Not sure I can do this much longer - puppy regret

[regrett]

Pup is 16 weeks.

She just won't get weeing outside. It's making me so stressed and anxious. She seemed to be getting it but has regressed.

The mouthing too. We can't spend time together as family as if DS is in the room she's biting him, if he's not there it's me. Distraction no longer works. She barely touches DH.

I'm at the point where I just don't want to spend time at home. I'm crying a lot, feeling suicidal (though tbf that's not new, it's menopause, this has just made it worse).

I knew it would be hard but I didn't appreciate how much life would change. I've never regretted anything more than getting this dog.

I don't know what I want from this post. Reassurance that I will start to love the dog and that things will get better maybe.

Natural chews are great. Pigs ears, pizzles, rabbit ears with hair, all fab. Mine likes a shitty horrible bonio occasionally. Other good occupiers are tiny bits of cheese or chick n or even things like blueberries and veg wrapped in something and hidden in a box under something snuffly. I used the woolcool insulation that came with the frozen dog food. They like a puzzle.

Sorry but this is absolute nonsense. Pack theory/dominance theory has been debunked and dogs don’t understand being told off. Punishment is not recommended as it will cause confusion and anxiety and is actually more likely to create an unpredictable and possibly aggressive dog. She probably just grew out of mouthing.

OP, puppies mouth and wee, they can take months to consistently get it. Kindly, what did you expect? Would you expect a human baby to instinctively know how to behave? Are you doing positive reinforcement? Taking her outside every hour to wee (or more if necessary, so if you go out and she doesn’t wee, back in for 10 mins then straight back outside and repeat til she does?) are you rewarding good behaviour and distracting the mouthing with toys/treats/demonstrating what you want her to do instead? The Facebook group Dog Training Advice and Support is great, they have a load of documents uploaded you can read that go through all the puppy basics. Nothing you’ve said is out of the ordinary for a puppy - it does baffle me when people say they “didn’t expect” this, it’s a baby animal!

It will get better! I think mine (springer spaniel) was about 5 months when the biting stopped. Honestly I used to be in tears, he would terrorise me. I tried all sorts of things then all of a sudden it just stopped.

Just thought of another thing I did that helped: scatter feeding. I weigh out the puppy’s kibble and then take the bowl into the garden and then literally scatter it all over the place. Hunting round for it is a good mental exercise and tires her out. My older dogs love it too. If it’s raining I do it inside. It’s very rare now for me to just plonk down a bowl of food.

That particular poster is getting quite the rep for putting the boot into vulnerable posters. Best ignore.

Am Reading easy peasy puppy squeezy at the mo at the same time as trying to train our 15 week old puppy. We are nearly in the same place as you in terms of peeing and ‘mouthing’(screw that word!!!!!!). So according to this guy it’s making life fun for a puppy and so you too. It’s more about the person being as chilled and ready to play as possible so they only sense love really!!! It’sdealing with them when they’re ready to enjoy playing and not ready to keep biting. So we hand him a teddy to bite when he’s really teething which is generally afternoon and evening. It doesn’t always work and sometimes I have to get out. I have regularly thought ‘we’ve changed everything ,this isn’t working, this puppy has ruined our life etc etc but then I try to calm down and see the big picture. Plus everyone I know seems to have gone through this. Op I just think we got through potty training!!

Honestly she’s just a baby. It will get better but it’s a LONG road. I was in tears for weeks with our puppy, carpets ruined in a brand new house, she chewed corners of walls and all sorts. She hated walks, was scared of the dark, getting up 4 time a night. It is a lot to deal with and everyone I know has been under prepared. But then suddenly you have a few good nights, a few good walks etc. and it gets so much easier. Take puppy to classes as well - we felt so better when we spoke to other new owners who equally hated their puppies 😂honestly we wouldn’t be without her now, she’s amazing but we still laugh at how bloody naive we were!

Firstly I would look at HRT! The menopause made me feel suicidal and HRT has changed my life. Secondly the pup will get better, hang on in there! Take her out frequently! Frozen kings great for distraction! Good luck. Think once you get your hormones sorted might not feel so bad.

Restrict her access to the whole house so you can keep a close eye on her needing a wee and take her outside and you have some wee-free zones - if you don’t want to shut doors get some baby gates and keep her in the room with you.

Plan out a schedule of when you get a break - are you looking after her at the same time as working? Is there a way to take turns or is your DH working out of the house at that time? If that’s unavoidable, schedule him to have the puppy as soon as he gets back for at least a couple of hours while you get to leave the house/go upstairs for a complete break. Plan in a couple of short training sessions a day with your DS and DH so you can all give the same commands - do sit/lie down/stay/come/paw, and give treats. Are you going to puppy classes? They really help and you should all go - really helps you all get on the same page with training.

