog in kennels if they want him to be on his own for most of the day.

What rude, ungrateful people they are! You saved their holiday and this is how they repay you? You looked after their dog too well?

I would be absolutely furious and would probably say something to them that I might regret.