My dog is a dick.. please regale with stories of similar

[YoureAQuizardHarry]

Hugo.. the most ridiculous animal I’ve ever had the pleasure of owning.. he had a cone of shame in this photo as he ate an action man and 37p on a walk with a dog walker 🙄 then we had to rearrange our holiday for a dog friendly hotel which cost a fortune and he refused to walk upstairs when we got there so DH had to carry him up 2 flights of stairs, popped him down and then he ran and jumped on the bed!!

😂 also there’s the time he ate bread dough that was proofing and then sicked it up, started banging into things so off to the vets we go, vet has a look and concludes the dog is drunk as the yeast in the dough is fermenting in his stomach 🤦‍♀️ then when we were discussing how to treat him he ate the vets shoe lace! He earned himself a photo on the wall of shame at the vet for that one!!!!

Aw he's handsome even in his cone!
My dog is a dick because he's a massive, smelly Maremma and he sneaks onto my bed!

He reeks because he rubs himself in possum poo every evening. We can't bath him more than once a week...so there's always a faint odour of marsupial crap on him.

He looks proper pleased with himself 😂

We used to call our staffy the loveable arsehole. He had a particular liking for clean bedsheets. I would change the bed, he would always sneak up there and make himself a little nest by pushing the pillows about and taking the duvet around. He'd then have a little nap! I sometimes wouldn't realise until bedtime when I'd be greeted to a bed full of dog hair instead of freshly cleaned sheets!

He had a shock when we moved house because our new house had bedroom doors that closed and stayed shut! The old house, the bedroom doors were so old and warped that they didn't close properly. Hence he could sneak in quite easily!

He refuses to get brushed unless you ply him with treats and walks, and he is a fluffy fucker so it becomes a huge ordeal. Three plus years of trying to fix this hasn't worked (trainer gave up) so it's a two person job.

I reckon he knows what he's doing and wants to keep up the treat supply.

My dog was staying with my best friend. She was working really hard and hee husband was at work.

She got the kids to bed. Ran herself a lively bath. Really looking forward to it. Put a lush bath bomb in. Got changed went in the bathroom and my arsehole dog was in it. Looking smug.

I hasten to add trying to get thecarsehole dog into a bath every other time is an ordeal. By the time she hor the dog out, dried her off and washed the bath, the poor woman couldnt be arsed doing it all over again.

I think that bath story is the best thing I've read in a long time, made me giggle.

Spent hours baking a beautiful chocolate cake for a family party. Left it on the side to go upstairs and grab my phone charger.

The minute I got to the top of the stairs, I knew I had made a mistake, ran screeching downstairs and found the bastard dog had eaten the side he could reach. Literally half the cake in about 20 seconds.

Took us a long time to get past that.

My arsehole dog came back from her walk with her walker having eaten horse poo and rolled in it. She then found fox poo and had a little nibble and a roll.

She got home, was let off her lead and ran straight into my lovely fresh bed and had a little roll. This made her tummy feel funny so she puked said poo overy lovely fresh sheets.

I had revenge though. She was taken to the groomers, and not the one which gives nice treats. No, the one who makes her look like a phychotic pom pom

My daft beast is too pleased to see me at the moment. We left him all on his own for days and days two nights, at home with DH and now he won't leave me alone. I go to the loo, he wraps his legs round mine and gets dragged there too. I lie in bed, or sit on the sofa, he stands on me looking down at me with a big smile. Twit.

Ohh, are those some kind of packaged wee cakes on your tea tray? How organised are you??

@NellNorth haha! No that's the hotel we stayed in after his operation!!

My arsehole dog ran out the front door before I had picked up the lead yesterday. Ran across the road and in the direction of the park. Couldn't wait for me.

She has no road sense at all especially when there's something enticing her. Lucky we live on a quiet road, stupid bugger could have been killed.

My one ran into the living room where my DS was sitting on the couch having a piece of toast (I usually close the door) jumped up and took a perfect bite out of the toast. My DS told him off and continued eating the toast.

DD won't do this to anyone else but DS2 as he seems to be an easy target and success rate is quite high

If DH takes DD out or she's at nursery and I get an opportunity for some peace and quiet doggo basically moans constantly until she gets back. It's like he thinks I've lost her or something. Idiot.
Also waits until no-one is watching to go and dig up a particular spot in the garden.
If he catches you watching him he lies down next to it with a "nothing to see here I just happen to be in the area" kind of expression. Tit.

