How does rehoming a dog effect children?

[LeoTheLateBloomer]

DD is 18mo. She worships the dog (a 6yo lab), but I'm a lone parent and I just can't do it anymore. It's not fair on my poor dog that he always comes last in the pecking order and I've come to the (very difficult) decision to have him rehomed .

The problem is my ex. I've given him the opportunity to say he'll have him, but he's in no position to do that. He has started saying that he's concerned about DD, that she'll lose the one constant in her life (), will forever be traumatised and never forgive me.

My argument has been that if I do it now, she'll forget him more quickly than if I leave it another year. (Not that I want her to forget about him completely, but she'll stop asking for him sooner.)

Could anyone reassure me that DD will cope? I was planning to take her away for a few days when it happens so that she's not waiting at home for him to come back.

Any advice would be most welcome. TIA.

Well thank you to whoever reported it. It was unseemly.

I'm loving how you are all so bothered about the dog that you missed the 'AIBU to use random Dog Walkers as childcare' post on page 3. Anywhere other that The Doghouse, the poster would have been lynched...

"3cutedarlings, you've just described my second child. She is four now and is so compassionate towards others and towards animals.

She also has a speech delay and it helps her to practise pronounce all of her 'friends' (think canine) names and give them small commands. She used to love hanging out with the doggy crowd when she wasn't at school after we dropped off dd1. She still talks fondly of the time 'she was one of the dogs'. I am sure mixing with other adults and their dogs helped her confidence and compassion.

She is allowed to play in the park opposite our house because she knows that many dog walkers there, there is never a time she is not supervised by somone she knows, iyswim. Our dog is to thank for that."

I mean why come onto Doghouse and be so offensive yourself Math? You may not have used any swear words but saying this is 'like a religion', plus some of the other things you have said on this thread are pretty low in my book, and far worse calling someone a cunt (a pre-requisite in the MN-acceptance-requirement according to some longstanding posters!)

Why call dog owners dangerous when walking with toddlers? I walk my dog with with my 3yr old and I assure you neither is ever in danger.

You remind me of the MRAs who insist on posting on the feminism threads.

Mercy, please remember that everyone that posts on here does so as an individual, and as such please refrain from generalised attacks on 'the doghouse' - ie 'I love the the way you are all so bothered about the dog...'

Moi, offensive?

WRT religion, if it looks like a duck and it quacks like a duck then chances are... The zeal and willingness to deny reality here is almost frightening.

It is my not so humble opinion that someone who walks with a walking toddler and a dog is asking for trouble. No-one can be sure there will never be that one day when it all goes horribly wrong. I stand by that opinion. I wish anyone trying it the best, but I think you are deluding yourself if you believe nothing can ever go wrong go wrong go wrong.

I haven't called dog owners 'dangerous'. I have pointed out that there are dangers in the situation. What you feel about my suggestion is up to you. Your particular dog walking route may be safe enough according to your judgement but you know nothing about where the OP lives and you shouldn't assume that it is anything like yours. To suggest that she do as you do in circumstances that are possibly a good deal different from yours is absurd.

And why so tetchy about the precious Doghouse?

"Can I ask why you have to rehome your dog? Being a single parent isn't a reason."

Being a single parent myself I can see the reason, once I finish work for the day (exhausted), do homework & put DS to bed (shattered), tidy up the house and prepare for the next day (half dead). I realise that it is well past midnight and the poor dogs had not even been patted ONCE.

I have a not so good salary and the great help of tax credits, still I am out of money everytime one o f my dear old dogs needs a tooth extraction (£260), vaccines (£70 for the two), a consultation (£35) or have swallowed something that it shouldn't and needs X-rays (£150ish) or even worse an operation (£800 last year).

Pet insurance for old dogs is also quite expensive, admitedly my dogs are in very good shape but being well above a decade old, the insurance costs more than my home building, contents and car insurance combined. Yet it doesn't cover any vet expense under £200 or teeth work (which they seem to need very often in recent years).

Going in holiday is almost impossible, the kennel is normally more expensive than my flights.

I love my dogs, they have been with me for ages, but it comes a time when I look at them and think they deserve much better than the life I am currently giving them, or that I can simply not afford them, as we are far from being well off. :(

Math, why so tetchy about dog owners? We are extremely happy with the addition to our family - it's a fabulous improvement to the quality of life for our children. And we happen to recognise that he is a living, feeling thing that will not be got rid of or 'rehomed' in any circumstance while I'm still around.

Course, it seems this empathy with animal welfare is sometimes lacking around. Animals are not 'things' to be got rid of when the going gets tough. You get a dog, it's for life.

I am not tetchy about dog owners. It is dog zealots that I find objectionable, the sort who can't see the difference between sense and sentiment, the idea that under no circumstances including what may be best for the dog should a dog be rehomed.

You get a dog, you do your best for the dog and when you can no longer do what is best for this animal whose health and quality of life is your responsibility, you make a hard decision, based on what is best for the dog, and not based on how wobbly it makes you feel to imagine your life without him. You make the decision based on the welfare of the dog and not your emotions.

A 'feeling' being? Now that is pure projection. Please do not assign human emotion to dogs.

You don't think dogs feel? You don't think that a dog forms a major attachment to it's owner/home - how inhumane are you? Fine, so you don't think much of animal welfare - that much is clear. Nobody is assigning human emotions to dogs - but dogs and other animals have emotions/emotional responses - this much has been proven. Why keep baiting dog lovers on here? I would think of better things to do myself...

