Puppy regrets- I’m so sad

[Joey2412]

After a years of talking and research and finding the perfect puppy we bought our cocker home in Dec. Our 3 children adored him and we hoped the cat would accept him. As weeks have gone by my 5 year old has become increasingly withdrawn from him and hates coming in the room if he is there as he is so bitey. The kids spend most the time in the other room
to stop being harassed by him. I know these things will get better and we have training booked but I miss hanging with my kids. The pup can’t be left alone at home as he managed to get up on work surfaces and dinner table- I’ve rearranged everything but he stillmanages it. He is crate trained and is a dream at nighttime.

But the main issue is our poor cat. He won’t leave her alone. She has lost so much weight and we all miss spending time with her. She just dashes in and out when she has a spare chance. Im worried she will go out and not come back.

i can’t imagine being able to leave him out of the crate when we go out as she will be stuck. He has cornered her a few times and she won’t fight back. We are seriously thinking about rehoming as would be kinder but I cant imagine the guilt I would feel. Spending my days in tears.

I don’t want to leave it too long before making a decision as I think that will make it so much harder but I’m seriously worried about the cat and can’t believe I’m hating having a dog so much after I longed for it

Poor you OP, it sounds very tough x

I really struggled with pup to start (like you we did loads of research and were desperate for him), it’s a huge bomb going off in your home and life! You can read everything and think you know what to expect but the reality can be so hard.

Practically can you put stair gates up so your cat has areas they know are safe and will be dog free? We have gates on our stairs and also utility room so our cat can always eat in peace and can relax upstairs knowing the dog can’t come up. Perhaps also have a pen for the puppy to be in while the children are around - then they can play with them if they want but also have a break but still all be in the same room together?

Puppy biting is horrid but it will pass soon, also keep an eye on naps as mine turned into an absolute shark when overtired! He’s also a spaniel (springer) and they hate to miss anything so enforced naps are key.

I’d also see if you can get a 1-1 session with a trainer sooner rather than later, they will be able to give you lots of advice on specific issues like the biting and the cat. Puppy classes are great too, spaniels are clever little dogs so once you start to tire their brains out by learning new skills it really helps to calm them.

Mines now 16 months and we absolutely adore him, he’s beautifully calm at home and he and the cat live in harmony 95% of the time! We still do a lot of training and learning new tricks to keep his brain active and he’s a wonderful addition to our family. It will get better xxx

I get really confused when people say they have done loads of research and then they get a cocker spaniel 🤯 cocker spaniels are high maintenance, they are particularly bitey especially as puppies, there is also something called cocker rage when they can completely lose it with little warning, as well as needing massive amounts of exercise otherwise they can be destructive. They also are prone to separation anxiety. Did your research not highlight any of these red flags??

I know it's too late now but it does confuse me, they can be great dogs

Re the cat I would make sure she has lots of places she can jump up on to escape if needed, baby gates on doors if needed. Lots of high value treats when the dog is calm around the cat.

Thank you for all the constructive messages. And thanks to everyone else for kicking me when Im down.

Pup has no rage- just normal puppy biting. I’m not actually concerned about puppy behaviour as I am training him and know it will go with age. He is a lovely dog - It’s more about the affect on my youngest & cat. Like I said I’ve obviously posted in wrong group!

We have stairgate keeping pup in kitchen from day one. Cat has food elsewhere away from him and has upstairs as her safe space. I think she is just eating less because she is stressed. She has plenty of access to food. I am
worried about her leaving as previous poster said.

I will bow out now

Just sending you some love OP, I have a 15 month old cocker and it's been HARD - hence the user name! I asked for help a couple of months ago and got my arse handed to me by some posters telling me how useless and awful I was and how I should never own a dog. We spent some time with a behaviourist which was fabulous for us. It doesn't sound like you need that yet, you've just got your typical cocker spaniel pup, but I'm telling you it does get better! My youngest was 9 when we got him and it broke my heart how tricky their relationship was for a while, as it had been the 9 year old who was most excited about getting a dog. But they're much much better now, spend lots of time together curled up on the sofa etc. Hang in there x x

your puppy is basically a toddler, a baby animal. You need to set boundaries and train him.

We had a cocker. The biting - well it's one of the few times I actually sat and cried as I was so in despair about it. But they do get better. Our cocker is adult now and we have a stairgate to the utility so the cat can escape there if he wants to.
What area are you in, OP. We have a brilliant trainer and if you're near I will pass on details.

I think it is unkind to get a dog when you have a cat.

Stick with it, it will get easier as the pup grows up.

we used a baby stair gate to seperate the puppy and cat. In fact 2, one across the stairs. so puppy had run of kitchen and living room, cat had the whole house. She did sulk on the landing for a while, and also after a time learned to smack puppy hard on head if he came up to her eg on the sofa.
Your puppy sounds a dream, good at night and housetrained already. Teething is hard and bitey (frozen carrots help) but passes very quickly.

Saving this for when mine starts counter surfing 😂

OP try the puppy subreddit you’ll get good advice- puppy blues are real!!

