Nightmares about new dog

[sleepfortheweek]

We have a rescue dog, who we have had for nearly 12 years. She'll be 13/14 years old and we love her so much. She is the best dog ever, so calm and gentle, and is the perfect family dog.

I have always wanted another dog - but with two young kids it wasn't really an option and DH was always against it. Our dog is set in her ways now, she doesn't mind other dogs but I think she prefers her own company. She doesn't like it if dogs are too full on, and will tell them off, but happy to be near dogs otherwise.

Anyway, a dog came up recently on the rescue centre's Facebook page...he looks so similar to our dog and his story is almost identical. It really pulled at me, and for the first time ever DH said that he thought perhaps a second dog wasn't the worst idea now the kids are a bit older (10 and 7) and we should maybe meet him.

We met him twice, both times with our other dog and children. Both meets went well and dogs were off lead with few issues. The only things that happened which took me aback was the "new" dog jumped on our dog (both on leads at the time) with excitement and our dog barked at him. It took us by surprise as she never barks 🤣. No hackles or other aggression - I think she was just taken by surprise.

Our kids LOVED him. He was extremely playful and they loved playing fetch with him. DH was also besotted with him, and I'd be lying to say I didn't feel the same! He's a lovely dog, and I really think we can give him a good home.

But....

Since agreeing to take him home (which has been delayed by a couple of weeks due to him being poorly) I keep having horrible nightmares about the dogs being aggressive towards each other, and even random dogs in my dreams attacking me. I'm now so anxious that we are ruining our older dogs last years by introducing a younger bouncy dog (he's about 2). I have this horrible sinking feeling in my stomach...and I know it sounds ridiculous but it's the same kind of feeling I got when I was pregnant with DD2 thinking that we had ruined DD1s life 🙈🙈

If you could please flood me with positive stories about bringing a new dog into your home with an older dog I would love to hear them - then perhaps I'll have dreams tonight rather than nightmares!

Long post - Sorry!

She loves going for walks when the weather is perfect, she's quite capable (just lazy) - definitely not at a buggy stage.

However - I wouldn't rule it out if she gets to the stage of wanting to come out but not able to (it would have to be a big one though!)

I'm finding few comments on experience though, just 'I would never'.

The ones from experience (both good and bad) are by far the biggest help - and the majority of those are positive (on and off this thread).

I'm feeling a bit less anxious about it, I've talked about it with DH and we have discussed possible outcomes and also boundaries we will put in place.

its good to know the rescue will take second dog back if absolutely necessary op @sleepfortheweek

I've avoided posting experiences because some of them are quite graphic...but as you seem to want experiences, OP, I can share my least 'worst' one which is personal (as opposed to cases I dealt with in my career).

My eldest (own) dog is 11 now. She's a tiny 10kg. I've fostered other dogs for 10 out of the 11 years of her life. She is very used to dogs coming in and out of her home. She gets on with every dog she has ever met. She's good with children. She's good with cats. She is the most perfect and beautiful dog I have ever had and has slept in DD1s bed every night for 10 years. I trust her completely.

I bought a springer home about 18 months ago to foster. She had met him three times previously out and about, done a walk together, and all fine. Usual precautious were taken when we bought him home. Two weeks into being there she attacked him out of nowhere - she went from pottering around one side of the garden to flying across it and attacking him where he was on the other side. No obvious triggers - no children outside, no dogs, no cats, no humans - just them doing their morning wee. Luckily, he was very submissive and just rolled onto his back and let her growl at his throat - but it could have been much worse.

I surrendered him back to the rescue that day - because she had lived with about 15 dogs at various points, not including two different resident dogs and had never displayed that behaviour before - and I have not had another issue with her since.

So, you really cannot say 'my dog will be fine.'