My older lab is 11 1/2. My "young" lad is 8.
If the shit hit the fan in a big way in my life and I was unable to look after them, I would be in fucking bits........
My dogs are part of my family. It's pretty much non negotiable for me. It's not a religion......... they are part of my family. Older dog has been with me through the good and the bad for more than a 1/4 of my life.

Have I "read" the dog house manual? ......Probably not,I don't have Staffiies, ( clues in the name ) I had my dogs from puppies, and, although only an occasional poster, have never had any shite flung in my direction.......
In my humble opinion, it appears that Mathanxiety is here with a big spoon, stirring.....................

math, there is a saying going round, dont know if you heard it, it goes "a dog is for life not just for christmas" al this tosh about religion is just a bit weird.

OP I am sorry you are having a hard time right now, personally I think you should keep some stability in your life and I think if you rehome your dog from what you have said in here you will regret it later.

fgs it seems some people just wont be satisfied until everyone in the DH posts "there there its ok for you to get rid of your dog because it doesnt match your rug / you dont stroke it / yes washing a towel a week is too much blah blah".

I agree with Dita, a dog is for life, people are too quick to get rid of their dogs without exploring all of the possibilities. Its a shame for all concerned

And yes Math, dogs do feel, how silly to think otherwise. But I have heard a few people come out with that to justify treating the dog like shit and make them feel better about it sooooo....

do go away with you large stirring spoon Math

do you own any dogs math?

"In my humble opinion, it appears that Mathanxiety is here with a big spoon, stirring....................."

I completely agree! Don't rise to it, lets try to keep this helpful and supportive for the OP.

The 'dog share', by the way, sounds like a promising idea, I hope that works out :)

well maybe if you dont want to talk about the dog or your difficulties with the dog... don't ask in this topic where, doh!, you are likely to find people who are interested in dogs and care about dogs.... maybe those people feel op might be helped by people offering solutions to the current difficulties? and why not.

someone might post in relationships about an abusive partner, and say, "don't tell me to leave him because I won't, he's a really lovely dad and no one will persuade me otherwise. how do you think his violence will affect my dc? do you really think posters could be expected to take her at her word and express no views about the risks of continuing this relationship, the pressing need to consider leaving etc?

and no, i'm not suggesting the op's dd is in any way in a similar position to a child living with dv / at risk of harm etc etc. but as in so many threads on here the op has had lots of advice but the debate has raised wider issues which imo it is perfectly reasonable to discuss... if you don't like it you really don't have to contribute you know...

yes i can see the sense of that. just bemused by the posters who seem to think posters here should ignore the dog completely. i really do hope the op can explore the dog share or similar ideas (having decided to consider that it would seem she hadn't actually made a firm decision to rehome... ) and that things work out for her and for the dog, i really do, but i do resent being told not to post about the dog. poor dog.

Maryz, since when has anyone on MN ever just stuck to the OP?

Only just catching up, but seems to me the OP got a variety of answers - which is pretty much par for the course on MN, anywhere.

Then - and only then - the thread deviated, and I do think its very likely that recent events have cast a long shadow over certain reactions in that part of the thread.

Either way - OP, if you are still reading this, and FWIW, I totally understand the struggle and if your own psychological or physical health and ability to cope are in question, that comes before anything else: if we can't take care of ourselves, we can't take care of our dogs or our children or anything else.

That said, it also sounds to me as though your ex has put you under pressure - and that you are understandably angry with him for dropping responsibilities (for whatever reason) eg walking/looking after the dog all day long. I do wonder if the dog has become a bit of a hot potato, metaphorically speaking, between you and your ex....and sadly, pets (like children in other cases sometimes) can become just that when families break up I'm definitely not saying that as a judgement, either - just a fact, and something thats maybe worth thinking about if you haven't already. In order not to do anything you may regret in a year or two, that is.

I think your dd is probably a very, very small part of the whole dynamic here...personally, my guess is she'd be fine either way, as long as her parents are fine. Its very hard not to put things on to children that we feel ourselves, IME. Whether the dog would be fine re-homed is another question altogether. I hear you trying to do that carefully and responsibly, and yes of course it would still be traumatic for him - but if you do go ahead and re-home, keeping him with you until he can go directly to his new home, and making sure they promise to contact the rescue/you if they ever had problems and couldn't keep him, is the right way to go.

Break ups have so much fall-out , I wish you luck with it all.

As for DogHouse people all being zealots and wrongly prioritized nutcases um, no. Reactive nonsense.

I think the DH is all busy and happy at the moment, for the most part - seems to be moving faster atm!

I sort of know what you are getting at, MaryZ, but tbh I think one is always (maybe rightly) going to have a lot of emotive posts in response to anything to do with dogs, as you will with kids. The original responses were mixed enough to seem like a healthy balance, I thought - till people started criticizing each other and not responding to the OP.

There are lots of child-related areas on MN that attract all sorts of emotional reactivity - discipline, schooling, etc. Re-homing dogs is always going to be one of those too, for obvious reasons.

More generally (ie not aimed at you, Mary!) I really think it would be good not to keep on generalizing the Dog House as 'black and white' or 'over zealous' or any of the other labels that are flying around, and to just let it evolve as it is clearly trying to do now....I don't think the labels are fair, on the whole.

Does that go for the rest of the site then Maryz?

I might go and post in S&B that Im going to wear white socks with brown sandals, I take it you'll be there to back me up?

MN is no different to RL, you ask a question, you'll get different answers.