Puppy regrets- I’m so sad

[Joey2412]

After a years of talking and research and finding the perfect puppy we bought our cocker home in Dec. Our 3 children adored him and we hoped the cat would accept him. As weeks have gone by my 5 year old has become increasingly withdrawn from him and hates coming in the room if he is there as he is so bitey. The kids spend most the time in the other room
to stop being harassed by him. I know these things will get better and we have training booked but I miss hanging with my kids. The pup can’t be left alone at home as he managed to get up on work surfaces and dinner table- I’ve rearranged everything but he stillmanages it. He is crate trained and is a dream at nighttime.

But the main issue is our poor cat. He won’t leave her alone. She has lost so much weight and we all miss spending time with her. She just dashes in and out when she has a spare chance. Im worried she will go out and not come back.

i can’t imagine being able to leave him out of the crate when we go out as she will be stuck. He has cornered her a few times and she won’t fight back. We are seriously thinking about rehoming as would be kinder but I cant imagine the guilt I would feel. Spending my days in tears.

I don’t want to leave it too long before making a decision as I think that will make it so much harder but I’m seriously worried about the cat and can’t believe I’m hating having a dog so much after I longed for it

What a dilemma! Poor cat. I have to admit I'm a cat person and could never imagine my nervous cat coping with a dog in the house. I don't even let visitors bring dogs.
But others have said their cats got used to their dogs so that's reassuring. I think it's essential to create safe areas for the cat where the dog doesn't go. Even if the cat's out I would keep these as dog free zones otherwise the cat will smell the dog has been there and feel unsafe. For example, could the cat have the upstairs area and the dog have the downstairs? The stair gate is a good idea. If the cat can be sure the dog doesn't go upstairs (or whatever area you choose as her safe space) I think she's less likely to run away.
Good luck!

Is your cat an outside cat? Just warning you that sometimes when cats are unhappy in their home, they leave and find new owners.

Cats moving out when a puppy moves in is way more common than people ( on here ) would have you believe , it’s always tales of cats that tell dogs off and dogs that then get the message . I’m sure that does happen but I personally know of a couple of families who have had cats move out when a dog moved in and one of those was a WCS . Personally I would be keeping the cat in for a while , either upstairs or in a room shut off from the dog with a litter tray and lots of attention and then start again with the introductions once the cat is feeling more at home .

You have only had the dog since December so not very long at all. You would have been much better off to get an older dog that had been cat tested. You also would not have had the biting problems that puppies bring.

Make a separate area(s) for the cat so the dog cannot hassle her all the time

A Cocker Spaniel is I'm afraid, probably the wrong dog for your family. They are Gundogs & are extremely intelligent. They are & can be amazing dogs, but you do need to put the work in. They are constantly on the go, the biting will get better.
They are hard work as a breed. If you do re home please use a breed specific rescue.

For your cats sake you need to make sure she has safe spaces where she can enter and exit the house freely if you have a cat flap without the dog harassing her. Can you put up high shelves for her to escape to where she feels safe? Make sure she gets enough attention too.

Also, I don't know if you've heard of cocker rage. My toddler nephew was bitten by a cocker whilst resource guarding and he drew blood and gave him a nasty bruise. Just something to keep an eye out for if your kids are already scared.

A few things here: partition off an area for the puppy. Could be with baby gates - we have a collie and when she was a puppy we put a baby gate on the kitchen door and on the bottom of the stairs. That meant that the cats could retreat either to the kitchen or upstairs if they'd had enough. The kids could do the same! The puppy was allowed in the living room, dining room and conservatory. It did help that on day 1 my old cat smacked the puppy on the nose and made her bleed - she hardly ever messed with him after that.

Secondly: put a collar or harness on the puppy in the house. Puppies are bitey little arseholes and you need to be able to grab them. I know a lot of advice these days is not to put collars on puppies - well, it was that or risk the puppy biting me or the kids in the face, because puppies have no boundaries or sense. I needed a handle - not to hurt her but to be able to hold her off me/the kids.

Thirdly: zero tolerance of eg jumping on the table. Stern voice: "Bad dog! Off the table!" or whatever command you want to give, and lift/put them off the table so they get down. I think it's helpful to teach some sort of "no" or "Bad dog" command because you can't anticipate every bad thing they might do ever, so you need a recognised command where they know they've done something wrong.

Fourthly: this too shall pass! You're right in the middle of the worst bit. It's like toddlers on speed. By the time the puppy is a year old so many things will be easier, and by the time they're two it will be even better.

Sorry OP you are being very unfair to your cat. If she is losing weight the situation is affecting her health and happiness. It was her home first.

