So many layers of guilt 😔

[Helpmewiththeguilt]

I'm kind of mid-panic attack, and could really do with advice.
I've been looking after a friend's two ddogs whilst she's been on holiday. They're both gorgeous and I love them like my own. One of them is notoriously food-driven, and has form for doing gymnastics to get to anything vaguely edible! I'm very aware of this, so ott careful about making sure all food is hidden, especially anything potentially toxic such as chocolate or xylitol.
Anyway, he's on a couple of medications, and I was being very careful with the instructions and doses etc. In addition to his usual meds, he was on a ten-day course of anti-inflammatory meds (Rimadyl). I wasn't familiar with them, and had no idea whatsoever that they were designed to taste nice for dogs.
He hates the taste of his other pills and tries to spit them out. So it didn't occur to me for a second that these would be different.
Well, the meds were generally on a high cabinet anyway. But I put them on a table whilst sorting them. Last Saturday evening, whilst sorting it all, I wanted to double-check I'd got it all right, and left the box on the table for a moment whilst I went to text my friend to check. My phone was charging in another room.
I came back in to discover said dog had jumped up on the table, opened the box, ripped the packaging and eaten the remaining 7 Rimadyl pills 😢 I went into total panic. I didn't know if it was a toxic dose or not. I had to ring my friend and explain (so hard) and she was very kind, and understood, and said to ring the emergency vet (Saturday night). I did, and gave them details of his weight and dose etc. They said I needed to bring him in asap to get an injection to make him vomit. I acted as fast as I could, but the problem was that the emergency vet was about an hour away! Directions were complex and we ended up in the wrong place, so more delay. When we got there they tried to make him vomit, but it didn't work (which is weird) and they said it'd probably already left his tummy and advised that he be kept in for IV fluids and charcoal. Other option was charcoal treatment at home and careful observation. I rang his human again, and got her consent for option 1. Should say that dog seemed 100% normal, and no ill effects, but obviously took their advice anyway.
Well, overjoyed to say that every blood test was fine, and that he was fine throughout. No ill effects whatsoever at any point. So 🎉 He got home after 36 hours. Drama over. That 36 hours was hell, the waiting, and the desperate crippling guilt. I'm so so careful about things - how could it have happened?

Fast forward a few days, and both dogs well and happy. Friend returning this evening. But she's been saddled with a circa £1700 vet bill that I increasingly think was avoidable. You see, I've been researching Rimadyl in depth since, as in reading medical literature etc. It's clear that the dose starts to become toxic from 22mg per kg of dog weight. Dog in question weighs 40kg, so he needed 880mg minimum for any toxicity. He only ingested 700mg. He would have been fine! I'm certain. He's eaten so many dodgy things over the years and seems to have the stomach of an ox!

So now I'm feeling guilty I just accepted everything the vet surgery told me. I'm also upset they put me in a state of terror, by saying it was a very high overdose, when it simply wasn't.

I've got multiple layers of guilt about the whole episode. I'd offer to pay the bill myself, but can't remotely afford it. She can afford it. But even so...

Please help with any wisdom you have. How would you move on from this?

Thank you

@JockSmashnova oh gosh, I felt so much empathy for you reading that. That must have been so awful.
Yes, it does indeed help me to hear relatable stories.
Sorry about my delayed response by the way. I was readying for my friend's return, and just checked the thread now. I'll update shortly!

@ScattyHattie thank you. Gosh that must have been a shock that your usually non-chewing-of-things dog decided to eat the plant. Glad for you that it could be dealt with asap. Seems these incidents are way more common than I'd thought. Maybe, with the best will in the world, it's just literally impossible to avoid all risk. I think I'd lost perspective a bit, and was expecting the impossible from myself...

Just to give you all an update!
Friend returned last night, and two happy healthy dogs back in her care.
We had a chat, and she's remarkably philosophical about it all. Apparently she's got a bit of history with him and stuff like this! He's got criminal history, bless him. So she totally got how it happened. Turns out we each felt guilty and worried about the other.
I asked her about her lack of insurance, and she said they didn't pay out for some things before, so she decided to have a vet fund instead, and she has money for vet bills. Though she's seeing this as a holiday expense, as there's often a margin of error for holiday spending. She seemed remarkably sanguine about the money. She's loads better off than me, and £1700 to her is more like £170 to me, so I can let that worry go to some extent.

