My dog is a dick.. please regale with stories of similar

[YoureAQuizardHarry]

Hugo.. the most ridiculous animal I’ve ever had the pleasure of owning.. he had a cone of shame in this photo as he ate an action man and 37p on a walk with a dog walker 🙄 then we had to rearrange our holiday for a dog friendly hotel which cost a fortune and he refused to walk upstairs when we got there so DH had to carry him up 2 flights of stairs, popped him down and then he ran and jumped on the bed!!

😂 also there’s the time he ate bread dough that was proofing and then sicked it up, started banging into things so off to the vets we go, vet has a look and concludes the dog is drunk as the yeast in the dough is fermenting in his stomach 🤦‍♀️ then when we were discussing how to treat him he ate the vets shoe lace! He earned himself a photo on the wall of shame at the vet for that one!!!!

Older crustydog in her youth took off on walk after a rabbit. I followed the arsehole miles in a place I didn't know as we'd just moved there, had to dig her out of a tangle of vegetation when I caught up and then realised we were totally fucking lost, and it was dark. Finally found a country lane and after walking about 4 miles in the wrong direction I flagged down a police van in tears for directions on how the hell I could get home and they very kindly offered me, arsehole dog and crustydog 2 a lift as they were going that way. It was an interesting experience being in the back of a police van!
Crusty dog 2 has a penchant for pulling tea towels down and pissing on them. She's also pissed on my pillow, right next to me while I slept, pissed on DDs foot and stole a giant bar of Cadbury dairy milk, ate it, puked it back all over my new light grey carpet and white walls, got rushed to the vets where she proceeded to cost a fortune in tests and just in case treatment and was absolutely fine, because most of it was on my carpet!

DDog frolicked through a cow feeding area today, hopping like a bunny through all the shit and mud, stopped to lick/eat some cow pat and then when I tried to clean him, escaped and rolled around on my fucking bed 😡

For her second birthday DD wanted a hedgehog cake. Just for family to eat, my mum was coming to stay for the weekend and a day out.

I decorated the cake the evening before her birthday, while waiting for DM to arrive. Turned out ok, although I wasn’t quite happy with the nose. Heard mum arrive about 11.30pm and without thinking shut the dog in the kitchen so she could get in and settled.

Was chatting about the hedgehog’s over-long nose as I opened the door to the kitchen. DM said it looked ok to her. DDog has bitten the end of it off, but hadn’t been able to reach anymore. He actually improved the cake! As it was only for us I re-iced the chewed bit, stuck a new cherry on and we just didn’t eat that bit.

@Andersonx3 your dogs like mine but with a beard!

DCat bought a live mouse into the kitchen at 4am this morning. It hid under the cooker while I was trying to catch it. I couldn’t do the baking I had promised for a church meeting this evening. I think I can hear it in the humane trap I borrowed from my neighbour so now need to go out in the dark to set it free and four year old DD will cry in the morning at not being allowed to see it.

I can't ever have a bath on my own

@Frouby you win!!!
Mine just eats other dogs shit, runs off mid walk to find water to jump/swim/paddle/roll in, rips up birthday cards, leaks her anal glands on my bed and has the recall of an ant when out on walks.

Our dog is loveable and does the usual things annoying dogs do such as rolling in mud etc

However one day she was playing with something, I thought it was just a ball. I asked her what it was and she picked it up and turned towards me and I saw a mouse tail and legs sticking out of her mouth. Asked her to drop immediately, which she promptly did for the first time ever, realising my mistake only when the mouse ran off (should definitely have asked her to drop once outside) and took a few hours to catch and release.

This happened twice more, twice with voles (we have hundreds in our garden which is in a forest) until one day I saw our cat walk in with a vole and place it on the dogs bowl then sit back on the floor and watch as the dog came and took it. Queue running around trying to catch it.

