Total beginner in dog ownership: advice please

[stilllovingmysleep]

Hi all

DH and I are starting to research about getting a dog. We have a DS aged 7. We want to do proper research before starting the actual process of looking for a dog. So far I've asked a few people who seem to have all sorts of different views so I'm confused! By the way, I've never owned a dog but DH always had dogs while growing up.

Both DH and I work but I am about to finish (in 3 months) a demanding job and will move to a more flexible job where I aim to be working long hours 3 days a week & the rest more flexibly. DH has lots of flexibility too.

Instead of asking specific questions, can I just throw this at you so that you can advise me about what to consider as first issues?

Sparechange: no one however has mentioned being 'left alone all day' or 'left alone with the occasional visit'. Are you referring to me or to someone else?

stroke oh yes - the night-time wees! Standing in the garden with a torch going "wee-wees", "toilet" - never again!

Still loving,
I'm referring to Sleep who said that is 'only on MN' that people stick to the 4 hour rule for leaving dogs alone

It really isn't the case. 4 hours is pretty much universally accepted as the longest you should leave a dog alone for, and no rescue or good breeder will let you take a pup if you intended for it to be alone for more than that

No it's probably in response to my posts OP, don't worry.
I was just trying to reassure you not to be terrified of not being "allowed" to leave your dog for longer than 4 hours.
Of course it's not ideal if they do happen to be left longer on occasion but you will get to know your dog and work out if they're the type of dog happy to snooze the day away like mine, or if they're happier in your company.
But if they're happy to snooze the day away without you nothing will happen if they're left for longer than 4 hours at a time.
But this of course does not apply if you have a pup, they need to be socialized as much as humanely possible, we took ours everywhere with us when young.

But, playing devils advocate here, what happens if you get a dog or a pup under ideal circumstances and then all of a sudden your circumstances change? Your hours are increased and you have no say, you have to take a new job an hour away etc?
Those are the circumstances whereby you'd arrange for doggy day care or a walker to come in surely?

Sorry last post was to those mentioning about the battersea rules about 4 hours.

Surely though the rescue centres would accept that people have to work and that dog walkers / dog day care have to be used! I wouldn't imagine anyone wanting to have a dog that wouldn't be willing to make such arrangements.

I think the most worrying aspect of getting a dog is that it's a bit of a lottery. We got our first family dog (a puppy) 18 months ago. He is wonderful, easy-going and pretty straightforward to train. But when I read about other people's experience of getting a puppy, or of having a difficult, reactive, destructive or separation-anxious dog, I just think 'Oh my god - what if we'd had one like that?!'. Because I am quite convinced that our ddog is good just because that is what he's like. We have not done much training with him - he's just biddable, good-natured and doesn't chew stuff that isn't his. Pure luck. I'm not saying that expert training won't improve a difficult dog, but it is not an easy task to undertake.

I wouldn't imagine anyone wanting to have a dog that wouldn't be willing to make such arrangements.

You'd be surprised - people still buy puppies as surprise presents

Surprise presents?!

Strokethefurrywall well yes our circumstance may change and I'm sure we will adapt as we have with our DS when our circumstances have changed before due to work. I obviously wouldn't let a dog for 10 hours a day on their own at home.

OP - there's a lot of doom on this thread. The earliest I have ever got up with my puppy (he was 12 weeks) was 7am. He sleeps 10-12 hours now and he's 9 months. Been completely housetrained since he was 6 months.

He steals socks and eats Lego so we have to be a bit more careful with those. But I have hundreds of books and he ignores them. And he has never destroyed a shoe or a wall. I'm a first time dog incidentally.

Having said that, I know that he's pretty well-behaved because I work from home and he's never left for more than a few hours. Now I know him and his behaviour patterns in the day, I go out for 4-5 hours. Any longer, I take him or get a dog walker. I don't know what he'd do if I left him longer but I do know that a bored and lonely dog is much more likely to trash things.

I got a puppy because I thought that would be best for DS to bond with him.

Yes, surprise Christmas presents - probably from puppy farms

I'm not actually a dog. Although I wish I could teach mine to type!

Yes, I agree that there is a lot of doom too - that's why I was objecting to the 'if you get a dog you mustn't ever leave it for longer than 4 hours otherwise it will become destructive' remarks.

You get to know your pet as they become a member of your family, and they can adapt to you and you to them - a new dog or puppy is a wonderfully exciting thing, and I remember being like a kid on Christmas Day the morning after we brought Elvis home and remembered that we had a puppy!

Yes he woke us up at all hours, but he was exceptionally easy to house train. And our next puppy Frank never woke us up at night but did submissively pee all over the house for about a year whenever we'd come home

They are a part of our family, happy to join us on walks or romp around with the kids, happy to catch a ball or lie under our feet when we watch Game of Thrones.

Thank you Lynda: yes there is some doom and gloom I have to admit!

Thanks Stroke for giving me a bit of hope!