If you're having to ask, I'm doubtful it will work out. If you're going to re-home I would do it sooner rather than later. I wouldn't have got that breed. A golden retriever might be bigger but they're a lot more placid, albeit all puppies are awful at times. Maybe your cat is too old and your children are too young. If it's affecting family life this badly, it's not going to work out well for anyone, including the dog. You have a couple of years ahead of this. I would have thought your puppy was actually at that golden stage when it hasn't occurred to them that they can be bolshy. In an ideal world you'd fight through but if you're not going to be able to do that, fold now while he's still cute and the cat's alive.

You shouldn't be made to feel guilty, if it's not working it's not working, you have your cat to think about so rehoming may be best all round.

Bribe the cat with dreamies so that she associates being inside with treats. Have a stair gate so that upstairs is cat domain while the puppy is young. My cats took about 6 months to adjust and after a year were rubbing heads with the dog who was just that bit older and much calmer.

What, after 3 months! Nah, that isn't how it works.

Oh OP. You’re not regretting getting a dog. You’re struggling because you have a puppy. I found it REALLY bloody hard with my first.
Re cats. Feliway? A safe space away from the dog. Mine love a groom and some catnip away from our dogs. Or a cuddle on our bed.
We have two cats. It’s doable. Right now is a period of adjustment. Don’t panic!!

The question I want to ask is, have you connected with him? I knew in less than 3 months that it wouldn't matter what my dog put me through. He was really hard work to train and I still do it every day. he's 5 now. It will get better but you have to be prepared for the chewed shoes. Trying to snuffle food never stops - I've given up trying. With that you just need to make sure you put everything away.

It’s tough. We’ve got our first pup after older rescues. I’m an agility trainer. It’s been a total shock. No kids but an elderly cat.

No judgement. The biting was a real shock. It got better at around 5 months once the puppy teeth came out. She still mouthes but it’s soft and easy to redirect onto something more appropriate.

The cat is SUPER exciting. We’ve done heaps of training and just hope she will settle with him in time. It’s all play. Her mum and relatives, all working terriers, lived happily with cats and chickens so we’ve hope she will get there. He is a very dog savvy cat and very tolerant but play will not happen with him as she’s too rough and it doesn’t take much for play to tip over, especially for breeds with a high prey drive. He isn’t a lap cat so as long as he’s had his food, goes out and gets to sleep on a bed he’s happy.

We have an open plan house downstairs. So have a system of gates and also a Babydan room divider to allow him to pass through unbothered. The room divider is a game changer. You really do need to keep them separated. The more pup engages the more they will. They just need to calm down a bit. You can work on leave and making the cat less exciting but I think a lot of it is time.

Leaving them - you can’t really. At 7 months we’ve started to do some little test leaves and we’ve done up to 15 minutes with no issues so we’ll keep pushing it out over the next few months. That takes time too.

Most of it is time. Training classes are a god send tbh. I help run a dog training club and our pup attends the Bronze class and has done since 11 weeks.

Hang in there.

I have a 'difficult breed' the type for experienced owners, high prey drive, etc she was a nightmare, landshark!
But, she grew up, bitey behaviour stopped.

Our cats still avoid as she still insists they will play..they do not share this belief. They have safe routes, we have gates to stop DDog harassing them. Similarly, they stayed out, avoided for a long time, but now are happier.

Tbh I think getting a puppy when you have a cat is very odd and unfair. You already had a commitment to the cat. It is surely rather wishful thinking that an untrained puppy would be able to behave around the cat! I also think having a puppy with young children is bonkers. There is a reason rescues are funny about rehoming to families. It is not ideal at all.

Sounds like a completely normal puppy, I don’t think anyone that has got a pup finds it easy. We had two cats before we got a puppy and then another kitten a few years later, all of the cats loved the dog once the cats decided the order! We didn’t have children at the time. It will get easier, just hang on in there OP, soon you will have a lovely dog and will wonder why you were worried

When Your puppy bites lightly flick it in the side. It will soon learn. As for cats, they’re meant to be introduced slowly. Start by having them in different rooms but introducing them to scent when one isn’t in the room. Good luck.

We bought a stair gate with cat flap to allow our cat some space away from our new dog. It worked really well - would this work for you?

I haven’t read all the comments so might be repeating here but I would persevere. Sounds like there is a lot great with the puppy with potty training and sleeping at night. All puppies are bites and I get what you mean with the kids and cat but that will definitely improve with time and training.

Is it possible to section off part of the lounge with a large dog pen? You can get the metal ones that link together to make it the size you want. It won’t be forever but would mean that the kids and cat can come and go. The puppy can have lots of chew toys and things in there. It doesn’t have to mean the puppy is always shut away in there but if it means you can have an hour or two without the kids and cat in fear then it will be worth it. And over time you can shorten the time you use it and won’t need it.

Depends on the cat. We had our last dog then added one, then two cats. They all slept together, mooched together and were genuinely ok with each other. We then lost the first cat and added another. He soon slotted in. We lost the second cat, then our dog so third cat was alone. He was miserable. We bought a puppy after two years of trying to rescue another dog. He’s much happier and will try to play with pup through barriers we have in place. He’ll jump the barrier to say ‘hi’. He has to be rescued from the over enthusiastic puppy! He’s 14 or 15 (rescue so not sure).

It really depends on the individual. They can get along really well. Our pups breeder had five adult terriers on one sofa…with a cat snuggled in the middle when we went to meet them.