Nightmares about new dog

[sleepfortheweek]

We have a rescue dog, who we have had for nearly 12 years. She'll be 13/14 years old and we love her so much. She is the best dog ever, so calm and gentle, and is the perfect family dog.

I have always wanted another dog - but with two young kids it wasn't really an option and DH was always against it. Our dog is set in her ways now, she doesn't mind other dogs but I think she prefers her own company. She doesn't like it if dogs are too full on, and will tell them off, but happy to be near dogs otherwise.

Anyway, a dog came up recently on the rescue centre's Facebook page...he looks so similar to our dog and his story is almost identical. It really pulled at me, and for the first time ever DH said that he thought perhaps a second dog wasn't the worst idea now the kids are a bit older (10 and 7) and we should maybe meet him.

We met him twice, both times with our other dog and children. Both meets went well and dogs were off lead with few issues. The only things that happened which took me aback was the "new" dog jumped on our dog (both on leads at the time) with excitement and our dog barked at him. It took us by surprise as she never barks 🤣. No hackles or other aggression - I think she was just taken by surprise.

Our kids LOVED him. He was extremely playful and they loved playing fetch with him. DH was also besotted with him, and I'd be lying to say I didn't feel the same! He's a lovely dog, and I really think we can give him a good home.

But....

Since agreeing to take him home (which has been delayed by a couple of weeks due to him being poorly) I keep having horrible nightmares about the dogs being aggressive towards each other, and even random dogs in my dreams attacking me. I'm now so anxious that we are ruining our older dogs last years by introducing a younger bouncy dog (he's about 2). I have this horrible sinking feeling in my stomach...and I know it sounds ridiculous but it's the same kind of feeling I got when I was pregnant with DD2 thinking that we had ruined DD1s life 🙈🙈

If you could please flood me with positive stories about bringing a new dog into your home with an older dog I would love to hear them - then perhaps I'll have dreams tonight rather than nightmares!

Long post - Sorry!

going to be honest - follow your gut!

I would not introduce such a young , bouncy dog to an oldie! Been there done it, it dosent "keep them going" as some may state.

Mabey get something older? 7/8 and calmer?

I think this is not the dog for you! Let your oldie enjoy his final mabey even a year!?

The rest of the family have really fallen for him.

I think our girl will be fine, she spends a lot of time with family dogs and there's never an issue, but I do still have this horrible feeling.

It's hard to know what he'll be like out of kennels. I know our girl was very different in the house compared to when we met her.

I'm an over thinker and hate feeling like this, but I don't want to be the reason we don't give him a home.

I would wait for your current dog to pass. If you haven't got number two by 8/9 ish I think it's unfair to introduce a young dog, maybe an older one,but I'm still not sure.

It would be very unfair to get a new dog and disrupt your existing dog's life, especially adding a young, playful dog to a calm and older one.

You're right to be concerned about possible aggression; your gut is telling you it's a bad idea.

Wait until your dog has gone.

There will be other dogs for your children to fall for when your old girl passes, you have a responsibility to her, don't ruin her last years.

So many people do this and I have no idea why, it's so horrid for the first dog.

I would wait till your old dog dies. The disparity in their ages and activity levels is too much and you can't know how they would live together until it happens. There will be another dog in the future. Also I'm surprised a rescue organisation is happy to do this with an elderly dog in situ.

Ah, I know it's hard but you have a duty to your original dog. Introducing a bouncy two year old to your elderly girl isn't fair.

Dogs normally sort each other out. We got a puppy when our oldest dog was 14. She ruled the puppy with a rod of iron, it took one look! Same scenario with our elderly dog years back, he’d just go stiff, state at the offending young dog and they’d behave, Dogs are pretty good at forming a pack, sounds like yours is tough enough to tell the younger dog no.

At the same time, make sure the you/husband and kids put a lot into playing with the younger one, my kids never stop mucking about with our 2yo, it wears her out, they have matched energy!

Thank you.

Yes she's good at communicating with other dogs, without being aggressive. We have a lot of other dogs in the family and she is always the boss 🤣.

She's still very healthy and we hope we have her for some time yet. She's just a bit slow now!

Luckily we have the space on the house that we can still give her plenty of space to be alone when/if she wants to be.

Existing family pets come first over the wants of any humans. Children in particular do not get a vote.

Worst case scenario, one of them seriously injured or kills the other, kids are caught in the cross-fire or your existing dogs lifespan is drastically shortened by the stress.

To be honest, it sounds pretty clear your existing dog won’t be over the moon with this new arrival so why would it even cross your mind? Even if nothing awful happens it sounds unlikely to improve the quality of life of your current dog…it’s about what your kids want…which seems supremely selfish if I am blunt.

But you got a puppy, this is a boisterous young adult, which is totally different. Yes, the older dog would teach a young puppy how to behave but introducing an adult dog to an existing geriatric is another matter entirely.

