So many layers of guilt 😔

[Helpmewiththeguilt]

I'm kind of mid-panic attack, and could really do with advice.
I've been looking after a friend's two ddogs whilst she's been on holiday. They're both gorgeous and I love them like my own. One of them is notoriously food-driven, and has form for doing gymnastics to get to anything vaguely edible! I'm very aware of this, so ott careful about making sure all food is hidden, especially anything potentially toxic such as chocolate or xylitol.
Anyway, he's on a couple of medications, and I was being very careful with the instructions and doses etc. In addition to his usual meds, he was on a ten-day course of anti-inflammatory meds (Rimadyl). I wasn't familiar with them, and had no idea whatsoever that they were designed to taste nice for dogs.
He hates the taste of his other pills and tries to spit them out. So it didn't occur to me for a second that these would be different.
Well, the meds were generally on a high cabinet anyway. But I put them on a table whilst sorting them. Last Saturday evening, whilst sorting it all, I wanted to double-check I'd got it all right, and left the box on the table for a moment whilst I went to text my friend to check. My phone was charging in another room.
I came back in to discover said dog had jumped up on the table, opened the box, ripped the packaging and eaten the remaining 7 Rimadyl pills 😢 I went into total panic. I didn't know if it was a toxic dose or not. I had to ring my friend and explain (so hard) and she was very kind, and understood, and said to ring the emergency vet (Saturday night). I did, and gave them details of his weight and dose etc. They said I needed to bring him in asap to get an injection to make him vomit. I acted as fast as I could, but the problem was that the emergency vet was about an hour away! Directions were complex and we ended up in the wrong place, so more delay. When we got there they tried to make him vomit, but it didn't work (which is weird) and they said it'd probably already left his tummy and advised that he be kept in for IV fluids and charcoal. Other option was charcoal treatment at home and careful observation. I rang his human again, and got her consent for option 1. Should say that dog seemed 100% normal, and no ill effects, but obviously took their advice anyway.
Well, overjoyed to say that every blood test was fine, and that he was fine throughout. No ill effects whatsoever at any point. So 🎉 He got home after 36 hours. Drama over. That 36 hours was hell, the waiting, and the desperate crippling guilt. I'm so so careful about things - how could it have happened?

Fast forward a few days, and both dogs well and happy. Friend returning this evening. But she's been saddled with a circa £1700 vet bill that I increasingly think was avoidable. You see, I've been researching Rimadyl in depth since, as in reading medical literature etc. It's clear that the dose starts to become toxic from 22mg per kg of dog weight. Dog in question weighs 40kg, so he needed 880mg minimum for any toxicity. He only ingested 700mg. He would have been fine! I'm certain. He's eaten so many dodgy things over the years and seems to have the stomach of an ox!

So now I'm feeling guilty I just accepted everything the vet surgery told me. I'm also upset they put me in a state of terror, by saying it was a very high overdose, when it simply wasn't.

I've got multiple layers of guilt about the whole episode. I'd offer to pay the bill myself, but can't remotely afford it. She can afford it. But even so...

Please help with any wisdom you have. How would you move on from this?

Thank you

Thank you. You're probably right.
Anyway, really must walk the dogs now or I'll have more guilt! Just thought I'd check the thread once more before heading out 🤭

Oh my gosh, @Helpmewiththeguilt you poor thing. What a distressing thing to happen. You ABSOLUTELY did the right thing in following the vet's instructions. What else could you have done? And, as another poster has said, even at doses lower than the publicised threshold, damage can occur. It isn't something that lay people can make decisions about. The only right thing is a vet consultation and doing what the vet says.

I can imagine how stressful the long journey to the vet was. Your body is probably still in a mess of surging adrenaline etc. Speaking as another very anxious person, it would have half-killed me!

I'm glad your friend is being decent about it. One very decisive thing in the whole situation is that the dog has already been chucked out of doggy daycare for difficult behaviour. To me, that helps to make it clear that you were following perfectly normal and adequate levels of conscientious care, and Fido STILL managed to create havoc because of his challengingly crazy nature.

But even without that infromation I still wouldn't have felt you were to blame.

Be kind to yourself. When I am in an anxious spin like this, it is really only the passage of time that soothes it. Know that you will feel a little bit better about it tomorrow, and better still next week, etc.

It's not your fault!!! Your friend should have pet insurance, end of!!!

Looking after somebody else's dogs is a MASSIVE responsibility and accidents happen. If he's that 'lively' she should most definitely have had insurance. It takes a long time to get to know a dog's likely behaviour even when it's your own and even then accidents can happen. Where I live people can't find dog boarders for love nor money so she's very lucky to have you and your love for her animals is clear. Presumably she wasn't paying you to care for them? You owe her nothing.

