Not sure I can do this much longer - puppy regret

[regrett]

Pup is 16 weeks.

She just won't get weeing outside. It's making me so stressed and anxious. She seemed to be getting it but has regressed.

The mouthing too. We can't spend time together as family as if DS is in the room she's biting him, if he's not there it's me. Distraction no longer works. She barely touches DH.

I'm at the point where I just don't want to spend time at home. I'm crying a lot, feeling suicidal (though tbf that's not new, it's menopause, this has just made it worse).

I knew it would be hard but I didn't appreciate how much life would change. I've never regretted anything more than getting this dog.

I don't know what I want from this post. Reassurance that I will start to love the dog and that things will get better maybe.

We were Lucky to have the loveliest, sweetest most adorable golden for nearly 15 years. And for 14 of them, she was marvellous. For one of them - the first) she was as a fucking terror. Not housetrained until she was 9 months, random barking through the night for a year (no rhyme or reason for it, just random) and relentlessly clever in getting in bins. After a year, she was an 😇. Buckle in, she’ll be worth it.

Totally agree. They are the Jekyll and Hyde of dogs. Best as adults. Terrorists as puppies.

You need a dog trainer to help you. Please prioritise that. Puppies are hard work and you need to show them the rules. It’s not difficult / complicated but you need to know how - a good trainer will be able to teach you.

Please look at the Facebook group Dog Training Advice and Support. They are highly recommended force free professional dog behaviourists

How often are you going for walks?

We would walk ours 3 times a day. Morning round the block (basically for a wee and a sniff), evening round the block and lunchtime-is a good walk. Obviously this was a small walk when he was a puppy.

Golden retrievers are not a low maintenance dog. They need exercise and stimulation. You basically want to knacker them out so that they sleep!

It's not about showing dogs the rules it's about understanding your dog and not causing it further problems by becoming afraid

Aw we have a goldie he’s 10 and my
word I thought I made the worst mistake of my life getting him. No one tells you!!!

They are nicknamed land sharks for a reason!

I was lucky he took to weeing outside really well (we only used newspaper for one day I think and gradually took pages away). But he bit and bit it was relentless. We used to arm ourselves with toys to shove in his mouth but if you ran out he got us, and it realllly hurt.
At about 15 weeks suddenly he just stopped so I am sure the biting will stop soon.

no advice as you’ve had loads of good stuff but just to say you have my sympathy and it’s completely normal to regret it … but you will forget soon and have the most wonderful companion!

We have a 10 month old lab and at 16 weeks he was also a nightmare. He’d go to the loo outside then 5 minutes later, go inside too. I was getting desperate. Ours is a hearing dog puppy so we could get advice easily, first thing was to try showing a much bigger reward for going outside - big excitement, cheering him on and so on. Bigger rewards. He actually turned a corner at about 18 weeks, thank heaven.

Years ago, our labradoodle had to be crated at night to teach her to go outside. We’d had her in a pen with puppy pads so she had no idea. It worked quite quickly though.

The mouthing…. Keep toys to hand to shove in her mouth whenever she approaches. Also agree with previous advice about using kongs and other chew toys to help her settle.

Lastly, are you sure she’s getting enough rest? Our pup was in his crate resting/sleeping every two hours or so at this age. So literally, we put him in his crate and put the cover over for and hour or so - it gave us a good break which helped with our sanity. And if he got over excited, we took this as a sign he was overtired (much like a young child) and removed him from the stimulus.

For your children, maybe find some games to play so it’s not “free play”, tuggy etc.

The thing is, we expect puppies to be perfect as we see in photos but they are so very little it’s just not how they are. We’ve had three and the early days are spent avoiding them nipping at your feet, constantly taking them outside, and watching them whenever they aren’t asleep. It is exhausting but they do grow up.

I’ve been incredibly frustrated myself but not suicidal, definitely look after you first.

Totally! A family member of ours is a specialist orthopaedic vet who deals with hip replacements commonly (amping other things), they roll their eyes when they hear the advice to limit exercise in any way. A long walk or run daily or a few times a day is not going to cause hip dysplasia or indeed any problems.

My 15 week pup has been put to bed as she’s hot, grumpy and overtired. She’s been very bitey… she had been a lot better, but not today. I’m in my cool bedroom. In pjs, having eaten 2caramel magnums, and have bought a chilled bottle of white wine with me.

i sympathise. I have the second puppy training class tomorrow. Sprats are working as her top quality treat. They smell. We were the worst last week., we may be again.

I do get puppy cuddles, and she’s adorable at her best. But at her worst… wine and magnums. I sympathise.

I found it best if you proactively take them outside after a meal, after they wake up, if they've been inside for a couple of hours. Then stand in the garden and wait til she goes - then lots of praise. It's a really time consuming process but she will get it.

And actually if a dog does have joint problems one of the best thing for that is strong muscle tone around the joint (kind of to hold the joint in place better) which they aren't going to get from a few minutes walk on the lead).

Puppy pads? 🤦

You are literally training the dog to piss IN the house.

