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The doghouse

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Original poster

Looked after friend's dog as a favour: now in the doghouse

255 replies

LetsTalkTwaddle · 07/03/2025 12:04

Friends of ours had the chance to take a big six-week holiday earlier this year. They booked a house-sitter to look after their place and their dog months in advance, only to be let down just before Christmas. They couldn't find a suitable replacement at short notice and couldn't bear to put their lovely young dog in kennels. They were on the verge of cancelling everything when we volunteered to have him stay with us. We'd been hoping to grab a week or two in Spain or north Africa in February, but their need seemed more pressing than our need for a break. We're experienced dog owners and we live in doggy heaven: our house backs onto miles of open common land and countryside, with hours of walking direct from our back gate.

The dog came and soon settled down. He absolutely loved his two or three walks each day. The weather was pretty good and he adored playing in the local river and streams. He was easy and obedient and a pleasure to be with. We both work from home and so he had company for much of the day. We followed all their rules — no balls, no human food, not allowed on furniture or upstairs — to the letter. Every few days we sent them pictures or short videos to show them what he was up to.

Last week, on their return, we took him back to the meet-up point halfway between out homes and handed him back. They seemed a little upset that he wasn't all over them. He was happy and waggy to see them, but not leaping around. We had lunch together and they kept mentioning that we'd spoiled him with such nice walks and more company than he was used to, and although they thanked us there was a bit of an edge in the air. We said what a good job they'd done training him, and that he was probably a little confused by what was going on and wasn't sure who he was going home with. We deliberately didn't make a lot of fuss of him as we left.

We didn't hear anything more from them, which surprised me. They are the kind of people who if they stay with us, send a thank you message on their return home. On Tuesday I messaged, hoping that all is going well and saying something silly about missing my daily morning walk. They haven't responded, which isn't like them. We have a mutual friend and apparently they've said to her that we've spoiled him and now he's going to struggle to deal with their work routine (apparently he spends about six hours a day on his own) and their shorter walks.

I've known these people since university/ training days. I can't quite believe that something like this has blown up our friendship. What would you do?

OP posts:
Glorybox2025 · 07/03/2025 12:42

They sound like dickheads to start with TBH - you can't have a 6 week holiday if you have a dog. Of course the dog is going to be impacted by that length of separation. Dogs aren't children, their attachments are more quickly transferred. If they get the hump with you after such a significant favour they are truly awful people.
And the cost of overnight care is a lot. We leave our dog with someone he knows if we go away, the longest period has been 10 days and that cost £300 - they would have paid £1400 at least for care if you hadn't done it. And people who dog sit professionally would also be giving the dog a lovely time with lots of walks - that's what they do!

Original poster
LetsTalkTwaddle · 07/03/2025 12:43

SuperTrooper14 · 07/03/2025 12:41

Ugh, they sound like our neighbours who were happy to have us dog-sit for them so they could go abroad but then complained to a friend of mine that we had spoiled him and he was a nightmare because of it. This is a dog they leave alone for sometimes up to 10 hours because of work and who we took for hour-long walks twice a day and treated like a member of the family instead of a guard dog. Needless to say, we now refuse when they ask.

Edited

Oh no! I bet the poor dog looked forward to being looked after by you. For the dog's sake, would you rethink?

OP posts:
melonalone · 07/03/2025 12:44

Imagine being jealous that your friend did a good job of looking after your dog (as a favour to you!)

They are totally embarrassing themselves, OP. They could easily have sent you a thank you text etc and you would have been none the wiser. They sound very immature.

SuperTrooper14 · 07/03/2025 12:45

LetsTalkTwaddle · 07/03/2025 12:43

Oh no! I bet the poor dog looked forward to being looked after by you. For the dog's sake, would you rethink?

Show quote history

We really miss him and hate how he's treated but my work situation has changed anyway and I'm no longer WFH full time so we couldn't have him bar the odd weekend. They've now found someone else to care for him for longer trips.

DwarfPalmetto · 07/03/2025 12:46

No good deed goes unpunished OP

sixtyandfabulousofcourse · 07/03/2025 12:46

ungrateful sods I hope they paid you for having him
As a dog sitter unless told otherwise I am afraid he would be having walks as well
they know you work from home if that did not suit them re the dog getting used to company they should have either tried harder to find someone or don't go on holiday

melonalone · 07/03/2025 12:48

Could there be something else going on? Maybe struggling to conceive and the dog is their “child” and now they’re upset that they’re not the best “parents”?

