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Original poster

Puppy regrets- I’m so sad

113 replies

Joey2412 · 14/03/2023 16:17

After a years of talking and research and finding the perfect puppy we bought our cocker home in Dec. Our 3 children adored him and we hoped the cat would accept him. As weeks have gone by my 5 year old has become increasingly withdrawn from him and hates coming in the room if he is there as he is so bitey. The kids spend most the time in the other room
to stop being harassed by him. I know these things will get better and we have training booked but I miss hanging with my kids. The pup can’t be left alone at home as he managed to get up on work surfaces and dinner table- I’ve rearranged everything but he stillmanages it. He is crate trained and is a dream at nighttime.

But the main issue is our poor cat. He won’t leave her alone. She has lost so much weight and we all miss spending time with her. She just dashes in and out when she has a spare chance. Im worried she will go out and not come back.

i can’t imagine being able to leave him out of the crate when we go out as she will be stuck. He has cornered her a few times and she won’t fight back. We are seriously thinking about rehoming as would be kinder but I cant imagine the guilt I would feel. Spending my days in tears.

I don’t want to leave it too long before making a decision as I think that will make it so much harder but I’m seriously worried about the cat and can’t believe I’m hating having a dog so much after I longed for it

OP posts:
Lastqueenofscotland2 · 14/03/2023 16:19

He sounds like a spaniel puppy…. Cockers are really full on and puppies bite. Any puppy will bite, even lap dog breeds.
And of course he can’t be left alone yet, he’s really really young.
These things will improve in time. They are all totally normal puppy things.

Cockle1234 · 14/03/2023 16:24

What do you mean by you have training booked? Are you not training him daily yourself? Your pup must be around 20 weeks old now, my spaniel couldn't be left alone at that age either. Of course puppy is biting, that's what puppies do. I'm a bit confused as to what you expected if you'd done enough research?

Original poster
Joey2412 · 14/03/2023 16:25

I think I guess what I’m asking is- do I let my cat my suffer? Is that fair on her as an animal, feeling scared in her own home? Or do I ignore and continue to train and hope she gets better

OP posts:
Lastqueenofscotland2 · 14/03/2023 16:26

In my experience they do get better with cats (especially if the cat tells them off…)

Bunnyishotandcross · 14/03/2023 16:27

You do have the perfect dpuppy op.
Did your research not reveal they have teeth? Put up a baby gate for dcat to escape. Bitey dpuppies can be trained out of it effectively ime. If you rehome you do know you should never get another?

Original poster
Joey2412 · 14/03/2023 16:27

Of course I’m training him. He is very good, he is toilet trained and crate trained. We have no issues there. We have puppy classes booked too as we thought that would be good. I knew he would be bitey. Maybe I should have posted in the litter tray instead….

OP posts:
Flammkuchen · 14/03/2023 16:28

Tricky situation but we got our last cat as her owners adopted a terrier and she just moved out.

amispeakingintongues · 14/03/2023 16:29

All dogs need behaviour / social training from the get go. Toilet and crate are just practical training. Get that puppy training sorted asap, this the answer to all your problems.

Gizlotsmum · 14/03/2023 16:30

Can you section of part of the room he is in? Give him a penned area and his crate and then kids and cat have rest of the room ( we have just done this as although we expected bitey puppy kids are struggling with just how bitey he currently is) they spend time together when he is calmer, less bitey and I keep telling myself it will get better( doesn’t stop the biting hurting)

ImCrunchyOnTheOutside · 14/03/2023 16:30

I don’t think it’s particularly fair to cage a puppy either tbh. It isn’t necessary at all when you make a huge effort to train.

www.happyofficedogs.com/post/the-great-crate-debate

MissMaple82 · 14/03/2023 16:30

Cockers are notoriously challenging. My my.first choice with young children, so I'm not sure what research you did on that! That said, puppies, whatever breed are ever easy, people just ignore this fact. Things will improve. Animals are not disposable! You need to train and put in the effort and expect that life will be complicated for a period of time.

BiteyShark · 14/03/2023 16:30

I am going to mirror previous posters.

Everything including the cat not liking the puppy is normal. It will get better but honestly having a puppy is about damage limitation and managing the environment.

Use baby gates to give your cat a dog free zone.

Realise that children don't actually like puppies when they are bitey and yes they have puppy teeth and they are sharp but again it will get better.

Get a 1-1 trainer to find in for a few sessions with the whole family at home to show you how to manage your DC, the cat and your puppy.

MissMaple82 · 14/03/2023 16:31

Not my first choice **

Dragonsandcats · 14/03/2023 16:31

2 years on and if I’m honest our cat still isn’t very happy if I’m honest. I do feel really guilty but she used to be really bolshy with dogs and I thought she’d be fine.

BreviloquentBastard · 14/03/2023 16:35

My youngest dog and oldest cat did not like one another at all when the dog was a pup. She was a hairy little renegade though so I don't blame the poor cat. They're best of friends now the dog has mellowed and understands the cat doesn't want to be smacked on the head all the time, they cuddle on the sofa.

In the interim while the dog was getting the crazy out of her system, we gated off an area of the house that was a safe space for the cat to go. Dogs were absolutely never allowed in there, all the cat things and toys were in there and she soon realised it was her little "apartment".