I'd personally choose a young dog over a puppy every time. We have three rescue dogs, all of whom have come between the ages of 1-2 years old. Two of them have been perfectly house trained, the third was a different ball game as a nervous foreign dog, so needed to be trained. The first rescue had been to doggy school, had swimming lessons, learned tricks, the works. Not all rescues are aggressive ruined dogs, most aren't. You can still train a dog above puppy age, it's the same principles. They're quicker learners as they're mature.

Things to consider. Even though you're going to be around, it is worth finding a good local doggy daycare or walker, good to know if you go away or are ever ill. Otherwise a good kennels. Find a good local vets too. Same for dog training place. Upgrade your Hoover! The house will never be the same again, but you'll love it, especially the kids.

Personally I'd go for an older (6 months plus) rescue every time. Puppies are cute but vv hard work and there's absolutely no guarantee that their temperament will be any better than a rescue. By that age they can be left for a bit longer if needs be and house training is so much easier.

Also don't underestimate the amount of time, cost and effort required to properly train a dog. Loads of people go to puppy classes for 6 weeks and think their dog is trained. But if you want to do it properly, kindly and mindfully it's a long, ongoing process. The fact that your DH grew up with dogs suggests to me that his ideas of training will be way out of date. Training has changed massively in recent years and the old aversive methods are now entirely discredited. You have to be prepared to put the hours in.

But a dog is a massive positive influence on a family and if you are really sure you can give a dog a good home, and cater for all its needs for the rest of its life, then go for it. You won't regret it.

I do realise this is unusual but I really didn't find any of my puppies hard work and my current one was the easiest, mainly because I used a crate. I've had, in order, a border collie, a springer and another border collie. The first collie was 12 weeks old when my daughter was born, goes against all current advice , but I've always had dogs so didn't really think it would be difficult and it wasn't.
I have always gone to training classes and all of mine were always walked at least once a day for a decent length of time.

Your biggest issue is expecting to be able to leave a dog alone for most of the day, no dog is happy left for hours whilst you work.
My Vizla is now 11 months and has not been left for longer than 2 1/2 hours and that is rare, as a small (up to 6 months) pup he was walked/trained for 3 x 30 min sessions daily with lots of interaction between.
Although he is a lively breed, most family dogs will need this to be happy and not destructive.
I send him to dog daycare once weekly for socialisation and so l can go out for longer, (l work mostly from home) if l have to be gone all day he goes to daycare too. Now he gets one long early run (off lead min 1 hr,) and one shorter walk/run pm (min 30 mins)l cycle with him often too.
If you get a pup expect to be seriously curtailed for a few months..bit like a baby.

Smaller spaniels are fab tempered easy to train first dogs, also labradors are easy.
Read extensively about breed needs before deciding, you do not want a challenging breed!

I second all that Sparechange said.

BUT again, sort work time arrangements first, dogwalker/ experienced friend

Gosh I just googled local dog daycare and vets etc and there seems to be a whole industry!!! Who knew! Well I didn't know for sure..

Anyway: now to the hard question of type of dog. As someone who has never owned a dog, I like the cuddly looks of popular dogs such as cockapoos or king Charles spaniels but DH says dogs such as labradors or golden retrievers are better natured for a family and generally easygoing and kind. Embarrassingly, I worry whether as an inexperienced dog owner I'll be nervous with a bigger dog like a Labrador, hence my preference for a cockapoo-sized dog.

How old are your children? Labradors and retrievers can be big strong dogs. our first (large) lab dragged my stepson all over when they were both younger. He's nearly gone in a few rivers! I'd go for something in between sized. It might be worth a trip to a local rescue to have a look and get some ideas?

Hi Op. I'm a first time doggie mummy. I've had my ten month rescue big doggie for nearly four months. He is the cutest doggie. However, no one could have prepared me for what was to come. For example, I've been trying to write this message for about twenty minutes and I've had to get up repeatedly to: take things out of his mouth, stop him from killing the cat, take more things out of his mouth, quiet his barking because someone walked past. He costs me a fortune in food, treats, toys, vets, dog walkers .....dog walkers and day care costs a small fortune. If you're anything like me, you will stress every minute you're not with them. I know he needs me to be there. I leave him reluctantly and pay someone else to cuddle and play with him when I can't be. He's eaten floors, walls, furniture and all my shoes. He digs up the garden and chews all my beautiful plants. They are a bigger commitment and responsibility than I could have imagined. You sound like someone who could offer a lovely home. As long as you can fill in the gaps and have enough to go round the kids, partner and a pet you'll be just fine. My puppy trainer has four kids, a husband and three dogs, cats and other pets. Some people have a lot to give. Go for it if you think you can. Rescues are so lovely. I defy you not to fall in love.

How do you feel about staffies? They are smallish, good with people & IME lazy enough to spend hours lying around relaxing without the need for extensive exercise regimes. We have staffie X mongrels, the older one chewed things at night as a pup but apart from that they are delightful dogs, easy to train and great with people, other dogs & cats etc. Socialisation at an early age very important with all dogs though, you should give this serious consideration.