Not sure I can do this much longer - puppy regret

[regrett]

Pup is 16 weeks.

She just won't get weeing outside. It's making me so stressed and anxious. She seemed to be getting it but has regressed.

The mouthing too. We can't spend time together as family as if DS is in the room she's biting him, if he's not there it's me. Distraction no longer works. She barely touches DH.

I'm at the point where I just don't want to spend time at home. I'm crying a lot, feeling suicidal (though tbf that's not new, it's menopause, this has just made it worse).

I knew it would be hard but I didn't appreciate how much life would change. I've never regretted anything more than getting this dog.

I don't know what I want from this post. Reassurance that I will start to love the dog and that things will get better maybe.

Any yes get rid of puppy pads! And if you like to have the doors open (so as not to melt in this heat!) then either use stair gates/shut door to keep her from having free access to outside as you are right, she won't differentiate between outside and inside. Good luck and really hope that helps!

Honestly, it will get easier. She's still very young and this is just the starting point and things genuinely do improve! We were at the stage you were at and thought things would never get better, but thankfully they have and I'm sure she'll get there.

Unfortunately, it may just be in her own time... 🤣

You can attach a short length of rope to her collar as a house line - not long enough to be a strangulation hazard, but something for you to take hold of a little away from her mouth - any time the biting gets too hard, you calmly remove her from the room. Every time. She will learn to moderate her bite instinct and become gentler because she will want to be with you. Don’t do it in anger, just a calm ‘No’ as a marker for her and calm but inexorable removal to behind a baby gate.

This is a site I read a lot when our puppy was that age - he’s a lab. He’s now one and the most gentle soul imaginable. I will allow him to hold my hand in his mouth because he won’t dream of exerting any pressure. (Obviously I’m a grown woman and they’re my fingers I’m hazarding if I’m wrong…). So they do grow out of it! www.thelabradorsite.com/labrador-puppies-biting/

@MissMaple82 did you read the part where the OP said she is feeling suicidal? Some people....

Rehoming 🙈

Oh my, OP, I knew this was going to be about a golden retriever. They’re always recommended as the perfect family pet but nobody ever tells you what twats they are as puppies.

I totally empathise as I really really felt like I was going mad when ours was a pup. They just completely take over your life.

I can’t say anything we did particularly helped. One step forward, two steps back. And you also need to be prepared for the adolescent dickhead stage - play bite attack, hilarious.

Chew toys. Kongs. Time out in the crate (yep I know people on here hate them).

We nearly gave ours back.

But we didn’t.

and now he’s our beloved boy.😍

Goldie puppies are absolute monsters. But give her a year and she'll be an absolute delight and all will be forgiven.

We gave up on rugs when we had our goldie after he ruined many of them

Haven’t read every reply but exercise exercise exercise!! I think it’s normal puppy behaviour. Gate off part of your house so you have a pup free zone. Exercise. Seriously walk the dog as much as you possibly can. Makes a gigantic difference!!! Some breeds they say don’t walk much blah blah but I think that’s a bit daft and have always exercised my dogs as much as I possibly could especially when pups because it absolutely lets them burn off so much of that energy and allows them some calm time!! Good luck X

I did know it would be hard. Same as I knew having a child would be but never really appreciated quite how much!

I don't think I'm suicidal to the extent I ever would harm myself, I'm just very low. Probably not great timing for a pup.

Ok from tomorrow back to basics, rugs up etc. it's harder in the week when am wfh as I'm upstairs and it's carpet and not as easy to clean. The enzyme stuff is good but less effective on carpet.

Thanks.

As well as the regular garden breaks she is more likely to need to go the loo

>after food/drink
>when they wake up
>before they go to bed
>when you get home or before you go out
>after a game or play session

She has a tiny bladder and has no idea how to control it yet. She also doesn’t know what the ‘right’ thing to do is. Give her the best chance of success with positive reinforcement, regular opportunities to get it right and no punishments if she gets it wrong.

Our golden cross has just turned 3. His brother (from another mother!) was clean & dry before 16 weeks, but Ted was having accidents until he was 18 months! We tried everything, including alert buttons, but it was like he’d just get so engrossed in what he was doing he’d forget to alert until he was (figuratively) touching fur. He’d even go to the loo with the keywords “Do wee wees!” every time he went outside.

Until one day, he just stopped. Our vet thinks he just needed that extra time to mature & she’d had other golden parents go through exactly the same. He also has bouts of colitis & having bloody poop, again the vet thinks this may have been part of why he took so long to get it.

I did struggle with Ted as he was a very fast growing toddler for those 18 months (he was 40kg by 6 months) & I had plenty of “what the bloody hell have I done?!” moments. And I’ve had large breed dogs all of my life.

With the biting, yelping like a puppy helped, as did growling like a bitch would if he was getting too big for his paws. Especially at night when he was dashing, regardless of how many miles he’d walked that day. And lots & lots of toys to divert him to. Ted still adores rubber ducks, our house is covered in rubber duck flamingos (I recently bought him a job lot of 100), they are perfect for gumming on, especially when he was teething. He still loves chewing ice.

