So many layers of guilt 😔

[Helpmewiththeguilt]

I'm kind of mid-panic attack, and could really do with advice.
I've been looking after a friend's two ddogs whilst she's been on holiday. They're both gorgeous and I love them like my own. One of them is notoriously food-driven, and has form for doing gymnastics to get to anything vaguely edible! I'm very aware of this, so ott careful about making sure all food is hidden, especially anything potentially toxic such as chocolate or xylitol.
Anyway, he's on a couple of medications, and I was being very careful with the instructions and doses etc. In addition to his usual meds, he was on a ten-day course of anti-inflammatory meds (Rimadyl). I wasn't familiar with them, and had no idea whatsoever that they were designed to taste nice for dogs.
He hates the taste of his other pills and tries to spit them out. So it didn't occur to me for a second that these would be different.
Well, the meds were generally on a high cabinet anyway. But I put them on a table whilst sorting them. Last Saturday evening, whilst sorting it all, I wanted to double-check I'd got it all right, and left the box on the table for a moment whilst I went to text my friend to check. My phone was charging in another room.
I came back in to discover said dog had jumped up on the table, opened the box, ripped the packaging and eaten the remaining 7 Rimadyl pills 😢 I went into total panic. I didn't know if it was a toxic dose or not. I had to ring my friend and explain (so hard) and she was very kind, and understood, and said to ring the emergency vet (Saturday night). I did, and gave them details of his weight and dose etc. They said I needed to bring him in asap to get an injection to make him vomit. I acted as fast as I could, but the problem was that the emergency vet was about an hour away! Directions were complex and we ended up in the wrong place, so more delay. When we got there they tried to make him vomit, but it didn't work (which is weird) and they said it'd probably already left his tummy and advised that he be kept in for IV fluids and charcoal. Other option was charcoal treatment at home and careful observation. I rang his human again, and got her consent for option 1. Should say that dog seemed 100% normal, and no ill effects, but obviously took their advice anyway.
Well, overjoyed to say that every blood test was fine, and that he was fine throughout. No ill effects whatsoever at any point. So 🎉 He got home after 36 hours. Drama over. That 36 hours was hell, the waiting, and the desperate crippling guilt. I'm so so careful about things - how could it have happened?

Fast forward a few days, and both dogs well and happy. Friend returning this evening. But she's been saddled with a circa £1700 vet bill that I increasingly think was avoidable. You see, I've been researching Rimadyl in depth since, as in reading medical literature etc. It's clear that the dose starts to become toxic from 22mg per kg of dog weight. Dog in question weighs 40kg, so he needed 880mg minimum for any toxicity. He only ingested 700mg. He would have been fine! I'm certain. He's eaten so many dodgy things over the years and seems to have the stomach of an ox!

So now I'm feeling guilty I just accepted everything the vet surgery told me. I'm also upset they put me in a state of terror, by saying it was a very high overdose, when it simply wasn't.

I've got multiple layers of guilt about the whole episode. I'd offer to pay the bill myself, but can't remotely afford it. She can afford it. But even so...

Please help with any wisdom you have. How would you move on from this?

Thank you

I'm guessing as it was a favour for a friend, you didn't have any insurance, like a licensed home boarder would.

Personally, I would offer to pay, even if it was in installments. I don't think your friend should bear the cost of your mistake.

@cryinglaughing no, no insurance. OK, thank you for your input.
I'll chat with her this evening, and make that offer.
I can't believe it happened, as I'm so careful about everything. Always. I just didn't have an inkling that the Rimadyl pills were tasty, or that even he could access them through several layers.
I'm obviously very grateful the dog is well, and should cling onto that I guess. It could have been so much worse 😔

I don't think you're totally responsible here. She could've told you he was a fiend for those pills, and she could've spoken to the vet herself and decided what to do. You did the absolute best you could in a high stress moment looking after a hard work dog. Your friend probably feels bad for leaving you with a tricky situation to manage, i woud. I'd offer to split I think.

Thank you for this. Yes, actually she said she does feel guilty too. He's a gorgeous dog, but very high-needs. He's actually been expelled from a doggy daycare place because they couldn't cope with him, bless him!
I think overall we're both mostly grateful that he's fine. I'll just find the money somewhere.
I would refuse to look after him overnight again though, as I couldn't cope with the anxiety. I've looked after him many times in the day; and will do so again happily. I love him and I'd never have recovered if anything had happened to him. Can't take that on again.
He's looking at me lovingly right now!

This is not your fault! It’s a freak accident and the owner should have been completely clear with you. Does she not have insurance for the dogs? At the most I would offer to pay the excess.

Please stop beating yourself up. You did her a favour and probably saved her a fortune in dog sitters/kennels.

Dogs are pests sometimes, my dog once ate an entire pack of butter, foil and all and had to have emergency surgery to remove the foil from his guts. I didn’t feel guilty (and had insurance thank god). Just more annoyed at myself for leaving the butter where I thought it would be safe.

@Ostryga oh wow, thank you so much. Your post is so comforting.
Crazily, she doesn't have insurance! I rang to ask her that when in the vet. I don't know why. I'll chat with her this evening.
As excessive as it sounds, I was actually contemplating suicide at the weekend, before I was certain he was fine. Possibly the worst week of my life 😔

What a lax owner

to not have insurance

stop press

op - forget the dog. Forget your friend.