Oh OP, we've all been there. It took me nearly 3 years to talk DH into a puppy and honestly by the time she was 14 weeks, I was so so down in the dumps. She chewed through our phone cable, ate the skirting boards and kickboards in the kitchen, and peed everywhere. It took about 5 months for her to be reliable indoors...... and I honestly thought I'd be mopping pee up in the morning for the rest of my life.

She's now 3, cuddled up alongside my legs and is an absolute joy. But she's put me off ever having another puppy..............

OP, you said she gets frantic in the evenings. With my puppies, it's been that they're utterly exhausted but haven't enough sense to recognise it yet and get wound up--kind of like toddlers who are exhausted.

What has worked for me is figuring out what time the puppy is particularly bad and then doing a regular 'quiet time' for a half hour before it's at its worst and half hour after. So if she's terrible at 8.00 pm, then doing quiet time from 7.30 to 8.30 pm.

It's not a punishment: she would go out to wee at 7.30, then go into a safe area (ideally something with moppable floors and no dangerous items, as well as her crate if she has it and some dimmer lights and maybe a radio playing) with a chew toy and a small treat. Not angry, not a fuss, just as part of the routine. And then an hour later, go get her, take outside for another wee, give a small biscuit, and see if she's quieter.

Made the world of difference. I find 16 months one of the worst times. It gets better!

I started giving a chew at 9pm so we got an hours peace. When he’s finished the chew put him on the lead and make him sit/lie next to you. If he mouths you stick a toy in his mouth. He will get there.

4 months is very young. You are expecting adult behaviour from a baby.

The age for a dog to be toilet trained is around 28 weeks old. You still have some work to do. Just keep putting them outside on a regular basis. Especially if you see them start sniffing round in circles that's a good clue!

The biting mouthing we just said to our girl nice kisses instead so she licked our hand rather than bite. Lots of chew toys to distract them with.

It all takes time but honestly it's so worth it in the end.

I used to view the ‘witching hour’ with our pup as just the same as kids - they are tired and do not know how to express it or settle and sleep. So we would take it in turns to sit quietly in the kitchen with him, ignoring him while he rampaged but being quiet company (feet safely slippered and out of reach on a chair!) until he basically passed out for a nap!

This was nearly me a few weeks ago with our lab puppy. He was regressing with everything! His biting was incessant, he was emptying the bin several times a day, peeing everywhere and I wondered what on earth possessed me to get him!

We started with puppy training classes and it helped so much! He was finally being mentally stimulated, which is just as important as physical stimulation, and getting plenty of praise for it too. We learnt when he needed some down time (like pp said, he used to behave like an overtired toddler zooming around) and how to manage him.

Ditched the puppy pads and put him out last thing for a wee and an early start for another (now he doesn’t get up until 7ish for a wee then goes back to bed!).

His baby teeth have fallen out too, which has definitely resulted in a decrease in mouthing.

The training has him listening to us and he is just a joy to be a around now. He walks off the lead, his recall is amazing - he’s a much happier boy and we are a happier family. I couldn’t recommend training enough. He’s just coming up to 6 months now.

You will get through this!

Fellow retriever owner here. I have 3 of them, and the youngest is just over a year old.

16 weeks is the worst point. By 20 weeks the biting and craziness should have stopped. I remember one evening at that age when my puppy just wouldn’t stop biting and grabbing hold of my clothes and one of my children’s clothes. We ended up standing on a table sobbing because we couldn’t take it any more.

my suggestion of things that might help::

1. ditch the puppy pads right now. They’re teaching the puppy to wee inside. Close the back door so you have to let her out. Reward to high heaven every time she sees outside. Go completely OTT.
2. be boring at certain times of the day when you think she needs a sleep. As with children, over tired results in bad behaviour.
3. lots and lots of puppy safe chews - yak chews, split deer antlers, carrots. Have them everywhere so that you can always swap something she shouldn’t be eating for a safe chew.

it will get better. I spent the first months thinking ‘what have I done’. Now I couldn’t be without her.

Get a house line. You can put it on them and control them, in a nice way. Also can lead them out for the toilet. The toilet thing will come. The biting will stop.

I will say again (!) that retrievers are the least likely breed to be distracted out of mouthing/nipping. You just have to shove a toy in and basically endure it/ put them somewhere less harmful to your skin! Genuinely think that anyone who hasn't had a mouthy breed probably doesn't have an idea of what is involved. Bit like people who don't have non sleeping babies can never appreciate the sheer horror.

Get the puppy some natural chews. Not the bonios or pedigree chews they are full of chemicals and have a similar effect that sweets do for children! You can get antlers, buffalo horns and other natural chews online that will keep her entertained for hours and do wonders for her teeth. Also try a Kong filled with her food and frozen, nice and refreshing in this heat and again will keep her occupied. It does pass, keep sticking it out xx

It does get better! When we first got our pup I was constantly bitten, he didn't bite anyone else. Now I'm the only person he will snuggle with and it is a distant memory.
We used a baby gate, anytime he started mouthing he went in a different room. Took alot of effort but was totally worth it