I wouldn’t do it. Don’t disturb your current dogs retirement with a bouncy boisterous younger dog. My dogs 7 in December, and he tolerates and plays with my parents dog who’s 2 when she visits, but he is sick of her and wants to be alone after 24 hours, they’re not compatible energy wise.

This is very concerning.

In what way does your dog show they are 'the boss' with other visiting dogs?

Expecting your dog to show when it is uncomfortable is extremely dangerous. As an owner you should be preventing your dog from even needing to show they uncomfortable.

It sounds like your dog will definitely not tolerate another sharing it's home, it would be incredibly irresponsible to go ahead.

I think it is nerves that it making you worry. Can you agree to take the new dog on a trial basis for a few weeks? Then if it doesn't work out, you know you aren't permanently committed. But I suspect when the dog is with you, you will feel better and things will settle down.

You old girl shouldn't be put in a position where she feels she has to correct a hyper youngster in her own home - it's totally unfair on her.

I understand wanting another dog but you have to prioritise the one you already have. I've seen lots of people bring in puppies to live with elderly dogs and it just results in a huge amount of stress on all sides.

The young dogs, understandably, just want to play but the old dogs just want them to piss off and leave them alone. You also have the issue that many old dogs are slow and arthritic and are no longer able to just take themselves out of the situation.

Your responses make me think your family have already persuaded you to get this puppy no matter what the impact on your old girl though.

We've just lost our old boy. In his last year there is no way he would have coped with a young dog in the house. We stopped allowing friends dogs to come to the house because he used to get so stressed.

What breeds are they? Your dog is a grand old age tbh! Ours made it to 16 but the last 2 years he was so different and his needs changed dramatically. We had to make a lot of accommodations for him as a family. I would follow your gut too X

I don't know about dogs - but as you had the feeling with dd2 I guess you have some information about whether it's a reliable signal?!

I wonder if actually you just have quite a lot of empathy and your mind is scanning through all the possible things any of you might feel. I mean , the kids are a good example, having a new sibling come into the family can feel devastating to some toddlers, but it also brings a new dimension of love. Circle of life stuff. Could you do one more visit?

We know several people who swear by getting puppies as the time approaches when their older dog will pass (e.g. 2-3 years before they imagine it might happen). The younger dog learns from the older dog. These friends ensure their holiday care for the dogs is separate, according to their different needs, and have the money and time to mean the dogs can be walked separately if needed to allow for the slower pace of the old dog.

I think it’s a wonderful idea. It sounds like you have a sensible older dog. Dogs are clever things and the younger dog will quickly learn what your older girl wants.

You say you don't know about dogs. I can assure you that this is not like giving a child a sibling. This dog is equivalent to an octogenarian in human terms. Forcing a complete life upheaval upon it at this stage would be cruel.

Again. Getting a puppy is a different matter entirely. This is not about getting a young puppy, it is a boisterous young adult dog. There is an enormous difference. It has already jumped on their geriatric dog on first meeting.

We have 2 dogs, a female now 12, was 4 when we got her from Battersea and 8 when we got 2nd dog and a male now 4, got him as a puppy.

We decided to get the 2nd dog as we believed it would be beneficial to our original dog, she liked other dogs coming over to the house and we felt she would like to live with another dog. It worked well for us, there was never any aggression between them, they play together and even though she is 12 she is still very playful and I do think that is partly because she has him to play with. They share a bed and get along well.

He was only 8 weeks old when we bought him home, there were times when he would annoy her and when this happened she would let him know and he would immediately stop.

Having said all of this, now that our dog is 12 I would not consider introducing another dog, especially not a playful younger one.

But this isn't a puppy - it's a fully grown adult dog with the strength and attitude to match.

While a puppy will accept a "telling off" an adult dog may not and the risk is that it will escalate into a full-blown fight that the elderly dog won't have the strength to win.

This isn't a dog with good manners either, it's already bounced all over OP's dog and that's without all the issues of it being on the old dogs' territory - and this is an old dog who already shows other dogs "who's boss".

Really not a good idea and totally unfair on the existing dog to have to enforce boundaries and show a young, rude dog who's "boss" all the time.

This isn't a child - it's a young dog that's already proven itself to be rude and bolshy.

Combine that with an elderly dog who already shows other dogs "who's boss" and it's a recipe for a nasty fight at best.

I have the same dilemma with my old lady and I have decided not to disrupt her comfort and peace in her remaining years. Her life is currently just the way she likes it, and any change would be a challenge for her.

If you really must press on with this plan, I would advise - like other pps - to arrange a trial first. But you must remain totally honest about the success or otherwise, of such a trial, looking at things from your old dog's point of view and not taking into account how much everyone loves the new one, or how much fun the new dog has jumping on their new "friend".

Nope. I wouldn't if you're uncomfortable with some fairly robust dog on dog interactions. There will be some snapping/growling etc. Your old dog really won't thank you for this move and it will stress her. She's too old to add another dog at this point especially a rescue. It would be a maybe if it was a puppy from a good breeder but you'd be mad with a rescue.