My Twatcat got into the ceiling in our house renovation and lost his collar up there the other day.

Our much missed Bumbledog saw his bete noir our post lady leapt into our bay window skidded across it put his paw out and it went clean through a pane of glass.... I was in the hall and just heard a scream from my friend. I arrived in the room in time to see the post lady beating a hasty retreat. He also disappeared when I took him next door. We were looking for him when we heard a blood curdling scream.. He had gone upstairs into the bathroom. Ndn daughter was having a bath, he touched her hand hanging over the bath with his nose.
My Mums greyhound Tylerdog ripped open a pack of loo rolls and bit everyone.. Ate 3/4 of a simnel cake including disciples, smashed a bottle of wine to get to and eat a box of chocolates. Ate seven fat balls, ate two pumpkin tops, got an empty packet of crisps stuck on his head. Ate my sisters muesli out of the bowl without disturbing the spoon and most scary of all ate a wine cork and regurgitated it the next morning!!!

My dearly departed dog used to chase squirrels... one ran up a tree and the stupid mutt ran into the tree and knocked himself out. Luckily, after a hasty trip to the vet. the dog was fine..did it stop him? Did it fuck..I swear the entire squirrel population in a 3 mile radius was laughing at him!

One of mine somehow managed to escape from the garden a few weeks ago. How I don't know as he's not the smallest one I've got.

Anyway he went into someone else's garden and their patio doors were open. So in he walked and jumped up on in the sofa between and old man and his wife, lay down and sat with them whilst they watched tv.

Luckily they liked dogs and now every time they see him, he gets a big fuss.

Oh went to cook sausages one day. Not entirely sure how it happened, but seems the oven was on, but no sausages were in there. They were in smug Spot1. Was quite some time before we realised to, both of us assuming the other had put dinner in the oven!!

Maggie is definitely in my bad books. She got into the bedroom yesterday, pulled part of the sheet off, then started chewing on the mattress, leaving a tear and a load of stuffing. . We had to push the stuffing in, stick strong tape over the tear, and turn the mattress. There is an outside bolt over the door to keep her out of the bedrooms, I will 100% use it. And she's going down the canal with a sack and a brick. (Joking, before anyone jumps on me.)

Diabetic Ddog managed to snaffle half a cheescake yesterday. IDIOT. (and tbh idiot DH for leaving it marginally within reach but since he's blind we thought jumpiong on tables was beyond him these days).

HE picked somehting up on a walk the other day so I tried to fish it out of his mouth. Fox shit. Yes fox shit. All over my hand.

Good job I love him.

Your dog got drunk?! That's hilarious!!
My ddog took an old man out 🙈, took her on the field for a good run and she spotted her friend, a lovely golden retriever so they're running about together playing when my ddog didn't look where she was going and ran straight into the other owner legs, up in the air he went arms and legs flailing about. He was fine thank goodness but I reckon he's in his 70s at least, thought I was going to have to call an ambulance 🙈

My dog hates walks and would rather be asleep on the sofa. DH and I took her for a walk and he had the bright idea to let her off lead to play fetch. After 2 throws of her ball she stopped, turned and just walked away. She trotted all the way home (she was just ahead of us as we scrambled to get to her) and sat on the doorstep waiting for us to let her in.

She broke through our fence (she’s tiny!), crawled under a tree hedge and went into next door’s plastic playhouse. When I was calling for her to come back she popped up in the window with her paws on the ledge like she was surveying her property.

DH and I kept blaming each other for things going missing off our coffee table. When I just left the house I realised I’d left something behind and went back in... Caught her using the footstool as a step and she was half on the coffee table. I don’t know who’s face was more shocked.

My Rocky is a naughty little arsehole but I just love him.He marks in the house even though hes house trained and the back door is wide open! His face tho.

Just remembered when Bdog decided to "help" the plumber....Plumber arrived to change the bathtap and B hotpawed it upstairs after him.
Two minutes later.. "Ere what's going on? Get down, get off!!!"
"Are we OK up there!!??"
"NOOOOOOO!"
"What's happening...?"
"He's sitting on me........!"
When I got up there I found the plumber on the floor with a lap full of Bumble!! 🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣

This is GloryDog having made a (failed) attempt to escape from the garden... 🙄