Prioritise your existing pet before getting another one.

We looked after a friend’s dog for what was supposed to be 10 days. Our cat was very unhappy and decamped to next door’s garden. After 3 days I had to make alternative arrangements, it was unfair to our cat.

I would rehome the dog. It’s not working for anyone at the moment.

Our cat moved out for about a month. Then he came back but was skittish. We never let the dog chase or corner the cat. The cat eventually bopped the puppy, with no claws.

They'll now share, a sofa, but they aren't friendly and the cat is definitely in charge.

It gets better.

It’s tough because you just can’t know how cats will respond to the new pup. It takes time and hope and patience and commitment.

Puppy school should be renamed Dog Owner Training because it trains us how to help our pups adapt and behave. We did our puppy school for months, a part one and part two. I really needed that support again when our dog became a teen at 18 months.

I know you miss hanging with your kids but the best thing you can do is focus on training your pup, approaching this as a whole family commitment. I brought my kids along to pup school. The first thing we worked on was the puppy biting, recall, lead training, walking to heel, walking with the buggy (that baby in the buggy is nearly 9 years old now, dog is going on 8). And yes, baby gates, shutting doors, separation of animals and giving the cat the run of the house (closing off pup in another room) and then allowing pup the same freedom to roam is important.

Yep puppies are HARD WORK. It does get better., but further practical steps are needed right now to make your cat and kids feel safe - using a puppy pen and stairgates to provide puppy free zoneontain him to one part of the house, for example. It will get easier as the weather improves as you'll be able to keep the back door open and give him the run of the garden (just make sure the garden is secure).

However, like other posters, I question the choice of a cocker for a first family dog. They can be really highly strung, full-on and needy. And can be prone to 'cocker rage' - I know someone who's had to rehome theirs due to this.

A little bit different however we got a puppy in august and we already had a 4 year old pug . The pug literally hated the puppy which surprised me as he’s always been fine with other dogs,. He didn’t want to play with the puppy , wouldn’t stay near the puppy , if he went to get in his bed he would get out , didn’t like sharing his space with him .we Made sure we feed them separately , had separate beds. The older dog will now tell him when he’s had enough. My dog would walk around with his tail down constantly and it was never wagging . We gave the older dog some space and now he’s loves him and will always want to play and sleep with him .A lot of people we spoke to and even the vet said it’s just because he had been on his own for so long and then suddenly there’s a puppy he just had to get use to him . Some great tips here and maybe speak with a dog trainer about behaviour etc ..

Two similar threads in one day have just cemented further my decision to never get a dog.

Our Dog isn't allowed upstairs and cat is now fine even when pestered.
We found lots of chews, coffee sticks etc helped with mouthing.
Most people have puppy blues. They settle down a bit at 8 months I found.

Would rather have the dog or your children ?

They seem to be hating have it around them , plus the issue with the cat .

Just a thought, is puppy getting enough sleep? Bitey, hyperactive, naughty puppies are often overstimulated tired puppies. Like human babies they need a lot of sleep and should be encouraged to go in their crate for a nap every hour or so if they are very active. Also gives you and the cat a bit of respite!

Typical spaniel puppy. They are known as cocker-diles.

You should be training every day, from day 1, with games and fun to engage and teach your pup what’s expected.

Cocker rage is, thankfully, very rare and not normal puppy landshark behaviour.
Cocker puppies are absolute gits. It's why they're so cute, so you forgive them. I could happily have swapped mine for a hamster on many an occasion.

He's nearly 2 now and a joy

That’s not fair - cocker rage is an incurable illness and that’s not what the OP is talking about!

3 DC + cat ? 4:1, no contest IMO.

www.thecockerspanielclub.co.uk/rage_syndrome.htm

Our cat has the upstairs and the dogs downstairs. They’re allowed up with me and they know that the cat is my special friend. A truce has been established- especially with the two older dogs who will now lie alongside the cat.

I give the younger one lots of praise when she’s good with the cat, but send her away from cat and me when she’s too boisterous. It gets better daily.

What's fairness got to do with it? I'm advising the OP from experience of the possibility. She can decide what to do with the info.

Did he come from a good breeder, have they got some advice? Our breeder vetted us heavily so was familiar with our circumstances and I know would have helped in a situation like this.

Cockers are lovely. I would very much like one one day, but probably when I am retired! Yes puppyhood is hard but a fully grown cocker is not an easy dog either. The cat being so stressed would worry me. If the breeder were prepared to have him back and rehome I'd consider that as an option. It'll be a lot easier to rehome a five month old puppy than an 18 month old dog, or a 3YO dog.