Nightmares about new dog

[sleepfortheweek]

We have a rescue dog, who we have had for nearly 12 years. She'll be 13/14 years old and we love her so much. She is the best dog ever, so calm and gentle, and is the perfect family dog.

I have always wanted another dog - but with two young kids it wasn't really an option and DH was always against it. Our dog is set in her ways now, she doesn't mind other dogs but I think she prefers her own company. She doesn't like it if dogs are too full on, and will tell them off, but happy to be near dogs otherwise.

Anyway, a dog came up recently on the rescue centre's Facebook page...he looks so similar to our dog and his story is almost identical. It really pulled at me, and for the first time ever DH said that he thought perhaps a second dog wasn't the worst idea now the kids are a bit older (10 and 7) and we should maybe meet him.

We met him twice, both times with our other dog and children. Both meets went well and dogs were off lead with few issues. The only things that happened which took me aback was the "new" dog jumped on our dog (both on leads at the time) with excitement and our dog barked at him. It took us by surprise as she never barks 🤣. No hackles or other aggression - I think she was just taken by surprise.

Our kids LOVED him. He was extremely playful and they loved playing fetch with him. DH was also besotted with him, and I'd be lying to say I didn't feel the same! He's a lovely dog, and I really think we can give him a good home.

But....

Since agreeing to take him home (which has been delayed by a couple of weeks due to him being poorly) I keep having horrible nightmares about the dogs being aggressive towards each other, and even random dogs in my dreams attacking me. I'm now so anxious that we are ruining our older dogs last years by introducing a younger bouncy dog (he's about 2). I have this horrible sinking feeling in my stomach...and I know it sounds ridiculous but it's the same kind of feeling I got when I was pregnant with DD2 thinking that we had ruined DD1s life 🙈🙈

If you could please flood me with positive stories about bringing a new dog into your home with an older dog I would love to hear them - then perhaps I'll have dreams tonight rather than nightmares!

Long post - Sorry!

We introduced a large breed puppy to our 11 yr old half the size breed.
The older dog is the matriarch. Puppy was initially crated and older dog sleeps in my bedroom so not left alone at night.
We exercise them together a few times a week but mostly have separate walks as their needs are so different but older dog does love coming out and chasing a ball with yd.
They are 14 and 3 now. Will play together until od has had enough and she’s in charge
The od is a staffie (20kg) bitch and the yd is a German shepherd (41kg).

I think thats a really shit thing to do to your dog in the remaining years of its life. My neighbours just done similar. They have an elderly boxer and have gone out and not just bought a puppy, but some awful wolf hybrid thing, i dont even understand how those are legal. I see them out in the back garden, and while theyre not fighting that puppy is fucking relentless in constantly pestering that poor old dog. Why not spend the remaining time you have left focusing on and spoiling your old dog, even if it doesnt turn out to be an absolute disaster, at the very least most of your time and energy is going to be spent on the new rescue instead of the dog thats been loyal to you all these years. Youll basically be replacing it before its even died.

It's not the same. You introduced a puppy, this is about adopting a boisterous young adult dog with attitude.

Really selfish and you've only latched on to the one or two answers saying do it. Your poor old dog

we introduced a 7 month old standard poodle to our 14 year old standard poodle. Both female. We got her from our original breeder. We already had lost our male standard, and we knew we did not want a "replacement" when our girl passed. Standard poodles have a life expectancy of 13 years so we were already pushing it and our Lexi had slowed down and spent most days sleeping and was almost blind. Our Grace brought life back to her, and she started playing tug of war with toys, play fighting with each other, it was lovely. Cuddled up for naps. Lexi lived until she was one month shy of 18 , and I credit that to Grace. Gracie had her only litter of standards and we kept one, Our Oliver. Lexi cuddled with Ollie and groomed him until he was 11 weeks old, then we lost her.

But that's nothing like the situation in the OP.

Introducing a puppy is very, very different from introducing a fully grown, bolshy, rude adult. These dogs have only ever interacted on neutral ground and already the elderly dog has been bounced all over and forced to retaliate.

Put the young, rude dog on her territory and it could very easily end in a nasty fight. Old dogs can't see or hear as well as they once was, and they often can't move quickly either, which makes them incredibly vulnerable to a large, bolshy dog making its' presence known.

But again, your situation is not like OPs where she admits her existing dog doesn't really like other dogs. That is the big issue here.

Why do people keep on giving totally different situations involving puppies as examples of when this has worked?? It's incomparable

Nothing wrong with her barking after being jumped on, it's natural behaviour and she's teaching the younger dog how to behave.

There will be teething problems, and possibly some more barking or snapping whilst they both put boundaries in place - all natural and normal

I think you let your emotions make the decision (looks like the older dog, kids loved it etc) but now have to consider what’s responsible.

You say yourself that you suspect your dog prefers to be the only dog, and are unsure of how they’d cope with a bouncy 2 year old. But you still want to be convinced do it? What’s seriously the best thing to do?

It’s a shame you got attached to the dog first as it’s now going to feel like you’re abandoning him, but in reality there will be a lovely dog waiting for a home at any point in your future.