Not saying this to excuse any of their (frankly ridiculous) behaviour but trying to find an explanation. You said you’ve known them since university so they are presumably reasonably bright/well educated people who aren’t usually so ridiculous?

EdithStourton · 07/03/2025 12:48

That's appalling, OP.
And aside from the bottle of gin, did they pay for lunch?

To badmouth you after the huge favour you did them... just 😮

DarkMagicStars · 07/03/2025 12:50

You did them a massive favour and this is how they act? Fuck every helping them again.

Unluckycat1 · 07/03/2025 12:52

Though it's not your fault (you did a really lovely thing) through you giving their dog such a lovely six weeks, they no doubt now feel bad about the life the dog has with them. They are misplacing that bad feeling. I wouldn't take it personally, especially as you enjoyed having the dog stay. If they've been friends for a long time it seems worth it to just leave it for now. Hopefully they will apologise in the future.

DaisyChain505 · 07/03/2025 12:53

It sounds like a lot of deflection of their own feelings.

They probably feel guilty that they’ve been away and left their dog for so long.

Embarrassed and guilty that they don’t offer their dog the same amount of exercise and attention as you have shown it.

Upset and hurt that the dog wasn’t more pleased to see them and leaving them wondering if it would actually prefer to be living with them.

You never know what happened on the holiday and they could be experiencing real marital problems that could also have been reflected in their behaviour.

It’s hard not to take it personally but see it more of a reflection on them and not you.

offmynut · 07/03/2025 12:54

Op just do what i do when you are ever asked just say a plain NO.
I dont babysit or pet sit for anyone.

Theoscargoesto · 07/03/2025 12:56

I have just had a lovely holiday but I have 2 dogs. I had plans for them which were ruined when the younger one started her season. It was a terrible worry trying to find somewhere safe where they would be happy whilst we were away, and trying to find such a place at the last minute (and some care was quoted at £55 per day per dog) was a nightmare. Your friends are extremely lucky to have had you. What it shows is that the dogs had a lovely time, and isn’t that what they wanted? Your friends are bonkers. And ungrateful!

noctilucentcloud · 07/03/2025 12:58

I can understand their disappointment at their dog not giving them a big welcome and being excited to see them. But they're adults, you get over that quickly and focus on the fact you did them a massive favour and looked after their dog really well. They should be pleased their dog had such a nice time! Taking a dog on two reasonable walks a day isn't spoiling them, it's what dogs should have. You followed all their rules re furniture, food etc. I can see that if the dog's had company for 6 weeks, it's going to need a bit of time to get used to being left again - but that's a them problem and they should have factored in that as they may have had the same issue with a house sitter anyway. I wonder if their dog is playing up a bit (because it's bored / under-exercised) and there's also a bit of guilt in there because they know that objectively the dog had a better time with you and they can't provide that, and also some insecurity that they think their dog likes you better than them. But you've done nothing wrong, in fact you've been great friends taking the dog and putting your own plans on hold.

BlackSwan · 07/03/2025 12:59

No good deed goes unpunished.

But - who cares about them, you did a really nice thing for the dog & he appreciated it. That's what matters.

Original poster
LetsTalkTwaddle · 07/03/2025 13:01

offmynut · 07/03/2025 12:54

Op just do what i do when you are ever asked just say a plain NO.
I dont babysit or pet sit for anyone.

I presume you've failed to read the posts where I've said that we thoroughly enjoyed having this dog and all the reasons for going out walking he offered us. He really cheered up those six weeks for us. I prefer being someone who says yes to life, even if sometimes that means things get a bit bumpy.

OP posts:
Verbena17 · 07/03/2025 13:04

LetsTalkTwaddle · 07/03/2025 12:04

Friends of ours had the chance to take a big six-week holiday earlier this year. They booked a house-sitter to look after their place and their dog months in advance, only to be let down just before Christmas. They couldn't find a suitable replacement at short notice and couldn't bear to put their lovely young dog in kennels. They were on the verge of cancelling everything when we volunteered to have him stay with us. We'd been hoping to grab a week or two in Spain or north Africa in February, but their need seemed more pressing than our need for a break. We're experienced dog owners and we live in doggy heaven: our house backs onto miles of open common land and countryside, with hours of walking direct from our back gate.