It’s very hard when you are cleaning up the 3rd poop of the day & you’ve been in & out of the garden a million times. Be firm, have faith, it will get better. The only behaviour he hasn’t stopped is a tendency to grab your hand to lead you somewhere; again, our vet said her goldie does the same & thinks it’s a breed thing.

I wouldn’t swap him for a billion ££.

All the best OP. The puppy blues are real!

I won't be rehoming. I think the guilt of that would end me and DS would never forgive me!

As for the exercise, all the advice is limit how much they walk while young. She has been on some longer walks and gets knackered. Would shorter and more often be better?

Our Goldie was an absolute arse as a puppy and he almost broke me despite the fact that I grew up with the breed. Love him to bits now though
He did seem to target DS as the youngest in the family and there was some general resource guarding as well. We got a behaviourist in who said he had no relationship with DS and to work on that, which we did and things did improve.
They are very smart dogs and usually food driven so easy to train with treats.
However, if you really can’t cope there is no shame in it and he will be easy to rehome to a loving and experienced GR home. If you take that route let me know as I know loads of Goldie people who would want him.

We made the mistake of using puppy pads, in the end we moved the pads closer to and then out of the back door!
I totally understand how you are feeling, weve got a 13 month collie and ive never known a puppy bite so much, when it got too much we clipped a lead to him and gently put him out the front room for a minute, kept repeating until he got it...I know its hard to stay calm when your covered in bite marks 😫

Exercise wise ours likes little and often, I think the mental stimulation and sniffari are more important to him than physical exercise

Have you tried a puppy pen? They're fantastic for the times you can't be actively watching the puppy. As others have said, get rid of the puppy pads, that's just confusing her. Take up all rugs. Use the proper cleaner when she has accidents indoors.
Puppies are idiots. Adolescent dogs are dickheads. Then one day you suddenly have a lovely, well rounded dog and your hard work has paid off (assuming you put the hard work in).

Firstly, I’m sorry you are feeling so low and I hope you are getting the help you need.

As for the urinating, keep going. It needs persistence, clarity & consistency. Praise the behaviour you want to see, ie peeing outside, extravagently every single time.

The mouthing will continue for as long as you are prepared to tolerate it, so it’s time to put a stop to it. A loud, firm ‘No!’ every time her mouth touches your hand should get the message across. You could consider taking her out of the room when she does it.

If that doesn’t work, this trick was taught to me by my friend who is a vet with a no-nonsense approach to dog training. When she puts your hand in her mouth keep it there while using your other hand to move her ‘lips’ between her teeth & your hand. She will then be biting herself, which she won’t enjoy. She may yelp. Keep your hand there until she decides that having a hand in her mouth is a bad idea and actively tries to get it out of her mouth. If you do this properly, you will only need to do it a handful of times.

Some people will tell you there is a "rule" that says you can only exercise a puppy for 5 minutes per month of age. That "rule" is nonsense. Of course, it is important to protect their joints as they grow, so it makes sense to limit walks on pavement. But energetic puppies need the chance to run about like loons. You might also think about teaching her to swim if she's keen on the water. Great fun and brilliant exercise.

Re excercise, it's the on-lead pavement trotting at your pace you have to avoid. Off lead is fine. Swimming fine. Running and playing also fine.

The only robust evidence around joint injury with large breeds prone to dysplasia is to do with going up and down stairs and also jarring thing like fetch, chase, and jumping.

I would stick with the advice on limiting exercise whilst her joints are developing. Goldies are already very vulnerable to hip and elbow issues, I wouldn’t be overdoing it. The rule is supposedly 5mins per month of age (per walk), so she should only really be doing 20 mins or so. I think the evidence for that is fairly loose (a bit like the ‘5 a day’ thing for us) but vets I spoke to about it when my lab was young said it was best to use it as a guide and avoid doing anything too strenuous or long (eg no ball chasing and stick to a couple of daily walks under 30 mins at a time). Use up their energy on training and brain games instead.

Google puppy blues. It’s a real thing and completely normal. Things get better and you will get over it.
just because the door is open still treat her like you are toilet training and make sure to take her outside
do a proper deep clean inside with the enzymatic spray.
when she gets too much she’s probably overtired, enforce a nap and she’ll calm down, she needs help finding her off switch

Keep at it op, mine was the same, I remember being in tears due to him peeing everywhere, then all of a sudden, boom he got it. The same for mouthing. It'll happen, you've only had him for 8 weeks, it's still early and he's still a baby

There is actually quite good evidence than normal, natural movement running around and sniffing in the undergrowth etc is quite good for dogs and helps strengthen ligament and muscle.

There are some really weird people on the GR circuit who peddle dubious advice like not vaccinating or delaying vaccinations, not working, not exercising etc. It's mostly unscientific claptrap. IMHO.

Not worming, not "working"