I have a spaniel and the mouthing was awful - the thing that eventually worked was putting a door between us every time he bit. He realised that biting equalled me leaving the game and thankfully stopped it. Get a pen or crate or make a safe bed somewhere she can’t get out of, and put her in it regularly for naps when she gets out of hand - it usually means they’re tired. Mine used to throw himself around grumping and biting everything in his crate and then crash asleep. I had to sit with him while he fell asleep so he didn’t get stressed.

finally, this too will pass and you’ll have a great dog!

Good advice here!

With our Labrador we decided to have a strict rule that he did not go on Sofas or upstairs - ever!

he had a v big crate his whole life which was his own bedroom
after he was trained we very rarely shut the crate door unless there was a specific issue but for one week we did intense toilet training so he was either in the crate or under full supervision.

we did make the mistake of leaving the back door open so he did not learn to ask to go out but we got into a routine so it was ok.

I have a shih tzu and he was so bitey for such a long time. He still sometimes likes to play with us by being mouthy but it's now gentle and more of a lick. He's 14 months. It was awful though.

Much sympathy with you, it is really hard. I would seek help from a reward based dog trainer (not sure if the positive pup is a nationwide thing but they are very good) but please don't change from a large breed puppy food to anything zany. Large breed pups, especially retrievers, need the right balance of protein and essential nutrients to regulate growth and cartilage formation. Make sure she's on something natural and good quality though.

Thanks everyone.

I'm just trying to figure out removing the puppy pads. I should go cold turkey right?

It's night time that I like them the most as she sleeps in crate in kitchen but with door open and DH gets up about 2am to take her for a wee bit she won't always go now and then I'll come down at 6 to a mass of pee. If a pad is there its less mess. Some nights are fine.

It's so hot today, we have been outside most of the day in the shade so it's all good.

Yes, I would just remove the puppy pads completely. When you say that “she won’t always go” at 2:00, do you mean she refuses to go outside or she doesn’t need to pee then? If it’s the former, don’t give her the option. Just put a lead on her and take her outside. If the latter, you may need to experiment with the best times to take her out. If she isn’t able to make it through the night yet, you may need to set your alarm earlier than 6:00, then gradually move the time forward.

@OpenHeartCloseEyes I mean she just doesn't need to go... though she has come in the peed immediately in the kitchen on occasion 🤦🏻‍♀️

I think maybe DH needs to do later as 2 is obvs too early. This is basically the only thing he does, the early wake ups are mine, so we will try that first.

Thanks

That sounds like a good plan. At 4 months most puppies are able to go through the night without having to pee, so you (or your DH) may not need to do too many overnight trips. If she’s still confused about where she’s supposed to pee, it may take a bit longer. But you’ll get there!

Contrarian here but i trained my Chihuahua to use pee pads AND outdoors.

If i say "potty outside!" he will trot to the door. If I say "potty on paper!" he will go to the utility room and use the pad. I put a loo roll tube in the center of the pad and he lifts his leg to that.

Then he races to the kitchen for his treat.

He is 11 and literally has never weed indoors off the pad in my home or in our vacation home. Ever. Or in my sister's home when we stay there for weeks on end.

In fact her elderly rescue dog watched him use the pad and now does too, if needed.

It's really helpful to have the pad option during bad weather, if I'm away from home all day or in hotels.

Yes, you need to just get rid of them.

Either move the night-time wake up to a bit later, or you need to wake up earlier than 6am to get her out before she has an accident. I know it's horribly early, but it won't last forever.

Can you use a baby monitor/camera downstairs so you can get to her as soon as she stirs?

House is 4 story I sleep in attic dog on ground floor. I think half the problem is she stirs when I get up as she hears me then pees in excitement!

Sorry 3 story, it's not a tower block!

I'll try 5 tomorrow and see if that's enough if not 4,30 the next day.

Also to poster who asked what did I expect.

I did expect this for sure but I did not realise how it would make me feel! I didn't know that about myself until I was in it unfortunately.

Don't feed the "what did you expect" t**ll. They aren't very nice.

I'd just ditch the pads and yeah get DH to take the pup out at about 4 or 5 am.

Not all puppies need to pee during the night. Mine can easily go 12 hours and could since very little, maybe around 5 months.

Incidentally I thought I would never get a lie in ever again. My dog was up like clockwork at 7am. Until about 8 months old. Then she had a season and everything changed.

i can now lie in till 10. It's awesome 😊 and I bet you will be there soon, too.

Agree with others. Ditch the pads and take out as often as you can. We hot the ropes at 16 weeks and I was at the end of my tether but at 20 weeks he was totally fine and never had an accident since.

The biting. Oh my god, it's horrendous. We had a cockerdile so I totally hear you!

Get loads of different safe chews: ostrich bone, coffee wood, puzzles etc and redirect onto those. One of our best tips was an old teatowel: knot in several places, dampen and freeze. Mine still loves a knotty teatowel now at 13 months!

Don't get me wrong, you think you've got it sorted then they hit the teenage years....we are nearly a year in and waiting for adulthood and some sense to kick in but he is a spaniel so....not gonna happen!!!