Not sure I can do this much longer - puppy regret

[regrett]

Pup is 16 weeks.

She just won't get weeing outside. It's making me so stressed and anxious. She seemed to be getting it but has regressed.

The mouthing too. We can't spend time together as family as if DS is in the room she's biting him, if he's not there it's me. Distraction no longer works. She barely touches DH.

I'm at the point where I just don't want to spend time at home. I'm crying a lot, feeling suicidal (though tbf that's not new, it's menopause, this has just made it worse).

I knew it would be hard but I didn't appreciate how much life would change. I've never regretted anything more than getting this dog.

I don't know what I want from this post. Reassurance that I will start to love the dog and that things will get better maybe.

Oh no this sounds tough. What breed?

Are you getting support for the suicidal feelings?

As an emergency measure I think you and your child should get the hell out of the downstairs/ living area and leave husband to deal. Dog will be fine and won't get a chance to practice chewing you. Puppy Blues are a real thing.

In a very few months this biting, weeing nightmare will be a totally different beast and you will look back in sheer horror at the early days.

The mouthing and seeing is both a puppy thing.

How old is DS?

Weeing

I had the same thing with our golden retriever. I never expected her to behave in the way she did. She use to bite me and my son, but never my dh. I was at my wits end. Got a dog physiologist in to see her, and he couldn’t do anything!

The one day, she put her teeth on my son when my dh happened to be walking past. He gave her a real telling off. From that day on, she was the most beautiful girl we ever had. No kidding. It’s like she needed to understand her place in the pack. We think she was assuming she was above me and ds. She needed dh to tell her she was below us in the pecking order. She was a much happier dog after this. She was from a big litter, and separated from her mum too soon we think. She didn’t have time to understand how things work!

She died a few years ago now, and I honestly loved her so much. She was sweet and soppy. Such a lovely girl. I miss her every day, we all do.

In case it gives you hope, mine was a bloody nightmare. when I went out for the evening my teens barricaded themselves behind a grille thing as they couldn't handle the chewing. I had cuts on my arms and legs and my clothes were ruined.

The dog is now the doziest, sleepiest, least aggressive canine you could ever meet. She would, never ever mouth anyone. Not even in play.

DS is 10.

Golden retriever.

Evenings are the worst as it's her mad hour.

She's got big enough to get on sofa and attack now!

I guess the warm weather has not helped as we have kept doors open so rather than asking to go out she doesn't need to and has then started going everywhere. It's too warm for closed doors in this house.

She's still a baby. It will get easier.

See, I had

Gah. . See, I had a suspicion your dog was a GR. They are incredibly mouthy as puppies. By mouthy read biting. Mouthy is just the polite way of describing it.

Ours was exactly, exactly like you describe. It didn't last too long. I'd say things had improved hugely by about 5 or 6 months old. She is now the sweetest, gentlest, least demanding, least aggressive dog I have ever met.

Honestly, she was a horror as a pup.

What also helped with her was cutting down the amount of protein in her diet.

It made her go a bit la-la. She is much better with a mix of carbs and protein.

Is there somewhere in the house you can put her that is separate from you but still connected - e.g..a utility or small room with a baby gate at door? Our lab puppy spent quite a lot of time in her room (door open but baby gate) so that she wasn't all over us all of the time at this age. You need to have some space.

Thanks I'll look at her diet. She's on a kibble at the moment and has a bowl of veg for supper!

I think I could cope with the biting if the peeing wasn't stressing me out so much. Only wee, she always poops outside. I guess we have to go back to basics but it's hard when she's so big now I can't really lift her up and pop her outside when she wees inside!

Also, GRs can take longer than normal to get the whole toileting outside thing. Especially bitches. According to my friend who fosters guide dogs.

Is your dog very sensitive? Mine had all sorts of anxieties around weeing. It all needs to be 'right' for her to go anywhere other than the garden ;)

If you've got puppy pads ditch them straight away.

