So many layers of guilt 😔

[Helpmewiththeguilt]

I'm kind of mid-panic attack, and could really do with advice.
I've been looking after a friend's two ddogs whilst she's been on holiday. They're both gorgeous and I love them like my own. One of them is notoriously food-driven, and has form for doing gymnastics to get to anything vaguely edible! I'm very aware of this, so ott careful about making sure all food is hidden, especially anything potentially toxic such as chocolate or xylitol.
Anyway, he's on a couple of medications, and I was being very careful with the instructions and doses etc. In addition to his usual meds, he was on a ten-day course of anti-inflammatory meds (Rimadyl). I wasn't familiar with them, and had no idea whatsoever that they were designed to taste nice for dogs.
He hates the taste of his other pills and tries to spit them out. So it didn't occur to me for a second that these would be different.
Well, the meds were generally on a high cabinet anyway. But I put them on a table whilst sorting them. Last Saturday evening, whilst sorting it all, I wanted to double-check I'd got it all right, and left the box on the table for a moment whilst I went to text my friend to check. My phone was charging in another room.
I came back in to discover said dog had jumped up on the table, opened the box, ripped the packaging and eaten the remaining 7 Rimadyl pills 😢 I went into total panic. I didn't know if it was a toxic dose or not. I had to ring my friend and explain (so hard) and she was very kind, and understood, and said to ring the emergency vet (Saturday night). I did, and gave them details of his weight and dose etc. They said I needed to bring him in asap to get an injection to make him vomit. I acted as fast as I could, but the problem was that the emergency vet was about an hour away! Directions were complex and we ended up in the wrong place, so more delay. When we got there they tried to make him vomit, but it didn't work (which is weird) and they said it'd probably already left his tummy and advised that he be kept in for IV fluids and charcoal. Other option was charcoal treatment at home and careful observation. I rang his human again, and got her consent for option 1. Should say that dog seemed 100% normal, and no ill effects, but obviously took their advice anyway.
Well, overjoyed to say that every blood test was fine, and that he was fine throughout. No ill effects whatsoever at any point. So 🎉 He got home after 36 hours. Drama over. That 36 hours was hell, the waiting, and the desperate crippling guilt. I'm so so careful about things - how could it have happened?

Fast forward a few days, and both dogs well and happy. Friend returning this evening. But she's been saddled with a circa £1700 vet bill that I increasingly think was avoidable. You see, I've been researching Rimadyl in depth since, as in reading medical literature etc. It's clear that the dose starts to become toxic from 22mg per kg of dog weight. Dog in question weighs 40kg, so he needed 880mg minimum for any toxicity. He only ingested 700mg. He would have been fine! I'm certain. He's eaten so many dodgy things over the years and seems to have the stomach of an ox!

So now I'm feeling guilty I just accepted everything the vet surgery told me. I'm also upset they put me in a state of terror, by saying it was a very high overdose, when it simply wasn't.

I've got multiple layers of guilt about the whole episode. I'd offer to pay the bill myself, but can't remotely afford it. She can afford it. But even so...

Please help with any wisdom you have. How would you move on from this?

Thank you

You took reasonable precautions

You are doing her a massive favour to look after a dog who’s behaviour is such that it got expelled from doggy daycare (!!)

She should have insurance, especially for such a dog!

Re the dose, the vet always has to err on the side of absolute caution, they were correct to treat as they did. We had the same situation with our dog and the Christmas mince pies. Some dogs are fine with raisins, some are not. You simply would not know how
that dog would react in that instance.

Do not offer to pay, that is just crazy. If your friend suggests or accepts it, she is no friend.

Please please get help for your mental health. You are worth so much more than to harm yourself over what could have happened to the dog!! Huge virtual hug from me!

OP this is an accident, not your fault, it could easily have happened on the owners watch. You followed her instructions to call the vet and everything from their so I don't think you need to offer to pay.

I have a licensed dog sitter look after mine when I'm away but in a situation like you describe, I would not expect them to cover the vets costs. This is why we have pet insurance.

The dogs owner is liable for vet bills - it would be exactly the same situation if the OP were a ‘licensed boarder’ @cryinglaughing as boarding establishment insurance does not cover medical treatment - if the dog scavenged something whilst boarding the owner would be liable for the costs. That’s why responsible owners have pet insurance. If they choose not to take insurance then they know they are liable for bills.

do you not think it seems pretty entitled to expect your friends to board your dog and cover all of its medical bills for free whilst you’re on holiday, because you choose not to take insurance?

Oh, thank you so much for this. So I definitely did the right thing getting him to the vet? I can at least let that guilt go

It’s just an accident, your friend didn’t think to warn you he’d eat them, probably because it didn’t occur to her either.

she’s okayed all the treatment and btw, it can cause issues even without a toxic dose, plus, he’d had a dose already at some point presumably.

If he was mine I wouldn’t be expecting you to pay, it’s a really easy mistake to make, it wouldn’t have occurred to me either unless someone explicitly said something.

I would say its not "normal" (really hate that word but you know what I mean) to feel that level of anxiety in such a situation. Dont get me wrong-it sounds hugely stressful- I have dogs too, but if I was your friend, I would hate the fact it made you feel that bad. I am sorry you feel so wretched- try to reframe this as "Something horribly stressful happened but I handled it very well" because you DID. You handled it perfectly. Focus on that,

@silverfullmoon aww, bless you, thank you so much ♥️

@Helpmewiththeguilt

i look after a friend's daughters pets for her. They're out/away a lot. The caged ones are too bad, the cats are both very old & frail and the dog chews everything & destroys his toys. He demolishes 'indestructible' toys I'm terrified he will choke on something or cause himself an issue swallowing a bit of something.