She joked that he would choose to go on a ramage on a Saturday night! If it'd happened on a weekday it'd have so much quicker to get to a vet, and vastly cheaper. But c'est la vie.

I then had to explain that I don't feel I can look after him overnight again. I'm actually happy to do daytimes. But, too stressful to have the worry of an overnight, as he's so accident prone etc. I need to protect my mental health. This time, in the grand scheme of things, it ended up being quite a minor issue (apart from the £1700!) Next time... I don't want to potentially go there. No next times for me. She accepted that, and said it's because of him she hadn't been on holiday for years!

Well, loads of lessons learnt. Nerves still frazzled, but on the mend. All over now, aaaand breathe!

Thank you all again for your kind & supportive words. You collectively lifted me out of a black hole. Thank you, thank you, thank you 💕

Ah, glad to hear it OP. I really recommend to book on anxiety by Paul McKenna btw, esp the audio version. It’s really helped me in times of stress- lots of practical exercises to reduce panic in the moment and to reduce anxiety levels in general.

So glad you feel better x

@Helpmewiththeguilt , glad it's all sorted.
You sound like a lovely friend, kind and compassionate. And you did nothing wrong.
Please if you can, do something for yourself today - lots of relaxation !
And, no, don't have dog again overnight ! I stress about mine and he's with me full time !
❤️

@Thighlengthboots and @Amdone123 thank you both ♥️
Thank you for the advice too. I'll check out Paul McKenna.
Yes, I work from home, but decided to give myself a day off today. A long hot bubbly bath is the plan!

I'd put in a complaint at the vet, they shouldn't be recommending unnecessary very expensive treatment/overnight stays!

Op I'm a dog owner and if this happened I would it expect you to pay the bill . Being a dog owner you have responsibilities. He is not your dog . You were doing her a favour . I would just maybe buy her flowers and a card and leave it at that

Great update OP. Your friend sounds lovely. I’m laughing at the dog having a criminal history, he sounds like a bundle of trouble. 😂

Enjoy your day off.

You definitely should not be paying, infact please don’t out of principle. Your friend should have pet insurance- it’s expensive but for these reasons it’s imperative.

You sound so lovely, please don’t worry too much, your friend is lucky to have you.

Thank you. Yes, he is a bit! A very lovable bundle of trouble! Seriously cute though, and quite the charmer, so you just can't be cross with him!

Thanks. Yeah, I'm a bit puzzled by the whole vet thing. But maybe they have protocol to follow, and were just being cautious? I don't know...

@WinchSparkle80 thank you.
Funnily enough, I had a bit of a wobble mid-morning this morning, and started ruminating and self-persecuting again. But your message cheered me up again 😊

Thanks. Yeah, I'm a bit puzzled by the whole vet thing. But maybe they have protocol to follow, and were just being cautious? I don't know...

I'm sure they do, but if you can work out that he wasn't in danger of poisoning due to his weight and the dosage, so should they.

Animals always get ill at the worst time

If he ever does that again there is s poison control hotline you can ring it costs but you give them the details they tell you if its an emergency or slightly less of an emergency or a non event

@allthewoes thank you, yes, I've thought that. A poster up thread explained to me that liver damage can occur at lower doses. But they specifically mentioned kidney damage. Which I've read can't occur until levels of at least 40mg/kg weight of dog. He was exposed to 17.5mg/kg. So really quite low. It's all a bit strange. I'm just a layperson though, so may not have fully understand the data...

Oh, thank you. That's good to know. I'll mention it to my friend, as it's not the first time, and may not be the last! I'll look that up

@allthewoes

*understood the data

It’s worth noting that they charge you just under £40, which has to be paid via an automated system before you get to speak to someone. If your pet needs urgent veterinary care and your vet contacts the Veterinary Poisons Information Service you will be refunded. If they don’t need veterinary care, £40 is still a lot cheaper than a precautionary inpatient stay plus meds.

For reference if anyone needs the Animal Poisons Line in future, these are the details Animal Poison Line UK

They were very helpful with our little incident this week and refunded me as soon as their system said he needed induced vomiting, charcoal and inpatient obs.

Not necessarily. Some dog owners can afford to pay for vet care.
They'd only be lax owners if they didn't didn't have the money and dog missed out on treatment.

I've saved thousands of pounds over the past 12 years by not having insurance for my 2 dogs (apart from 3rd party added on to house insurance, cost around £20 a year).