Keeping cat and puppy separate until puppy is no longer a puppy is basically the only way to be fair on both of them. Then gradually reintroduce in a controlled way once puppy is old enough. The puppy is just behaving like a cocker pup. They're pretty peak nutcase.

Dozycuntlaters · 14/03/2023 16:36

Definitely get the training sorted sooner rather than later.

When I got my puppy (border terrier) she was a dreadful shark but the trainer gave me some tips to help which definitely worked and by the time she was about 4-5 months old she grew out of it.

I also had 2 cats and to start with she was a real pest, chasing them, barking at them and I felt dreadful. But.... I did not let her get away with it and gradually over time she grew out of that too and although one of my cats was really miserable when i got the puppy (she is a miserable cat in general anyway) they all live in harmony now and the cats are fine. One of my cats loves the dog, the other one hates her but they do tolerate each other.

I really don't think you need to think about re-homing. Just make sure the cat has a safe dog free space to go to, get the trainer on board as they will give you ideas of how to stop the dog pestering the cat, be realistic and realise that this stage won't last forever and in the end your animals will at least tolerate each other.

BeeDavis · 14/03/2023 16:40

And this is why there are so many dogs under 6 months old in rehoming centres. You haven’t even given him a chance for god’s sake. If you do rehome, please never get another dog. You clearly haven’t done as much research as you say.

Baldrickhasaplan · 14/03/2023 16:44

Our puppy still wants to play with our cat. Cat play fights for a bit then turns to seriously fighting. We usually step in before that. Puppy is not allowed upstairs so cat can escape there. We also use treats to train puppy to ignore cat. That works for a bit until the cat starts teasing her. It really does depend on your cat. If they’re a complete arse, like ours, they will soon put the puppy in her place. If not, make sure that (a) cat has safe spaces to retreat to and (b) puppy is trained to leave the cat alone. It takes time but can be done.

Have a look at some puppy training for you to do day to day things eg sit, down etc. Battersea Dogs Home have some online. Once you feel more confident, you can get the kids involved with training. They will probably be happier interacting with her then.

Every puppy parent has days where they question their choices. Things do get better (just like little kids) but you need to be realistic with expectations for a very young dog.

marblemad · 14/03/2023 16:45

We got a springer spaniel years ago and it was a nightmare from start to finish. Like you my parents had looked into various breeds for a long time and we had visited different rehoming center's to interact with some of them. We got matched with a springer puppy and had her in training pretty much straight away but she just wouldn't be trained or listen to command! after a few months of trying the first training team told us they were unable to help her and the second one we found didn't really help either. Taking her for walks became dangerous as she would drag so hard she ended up injuring my sister, she would absolutely go for other animals ( we lived in a semi rural area with a country park), she progressively bit worse and worse to the point where the trainers were concerned for the welfare of my younger siblings and destroyed the house regularly. We rehomed her to one of the trainers who we heard within the year had to rehome her themself as she went for another pet in the house. Years later a family friend got a springer puppy after having a german shepherd for around 5 years and was very experienced in dogs, the springer caused similar problems, literally ripped all of the wallpaper of the stairs, the postie stopped refusing to deliver and other issues and the german shepherd stopped coming downstairs in the daytime so in the end they had to rehome the puppy aswell.

LuckyPeonies · 14/03/2023 16:49

Feed your cat where the puppy can’t harass her, her losing weight for lack of being able to eat enough is not acceptable.

Eyesopenwideawake · 14/03/2023 16:49

Very, very simple way to stop him jumping on work surfaces and dining table - a thin line of white pepper around the edges. You'll have a couple of days of sneezing but worth it!

Topseyt123 · 14/03/2023 16:50

When I got a labrador puppy our cat took a long time to get used to him and come to accept him. It was something that happened gradually over some months and eventually I realised that open hostilities had ceased - they could finally be in the same room as each other and it was a revelation to me!!

I don't suppose I could claim that they were bosom pals, but they did become partners in crime. Cat was happy to jump up onto the kitchen worktops and shove some things down to the floor for the dogs (also had a cocker spaniel).

Baby gates are your friends here. Put some across doors so that the cat can vault over to have some dog-free time and some peace. Insist that people close the gates when they have gone through. It is very important that the cat has an area to retreat to.

DuvetDownn · 14/03/2023 16:50

This is so sad, it’s must be very hard for you to see your DC and your cat unhappy. I’ve never had a dog so can’t advise but I hope the situation improves soon. I have a cat and the thought of him being unhappy is so painful.
The dividing the room suggestion sounds like a good one.

ffsnotagainandagain · 14/03/2023 16:52

It is something to be expected of puppies. We have a puppy and a cat. We divided the house into 2 with a stair gate and the cat gets his own space. Our kids are helping with the training. It is just damage control for the first year. Ours has ripped wallpaper, chairs, sofas. It's not easy having a puppy but that should be expected.

Topseyt123 · 14/03/2023 16:54

I should add, always feed and water the cat in one of the dog-free zones so that the spaniel can't pester her and eat her food. I had to feed mine up on a worktop in my utility room for that reason.