I'm not SO worried about a bill because they can easily afford it, but I'm scared of the dog in particular dying on my watch.

I wish I was my younger self who didn't worry like I do now!!

when I had my dog, I definitely wouldn't have expected you to pay the bill in those circumstances, what you did was an accident and she said to use the vets. She could have said, 'just keep an eye on him, I'm sure he'll be fine!' & she could have insurance.

you were doing her a favour, it's a chance she takes.

I understand how you feel, id feel the same, but objectively it's their cost, not yours.

be kind to yourself, just focus on the fact that the dog is fine.

The cages ones aren't too bad!

I dont think you owe her, she handed care to the vet and everyone followed instructions. You know when you do that out of hours a big bill is on the way. As a dog owner you know that you're a whisker away from a vet bill at any moment.

Thank you @ChiefPearlClutcher . You're right, my friend actually messaged me saying she didn't know he'd go for them either.

@SarahSmith2023 thank you. Yes, I should try and focus on the fact that he's fine. Maybe see it as a learning experience. I think once the dogs are no longer in my care, and back with my friend, I'll be able to reflect more on the positives

Thank you for this. I think I'm going to try to encourage her to get insurance! This time £1700, but I know some vet bills are far higher

Your friend needs to back off and you need to give yourself a break.

You did NOTHING wrong. The owner of a dog badly behaved enough to get kicked out if kennels is taking the absolute piss out of you. She should A) train her dog and B) not leave it with people without fully communicating it's needs. Not many dogs would steal tablets from tables. Honestly I could leave a juicy steak on a table and the dog wouldnt touch it. Her lack of control over the dog is the problem, compounded by the fact she's abandoned it without full information.

The fact you've been looking up toxic doses and now blaming yourself for the bill is not normal. You have some huge thought distortion going on. This is not your fault. You should be angry at her not the other way round!! Please consider getting some mental health support.

I'm a dog owner and I 100% wouldn't expect you to pay because:

1. It was an accident and not your fault
2. You were doing her a massive favour looking after her dogs (I don't even have any friends who would look after one small dog for me
3. SHE SHOULD HAVE INSURANCE!!

@FurAndFeathers I don't think you're right on the insurance point. Home boarders should have vet fees on their insurance. Clients have 72 hours once they have left boarding to claim on the insurance for anything incured/contracted at the boarders.

Had that been me, I would have claimed on my insurance as I was negligent in not keeping the dog safe.

In hindsight, I wouldn't offer to pay, the owner should put the dog in kennels/home boarding. Trying to save money has cost her dearly.

@Fatat40 thank you. I hadn't thought of it like that at all. It's interesting. Apart from the first post (which was unfortunate) every other post has been in some way supportive and/or sympathetic. Your post has given me cause for reflection

@Helpmewiththeguilt I have reconsidered, she shouldn't be a tight wad and should pay for professional boarding.
That way, the unfortunate accident would have been covered.

I'm sorry but I wouldn't pay. She should if had him Insured.
I left my dog in the care of a dog boarder on hokiday once and he sustained an Injury. She took him to the emergency vet . I paid the bill and dint go through with the insurance that time.
I wouldn't expect anyone to pay for my dog , unless it was deliberate.
Accidents happen!

@cryinglaughing I was extremely conscientious about keeping both dogs safe. Being super careful with all obvious risks. I just didn't know that leaving those pills on the table, packed as they were, for such a short time would be a risk. It was my ignorance, but I truly was being diligent generally. I love the dog, and would never ever have done anything that I thought could have harmed him. I'm sure you mean no harm, but with the greatest respect, please could you leave this thread. Your posts are pretty triggering. Thank you

Thank you all (most) for your kindness. I have to go and take said dogs out for a walk shortly, and so probably won't have a chance to check the thread again for a little while. I really am so grateful for the new perspectives you've given me. Thank you x

I think you completely missed my point 🤷🏻
It is your friend at fault here. Not you.
If you didn't know he scavenged, she should have told you.

Don't beat yourself up over it, just don't let there be a next time, say no to her.

Just adding to the chorus that this was an accident and not your fault. That’s extreme behaviour from the dog and you couldn’t have known it would be so interested in the tablets. It was the owners choice how to treat - you couldn’t have acted any different. If I was the owner I’d be apologising to you for the stress caused and wouldn’t hear of you paying!
As others have said, this level of anxiety over an accident where to dog was fine is quite extreme and it might be time to see your GP about that and tell them about the suicidal thought? (I say that as a fellow anxious person).

Considering she doesn’t have insurance, you shouldn’t pay. Maybe if she’d had insurance you could have offered to pay the excess, but it’s her decision not to have got it.

@cryinglaughing oh, my sincere apologies then. Yes, I did misunderstand you. So sorry. I'm so sensitive about this, and probably the slightest thing triggers me!
It was the word 'negligence' that set me off in a post to someone else. Because even though I'm massively self-berating, I know it wasn't negligence. I actually don't think I could have been being more cautious generally about stuff. It was my ignorance.
Anyway, if I misunderstood you, then please accept my apology. I'm very underslept!