Every new dog you introduce into your home when you have an existing dog is a risk. Introducing a new dog to an older dog, that is used to being the only dog, is incredibly difficult and hard to get right. You have to be fully prepared for vicious - sometimes deadly, if you do not move fast enough - fights. You have to be prepared for it to happen in front of your children and your children being hurt in the cross-fire. You have to be prepared for your resident dog to react negatively and grow depressed and become sick. You have to be prepared for them to live in separate parts of the house - which means the humans need to as well as you cannot give one dog all the humans and leave the other dog alone - for sometimes weeks, if not months. You have to be prepared to walk them separately. And you ned to go through proper protocols: introductions carefully, eating separately, separate sleeping areas, no toys, no children or adults on the floor until the dynamic has been agreed between the two.

So, are you fully prepared to deal with that and can you commit to all of that? Because if not, then you shouldn't proceed.

@Killingoffmyflowersonebyone Brilliant post.
Completely different I know, because cats, but we introduced a new young cat into a household that already had an elderly cat.

The two never got on and the logistics of keeping them apart, feeding them apart, not being able to pet or play with one for fear of starting a fight etc were exhausting and ongoing. Sometimes we were injured in the cross fire. It was a mistake and very upsetting.

Well then, I hope you read and take on board the lengthy one that's just been posted above by 'killing the flowers'

People have been so harsh on this thread. I've had many dogs, mostly rescues and fosters, from all kinds of different backgrounds. Whilst there is of course always some risk bringing a new dog into the house, as long as you are prepared to put the effort in and have the space to give them time apart from eachother then you'll be able to manage it.
The only thing I would say to is to make sure they do get time apart and individual time with you because it's a big change for both of them, but hopefully you were planning to do that anyway. You may also find the 2nd dog more challenging because their needs will be so different - I'm not saying that to put you off but I know for myself I prefer to take on higher energy dogs because their needs are similar to my own, whenever I've had older or lazier dogs it's actually been more challenging but still very doable.

I totally agree with this. It is terribly thoughtless to inflict a young dog onto an elderly dog which at the age yours is, will undoubtedly have pain in his joints or other aches, etc..
Dogs don't show pain easily, sometimes not at all, and you have to be well versed in canine behaviour to even begin to notice.
He could in immense pain - imagine a mid 80 yr old human having to put up
with a toddler jumping all over them when they have arthritis? It's the same scenario, only the elderly dog can't shout for help, or voice his frustration, other than to growl or bite the assailant.
The best ages to bring a new dog into the household are about 2-4 yrs apart. I've done 7yrs and a puppy and it was a disaster all round, and very sad to witness. I now have a 4yr old Newfoundland and a 7month old Lab, and it has worked well but I have to be a like a boxing referee and supervise all play/demand they stop when told to.
The little Lab has 10 x more energy and agility than my Newfie. Both fantastic but each dog needs their needs monitored and respecting.

Young dogs are bouncy and older dogs do put them in their place. It’s perfectly normal & they will find a way to co exist. Probably your older dog will be the boss.

Thought I'd give an update.

I felt even more worried about taking on this new dog after posting on this thread. I cried a few times and felt really torn.

I spoke with my husband, and then I spoke to the rescue centre. The rescue centre was great, understood my worries and didn't put pressure on me. They asked if we wanted to see what he was like in our house with our older dog just as a visit, which is something we did.

Long story short - we took the plunge and agreed to go through with the adoption.

Things could not be going any better. I know it was a risk and people will still berate me for taking that risk, but I'm so happy we did it.

He is such a lovely, well behaved boy. Our older dog told him off a couple of times at the beginning but he got the message and now leaves her alone and is very careful around her.

Our older dog seems very relaxed around him, and we've seen a few positive changes in her. She's now eating 2 meals a day (she's a very fussy eater who would ignore her food most of the day!) and has started playing again with a ball. They get off lead together and although she doesn't play with him, she'll have a small run about which is so nice to see.

We kept them separate for the first couple of weeks while we were out the house but we could see (through the camera) that neither were really happy with that situation so we trialled them together and now they both just chill out on the couch together. He no longer barks and cries, and she has the run of the house again. She still spends a lot of her time in our room but he doesn't go up there so she has her space.

