Total beginner in dog ownership: advice please

[stilllovingmysleep]

Hi all

DH and I are starting to research about getting a dog. We have a DS aged 7. We want to do proper research before starting the actual process of looking for a dog. So far I've asked a few people who seem to have all sorts of different views so I'm confused! By the way, I've never owned a dog but DH always had dogs while growing up.

Both DH and I work but I am about to finish (in 3 months) a demanding job and will move to a more flexible job where I aim to be working long hours 3 days a week & the rest more flexibly. DH has lots of flexibility too.

Instead of asking specific questions, can I just throw this at you so that you can advise me about what to consider as first issues?

I wouldn't go for a beagle as a first dog, they can be very difficult to train and recall can be a big issue.
How about a retired greyhound?

I mean I would also be scared of various other dogs eg German shepherd / whippet etc. I'm also quite scared of cats (much more than dogs). This are attitudes I want to deal with and are remnants of parents' attitude during childhood. But I adore dogs and have even managed to feel comfortable around cats who belong to friends (although not comfortable around stray cats).

As roseberry says, I want to get it right so that the dog we get has a happy life with us.

If it wasn't for your work I would say a lap dog would be best for you, they're affectionate and not in the least bit scary. If you think you could afford the day care I would seriously consider one.

Why be scared of whippets?

No it isn't rational, but as with any phobia, you have to work on it

You know, I really don't think you should get a dog at the moment. Maybe volunteer at a shelter, or with somewhere like the cinnamon trust, get to know all sorts of dogs, and work on the phobia, then work out if you really should get a dog, and if so, what type

Costa I'm not sure why you keep insisting that I should do this or that? I asked for advice to get our first dog and to do it right. I also don't have a general 'phobia' of dogs, I just feel confident / comfortable with certain dogs rather than others. These questions like 'why be scared' of this or that or 'I don't think you should get a dog' are quite offputting.

Visiting various shelters is of course something we are planning to do. We will take some months to research anyway.

If you don't like whippets then forget my suggestion about greyhounds.

Possibly a medium sized cross breed? If you're going for a young adult one then you'll be able to see what it's like/what size so won't be such a leap in the dark as with a cross breed puppy.

You are perfectly within your rights to not want a particular breed of dog for any reason. There are breeds I wouldn't want, staffies being one of them, not because I'm scared of them , just don't want one. I accept (although struggle to understand ) that some people don't like or want a Border Collie.

I wouldn't want a pug/greyhound/chihuahua or any very small dog either.

Lifeisontheup: I think a medium sized cross breed sounds a good idea (not puppy). Would shelters have info about this?

I'm not insisting anything, I'm giving my opinion as requested

And I said volunteer at a shelter, not visit, as preparation to see if you should get a dog because I don't think you should get one as 'therapy' for you or as a toy for your son.

The impression I get, and it's the internet so maybe your intention isn't clear to me, is that you want a 'perfect' dog that must be this or mustn't be that - you may be lucky and get that dog, but the chances are you won't. You have to be flexible and accept them warts and all - chewed shoes, nighttime wees, muddy feet, rolling in fox poo etc etc to go from no dogs and a fear of something like a whippet, straight to getting a pup is going to be a huge culture shock. I'm also a bit that you're annoyed a rescue place will want to check up on you - of course they will, they're looking for the best homes for their dogs - anything less and they shouldn't be in dog rescue

If my comments are off putting, then maybe that's a good thing, you can't underestimate how much your life will change

Yes, shelters will have info about that sort of thing, whereabouts are you based?

I think the best thing you could do would be to start visiting local shelters to see what type of dogs are available and what you are comfortable with.

With the best will in the world you sound a bit clueless at the moment and only experience of meeting different types of dogs, of different ages, and talking to experienced rescue staff is going to help you make the right decision for you and your family. You need to think long and hard about it because, with luck, the dog will be with you for 15-16 years so you have to get it right.

The poster who said that sociable breeds can't be left for long, is absolutely right. They're bred for companionship after all. Our Shih Tzu is basically like a baby, and I have to sort out 'childcare' for him if left any more than an hour. I would definitely recommend a robust breed for those who work - I have friends whose dog wouldn't bat an eyelid if left home alone!

Of course I will visit shelters many times, not just once. I've also started talking in detail to various dog owner friends (and have asked here). And yes I haven't had a dog before, hence asking all these questions.

The idea that I want a dog as 'therapy' for myself or as a 'you' for my son is frankly offensive and doesn't have anything to do with my intentions or anything I said. Also, I never said shelters shouldn't ask questions and explore the circumstances of each potential dog owner: of course they should! I just wondered whether it's a hard and fast rule that only people who don't work or work from home get rescue dogs. In which case (if I'm planning to use a dog walker as well, say) why should I go down the rescue dog route if I simply don't fall within what they want? That was all I was trying to find out. I also never said I want the 'perfect' dog, what does that even mean! Dogs have a personality and are to a degree unpredictable, like humans. I am just trying to find out about breeds that may or may not fit our circumstances and also that that I would feel comfortable with.

I would also like to clarify (as I feel I have to defend myself here) that I will be working 3 days a week from June / July and DH is at home one day a week and often more. We are also at home after school with DS. So it's not as if we're city workers out and about until late in the evening for goodness sake. We are just an ordinary family with an ordinary routine.

Everyone has to start somewhere. You sound sensible enough to me, just do your research and you'll be fine.

Thanks Roseberry.

Please don't take my post the wrong way at all - it is fantastic that you are starting to do some research before you get a dog so many people don't do this.