As a dog owner, if you were my friend, it would be obvious to me that you’re very upset and that you care very much. It was an accident. I would just be very happy that my dog was ok and I wouldn’t want you to feel this awful about it. I hope your friend makes that clear to you. It’s happened, the dog is fine. Feeling guilt about this is completely wasted. I’d be devastated if I thought my friend felt suicidal. Please be kind to yourself.

The bill is inconvenient but if you have animals, especially uninsured ones, you know they’re a possibility.

All really is well. 💐

I'm a dog owner. I've two and for different reasons they're both very high needs and could get themselves into trouble like this. You're not at any fault here. It was an accident. Your friend should have communicated better with you AND the dog should be insured. It's madness not to get a dog that gets itself into trouble all the time insured. Please try and let the guilt go. Your friend is the one who should be feeling guilty for leaving a dog like that with you

I am a dog owner, and I would not blame you at all. I would be grateful that you took the dogs at all for me while I was away, and I would see this as completely my responsibility.

She should have insurance.
She could have done any research herself when you called.

My dog ate 8 easter eggs just before easter. They were out of reach. We have now had to reassess what is out of reach.
We googled the weight of choc v. the wieght of dog and took him to the vet as it was a toxic dose.

Accidents happen even when you are careful.

This is not your fault, and no way would I be offering to pay the vets bill. You kept her informed, she made the choices, but most importantly she should have had insurance. It's not really relevant how the possibly poisoning took place - many dogs are foodies and he could ahve eaten something out on a walk, or he could have developed an illness or broken a leg.... Insurance is there for such eventualities, and every doh owner should either have insurance or a means of paying the vet when things go wrong.

I'd also not worry about whether they "tasted nice" - that's a lovely fiction but I have had dogs who willingly swallowed anything, and ones who wouldn't eat meds no matter how "nice" they tasted. Dog owners know that dogs can be perverse. That's why you plan for it. It was an accident and not your fault.

@Helpmewiththeguilt I actually think it's great they're so tasty, it makes them SO much easier to get them to take them. Obviously that comes at the cost of having to be hyper vigilant!

it's an understandable mistake on your part.

It's a bit daft she hasn't trained him not to 'steal & eat' stuff, for loads of reasons, but lots of people don't/can't 🤷🏻‍♀️But it's definitely HER problem if she doesn't have insurance.

I'd MUCH rather have a friend sit than put them in kennels or have someone I don't know sit. So I disagree with people saying she should do that.

obviously it's up to you whether you want to or not, but this could be a good opportunity to bring up insurance & any other issues you have.

Work on 'letting it go'. You had a scary experience, it wasn't your fault, it was an accident, but one you can now avoid! The money/her insurance is her issue. Apart from you were in charge, so if you felt the better was needed, the vet was needs doing, but in this case she even 'asked/told' you to take him.

🌸

@cryinglaughing 'professional boarders' make mistakes too, bloody humans not being infallible.

it's nice for the dog to stay at home with someone he knows. Someone the owner trusts.

might not have anything to do with £££, so your comment is uncalled for.

Don’t feel guilty. If you were my friend I would be grateful that you cared so much, did everything you could and that my dog was ok. I wouldn’t expect you to pay the vet bill. My dogs are fully insured though. The people I know whose dogs aren’t insured all have a credit card or savings account to cover emergency costs, so hopefully your friend will be the same.

My own dog was in for the dreaded vomit inducing injection plus charcoal yesterday. He ate some unidentified mushrooms that had sprung up on our lawn. He has a strong ‘leave’ and my adult dc was standing right next to him, but he just grabbed them and swallowed before they could react. Cue a panic run to the vets in the village with him in my arms (I am old and fat, so this was no mean feat) followed by a car dash to the main branch in town. Took the remaining mushroom with me and the poisons line eventually managed to identify it as ‘inedible’ but not poisonous, although mildly psychoactive. Apparently he would have needed to eat a lot more (as in bucket loads) of them to cause him any harm and even then the most likely effect would have been a stomach upset, rather than tripping! He’s a toy breed though, so they have to be extra cautious with dogs his size. Luckily he only needed to be under veterinary observation for a few hours, as we were able to get him to the vet within half an hour of eating the mushrooms, so he came home last night. I was pleasantly surprised at the vet bill (£150), I was expecting much worse. Even though he most likely would have been ok without the treatment, it was absolutely the right thing to do under the circumstances and even if it had cost as much as your friend’s dog did, I would have happily paid it for peace of mind. I’m sure your friend feels the same.

I’ve am an experienced dog owner, having had dogs for over 33 years and have never had a suspected poisoning or dangerous ingestion with any of my dogs before this one. (I must admit, the jet black diarrhoea has been a bit of a shock!) Although we’ve had plenty of other heart-in-mouth moments over the years. First thing he did when he got home was go straight outside to look for more mushrooms! (There were none, because dc and I scoured every inch of the garden and removed them while he was at the vets.) Dogs will be dogs and you can’t watch them every second of every day. This wasn’t your fault.