The dog came and soon settled down. He absolutely loved his two or three walks each day. The weather was pretty good and he adored playing in the local river and streams. He was easy and obedient and a pleasure to be with. We both work from home and so he had company for much of the day. We followed all their rules — no balls, no human food, not allowed on furniture or upstairs — to the letter. Every few days we sent them pictures or short videos to show them what he was up to.

Last week, on their return, we took him back to the meet-up point halfway between out homes and handed him back. They seemed a little upset that he wasn't all over them. He was happy and waggy to see them, but not leaping around. We had lunch together and they kept mentioning that we'd spoiled him with such nice walks and more company than he was used to, and although they thanked us there was a bit of an edge in the air. We said what a good job they'd done training him, and that he was probably a little confused by what was going on and wasn't sure who he was going home with. We deliberately didn't make a lot of fuss of him as we left.

We didn't hear anything more from them, which surprised me. They are the kind of people who if they stay with us, send a thank you message on their return home. On Tuesday I messaged, hoping that all is going well and saying something silly about missing my daily morning walk. They haven't responded, which isn't like them. We have a mutual friend and apparently they've said to her that we've spoiled him and now he's going to struggle to deal with their work routine (apparently he spends about six hours a day on his own) and their shorter walks.

I've known these people since university/ training days. I can't quite believe that something like this has blown up our friendship. What would you do?

Absolutely selfish of them - ungrateful non-friends!

I would never contact them again to be honest.
If your kindness made them react like that, they deserve to be cut off.

Sunat45degrees · 07/03/2025 13:05

They sound ridiculous but I would simply let it blow over. Give them a few weeks or whatever would be normal for your regular amount of contact then just mexsage them as you would normally suggesting a day out or whatever.

It IS silly if this is the issue but it's likely they feel a bit defensive.

We rehomed a friend's dog when they had to move for work and couldn't take the dog. They are super happy the dog has been happy with us. But my friend has admitted that sometimes if she sees a picture on facebook or whatever she has a little pang of, "oh, she looks so happy and clearly doesnt miss us" even years later. The first time they saw the dog after they left, she was so happy to see them and gave them lots of cuddles, but made no effort to go with them when they left. Again, my friend admitted to me that she was both THRILLED the dog was properly at home with us while simultaneously a little sad.

Your friends aren't admitting any of this, but I suspect they're feeling it. So I'd just let it go.

Pegsmum · 07/03/2025 13:05

I wish you were my friend! The dog sounds like it’s had a better holiday than your ungrateful ‘friend's’. I would definitely call them out, what a rude and ungrateful pair.

Coffeedreaming · 07/03/2025 13:05

You sound so lovely OP. What a kind thing to do.

Horrible when it’s thrown back in your face. It would change how I feel about the friends though

TheWombatleague · 07/03/2025 13:06

"Dear owners,

Can you please go on holiday again, I'm bored and anxious locked in here 6 hours a day.

When I was a guest of letstalktwaddle, not only did I have company and stimulation, but they taught me to write.

Signed. A. Dog."

Tdp123 · 07/03/2025 13:06

Out of interest - why no balls?

Gremlins101 · 07/03/2025 13:06

They are just knobs. And jealous too.
The fact that they said it to a mutual friend would make me inclined to send them an icy email explaining how you went out of your way to help them, did everything to the letter, and now they are complaining about your efforts. After that I'd step back and let them show their colours.

Original poster
LetsTalkTwaddle · 07/03/2025 13:06

EdithStourton · 07/03/2025 12:48

That's appalling, OP.
And aside from the bottle of gin, did they pay for lunch?

To badmouth you after the huge favour you did them... just 😮

Yes, they paid for lunch, too. They did mention money when we offered initially but we were very clear that we had no intention of asking for or accepting money. The pleasure of his company was payment enough.

OP posts:
UraniumArthur · 07/03/2025 13:07

They are being absolute idiots.

My own dog barely gave me a glance when I picked him up from 2 weeks intensive veterinary care during an illness last summer. There is no way on earth he genuinely preferred being kept in a glass kennel and bloods taken every couple of hours, fed nothing but his own kibble and taken for perfunctury walks 4 times a day around the same small field. I'd be a fool to take his greeting as any indication of his preference. (And yet when I nip round the shop, he's all over me when I get back Grin)

Besides, you have to be a specific kind of selfish to begrudge your dog enjoying the 6 weeks while you went off on your jollies. Surely, if you love the dog, the very best case scenario is that they had a blast and never missed you once?

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