I'm so glad we gave him a chance - he is certainly very playful but as suspected - is much calmer in the house compared to when we met him at the kennels.

I didn't mention their breed. They are both lurchers which are known for their laid back, lazy natures. Not small dogs, but fairly low maintenance.

It's still early days, but we are finding our grove and I'm glad I didn't pull the plug last minute.

Oh here's some pictures of them both

Aw that's lovely, glad it's working out so well

Awww that's so lovely, we introduced a whippet puppy to our deerhound x greyhound when he was 11 and it absolutely gave him a new lease of life.

Big dog learned to play for the first time.

Just a word of warning on your original dogs increased appetite, it could be anxiety over food competition which if eating too fast could lead to twisted bowel in deep chested lurchers.

We always fed very separately for that reason.

@stayathomegardener they are the best kind of dogs, aren't they?

Yes we feed them separately, there's a baby gate in the kitchen and our older dog always gets fed first. She still eats sloooowly and sometimes doesn't eat it all but it's so much better.

We are able to give them treats at the same time now though - our younger dog came with the demand 'wait' which has made life much easier.

Our pair back in 2019, I still miss big dog despite adding the loveliest new girl ginger lurcher to the whippet.

Absolutely gorgeous. Makes me so sad that lurchers are one of the most over looked dogs in kennels when they are so well suited to home life. It's one of the reasons I was keen to get the new boy, as black lurchers who aren't puppies can be there indefinitely

Thanks for the update and the lovely photos- glad it has worked out for you & the dogs.

@sleepfortheweek beautiful dogs! I came on thread to say - do it - get the 2 year old.

We got a rescue to go with our lovely old dog and they got on fine - we did always let the older one eat his dinner first at meal times.

I’m so glad you did it op and that he is settling in well. I do love a lurcher 🥰🥰

We had a 4 year old very difficult cross breed ,done all the training classes ,but it was just her nature .
A family member wasn't coping with their dog and we ended up taking him in
They put him free on Facebook saying he had bit their child
But he was the most gentle dog ever ,so lord knows what the child did to warrant that
I was worried sick I'd made a mistake and the first dog would not accept the second.
Anyway we introduced them with a walk together and some hand fed chicken breast,and all was fine .
Then a year later ,a relative went in to hospital leaving their dog home alone as we were the only family with dogs it was expected we would take him in .
Again I was terrified the first dog would be aggressive to the new commer , especially as we had a long journey to collect him ,and couldn't get the dogs together before we brought him home.
I need not of worried,a walk and some chicken ,and absolutely no problem
The first dog was a strong character and female,and the boys were happy to let her be the dominant dog.
They just formed a pack and it was beautiful,they just all seemed to bond and curled up together
Sadly both boys were very poorly,,and the last dog we only had him for 3 years ,but they were wonderful years ,I don't regret him for a second,I miss him dreadfully still.
The second dog is under the vet with two on going life limiting conditions,and every year we think ,this will be the last Christmas we have him.
So soon it will be just us and the first dog again.
It totally amazed me how well they bonded and formed a little family ,
I think op you have decided you want the new dog ...so make sure their are areas in the home off limits to him ,so your old dog can escape him and be quiet alone

Wonderful news all is going well with your two lovely dogs op xx

I came on to say we introduced a pup to a nearly 11 year old rescue girl and our old girl adores the pup and has had a new lease of life. Then I saw the pics and they look almost identical to my two lurchers. Love them.

Great news, OP.
Dogs are highly adaptable and most of them enjoy companionship.

That’s great! They look like lovely dogs.😊

Isn't it funny how a thread can change, must be the pictures
I did know the statistics regarding black lurchers being overlooked in rescue but then I'm not sure rescues help themselves as have friends currently looking for a new dog repeatedly turned down for various reasons.

I actually suspect we would be turned down as technically our garden isn't fenced despite having a secure dog park on the farm.