My dogs are now elderly but very healthy. They've seen vet when needed for minor problems and cost has always been less than insurance excess would have been. So even if fully insured I'd have had to pay.

I haven't read through all the posts but I wanted to say you should not be feeling so bad. You did the right thing, you also checked with her what to do and she said to go to the emergency vet. It was the correct thing to do definitely to go to a vet. You were responsible and acted and looked after the dog. You're a good person and you did your best. WIth the best will in the world accidents happen and it wasn't your dog so you won't have been prepared for a dog so intent on gobbling pills. If I was the owner I'd feel bad for you actually.

I don't think fault really comes into this. It was just all unfortunate. If you are very good friends I'd maybe try and find a way of covering the cost together as you both care about the dog. But ultimately it is probably her responsibility to cover the cost because she didn't have insurance and she left her dog in your care and you had to take the best decisions you could in the circumstances. If I were you I might offer part of it to help her out depending on her circumstances.

If I were her I'd prefer to keep a friend prepared to help wtih the dogs occasionally than fall out over something like this as she must have known how extreme her dog was and also diddn't think to warn you about the edible nature of the pills - which you won't have known unless a regular dog owner or warned.

You sound like a very nice person who did your best. The vet bills on emergency vets are terribly high and that's not your fault. It was still the right thing to do to go to the vets and don't think otherwise. Hope you feel better soon and most of all hope the dog is ok.

I just read your update. Sounds like your friend is nice and knows her dog!

OP, do you suffer from anxiety other than this incident as your reaction and guilt was very severe? As an anxiety-sufferer myself I'd like to offer a bit of a different perspective on this.

It is easy to ruminate on things with knowledge you now have but didn't at the time.

Here's another way of looking at it.

You had an emergency situation that you couldn't have predicted as your friend forgot to warn you that the pills were deliberately palatable (how could you know this? Most of the dogs I've had wouldn't touch a pill with a bargepole!).

You immediately took sensible action. You kept your friend informed. You looked after the dog and got him immediate care. Yes, you got lost - but that's life too in a very stressful situation and you kept going and got him the help he needed.

What this says to me is person who in an emergency takes responsibility and tries to do the very best for the animal.

This is proof that you are caring, responsible and can think and act in an emergency. You didn't lose your head or run away or not face your friend or not take the dog to the vet etc.

We have an increasingly critical and also litigious society that leads anxious people perhaps to feel that they must avoid all these situations in the future. But actually that is not a good thing to do if you are an anxious person. For one thing, we need good responsible people like you being the ones taking the decisions as they are more likely to take good decisions. Also, it could start to limit your life if you start to avoid situations due to fears of things going wrong and the stress of that. You coped with the stress. It's not pleasant, but you came through. If I was the owner of the dog you are exactly the kind of person I'd trust with my dog. Not someone who didn't bother to take him to the vet or who washed their hands of the situation or who didn't care about the situation.

Far from feeling bad, I think you should take this situation as proving you are a strong capable person who when the chips are down sorts the situation out as best you can. At some point in the future you might be faced with an emergency involving a person. I know I would feel better with someone like you around in such a situation.

@CaveCanem thank you for this. That's very useful. I'd definitely have rung them last Saturday, had I known. I think it should be advertised more widely. I'll definitely spread the word...

Oh wow @Hadtocomment that's one of the kindest, most healing pieces of writing I've ever read. ♥️
So many lovely things in one post.
Yes, I suffer from anxiety.
I'm still struggling with what happened. It's still affecting me badly at times. Maybe it'll be one of those things that'll always make me wince a bit when I think about it.
But your post has made me feel so much better again. Such uplifting and encouraging words.
It's amazing how powerful words can be. You chose yours very wisely, and I'm glad, to refer to your user name, that you had to comment! 😊

@CaveCanem thank you!! I've just added that to my contacts. Hopefully I'll never need it, but it's great to have it handy!!

@Helpmewiththeguilt I agree with 'hadtocomment'. I'm glad it all went well with your friend.

Given how you still feel though & just how worried you have been, I do think you need to do something about your anxiety, it's no way to live xx

im a bit puzzled as to why you're still ok having them in the day but no longer overnight? Frankly Bonkers Boy I look after, I'd rather have when he's sleeping!!! It's when he's awake the trouble starts!!

I'm going to do one of the Animal
First Aid courses. I can only find online ones at the moment, but that's a start! & I've put the pound number into my phone, so it's handy.

take care 🌸