100% of your focus needs to be on you and getting support

I'd no way expect you to pay for this. As the owner I'd put it down as my cost trying to save on a professional arrangement. And you've done exactly what she and the vet said.
If it makes you feel better I once had my cat 'flushed out' at the vet as I thought she ate the giant dog's worming pill. Which I later on found under a cabinet...

@Fruitful82 and @Tockomtele thank you both. Oh @Tockomtele poor you re cat! If only they could talk, and tell us what's what...

I am so sorry, it's so stressful looking after other people's animals. Ideally, you would offer to pay and she would cheerfully refuse. But I wouldn't look after her pets again and if you could explain to her how seriously it affected you, she would understand why. Take care of yourself, you are clearly a very compassionate person.

No, actually, scratch that, you should not offer to pay and she should laugh at the notion that you might be responsible. Which you're not. And no animal or person was harmed, so it is all fine.

Well if she doesn’t have insurance this is a very expensive lesson for her as to why she needs it.

Just because the dogs were in your care does not mean she is not liable for the bill. This is why when she goes on holiday she needs to pay for insured dog sitters - so that things like this are covered.

Honestly please be kind to yourself. You’ve done nothing wrong except care a lot for her pets.

@Seaweasel bless you. Thank you. I'll have a good chat with her this evening. Thank goodness it was only 7 pills and not 100. Doesn't bear thinking about 😳

As a dog owner I wouldn't expect you to pay. You did the right thing in taking her to the vet - imagine if you didn't and she died.

My dog has stolen the same medication which was on a very high shelf and had to be rushed to the vet.

Your friend should have insurance in place and is ultimately responsible for the vet bill.

@ThePoetsWife thanks you. She's a lovely friend, but I must admit I was a bit shocked by her lack of insurance. I'd have thought it pretty essential with the cost of vet bills now. Maybe a bad past experience? I'll find out tonight.
If your dog went to similar efforts to get to those pills, they're obviously very tasty. I didn't have the slightest idea. Bonkers that they're made to be so delicious - an accident waiting to happen

OP you sound lovely and caring. These things just do happen with dogs. The main thing is the dog is ok!!!I don’t know about your dynamics with your friend but if it were me - no way would I expect my friend to pay if she had done me the favour of dog sitting.

Of course you shouldn't offer to pay OP. There's no way I can look at this which ends up with you being responsible for the vet bills. Her pet, her pet-sitting arrangement, her choices about treatment, her choice not to have insurance.

You were helping out a friend. You didn't do anything malicious or reckless, you just left something on a table for a moment. Could happen to anyone OP. It's all very well researching the risks after the event but you listened to the professionals and ultimately the pet owner made the choice about vet treatment.

Must have been horrendously stressful for you. My pet sitting only goes as far as feeding next doors gosh when they're away and that's stressful enough worrying one might die.

I'm glad the dog is ok. Make sure you're looking after yourself as well

Eh?

The dog ate the pills. Ok, you could have prevented this but it's not that usual for a dog to counter surf for pills and then eat them.

You called your friend who told you to ring the vet. You did.

The vet then advised a coarse of treatment. You followed that advice.

I fail to see how you with Google for five mins knows better than the vet about whether or not that treatment was warranted.

It seems daft you are taking responsibility for anything other than turning your back when the dog took the pills to start with. Everything else has been done at the advice of your friend and the vet.

Frankly, not having insurance is downright stupid of your friend.

Aww, thank you so much @SomeoneInTheLaaaaaounge and @SpamIAm I'm so grateful for the kind responses. I can't stop crying.
Yes, so stressful. I'm actually watching the clock till she returns. Keep thinking 'only x many hours to keep them both safe and well!' I've become so paranoid now

No- ridiculous

Her friend asked OP to take the actions she did. OP’s friend should have insurance.

Hepatic damage can occur at any level of overdose with Rimadyl. It’s only renal and GI damage that occur at higher doses. You and the vets did the right thing. The vet offered several courses of treatment and the dog’s owner (your friend) accepted a recommendation.

if it were my dog I’d have chosen the same approach.

you sound like a lovely friend who experienced a very stressful event but even so you kept your friend informed and she approved every course of action.
you are not responsible for her lack of insurance, accidents happen, please don’t bear yourself up

OP- have you ever considered seeking help for your anxiety? I am really concerned you mentioned suicide. I dont like to think of anyone living with that level of anxiety (Ive had it myself and know how debilitating it can be). Please look after yourself and go and see your GP- you dont have to be living with that level of stress- it can really make you ill.

Please be kind to yourself- you did everything right. x

@AFishCalledKeith yeah, it honestly didn't occur to me that he'd have any interest in eating the dreaded pills, or I'd not have left them anywhere other than under lock and key for a single second. He spits out his other meds, so I assumed he'd hate them all. I only discovered afterwards that Rimadyl is designed to taste nice. Hindsight...

Thank you, yes, I suffer from anxiety and OCD. Thought it was under control, but last weekend I learnt it's not. You're probably right. Maybe suicidal thoughts weren't normal. I felt so utterly wretched with guilt. Totally overwhelmed