However some of your comments and replies do show that you have nominal knowledge of dogs and what they need. This is not a dig at all but you do need to do a lot of hands on research to ensure that getting a dog is the right thing for you.

Your fear of some dogs as you say may be irrational but if you have a dog you will meet loads of other kinds of dogs - you will need to be dog savvy if you are to have a happy dog yourself.

Dogs are a major commitment obviously. I personally have changed my career to ensure that I can have dogs otherwise you will need to be prepared to get up early to exercise the dogs before you go to work, pay for sitters or walkers and be prepared the minute you get back home to go out with the dogs again. This is daily not just when you feel like it or have time, it is when you son is ill and cann't be left, it is when it is dark and peeing down with rain, it is when you are exhausted after a grueling day at work. Days out will have to be planned can the dog come, who will look after the dog etc.

Dogs can bring their own individual issues. You may be lucky and get a dog that is happy to be left alone and is chilled and laid back, you may get a dog that barks, has separation anxiety, jumps up, chews and has poor recall. Some dogs need more time than others and this is hard to determine before you get the dogs - rescue dogs are assessed but with your work hours I am not sure all rescues will home to you. Also rescue dogs can behave very differently in rescue to being in a home situation. You have to be prepared to train and sort out any issues and this may mean changes to your lifestyle and your expectations of dog ownership - if you are not prepared for this maybe a dog is not for you.

Can you contact local training classes and go and watch - most people will talk happily about their dogs and you can see the training required, you could also walk with the owners to see exercise requirement of individual dogs. (I hope there is a staffy there as they are the kindest, lovable fun dogs and you may change you mind!)

For many people dogs are a way of life not something that is added to an existing life and those generally are the happy, stimulated healthy dogs.

Can I ask why you want a dog?
What is it that you want from a dog?
What are your daily expectations from the dog?
What do you expect the dog to bring to your life?
How much time daily are you prepared to give to the dog?
What are your plans for the dog when you have a long day working?
What if your son does not like the dog or is annoyed by its jumping up?
Do you want you son to be able to walk the dog on a lead or just you and you OH?

I am assuming money is not a problem if you are both working but a yearly cost of a dog is part way to a good holiday every year are you happy to spend that on a muddy time consuming hairy dog

Cheerfulmary, thanks for your thoughts. Obviously a lot of questions and I don't know where to start. But just one first point you raise. When you say 'dogs are a way of life and not something you add to an existing life', that to me is confusing. If you are referring to everything else you said (the time / attention / money / changes needed with a dog) then that makes sense to me. However, surely when someone gets a dog for the first time the dog gets added to an existing life?

They do of course add to an existing life but that life will have to change quite quickly! Do you think lets go for another walk today even though my coat is still wet from this morning! Rather than sit and watch a film on Sunday afternoon I would love to be out in the fog with my dog. Rather than settling down to a nice relaxing family evening would you rather go to a training class or wash your dog as he has rolled in fox poo.

However there is of course the fantastic bound you get with your dog but this only comes from hard work, training and giving the dog what they require. Owning dogs is a privilege if that is the lifestyle you want but if you don't it must be pure hell.

bound = bond!!!

Just lost a long reply I wrote. Gist of it was that like with raising children, there's very firm differences in how people approach it. And sometimes People can have some difficulty seeing it from any other pov. I would be honest with a rescue about what you can offer work pattern and getting a dog walker on some days. They will advise if this is ok for any of their dogs.

Absolutely, it is fantastic that you are taking the time to work out what is right for you and your family. Do take your time and do wait for the right dog (that may bugger up your August plan).

Thanks Cheerfulmary. I am aware of and agree with what you're describing (agree as in I think it's a fair description). I have and have had many dog owner friends and have a pretty good understanding of what it involves. I think of course in a way it's probably like having a child: one can't be totally prepared before actually having the child.

One of the main reasons of wanting a dog (as you asked) has to do with my son, and not as a 'toy' for him as Costa very offensively said, but because I think it's extremely good for children to grow up with animalsin every wayand my DS is an only child.

Another important reason is because I love walking and being outdoors and want to do much more of it as I'm not as fit as I would like. As I'm now in my early 40s, I cannot think of a better form of exercise than being outdoors walking and I can't think of a better reason to consistently do that than by having the routine of going out with a dog. I'm a very early waker naturally (wake around 5.30) and we leave home for school work at 8.00 so I would be more than happy to go out in the early morning which I do anyway most days but as i said, not as regularly as I'd like.

Finally, I love dogs and have always loved them despite my nervousness around some of the bigger ones. I've always wanted a dog and waited for circumstances to improve so that that would be possible. Now that my son is older and my job will change I think it's the right time to research.

Also, Cheerfulmary the August plan was just an idea in case we got a puppy but I've now been convinced with what everyone has said that it may be better to get a slightly older dog. Not necessarily a rescue dog but not a tiny puppy.

I agree about children having animals - my lot have learnt a lot from dog ownership and it is often them that say "what about the dogs before we make a plan".

I love being outdoors too, so to me an early morning walk is an absolute pleasure hardly anyone around just me and the dogs and the great outdoors a great start to any day. We may pas each other one morning soon

Have fun researching

Your fear of some dogs as you say may be irrational but if you have a dog you will meet loads of other kinds of dogs - you will need to be dog savvy if you are to have a happy dog yourself.

This^ If you are scared of certain breeds I would be worried that when you are out walking your dog and you meet those breeds, your dog will see your fear, and that this could create behavioural issues?