Also you can start a strict 'no' to her jumping on the sofa. Just dont allow her. We've only let ours on sofa with permission (ie when we put put her blanket and give a command) now that she is one year old.

It sounds very, very normal.

If you have to have the doors open, can you use fly screens or baby gates so there's still a physical barrier between inside and outside? If you combine that with doggy doorbells, you should be able to get her to ring the bells by the babygate when she needs to go out.

As for the biting - again, very normal but very painful. Is she getting enough sleep and does she have enough access to chewy toys? Mine had a constant supply of kongs, rope toys, frozen tea towels and natural chews on rotation at that age. If he wasn't being walked, sleeping, playing, training or eating, he had a chew in his mouth, lol.

I do have puppy pads else I'm mopping all the time...

She'll get it quicker without? She's ruined all my rugs as well. :-(

16 weeks Def too young to expect toilet consistency. If it happens, just mop up and don't scold her. She will get there in time.

Definitely get rid of the puppy pads - they just encourage them to pee inside. Take all the rugs up and keep her in a room with hard floors if possible!

Puppy pads literally teach your dog it is ok to go inside. She won't know that it isn't allowed. Get rid and back to toilet basics. Outside every 30 minutes and huge praise and a treat if she goes ok the garden.

Vax spotwash is your friend for the rugs 😁

Retrievers are absolute pricks as puppies (I have a lab and same thing). The mouthing is a particularly big thing for them as a breed group because they were bred to work with their mouths (in terms of retrieving) and so as well as the usual teething mouthing, they also nip, nibble and bite to learn their ‘soft mouth’ technique (so as not to damage the game they are retrieving).

Luckily, they are pretty bright as a group and so they do get the toilet training and are pretty easy to train in general though, so long as you are going back to basics and not confusing them with indoor pee pads or mixed messages (the mixed messages thing is easily done). The puppy support groups on the doghouse boards are really good, plus the DTAS (dog training advice and support) group on FB for specific training advice (such as step by step toilet training).

All the best.

Also, the areas where she has been toileting inside need to be cleaned with enzymatic cleaner. Bio washing liquid will do the job. Dogs like to pee where they went previously ;)

So for the weeing, set an alarm on your phone for every half an hour, when it goes off take her outside and if she goes loads of praise and a special treat, chicken, cheese, hot dog something like that. Hopefully that will help. With regards to the mouthing, if she is jumping on the sofa and biting then don't let her on the sofa firstly. Or if you want her on the second she starts biting remove either her (use a house like or lead attached to collar don't leave unattended with this attached though) or yourselves for a few minutes then try again. Also try having plenty of toys around as some dogs just need something in their mouth, especially retrieving dogs. Make sure to praise and reward calm non biting behaviour. Teach a settle /go to bed command (probably loss of instructions on Google) so you can sit on same room as your husband. Try using stuffed/frozen kongs to give her something to chew that isn't a person. Don't give any attention for the biting, if she bites just give a high priced shriek then immediately remove yourself or her out of room with long line. She will get there eventually, faster if everyone in the house is consistent. Really though at the end of the day if she is upsetting you to the extent that you are suicidal then rehiring is always an option. People on here may disagree but she would find another nice home, there can't be another you!

Ah, yes. You’re totally confusing her with the pads. She needs to be taken outside every 15 minutes to wee, treat and quiet praise (or clicker) every time she wees or pops outside. If she goes inside, just clean it up quietly without fuss (no matter how cross you are with her). She will get it.

Totally concur with @LynneBenfield . Pricks. The lot of them. It's a shock when all you have seen is older, placid, docile ones.

For toilet training, I would go right back to basics. Don't let her run in and out of the house on her own, take her out every 20-30 minutes. You can keep a house line on her. That would help in general with containing her. I'd also invest in some baby gates and/or a playpen.

How much sleep is she getting? What about physical exercise, how much and what kind? Have you done any enrichment activities with her?

Did you think a puppy would be easy?