I don't have any advice about whether it is appropriate for you to bring home this second dog, but I do want to offer some reassurance about the dreams.

Among the most moving dreams I have ever had are two dreams that occurred when I was just acquiring a new dog. Both of these dreams implied some hugely deep sense of disloyalty to previous dogs of mine, even though these previous dogs were long dead.

In one dream, the much loved dog of my childhood came leaping out of a chest that he had been locked in for the decades that had intervened between his death and my acquisition of the first dog of my adult life. I felt that I had cruelly imprisoned him for all that time. Even thinking about this dream makes me want to cry, although it is 20 years old.

And years later, when I got the third dog of my adult life, that first dog of my adult life showed up in my dreams as one who had been carelessly rehomed or abandoned by me (even though he lived with us happily all of his life).

Somehow, I think that I am able to experience, in my unconscious, all of the anxieties of love as they apply to dogs, whereas similar anxieties as they apply to the humans that I love are more buried, more defended against. It is one of the ways in which loving dogs seems to be almost like the nursery slopes of love - a practice ground for love more generally

Mine is only four ish and I've already decided to stick with "just" her. I'd like another, but realistically I want to enjoy her, and not add some crazy dynamic with a younger dog to the mix. There's too many dogs in the world haha, I know the rescues still need rescuing, but one is enough. You're lucky to have one good dog, I wouldn't risk upsetting that balance in your home.

I’m sorry op but every time I personally have seen a dog put in with an old dog it’s like the younger one wears the other out and they’ve gone downhill quickly. Also your kids aren’t actually that old to be dealing with 2 rescues trying to get to know each other. With teens at least then can somewhat help/ defend themselves if there’s a fight

Is the older dog going deaf / losing eyesight.

I guess you are a sahm and therefore the dogs will never ever be left alone unsupervised.

and your children are home schooled so have plenty of time to play ' fetch ' as of course the novelty of the new dog won't wear off

will it.

and being aged 10 the eldest will be able to take on the responsibility of some walks ? as the needs of the younger dog will be different to that of the older dog...

I also guess your children will not be traumatised if you all return home one day to find the older dog dead, as they had a fight and the older dog lost / had a heart attack through stress.

We didn't give her the answer she wanted so suspect she won't be back

I totally agree with this post.

Very elderly dogs, like very elderly people, slow right down and need peace and quiet. We had to adjust our entire life around the needs of our old girl. A new young dog would not have allowed her the life she deserved at the end.

Think how you will handle your walking schedule when you have one very old dog needing short sniffing breaks and a boisterous new one who wants to run and run.

You could end up doing multiple walks with individual dogs - or leaving your old dog at home whilst you go for long walks with junior.

@Sprookjesbos I'm so sorry you've lost your dear old dog.

I think it’s one of the most selfish things you could do to an old dog that’s been a loyal family pet. If you absolutely must get another dog get one a couple of years younger, not a youngster. My neighbours have done this twice and I watch them going off for walks with the pup leaving the elderly dog behind because “it can’t go so far nowadays” and I see the old dog at the window looking so sad.

At the age of your dog I’d wait until the elderly dog has passed away and then think about one or two more (I think two dogs are great when they’re matched in age/temperament). But sounds like it’s already a done deal. 🙁

So the only negative so far is in your dreams, is that correct?

I don't think we'll ever find out tbh

@Eyesopenwideawake

I'm an over thinker, and I do tend to go to worst case scenarios in my head. Because the adoption has been delayed, I've had more time to think (and worry), and my worries usually manifest themselves in my dreams/nightmares. I think they have left me with this unpleasant feeling in my gut.

Well perhaps you should take note of that feeling plus all the pages of people advising not to go ahead with introducing a new dog to your poor old dog

If you ignore the negatives that her current dog ‘never barks’, and yet it had to find its voice and bark multiple times at the new replacement as it’s ill mannered and was too rough. And also from the old dog’s perspective the family were BESOTTED with the new dog because it’s barely more than a baby, and was really playful and they loved that it played fetch. Why on earth would they settle for caring for the old dog in its twilight years when they could be having so much fun with the new younger one?

It can work out OP!

We did this but carefully protected our older bitch. We were united and strict about this!

One important thing for us: She had spaces where he wasn't allowed. (It turns out that dogs accept territory rules and different permissions remarkably easily.)

She adapted and ended up protecting him on occasions when everyone else was mad at him for some foolishness. (He would actually hide behind her -head down in shame- and she would glare at us as if saying 'what do you expect- you brought him here!' )

we hoped for tolerance but she did become fond of him. We have some lovely pictures of the two of them.

It’s perfectly natural for your mind to run through every possible outcome - that’s it’s job, and we are hardwired to be negative so, again, thinking or dreaming of it not working out is normal. Dreams do not foretell the future or give any magical warnings - you have the proof of that already. Use your logic and experience to decide about the dogs, not your gut.

Oh, and as someone with six dogs (today at least, one is having a splenectomy this morning so it’s a 50/50 as to whether she’ll be here tomorrow 😭) you’ll be fine.