One part of me thinks the cat is being nice trying to “feed” the dog (although neither the cat nor dog harm the mice, we usually just release them) but the more cynical side of me thinks the cat likes getting the dog into trouble, so she feeds her the mouse and sits back and watches the drama unfold

Ddog found where the farmer had dumped the excess manure when muck spreading and bathed in it. I couldn't work out why my small brown was now a black dog as she had managed to cover herself head to tail. I had to walk her on a lead for a week as she tried to make a beeline for a repeat performance every walk.
Ddog found a dead and rotting pigeon crawling with maggots and wouldn't drop it for every treat I had and I'm too squeamish to try and take it off him. Walked him home so dh could get it off him but got my own back by hosing him down in the garden rather than showering him in the bathroom.

Current ddog isn't that bad however our dear border terrier has to have his stomach pumped as he ate rat posion.

Nearly drowned after trying to jump a raging river torrent to get to his arch enemy.

Then there was the time we were both chilling in the garden along with a bird minding it's own business. Who he then ran up to and murdered in cold blood. Like he was a cat or something.

Dear cocker spaniel was being dog sat by someone who collected cream from the diaries to sell. Dog then ate entire cat of cream. Proceeded to be sick in friends lounge but was as right as rain by the time she was collected.

Ate my 70 year old dgms chocolate birthday cake which was the next day and was made by my dm. I was 9 days old at the time and was the first time that mum had really done anything in the kitchen after I was born. It was also the first time I'd be property be introduced to the family so mum wanted to make it extra special

I love these dog pictures!!!!! They're all so so cute!!! This is Tedbert, my addition.

He is a dick because he does rancid farts and gives everyone else dirty looks a d leaves the room, he then refuses to have cuddles with anyone.

He is also a dick because even if he has a really long walk, he will still do a punishment poo in the hallway if left home alone for more than 15 minutes.

My dick head steals and destroys DDs toys (we have acLOT of blind stuffies and paraplegic barbies) and rolls in shit / dead things.

His new irritation is that he doesn’t like me and the new boyfriend being intimate. He gets on the bed, tries to get in on the action, climbs all over our heads, licks bits of us he shouldn’t... of put out of the bedroom he sits on the other side of the door and howls / barks continuously. Not sure my relationship is going to survive at this rate!

I have this name for a reason.

Dog tried to eat rancid spider crab on the beach. Ingested lots of rank water from it before I could get it off her. Dog developed horrendous stomach bug not 10hrs later, requiring me to work from home for a week due to unreal poop coming from dog at a moments notice.

Dog sprinted across mussel beds at ours tide, many times, resulting in multiple stitches in paws and me working from home for a week.

Dog play fighting with friend's 7mth old pup. Dog is very docile and daft, and mothers puppies. Dog ended up with 2" home in her chest through letting puppy maul her. Trip to OOH vets, 2 staples and a nauseated DH who couldn't cope with the treatment. 🙄

Ripped dew claw skidding around the pavement. Not limping until wound cleaned and bandage put on. Then minced for days.

Found the deepest, stinkiest bog I've ever seen. Took a running leap at it, lay down with tail going in enormous circles, stuck her head into the mud AND BLEW BUBBLES OUT HER NOSE. She has not done this twice. Once I chucked her in the sea to wash off. The next time, I had her in my brand new car with nothing to clean her. I put her in an Ikea bag in the boot.

Mugs the ice cream van whenever he comes round, as he has a soft spot for her and feeds her free ice cream 😑

There are many more.

Our local park and fab dog walking facility is reached by a big field. One memorable day, Oscardog started by chasing the tractor-driven lawn mower on the field, got her away unscathed eventually and into the park and she ran straight into the pond under the sign saying don't allow dogs to swim in the pond. Which wouldn't have been quite so bad were there not a 20-strong group of park wardens watching and tutting. Mortified.

My eejit paws has a cushion of comfort as opposed to the cone of shame - the inflatable alternative. He asks for it to be put on because he uses it as a pillow when sleeping!

Also had the joy of a lego figure head grinning up at me in his poo. Told ds if he left lego lying about again he was fishing it out himself!

Cath2907
I have the female equivalent.