Thank you so much for this. Sorry about my delay in responding. Busy day and only just checking newer posts.
Your post is very comforting. Thank you for your empathy 💕

@CaveCanem thank you. Gosh, poor you and all the mushroom-related anxiety. Sounds scary. So glad to hear no harm done x

@SarahSmith2023 re them being tasty - I guess it depends on the dog? For a very food-driven dog who'd go to great lengths to eat everything they like the smell of, it's not a good idea. But for dogs who have don't have that characteristic so much, and for whom giving pills is a trial, then yes, I get it.
This dog is on other meds he hates the taste of, but eats them if hidden in a bit of food - of any kind! That's a much better option for him.
I do think the vet who prescribed the tasty version should have explained that they're nice tasting, which my friend said he didn't. It's pretty important information. She had no idea either. You live and learn...

Thank you. Yes, I don't know why she doesn't. I'll find out tonight!

Thank you @bamboonights for understanding.
Yes it was/is a friendly favour. I actually adore the dogs. But, he's certainly a high-needs one! The other one is easy peasey, and no trouble at all. I love them equally though! 😊

Aww thank you @YeahYouDo that really is so lovely and helpful 😊

@shysquirrel thank you so much

@steppemum thank you. Yes, this thread is helping me see how common these kinds of accidents are. Eight Easter eggs 😲 poor you, that must have been a scary day.
Thank you for saying that accidents happen no matter how careful. That's the thing, because of the dog's ways, I was being so so careful, and I couldn't believe it happened. But I simply didn't know (that he'd be interested in eating the pills, or have the ability to access them in 90 seconds or whatever it was!)

The dog is ok and that is the main thing. Money can be earned again and replaced. Please don’t feel any guilt - it’s not your fault and even well trained dogs can do things like this. Your friend was lucky to have someone willing and able to look after her pets, particularly if one can be a handful.

Thank you so much. It's so comforting to hear the words 'it was an accident and not your fault' like a soothing balm, after several days of self-persecution.

Re the tasty pills - I've learnt that those specific ones are flavoured to taste like liver, to encourage dogs to eat them, they're actually chewable, but I didn't know, as I was told to hide them in his food. His other pills for an ongoing condition are the old-fashioned kind, and he loathes those. I just thought he'd loathe these too. I know what you mean though, as all dogs are unique, and are tempted by different things. I'd love to know what goes through his unique mind!

@GodspeedJune bless you. Thank you

Thank you all so much for your kindness. I feel so much better. I was feeling so wretched when I started this thread.
I do feel less guilty now. I obviously still really wish it hadn't happened. But trying to focus on the positives now. He's happy and unharmed. That's the main thing.
Also, I was thinking about it, and the reason he had the pills in the first place is because of a slight accidental injury he incurred on my friend's watch last week. So, it was a series of unfortunate events.
I'm glad I'm feeling better by the time I see my friend tonight. It would have been tricky if I was still in such a state. Thank you again. I'm extremely grateful. Oh the power of words! 😊

Oh OP i do feel for you.

if it makes yourself any better, many years ago,I was horse—sitting for a friend. (am an experienced ex—owner myself and will do favours for friends on occasion) when the horse and I had a horrible but perhaps foreseeable accident. like your mates dog, this horse was a bit of a loose cannon to say the least. I ended up with broken bones and the poor horse had thousands of pounds worth of surgery and rehabilitation. My friend was partially insured, her policy covered emergency surgery but not all the rehab stuff.

she was utterly wracked with guilt that (as she saw it) her horse, a known bloody idiot hurt me. I felt dreadful that (as I saw it) I was responsible for the horse at the time, and I knew damn well he was an idiot.

either way, it was her horse and she didn’t blame me in any way OR ask for any reimbursement of costs.

please don’t feel bad. These things happen and you did the right thing.

I was gifted a kalanchoe plant, put on windowsill and forgot about it. My dogs weren't interested in anything non food and even food were fussy what they deemed edible but for whatever reason that day they'd chewed it up. Thankfully happened during the day so could dash to local vet for them to make vomit 🤮 and it all came out of one dog so other poor dog got to be sick for no reason.

Your human we make mistakes and its very common that pets eat the wrong things. You did the right thing getting the dog to vets as quick as possible and it's not on you that friend opted to not get insurance to cover these costs. It's actually unfair the owner asked you to dogsit when they haven't planned & discussed what happens in an emergency like this, leaving you potentially having to pay costs upfront and liable to any legal ramifications. A professional boarder/pet sitter would have their own insurance cover.